Chapter 4

I didn't know why I tortured myself like I did. Thinking about Bella's retelling of her first kiss—she was so excited. I was supposed to be a participant in that life event of hers. Instead, I had to hear how some fuckin' rich guy was sucking my Bella's face. I crushed the soda can in my palm and chucked it towards the trash can. It clanged off the back wall before it found its mark. A single line of brown liquid dribbled down the plaster.

Why was I always waiting for Bella? I looked down at my buzzing phone and smiled.

Wt r u doin?

Leah'd started texting me a few days ago. I knew she was lonely. I'd texted back. She was funny in a crude way. It was like hanging with the guys, but I knew she was all girl.

waiting for bella. shes comin over for a movie. y? wanna join is ;)

I didn't know how she'd take that. I was interested to see, though.

fuck no! but im gonna bug the hell outta u all nite

Shit. I grinned at my phone. Leah was fucking hilarious. I knew I was her outlet for whatever it was she was feeling, but I liked that I could make her forget about things for a while. Even if it was only through texting…or other stuff.

i can turn off my fone u no

I'd threatened that before. I heard Bella's truck heading up my gravel driveway.

but u wont

I smiled again before tucking my phone back into my pocket. I heard the door to the truck slam shut. I didn't get up; I was past waiting for Bella by the front door. I was going to let her come into me now.

Bella knocked on the door and I yelled for her to come in. I was flipping through the channels trying to see if anything good was on. We were supposed to watch The Babadook, but I wanted to find something else.

"Hey," she said with a weird look on her face, "what's up?" She shook the rain off her jacket over the porch before shutting the door and hanging it up on the peg.

"Nothing," I replied. I couldn't hide the tension in my voice as much as I tried. I just couldn't get the sound of her squealing her excitement about her first kiss with Edward out of my head.

"Jake, do you think I'm stupid? I can tell when you're upset, you big dummy."

She came and plopped herself down beside me on the couch. She was stupid. She was stupid for thinking that I would go shopping with her to look for a new dress for the dance she was going to with someone else. I would have asked her, but it was her dance, at her school. I had no right to ask her to it and now she was going with a rich douche. So I told her I was busy and hung out with Leah instead.

"It's nothing, Bells. Just a long day at school. I'm not much in the mood to watch a spooky movie." That was mostly because I knew a scary movie would make her curl into my side. Normally I'd love any excuse to touch her, but I just couldn't tonight. Not after knowing he'd shoved his tongue in her mouth and I wasn't allowed. There was always an element of hope that hung in the air when we cuddled.

Now there was none.

"Okay," she sounded a little disappointed. She looked around the room for a few seconds, seeming to draw an idea from her surroundings. "How about a Big Bang Theory marathon? That's levity at its best."

Bells and her big words.

"Sounds great," I smiled. It did sound better to me. I could use a laugh at the emotionally stunted Sheldon. My phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my pocket to look at the message. It was Leah.

so? wats up? did the ice queen show up?

Leah didn't like Bella's refusal to recognize my feelings. I tried to explain that I hadn't made them very clear, though I didn't understand how Bella could always tell my moods, but never the reasons behind those moods. Leah insisted that Bella had to know and that she took great joy in torturing me. And that was the reason Leah hated Bella. I think Leah was tortured by her own situation and projected it onto my situation. I'd learned that in my psych class.

i told u to quit calling her that

"Who's that?" Bella asked looking up from the remote where she was navigating the Netflix menu. I don't know why her question got under my skin, but it really irritated me. Like she had a right to know who was texting me.

"Leah," I replied without looking up from typing my response. I kind of wanted to know how she'd react to that.

like i do what im told. lol u gonna watch some sappy chick flick?

"Leah Clearwater?" she asked, her hand dropping into her lap. The theme song for the show began.

"Yeah. We've been texting lately. Sam just dumped her for her cousin and she needs a friend. She's not doing too good," I replied. It was the truth. I didn't need to mention that we'd hooked up twice since then. I guess I needed a release, too, after hearing about Bella's little kiss-fest with Edward.

"Oh," she said. The corners of her mouth pulled down in a little frown. "That's too bad. She must really be hurting."

hell no. bbt marathon. u r still invited ;P

The use of emoticons irritated Leah so I used them. She was fun to get riled up.

I looked up at Bella who was looking at me. I used my thumb to darken my phone. I didn't think she needed to see Leah's messages calling her the ice queen.

"Yeah, she's not taking it too well. I try to keep her mind off of it," I returned. My phone buzzed again and Bella looked away as I read it.

gr8 just wat u need. 2 watch that leonard guy fawn over that blnd chck who never liks him back. good choice dumshit

I hadn't thought of that. Shit. I looked over at Bella who was singing the last part of the theme song, "It all started with a big bang, BANG!" she yelled the last word which always made her giggle. It was her favorite part of the song.

fuuuuuuuuck! y do alwys pnt out the obvious that i seem to miss

"You gonna watch this with me or keep texting her all night," Bella pouted. That irritated me, too. Like, what the hell? She can come spend all our time together talking about this Edward douche and how soft his lips are, but I text Leah a few times and she gets all upset? What the fuck?

"I'm watching!" I protested, pointing to the screen and I smiled at her to reassure her. I waited until she turned back towwards the TV before I looked down at my buzzing phone again.

cuz im smarter than you dumass. maybe i should stop by just to c wat wld hppn

I smirked, but didn't reply. I placed my phone on the coffee table face down so I wouldn't see when she texted back.

We watched two episodes and ate frozen pizza and things almost felt like normal. Almost. She hadn't brought Edward up at all. We were watching an episode where Sheldon's girlfriend was trying to get him to kiss her when she finally brought up the tragic event again.

"God, I know how she feels! Did I tell you that he was going to kiss me at his house and his brother walked in?" she asked for the hundredth time. Yes, she'd told me. Like, seven times she'd told me. I wanted to meet his brother; I think I'd like him.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"Jake, it's like the weirdest feeling, being kissed. I can't wait for it to happen to you."

I looked over at her and just grinned. She had no idea.

"What do you mean 'when it happens to me?'" I asked. Her jaw dropped open and I chuckled at her confusion.

"Well, you've never kissed anyone," she stated, though the statement seemed to turn into a question.

"What makes you think I've never been kissed?" I asked, chuckling at her naivety. Her jaw dropped again and a smile spread across her face.

"Shut up!" she squealed. "Who? How do I not know this?" I was tickled that she was pleased and wanted to gossip. It was kind of cute.

"Because a gentleman does not kiss and tell," I hedged, knocking her knee with my foot.

"So are you going to tell me who?" she squeaked. "Who was your first kiss? When was it?" I could answer that. That was safe.

"Susan Tallgrass about six months before you moved back," I smirked.

"So was she your girlfriend? Why did it end?" she asked clearly interested.

"She fell in love with Paul Lahote, and she wasn't my girlfriend. We were just…curious together."

"Paul Lahote? Is he dating her?" she asked, confused. Ah, my little innocent Bella. Bella who thinks that all kisses are based in love and affection.

"Nope. But she's fallen for him anyway. They hooked up at a party and she's been gone for him ever since. Typical story with Lahote," I said. "He doesn't give two shits about the girls he bangs." A new episode was starting and Netflix asked us if we were still watching. I pointed to the screen and Bella mashed the button indicating that we were. The theme song started up again.

"But that's so wrong," Bella said. "Like, does he still see her at all, or does he just use her?"

"I don't know. I don't really talk to her anymore," I shrugged. She frowned and turned her attention back to the screen.

"Ooo! My favorite part! That all started with a big bang, BANG!" she sang. Just as she yelled the last word, the front door slammed against the wall, punctuating the music and Leah Clearwater stood in the doorway.

"Hey, Black. What's up?" she smirked. "Bella Swan. How the hell are you?"

Things were about to get interesting.


A/N: So? Bella is still clueless.