Author's Note: Thank you everyone so much for the reviews! You guys are awesome and I'm so thrilled you like the story! So I thank you so much! I finished school today so there will be more frequent updates to this story and my other ones. So first is things is that there WILL be a happy ending. The ending is a happy one. I promise. Secondly Yanijean we will see a flashback with Mac and Dick's conversation etc, but it won't be for a few chapters still. There will also be more Keith and Logan interaction, and lastly V will eventually handle the situation better. It's only been a few days and she's still reeling, plus she handled it so badly in the show so it won't be like that. Anyway I hope you guys like it! Please review.
Thank you to: Guest, C. Elder, Guest, Guest, Sunkissu9, Hansongirl14, MarshmallowMore, Aubreylovesthegame, brokenbride, AuroraBonaDea, LoVePjandBrucasLover, smegol26, eesheealicia, kmd0107, Yanijean, cmackie, kerali, jcampbell943, LoVelover4ever, kayte, irislim, Sara, Ali-Cat, nikatsu, AngelPete87, & irma66!
Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Run Baby Run
Love's an elusive charm and it can be painful
To understand this crazy world
But you're not gonna crack
No you're never gonna crack
Run my baby run my baby run
Run from the noise of the street and the loaded gun
Too late for solutions to solve in the setting sun
So run my baby run my baby run
Run Baby Run by Garbage
Veronica slept fitfully that night. She had grown used to waking up in the strong protective arms of her boyfriend and couldn't seem to sleep without knowing he was there. In all honest though, she missed Logan. She missed his body pressed against her's and snuggling closer to him when she awoke from a bad dream. She wished that she could call him and tell him that, but she wouldn't allow herself to be so weak. Not when this whole thing with Cassidy and Mercer was still lingering between them. Appearing weak and needy was not how she wanted him to think of her. If he saw her like that he'd finally see how broken she truly was.
She refused to look into whether it was her pride holding her back from not calling Logan in the dead of night, the look on her father's face if he found Logan in her bedroom in the morning, or something else. Whatever the reason was she refused to call him to come over so that she could sleep more than two hours without dreaming of Cassidy or Mercer.
She finally emerged from her bedroom at a little past nine the next morning to find her father making breakfast. She frowned wondering what the occasion was, but was too tired to actually ask. Sliding into a seat she stole a piece of bacon from the plate and began to nibble on it.
"How'd you sleep, daughter of mine?" Keith asked in a forced cheerful tone.
Veronica frowned slightly and shrugged. "I dreamt of sunshine and fairies, how could I not have slept well?" She snarked.
"That's funny because last time I checked sunshine and fairies didn't generally provoke screams from the dreamer." Keith said giving Veronica a sideways look before finishing the eggs he was scrambling.
Veronica shifted uncomfortably and cursed herself for not calling Logan to come and sleep over with her so that he could have at least woken her up before she alarmed her dad. If Logan had slept in her bed none of this – stop thinking like that Veronica, it's not Logan's fault it's yours.
"Screams you say? I don't—"
"Stop, Veronica. Listen I want to talk to you about some things." Keith said reaching into a drawer and pulling something out.
"Is this going to be like the birds and bees talk because I already—"
"I want to talk about what happened on Saturday." Keith started placing his hand on the table.
Veronica could see that he was covering something and she felt her stomach plummet, a feeling of dread washed over her. She wasn't sure what her dad was covering, but she had a pretty good idea. And she had a pretty good sense of who gave him that stupid fucking business card. She cursed her boyfriend again. God that boy made her crazy, he was always messing with something in her life.
"I think we should talk about what happened with the Hearst Rapist." Keith stated.
"No." Veronica replied quickly willing herself to move from the chair, but she couldn't seem to. She was torn between wanting to confirm what her father was hiding and running from the reality that was her life.
"Veronica, please. Let's talk about this, like calm adults. Something happened and as much as I wish you would tell me, I know you. I have a business card for a Doctor M—"
"How could he go behind my back and do this!" Veronica yelled suddenly shocking Keith into silence.
He stared at his daughter for a minute before reaching across the table and taking her hand.
"Veronica, who are you—"
"Logan! Logan gave you that stupid card didn't he! I am going to kill him." She raged finally finding the strength to move away from the table and towards her room.
She could hear her father behind her, but she ignored him. She heard snippets of what he was saying. Something along the lines of 'help' and 'good for you.' Hurrying into her room she began to shove clothes into her messenger bag not paying attention to what she was grabbing. She was so angry with her father, at Logan, at that stupid doctor that thought she needed help. She didn't need anyone's help. She could do this alone. She had to do it alone. She was strong she could deal with this.
"Veronica, please be sensible. We need to talk about this." Keith urged quickly.
Veronica shook her head and turned to glare at her father. "I'm leaving."
"Where are you going?" he shouted as she moved quickly to the front door.
"School." She replied and then slammed the door.
Keith watched her go sadly and then looked down at the business card he was still holding, sighing heavily he put it back in the drawer.
Veronica drove faster then she knew she should've to get to campus, but she was so frustrated and lost in rage she ignored the traffic laws in order to get away. She needed to escape the apartment. She needed to get away from that conversation. The need to run was almost overwhelming and when she finally pulled into the parking lot at school she allowed herself a nice long cry.
She cried for her inability to deal with anything, for pushing her father and Logan away, and for all the things that had happened that she couldn't control. When it neared the time of her first class she wiped her eyes, put on some lip gloss, and a cheery smile.
She texted Wallace to let him know she would be staying a few days if it was ok with him. After sending him a quick text apologizing, letting him know she was ok, and that her dad was still out of town – she'd been ignoring the ones he'd been sending her – she got out of the car and headed to class.
Veronica felt less angry after Crim, but when she saw Logan waiting outside her classroom with a large double chocolate chip mocha Frappacino and a bag that held no doubt some tasty treat her irritation increased once again, despite herself. She didn't want to be angry with Logan, but the knowledge that he'd talked to her dad pissed her off more than she'd thought. She felt betrayed, anger, upset, and hoodwinked, but what frustrated her the most was that she felt as if her feelings had increased tenfold for whatever reason. If this had happened any other time she would've dismissed their over-protectiveness and even thought it was cute, but now it was just annoying. She knew she'd had a stressful and emotional few days, but it was Monday and therefore the weekend was in the past, so why was she still so affected by the events?
"What are you doing here?" she demanded coming up to stand in front of him.
"Bringing you breakfast." He stated holding up a brown paper bag and giving her a small smile.
"Did my dad order you to do this?" she snipped.
Logan frowned and put the bag back down by his side.
"Uh no." he said glancing at the other students still leaving the room and eyeing them with interest.
"Ronnie, how about we go talk. In private." He suggested giving her a meaningful look.
Veronica scowled and wrapped her arms around her chest. "Don't call me that."
"Bobcat, then." He said turning to walk down the hall so they could find a secluded area to have their fight.
"Don't use cute nicknames, Logan." She growled.
He opened his mouth to reply, but was instead pushed into a dark lecture hall that Veronica spotted. He stumbled, and Veronica sashayed into the room behind him making sure to lock the door so they wouldn't be disturbed.
"What the hell were you thinking, Logan?!" she blew up glaring daggers at him.
"About what? The muffin? I was thinking you had a bad day so I wanted to make it better. I know a muffin isn't going to change what happened with that girl and Mercer but—"
"Not about the muffin! About my dad! What did you two talk about yesterday when I went to bed?" she snapped putting her hands on her hips.
He blinked and then let out a long sigh. He slowly put the coffee drink on the teacher's desk and then he put the bag beside it knowing this was going to be a dozy of a fight.
"Do you really want to get into this right now?"
"Yes, I really do. You went behind my back—"
"I didn't go behind your back Veronica! Your dad asked me a simple question! He wanted to know what happened. I told him to talk to you. I wasn't going to lie to him. He's your dad and he's the only decent parent I know so I know when he asks a question about you he cares enough to actually take action. He wants to help you. So do I!" Logan yelled.
Veronica gritted her teeth and shook her head. "I'm an adult I can make my own decisions. You can't make me go to therapy because some doctor suggested it."
"It's not only the doctor! I've been waiting to say something since the roof. You need to talk to someone."
"I have you to talk to! Or my dad! Or Mac or Wallace! I don't want to talk to some stranger."
"But you don't talk to any of us. You just make jokes and—"
"Oh I'm sorry Mr. Most Evasive Conversationalist Ever. If I make jokes to avoid my issues, what do you do? You do the same fucking thing, Logan. Every time I tried to talk about your dad this summer you said you were like Orphan Annie. Then you would shut me out. If I don't want to deal with anything what does that make you? Huh? Tell me Logan! Why am I the one being pinpointed for being so fucked up when you're just as fucked up as I am!" she shouted passionately.
He stared at her for a moment and she felt an odd sensation flow through her body. If took her a minute to realize what it was since it had been so long since she and Logan had really gotten into an argument – well okay a few months – but finally she identified the emotion to be regret. Regret, for what she was saying and as much as she wanted to take it back she seemed to be steamrolling straight ahead ignoring the dangerous signs and just continuing towards destruction.
"That's different. Aaron's dead. I'm over it." He replied his voice a deadly calm.
Another warning sign, cease Veronica, halt. Do not continue.
She tried to ignore the hurt that was welling up in his eyes because of her accusations, but she couldn't seem to stop her mouth from spewing hurtful words out. It was like she was having an out of body experience and watching herself hurt him with vicious words.
"Cassidy's dead too. I'm over it." She snarled back mocking him while cringing on the inside.
"But Mercer—"
"Was a criminal who I caught. I did the right thing. I caught the bad guy. It's what I do." She retorted.
Logan stared at her for a long minute and Veronica tried to read the darkness swirling in his eyes, but it was almost like the windows had been closed to her. She couldn't read him and that made her scared for what was to come. She felt an ache in her heart as all the possibilities ran through her mind. She wondered suddenly what would happen if he broke up with her and she swore for a minute her heart stopped beating because of the sudden pain that shot through her at the very thought.
"Just…please drop it. Can't we just go back to how it was before?" she pleaded taking a step to him. She didn't want to have this conversation. She didn't want to hurt him. She just didn't want to deal with this. Why couldn't he understand?
Logan shook his head and took a step back. "No."
She felt her breath hitch in her throat and she narrowed her eyes at him unable to believe his audacity at not allowing her to live in her own denial-filled world just for a little while longer. If Logan didn't let her deal with it then maybe things would return to how they were. Why was he forcing her to face this when all she wanted to do was put it in the past, like so many other things they had dealt with?
"Why not? The Mercer thing isn't a big deal! I can even forgive you for going to my dad—"
"I didn't go to your dad, Veronica! I was asked a question about your well fair! I'm not lying to him about that. He deserves to know what hap—"
"So that's it! You and my dad are best buds now, Logan? You had a shitty dad so now you have to make up for it? Is that it? Well fine, whatever. Since you're my dad's new bestie tell him I'm staying at Wallace's. And I'm not coming home until he drops this idiot idea of therapy." She shrieked not realizing what she was saying. She had finally reached the destruction zone and now she was full on crashing and burning. She couldn't believe the words that had just fallen out of her mouth.
Please let me take them back. Please let me take them back. Please.
She opened her mouth to apologize or beg for forgiveness, but instead Logan grabbed his fallen backpack and left the lecture hall unable to even look at her.
She wanted to ignored the stricken look on his face, but it was frozen in her brain unable to disappear. She tried to will herself to move, but for some reason she was powerless to do so. She stood motionless in the middle of the empty room not capable to go after the man she'd hurt so badly. The longer she stood in that room the more the world seemed to crash around her, the more the pain began to spread to her limbs until it took control. She felt light headed and dizzy, like she couldn't breathe all of a sudden, her tongue burned with the hurtful words she'd said to him, heart ached with the injured look on his face. She had to sit down or else she was sure she'd pass out. But first she had to go find him, and make things right. She needed to fix it.
In an almost catatonic state Veronica reached out for something, anything to sit on, but when nothing was within grasp she plopped down on the floor feeling like her world was ending. She buried her head in her hands and tried to take deep breaths to steady her breath, but she couldn't seem to calm down. The only person that could calm her down was currently probably hating her because of the damage she had caused, and she couldn't blame him because she hated herself too.
Veronica ended up at Wallace's somehow finding it in the fog she seemed to be incased in. He had texted her back of course, but asked too many questions about her head and what had happened Saturday night. She hadn't really replied other then an 'I'm fine.' Wallace didn't bring up Logan nor did Veronica.
She was too focused on her fight with Logan that was still ringing in her ears. She'd gotten her phone out numerous times to call him, but as she reached for number three – her dad was one and she'd never removed Lilly from two – she drew back as if burned.
Wallace had class that night so Veronica was spread out on his bed with her Crim textbook and a milkshake. Although the full milkshake was melting into a sad mess in its' container since she couldn't even bring herself to eat. She felt sick at the prospect and she refused to wonder whether it had to do with Logan or the conversation she didn't want to deal with. She was so consumed by her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open.
"Veronica! This is a nice surprise." Piz said eagerly when he saw her atop his roommate's bed.
"Hi." She said not glancing up from her book.
"What are you doing here? Waiting for me?" Piz joked.
"Wallace actually. I'm staying here for a few days." She said still trying to read her textbook.
"Cool. Cool. Well you're always welcome here." He said backing up towards his bed and missing it all together when he went to sit down. He hurriedly got up from the floor where he'd fallen and dusted himself off trying to maintain an aura of coolness.
"Hm." She mumbled back. She rubbed her eyes trying to remove the exhaustion from them, but found that when she returned to the textbook they were even blurrier than before.
She let out a huff when she realized that not only could she not focus her eyes she couldn't focus her mind. Her mind kept going back to her and Logan's fight. She felt like a combination of the world's worst girlfriend and biggest bitch. She didn't mean to say any of that stuff to him, she just felt ganged up on by her dad and him. She didn't know why it was so hard for her to admit to needing help, but she did and she didn't know how to change her spots or strips or whatever.
She hated herself for saying those things to Logan, but they all just slipped out. He should know that when she became angry she got defensive and stupid hurtful word vomit spilled out of her mouth. He should know because he did the same thing. She wished not for the first time that day that she could go back to earlier in that empty classroom and take everything she said back. She wished she could kiss him and make it better. She wished she wasn't such a screw up.
"…and it was so fun. I think I got the job." Piz finished saying.
Veronica blinked coming back to reality and looked over at Piz to see him beaming at her and having just finished some story.
"Awesome." She said not having heard a word.
"So I was thinking, maybe this weekend. You'd like to go bowling." Piz asked cautiously.
If Veronica had been paying attention she would've caught the shakiness in his voice, but she was instead concentrating on thoughts of Logan and how she could make it up to him. That was if he hadn't decided to break up with her because of her crazy bitch tendencies.
"I know it seems sudden, but I really think we have a connection. I mean—" Piz continued to say.
Thankfully he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"I wonder who that could be." Piz mused giving a wink to a stoic Veronica.
Veronica continued to stare at her textbook not noticing the knock on the door or Piz going to get it.
"Hey, I'm here for Veronica."
Veronica's head snapped up at the voice and she slammed the textbook closed before sitting up on the bed. She stared at Logan from behind Piz who still stood in the doorway.
"I don't know—" Piz began to explain, but Logan ignored him and pushed his way into the room walking directly to Veronica.
"Ronnie, bobcat, please come home." Logan said quietly standing in front of her.
She slid off the bed to stand a few mere inches from him, gazed into his eyes, and felt her heartbeat speed up. God, she missed him. All she wanted to do was snuggle into his arms and allow him to take her home. But her damn pride got to her brain before the more marshmallow-y part could say 'yes, of course. Let's go home.'
"What's your damage, Logan? Coming in here and barging into Wallace's room!" Veronica snapped ignoring the physical pain that shot to her heart at the wounded look in his eyes.
"Oh I'm sorry Heather, I'm looking for a Veronica. She's tiny, blonde, and a raging bitch right now." Logan snarled back.
"Woaw, dude, calm down." Piz said trying to barge into the conversation, but neither of them acknowledged him.
She glared at him and resisted the urge to hurl her Crim textbook at his face. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, that she was a huge bitch, and that everything wasn't fine. But the words wouldn't come. Instead anger, vicious words, and glares seeped from her like an open wound.
"Why are you even here? I thought you'd have gone home by now and ordered one of your Maid-To-Order Barbie Whores." She snipped scanning his face to see beyond what he was showing her. She cursed the closed off expression on his face and hated how she couldn't read him.
"I'm here to make sure you're ok. I know you don't care about my feelings, but I care about yours." Logan stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and pointedly ignoring the jab about his past sexual liaisons.
"What's wrong?" Piz asked curiously watching the two of them.
Both Veronica and Logan ignored him their attention solely on one another. She tried to convey to him how sorry she was for saying those things with her eyes, but she knew as his expression grew darker she was going to have to do some serious groveling to win him over.
"I do care about your feelings, Logan. I'm just…" she trailed off rubbing her chest absentmindedly as the ache raged inside her.
"You always have a funny way of showing it." He mumbled.
She gazed up at him her eyes locking on his chocolate ones.
"Are you going to make me go?" she asked her voice so quiet Piz needed to strain to hear it.
"I'm not going to make you do anything."
"Thank you for being honest." She said quietly.
"I think you should though. It'll be good, not just for you, but for us." Logan whispered.
She shook her head, "how do I know you'll actually come with me? What if you leave?"
He gave her a pointed look. "Have I done anything to make you think I'm going to leave?"
"Your actions say it all."
"Currently my action is motionless so I don't—"
"Earlier it wasn't."
"Earlier was different."
"It's always different with you isn't it."
"Are you suggesting I live by double standards?"
"No I'm suggesting you can't make promises I know you can't keep."
"You're assuming a lot there, Ronnie."
They glared at each other and Veronica could see the sparkle of something deeper creeping into his eyes. She knew they weren't only talking about the Mercer and Cassidy thing, they were laying out their shared issues. Abandonment. People leaving. Between them they could fill a graveyard with that number.
"Come on, bobcat, let's just go home and talk about this. I'll make you some hot chocolate and we can come up with a compromise." Logan urged.
"No." Veronica replied and crossed her arms.
Logan smirked slightly at how much she looked like a petulant child.
"Veronica…" Logan trailed off caught between amused and frustrated.
"I'm not going. Not without you. I'll only go if you do."
"There's nothing I need to talk about."
"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt Logan."
"How original. What other geographical observations can you come up with? The sky is blue. The grass is green. Your home isn't some foul miniature dorm room with some guy from Brigadoon. Come home with me."
"Wait! Are you The Logan Echolls?" Piz asked interjecting into their conversation.
Neither of them glanced at him, but Veronica did notice that Logan twitched slightly at the question. A question she knew he hated. She felt her resolve softening and she tried to shove her pride out of the way so that she could at least try to get him to understand where she was coming from. He had to know how much she didn't want to face this.
"Logan, I'm not going to be pressured into going just because you and my dad think it's a good idea."
"It is a good idea! God! You can be so frustrating. I just want to help you!" Logan snapped taking a step back and beginning to pace the small dorm room. Veronica scoffed and blocking his path so he could stop pacing. She put her hands on his cheeks so that they could look each other right in the face.
"Maybe I don't want your help. Maybe I just want you to be a good boyfriend and stand by my decisions."
"You guys are dating?" Piz asked again receiving no response to his question.
"I'm not Duncan, Veronica! I'm not going to stand ideally by as you go around saving damsels in distress or idiots who get themselves into trouble."
"I've saved you plenty of times!"
"I can't help my damsel rank, I'm just too pretty." Logan snarked bringing a small smile to her face.
Veronica shook her head and tried to glare at him. "I'm not going."
"Come on, we'll do it. Together." Logan said putting his hand over one framing his face.
She took a step back anger bubbling up again. "You can't just demand me to go with you! I don't need help, Logan. How many times do I have to say it?"
"Probably until you start believing it. I'm not going to leave you to drown, Ronnie. I want to help. What do I have to do to make you understand! I just want what's best for you." Logan yelled finally losing his patience.
"You went behind my back and went to my dad!"
"I didn't go to you dad! He asked me a question. I answered it honestly! Isn't that what you're always harping about, honesty! I told him the truth and he took it from there. You're blowing this out of proportion."
"I'm blowing this out of proportion! How? Because I feel betrayed by you and my dad ganging up on me! What happened with Mercer isn't a big deal! I saved Parker."
"If it's not such a big deal then why can't you sleep? Why have I found you sleeping on the couch more times than I can count! How come you cry in your sleep, Veronica? If there's nothing that needs fixing then why are we having these problems! You're ignoring the truth!"
Suddenly out of no where Piz stepped in between them and put his hands up as if to ward off an attack
Both Veronica and Logan stared at him in confusion.
"Piz what the hell are you doing?" Veronica snapped trying to see over his shoulder to Logan.
"Protecting you from Logan." Piz said glancing behind her and then widening his body to attempt to protect her.
Veronica stared at him for a minute at a loss of what to say. She couldn't even bring herself to look at Logan because she knew the indignant look that would be reflected in his eyes. She needed to fix this. Logan deserved better than how she was acting. She was torn between wanting to continue running from the situation and wanting to fix it. She took a deep breath and looked over at Logan whose head was downcast and she knew was thinking of his father. If she could see his eyes she knew they'd be distant and downtrodden. She didn't even know why Piz was getting in the middle of their conversation, couldn't he just leave?
"Piz, Logan would never hurt me. He cares about me. He just wants the best—" For me she finished in her head.
Because he cares about you. Adores you. Probably even loves you.
And then everything clicked. He did understand where she was coming from. How could she be so stupid to believe he couldn't? He always understood, even all the bad parts she still couldn't grasp. How could she possibly think that Logan would make her do anything that wasn't in her best interest? He cared about her, wanted the best for her. He wanted to help make sure she was ok, because he cared.
He really cared.
Had it really been so long that she couldn't even realize when someone genuinely cared without wanting something in return? Sure, there was her dad, Mac, and Wallace. But none of her boyfriends actually wanted to actively take care of her, like Logan. It was always Logan. She had been living this summer with him simultaneously as if it were their last time together and their first. She wanted to imprint him into her memory to make sure that when he left her he'd always be remembered. At the same time she tried to keep him at a distance so that when he did leave it wouldn't hurt as much. She had never expected him to care so much that he'd want to help her or at least stay with her. She had been preparing for his departure without even realizing it.
He was trying to do the right thing, which was one of the things she lo – liked so much about him. He was just trying to protect her and she appreciated that because she would do anything to protect him too.
It wasn't pride holding her back and encouraging her to say such mean things, but fear. Fear that Logan would get too close and leave her and then she'd be left picking up the pieces. Fear that Logan would insist that she get help and then abandon her. Fear that when she began to go to therapy she'd figure out how fucked up she really was and he would too, resulting in his departure.
What she was really doing was driving him away with the damage she was causing him. He just wanted to help her, was that really too much to ask. He just wanted to do right by her, could she really deny him of that?
"Okay." She said suddenly interrupting the glaring contest between Logan and Piz.
"Okay?" Logan asked ripping his eyes from Piz who seemed to breath a sigh of relief.
"Okay. I'll go. But you're coming with me." She said vehemently.
Logan was silent for a minute and then nodded reluctantly, "alright."
"Good." She gave him a dazzling smile and then turned to grab her things from the bed. She ducked under Piz's arm and gave Logan a hard kiss on the lips. Trying to convey everything in that kiss she wasn't able to say.
I'm so sorry for saying those things. I'm so sorry for bringing up Aaron. I'm so sorry for being a royal pain. I'm sososososo sorry.
"I'm sorry." She whispered suddenly needing him to know how sorry she truly was. She reached up to kiss him again needing to reassure herself that he wasn't leaving.
He didn't reply instead choosing to kiss her. She breathed a sigh of relief when they pulled apart thankful that he was able to put up with her. Although she knew she had a lot to make up for, especially with the hurtful words she'd said to him.
"I'm sorry." She repeated pulling back again and gazing into his smoldering brown eyes.
"Bygones." He replied waving away her apology.
"No Logan—"
"Let me just take you home, ok?"
She nodded slowly and took his hand so they could leave.
"I'll see you guys—" Piz began to say, but Logan shut the door before he could finish his adieu.
(A/n: So what do you think? It was a pretty emotional one and I know V came off as a bitch, but she's dealing with a lot and is actually going to deal with it. Next up we have the first therapy session. Please review!)
