Beth
The next few days were interesting between Beth and Rick. He looked at her often, and made no effort to hide it. There was an unmistakable tension between the two of them, but she couldn't figure out what it was. It was the same feeling every time she was around him. Her heart pounded and she felt like she was going to pass out. That may have been the concussion he gave her back in the woods, but she knew she should have been fine by then, so she really just tried to avoid him until she could somewhat make sense of what she was feeling.
So when he came over that day wanting to see her, she told Maggie to inform him that she was sick, and she didn't miss the confused glance her sister sent her way as she sent the older man back down the porch steps. She was sick, in a way, just not contagiously or… actually.
So Beth busied herself for the next few days; cooking, cleaning, helping Maggie tend to her garden out back, always leaving when it was dark to return to her own house, hoping she wouldn't run into him. She needed time to herself so she could figure out what she was feeling. She was still trying to figure out all the shit in her head from returning and learning of the deaths of her family and friends, she couldn't even begin to try and understand the feelings she had for the man. Not yet, anyway.
Feelings were a complicated thing, and Beth was always good at expressing herself and how she felt, even when she probably should have just kept her mouth shut. It wasn't so easy nowadays. She was insecure, memories jumbled around in her head like astray puzzle pieces and she wasn't anywhere near remembering everything from her past.
There was so much she did remember, but there was also so many little details she couldn't grasp no matter how hard she tried. She was irritated, though, because she couldn't remember simple things like how lemons tasted, but she could feel her feelings for Rick like the sweater she wore. Always there and sometimes uncomfortable, itching at her.
It wasn't that Beth didn't want to think about how Rick made her feel, except… maybe it was. Rick was so many years older than her. She had to be maybe twenty at that point, and Rick had to be in his mid to late forties. When she looked at him though, she didn't see his age. She saw all the things she and everybody else have to overcome with the grace of his presence and knowledge.
Beth knew he was a good man and they were lucky to be with him for however long they had been. She didn't know when she started looking at him as anything but a leader, but she didn't really want to either. Every time she started thinking about him, she felt her stomach churn, and she felt sick with guilt. He was there to protect them all and help them all survive, that was the last thing she could do, especially with a man more than twice her age.
Beth brushed past Maggie as she walked into the backyard of her house, her sister nudging her on the shoulder as she walked past with a soil covered shovel in hand, other hand on her stomach, rubbing the material of her flannel softly. Beth wondered how Maggie was acting so normal after losing her husband, but thought that it was the way it was now, she had a job to to, and she could grieve when it was right.
She helped Maggie in the back with planting tomatoes and cucumbers, only stopping when her sister offered her a glass of lemonade, the sun high in the sky and sweat sticking to the blonde hair above her lip. She smiled gratefully at her, gulping the sweet liquid down as fast as it was handed to her, wiping her dirt covered hands on the tattered material of her jeans.
"Think we should make somethin' for supper? Invite Rick and some others over? I know it's been stressful on everybody lately and I think it'd be nice," Maggie said, across the backyard from Beth, stopping to glance at her with her hands on her knees, tomatoes resting next to her.
"Don't matter to me, but do ya even have stuff to make a supper?" Beth stopped what she was doing and looked quizzically at her sister, her palms resting flat on her thighs. She didn't miss how her heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. She was doing a good job and avoiding him and if she had to sit across from him for hours at a time she was afraid she may explode.
Maggie looked into the sky and squinted, like she would find the answer up there, maybe thinking Glenn would somehow tell her, then smiled, turning to her sister.
"How about chicken and some potatoes or somethin'? We have a few chickens in the pens the other end of the zone and over to the right I have a few potatoes that should be just about ready," Maggie furrowed her brow at her sister, and Beth nodded her head in agreement, though she really would rather not. It's not that she didn't want people to come for supper because she did, she just didn't know how to act around him. Especially with the way he was looking at her for the last few days, like he was trying to tell her something through his eyes, and she didn't know how to feel about it.
The sisters continued on with their work, Maggie checking her watch to see that it was only thirty minutes past two, and they had plenty of time to finish the gardening and Beth could get herself ready while her sister went to get a couple chickens.
As Beth planted the last few seedlings for the tomatoes, she rose up and winced as the back of her head pounded suddenly, and she dug her nails into the denim on her thighs as her vision became spotty, realizing she hadn't eaten that day and she was out in the sun for the entire time. It was still foreign to her to actually eat.
On the road it was only an afterthought, to eat if you could, and if you had any food, but in the zone it was like their old life. Eat three meals a day, drink lots of liquids. She didn't know if she liked that. Going from her worst enemy being the undead to her worst case scenario in the zone being dehydrated or hungry.
It was weird, having nothing essentially to worry about. She still hadn't seen these so called "Saviors", the ones that killed her brother in law. She didn't want to, she thought. If she laid eyes on the fucker who killed him, she couldn't attest for what she would do to them. That's how she changed, from the little scared Beth Greene to the woman who would kill anyone who posed a threat to the people she loved. Losing her family and friends and nearly dying herself did that to her. Made her strong.
Beth and Maggie finished their work at quarter past 4, and Maggie left the small backyard to fetch the chickens, patting her sister on the shoulder and she walked past, white shirt dirty from the soil. Beth sighed as her older sister walked down the cobblestone path, and she took her hair out of its ponytail, shaking it, then grasping the golden locks in her small fingers, she ties it up again.
She grabbed the items from gardening that day, putting them into the small shed off to the right of the backyard. Placing the items in, she smiled at the sight of children playing across the yard, a toothless baby gripping to the fabric of her mothers shirt, and Beth's heart swelled at the thought of Judith. She really hoped she would be at the supper.
Running her hands under a stream of water from the tap in the kitchen, she looked out the window of the kitchen, the smoke and fire from the days before suddenly back in her memory. Who started them and why? Was it those people- the ones who killed Glenn? Sighing heavily, she dried her hands on a nearby cloth, gathering some pots and pans for the supper, praying that the night would go well.
Beth smiled as the smell of chicken started to waft through the house, the sound of Maggie's humming a familiar tune as she sat in the tub off the dining room, shaving her legs so she could wear a dress. She didn't want to wear a dress, but Maggie insisted on dressing up, saying that her usual jeans and sweater wouldn't cut it. Beth groaned at her sister, Maggie just glaring and pointing at the bathroom door, smiling when her sister huffed and walked in.
Beth was beyond stressed with all of the last few days events, so without thinking, she dug the razor into her skin above her knee, hissing when she gave herself a small cut, the mercury substance running down her leg and down the drain, swirling a pattern with the soap suds.
She sighed at her foolishness and climbed out of the tub as she finished, grabbing a white fluffy towel. The white of the towel stained slightly in a few spots, Beth huffed and placed it in the hamper off to the corner, picking up the dress her sister put out for her, admiring the fabric. It had been a long time since she had worn a dress, the clothing not even close to practical in the world they lived in. It had been too long, she thought. She could finally feel feminine for a night. Feel more… normal.
Getting dressed at a casual pace, she padded out to the kitchen where her sister stood at the island, grabbing an apple from the fruit tray, taking a bite of the crisp yield.
Maggie slapped her lightly on the arm and chastised her, telling her supper would only be ready in an hour. Beth grinned as she took another bite of the fruit, running her hand over her mouth as she swallowed. It had been so long since she had fruit that she forgot what it tasted like.
Knowing supper would still be a while cooking, she went to the largest room in the house, the family room, to play a couple songs on the grand piano. It had been a while since she played, but she knew that once her fingers hit those keys, it would all come back to her. That's one thing she was grateful she remembered, because when times were toughest and she didn't know where to turn, music was her greatest supporter.
Smoothing the back of her dress, she sat on the light colored oak bench, blinking as she opened the piano, stretching her fingers. She loved playing, singing, getting lost in the melody. She felt like she was in her own world; a way to escape the hell for a little while.
Pressing down onto some keys, she began to play a song that felt very familiar to her. A song that her momma used to sing to her when they were together, or played in the car during one of their many roads trips. She continued to play for a while until she got to her favorite song, and had no problem remembering the keys;
They hung a sign up in our town
"If you live it up, you won't live it down"
So she left Monte Rio, son
Just like a bullet leaves a gun
With her charcoal eyes and Monroe hips
She went and took that California trip
Oh, the moon was gold, her hair like wind
Said, "don't look back, just come on, Jim"
Oh, you got to hold on, hold on
You gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Well, he gave her a dimestore watch
And a ring made from a spoon
Everyone's looking for someone to blame
When you share my bed, you share my name
Well, go ahead and call the cops
You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops
She said, "baby, I still love you"
Sometimes there's nothin' left to do
Oh, but you got to hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on and take my hand
I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Well, God bless your crooked little heart
St. Louis got the best of me
I miss your broken China voice
How I wish you were still here with me
Oh, you build it up, you wreck it down
Then you burn your mansion to the ground
Oh, there's nothing left to keep you here
But when you're falling behind in this big blue world
Oh, you've got to hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Down by the Riverside motel
It's ten below and falling
By a ninety-nine cent store
She closed her eyes and started swaying
But it's so hard to dance that way
When it's cold and there's no music
Oh, your old hometown's so far away
But inside your head there's a record that's playing
A song called "Hold On", hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, baby
You gotta hold on, girl
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
Blinking away tears, she looked to see Maggie stood at the door, and she smiled at her sister.
"C'mon Bethy, suppers just about done, everyone's getting' here any minute," her sister looked to her with a sad look in her eye, knowing the affect that song had on her sister. It was her mommas favourite song. Daddy's too, she thought.
She walked into the kitchen to see a few people littered about, and some walking through the door. She saw Rick as he saw her, and she walked to the front door to greet her family and friends as they arrived, swallowing the lump that rose in her throat. Smiling kindly at them all, she escorted them to the supper table and sat down when she was aware that everyone had made it, and waited, smiling large as her sister tapped a spoon onto the rim of a wine glass.
"I just wanna thank y'all for comin'. I know we don't do these very often but I felt that this was necessary. We have been through so much this last few months and I just need all y'all to know how much I appreciate everythin' you do for me and for our us. Alexandria couldn't be a what it is without you leaders, and I love all of y'all so much," Maggie said with tearful eyes, wishing Glenn was there at there at the table, and Beth smiled as everyone else did, Tara rubbing Maggie's hand as she smiled at her.
"Okay then let's eat, I'm hungry as shit," Daryl spoke to break the silence, and everyone laughed at his behaviour. Typical Daryl. Couldn't stand sappy shit.
They ate their meal slow and through many of glasses of wine, Beth refusing because of a slight headache she had, maybe because of her or the way Rick was looking at her from across the table. He was looking at her like she was a piece of meat, and she knew it was the alcohol. She had never encountered Rick Grimes drunk but she didn't want to.
Beth excused herself to go to the washroom, walking in to the small room and closing the door behind her; she washed her face off with some cool water and dug her nails into the porcelain sink, stretching her neck. Turning around to leave, she opened the door slowly before it was opened abruptly, Beth letting out a little squeal as she came face to face with Rick.
Blushing furiously, Beth went to go around him, but he placed his large hand on her forearm, stopping her. Looking from his fingers curled around her skin to his eyes, she visibly gulped. The man made her fucking nervous. Rick ran his tongue over his bottom lip as he took in her appearance, and she felt her heart race at the situation; they didn't even say anything to each other, just looks and stares that spoke for themselves.
Looking into her eyes, Rick raised his other hand and brought it to Beth's cheek, cupping it. Running his thumb over the pink scar resting on her cheek bone, he furrowed his brow at the sight. She had scars, too many of them, but she still looked like an angel.
Rick leaned in closer to Beth, and at that point she thought she was going into cardiac arrest. She knew it wasn't obvious, but her heart was pounding out of her chest and her palms were sweating like crazy. Her breath hitched in her throat as he got closer to her, and before he could place his lips upon hers, Maggie was calling for her sister, and Beth was gone.
