"Brandine, would you look at that town," Cletus Spuckler told his orange-haired, pony-tailed wife/sister/who knows what else as they perched in old rocking chairs on the porch of their large farm somewhere in the countryside. The couple's numerous children were running in circles around the house, screaming, though neither seemed to notice -- this was normal behaviour and had nothing to do with the absence of TV in Springfield. "They're all riled 'cause there ain't no more TV."
"You're right, Cletus." Brandine replied to the slow-talking, reddish-brown-haired country bumpkin as she grabbed one of their runaway children. The girl had been running as fast as she could, much like a ship full speed ahead –she would have collided with the wall had Brandine not stopped her. "That's enough, Chloe – you'll hurt yourself."
"TV! TV!" squealed the child as she angrily jumped up and down. "TV!"
"No more outta you, Chloe," Cletus scolded before the young one, scowling, disappeared into the mist.
"I'm startin' ta wonder if th' TV ban's affectin' our kids, too, Cletus," Brandine confessed to the said reddish-head. "Have ya noticed that them's actin' up more'n usual?"
They both paused as their many children careened left and cartwheeled right.
"You know, Brandine – I think you're right," Cletus replied as he reached for a kicking, pulsing Cody Spuckler. "Them's all riled up."
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"Marge! What's wrong with the TV?"
"We have none, remember?" Marge poked her head from the kitchen doorway just in time for a marvelous spectacle of Homer emptying the contents of his Duff can on the top of the purple TV box; a mess of brown liquid crawled down its plastic. "We were there. And don't do that. The beer will fall and spoil the carpet."
"Hey, you're right! It is time" – here he stuck one finger up in the air in a I've-gotta-do-this! sort of way – "for the beer to come back!" In a matter Homer had slurped all the Duff from the screen and was licking his lips contentedly before resuming his monologue.
"Now, where was I?" He heaved his bulk onto the Simpsons' traditional rust-red sofa, crunching the can on his forehead. "Oh, yes. TV!" He suddenly broke his rant to thwack on his knees with cried of "I want TV! I want TV!"
"If you want TV back, go get it yourself," Marge snapped suddenly as her head receded into the shadows of the kitchen. "I'm happy enough without it."
Homer groaned and put his head in his hands -- with the Duff can still crumpled up in them. In approxiamately two point eight seconds, this is what happened:
"D'ohd'ohd'ohd'oh!"
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Dear Diary,
A week has yet to pass since Mr. Burns banned the Springfielders of all their TV-watching privileges, and I have to say I'm happy. My life is finally peaceful, despite a swearing father and constantly complaining older brother. Speaking of which, it appears Bart's up to something – he's been hanging around the playground all week, even when there isn't any school.
Mom, like me, seems to be all right without television, but occasionally I'll catch her, edgy and uneasy, as she does the chores – these household tasks seemed to have increased over the days. I think Mom is trying to busy herself; Dad and Bart's chichaneries have reached an all-time high and chores are her only means of comfort. Even Dad has actually shown up to his office at least every day this week, and, according to him, so have Lenny and Carl. The lack of TV seems to have all the Springfielders down in the dumps, but if you ask me, it's all for the better.
With a satisfied sigh, Lisa Simpson replaced her pencil in its holder and closed her diary, locking it in with the key she had purchased -- oh, about the time a few months ago when Bart had begun, not for the first time, to take it from its hiding place under her bed and read it aloud to Milhouse. And it worked like a charm.
As she had written, the TV ban didn't really have much of an effect on her.
Everyone else is loudly bringing voice to their sadness and lamenting on the streets, no thanks to Mr. Burns' devilry.
Though it was Simpson family tradition -- or at least it was for her, Bart, and Homer, anyway -- to watch new episodes of The Itchy and Scratchy Show after school, she didn't miss it. So Lisa was pleased, though judging by the cries of angerand defiance that had been resonating from the town all week...
"TVTVTVTV!"
...no one else was.
