Great StarClan!
Chapter 4: Wimpy Leaders and Cat Fights
"Hah, people that gwow up befwowe dey die are weawwy missin' out! Wight, big bwother Shwewpaw?" mewed Larchkit, staring at his apprentice brother and grinning idiodically.
"You really have to learn how to pronounce your R's, dude. They're getting on my nerves." groaned Shrewpaw, putting on his headphones to block out the noise of his two younger siblings.
"Yeah, Larchkit! Be mature! I'm more mature than you!" yelled Hollykit.
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"GAH!! SHUT UP!! I HAVE THIS STUPID iKITTY AS LOUD AS IT CAN GO!!!" shrieked Shrewpaw. The kits were immediately silent.
Suddenly Smokepaw walked up, calling "Hey, Shrewpaw!"
The apprentice didn't hear him, just hummed slightly to the tune of whatever he was listening to. Smokepaw got closer, repeating his name. Finally he took a deep breath and screamed "SHREWPAW!!!" at the top of his lungs.
The iKitty fell out of Shrewpaw's hands immediately as he moved to put his hands over his ears, and Hollykit and Larchkit ran away out of fear. "Great kits, Smokepaw, what is it?!" exclaimed Shrewpaw.
"Cat fight! Cat fight! Apparently Spottedleaf had a crush on Oakheart, and Bluestar's reeeeaaaally mad! Come on Shrewpaw, let's watch!"
"Ooh! Fun!" Shrewpaw threw his iKitty, which cost him 80 mice, meaningfully to the ground and ran off with his ShadowClan friend.
-o-o-o-o-
It was true, any cat could see, even before witnessing the two battling she-cats, for Yellowfang was sighing and burying her face in her paws, Oakheart was backing away slowly and looking embarrassed, Redtail was pretending to be Crookedstar's deputy, and Mudfur was dialing on an invisible cell phone in his paw and making noises that he swore were the exact noises made when pressing 9-1-1. Feathertail and Silverstream were cheering and taking notes on how to beat up their respective mate-takers, while next to them Cinderpelt was arguing with Lionheart over whether Fluffy the bass guitar deserved a seat.
-Back in ThunderClan territory…-
"NO!!! BE NICE TO MY FLUFFY!! NO!! NO!! YOU EVIL THUNDERCLAN DEPUTY THAT DESERVED TO DIE AT TIGERSTAR'S PAWS!!!"
"Eh?" mewed Brambleclaw, looking down at Jaypaw, "Is she yelling at me?!"
"I doubt it. I've looked into her dreams, and she thinks you're hot… so gross…" replied Jaypaw, attempting to poke the insane Cinderpaw with a stick.
Back in the leader's den, Sandstorm was yelling at Firestar to go make the apprentice shut up. "N-No!" insisted the rather wimpy leader, "She scares me! Go shut her up on your own!"
"GAH!!! Firestar, you are a wimp. I'm going to go run off with Dustpelt!"
"SANDSTORM!!! NO!!!" shrieked Firestar, but she and the irritable warrior had already taken off on a plane to Paris.
He was about to collapse while sobbing when he noticed Ferncloud coming up to him and carrying a baseball bat. "Hey, Firestar! I call this my Sandstorm-beating-stick. Come with me to chase them?"
-At the cat fight again…-
Feathertail, yelling at her mother over the roar of the crowd even though she was right next to her, called, "HEY MOM!!! ME AND NIGHTCLOUD WERE SUPPOSED TO CATCH A PLANE TO PARIS TO CATCH THAT BACKSTABBER MEDICINE CAT AND OUR SWEET CROWY!!! I THINK I SHOULD GET GOING!!!"
"ALL RIGHT, BUT I'M GOING TO SELL YOUR TICKET AND KEEP THE MONEY…"
"I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!!!" And with that, the silver warrior whistled to call her stairway of stars and began her descent.
Back on the part of the ground that had been converted into a stage, Spottedleaf was beating Bluestar on the head with her guitar. "Ha! Give up now?!" she called.
Unable to think of a comeback, the ThunderClan leader roared, "YOU MOM GIVES UP NOW!!!"
"Wh-What?! No! How could you be so mean?!" cried Spottedleaf, dropping her guitar and collapsing on the ground sobbing. The crowd began cheering even louder.
-o-o-o-o-o-
"What?! Mom?! What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Leafpool, casting a dismayed look at Sandstorm and attempting to push Crowfeather behind her.
"Oh, Firestar was annoying me, so Dustpelt and I decided to catch a plane to Paris…" mewed the ThunderClan warrior.
"Really? You're running off with a tom too? Oh, that's a relief. I thought you were going to ground me!" Leafpool let Crowfeather go and he fell to the ground gasping.
Sandstorm looked at the WindClan warrior, surprised. "I thought you two broke up!"
"Yeah, but he's just so cute, and the writer likes us together, so—"
"What? Writer? Leafpool, what are you talking about?!"
The medicine cat blinked. "Hmm… I dunno. I guess I just lost it. Must have been the plane…"
Suddenly all four cats whipped around as a voice called, "Hey, Firestar, we found them!"
In front of them were Feathertail, Nightcloud, Firestar, and Ferncloud, with Feathertail and Ferncloud both carrying baseball bats. "By the way, you owe me money," whispered Feathertail to Ferncloud, "I copyrighted my Leafpool-beating stick."
"Um, Leafpool…" mewed Sandstorm.
"Yes, I am aware of their presence…"
"RUUUUUUN!!!!" screeched Crowfeather, setting off in the opposite direction, and the other three cats followed. However, Nightcloud was watching and laughing as Feathertail and Ferncloud fought over Feathertail's baseball-bat-copyright, and Firestar was too stupid to tell them that the other cats had already left.
Suddenly Feathertail mewed, "And now look what you did! We've probably given those backstabbers enough time to formulate a complicated escape plan… That is, if they haven't already left…" With a startled mew, she looked in front of her and noticed that there was no sign of Leafpool, Crowfeather, Sandstorm, or Dustpelt. "Eek! Run! After them!!!" she yowled, charging in a random direction with her Leafpool-beating-stick.
"Eh?" Nightcloud, too, looked up. "What?! No! They're gone! Firestar, you idiot, why didn't you tell us?!"
"W-Well… I thought you knew…"
"IF WE KNEW WE WOULDN'T BE SITTING HERE!!!" She shrieked, clawing Firestar on the face rather angrily before following Feathertail. Ferncloud, growling, grabbed her dumb leader by the paw and also ran off in a random direction.
Suddenly a white kit walked onto the scene. He looked around, shrugged, and went back to his piano practice.
-END OF CHAPTER 4!!!-
Author's note: Not my best chapter, but I still find it funny. Still, I promise Chapter 5 will be better!
