You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least where the story goes
I never believed it until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
-Leona Lewis

Alice

November 27th

"Yams. I can't find the yams." Bella nearly screamed as she flitted about the kitchen, trying to do too many things at once. I would have helped her, but she wouldn't let me, seeing as how I was a terrible cook. And Emmett wasn't allowed any where near the kitchen after the last incident.

"So whose idea was it to invite them over for lunch?" I asked around a mouthful of Cheez-It's as Emmett and I sat on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

"I have no idea." Emmett said honestly as he watched the screen.

"And whose idea was it to use my house?" I asked.

"Bella's." He sighed. "You have a bigger kitchen or something."

I rolled my eyes and laid back down on the couch after taking another handful of cheese crackers. It had been a long day since the two of them slept at my house last night and we all got ready for today. Whose ever idea it was to invite both Rose and Edward over, really didn't think this through.

"Alice. Phone." Bella called from the kitchen and I sighed as I rolled off the couch, my feet hitting the floor as I stayed in a hunched over position. I was almost tempted to just lay back down and pretend to be asleep. I probably wouldn't have even gotten out of bed today had it not been for Bella and Emmett and their refusal to let me wallow in my sorrow.

"Alice...now."

I groaned and stretched up to a full height position, popping my back and stretching my arms above my head. I nearly screamed when I felt Emmett's hand slap my ass and I turned to glare at him right as Bella decided to scream my name at the top of her lungs.

"Calm down." I yelled as I entered the kitchen and picked up the old phone we had in there. Complete with an extra long, Napoleon Dynamite cord as I liked to call it. "Hello?"

"Hey baby."

"Hi daddy." I sighed as soon as my dad's voice filled the speaker. "What's up?"

"Your mom wants me to tell you happy Thanksgiving." He said and before I could reply the phone was suddenly out of my grip and in Bella's.

"Hey Carlisle." She said and I narrowed my eyes as she smiled at me innocently. "Yup...yes she is…alright…no we'd love it…okay, here is she."

Bella kissed my head as she thrust the phone into my hands and went back to fixing the crust on her pie. Damn Betty Crocker.

"Hello?" I said again, not bothering to hide the irritation in my voice.

"Aw now Alice, don't get mad at Bella. She's just trying to make this day perfect."

"Yeah, yeah." I grumbled as I pulled myself onto one of the barstools that sat by the island in my kitchen.

"Really, she's your best friend." He scolded, though I could hear the underlying humor to his tone. He was used to Bella and me bickering like sisters. In fact, he'd probably be more worried if we didn't fight.

"I know." I sighed in defeat as I picked a black olive out of the tray in front of me and stuck it on the tip of my finger. "So what did you need?"

"Anxious to get rid of me?" He chuckled and I rolled my eyes as I stuck the tip of my finger in my mouth and sucked noisily on the olive. "Mary Alice that is disgusting."

"Oh, the full name." I laughed quietly. "I'm not anxious for anything but to get back to the parade. I think the New Kids on the Block are coming up soon."

"Right, well I'll let you go then." My dad said quickly. I knew how much he hated it when us girls would gush about things like boy bands, or hot sexy actors. The number one reason I had even mentioned it.

"Bye dad." I said as I slid off the stool and went to hang up the phone. But not before I heard the next thing he said.

"See you soon."

I heard the tell-tale click on his end that let me know he had hung up but I put the phone to my ear anyway, trying to call him back.

"Alice?" I turned to find Bella holding a bag of marshmallows in both hands, frozen in the act of trying to open it. Her forehead was creased in worry and I had no doubt that it wasn't for my sake, but for her own.

"You invited them?" I accused as I took three giant steps toward my best friend, fully prepared to launch anything and everything I could at her.

"Yes, a couple of weeks ago. I told you this."

"Liar." I snapped and I flung the olive that was still on my finger at her face. Of course, it hit her right in the eye and she dropped the bag and cursed quietly.

"Alice calm down."

"No, I won't calm down! How could you Bella?"

"You haven't seen your parents since they came down last month and it's a holiday…you can't avoid them like this."

"Oh I very well can avoid them like this. Which is what I've been doing for the past three weeks Bells!" I spat as Bella ran to the other side of the island. Away from me. "You have no idea what it was like when my mother was here last. How she looked at me. How she treated me. I've been avoiding that Bella. Plus, my mom already thinks I went off the deep end. How am I going to explain why I refuse to go by his name anymore? How can I explain to her why all his pictures are hidden in a box under my bed? Tell me Bella."

I knew I was being irrational. I knew I was being childish, and immature and mildly stupid, but I couldn't make myself care and slowly I felt myself drifting back to the girl I had become after Jack died. After I got the news about what had happened.

"Alice…we love you." Bella said as she came back around the island and put her hands on my shoulders. "We want you to be happy and we want what's best for you. Your parents know to let you handle this and Esme doesn't think you've gone off the deep end."

"Yeah, she knows you did. But that happened a long time ago." I turned to see Emmett leaning in the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile on his lips. "Look Alice, I'm not going to let anything happen to you and neither is Bella."

I felt my shoulders slump as he came forward to wrap his arms around my shoulders. "I know that." I said, slightly defeated.

"Do you?"

"Yes." I nodded as I turned to look at Bella. "Sorry. I just…I don't want to…today should be happy."

"It should." She nodded with a small smile.

"Remembering that he's gone on his favorite holiday doesn't make me happy." I choked back a sob and one of my hands came up to cup itself over my mouth.

"Then we won't remember he's gone." Emmett said quietly and I looked up to meet his deep chocolate brown eyes. "We'll have Thanksgiving with Pops and Momma Cullen and we'll pretend that we're in high school again. We'll have Rosalie and Edward and we'll talk about movies and sports and eat lots of Bella's famous brown bag turkey and we won't remember him. At least not today. But you have to promise me Alice that you will remember him. Because he would want that Al. He would want you to remember the good times. The times he made you laugh. The times he made you smile. And I'm fairly certain he would want you to remember why you loved him so much."

My lower lip was trembling and I was having a hard time holding back my tears as they threatened to spill forth onto my cheeks.

"Promise me Alice." Emmett whispered forcefully.

"Promise." I mumbled and he pulled me into his arms. I felt Bella join the hug seconds later, her arms wrapped firmly around my shoulders as the three of us stood in the middle of my kitchen, the smells of thanksgiving enveloping us. We probably could have stayed like that a lot longer, just holding each other. I would have stayed like that a lot longer. Just letting my two best friends hold me together. As it was, we were interrupted when some familiar lyrics started playing through the quiet atmosphere.

Shorty had them apple bottom jeans

Boots with the fur, with the fur

The whole club was looking at her.

She hit the floor, she hit the floor

next thing you thing you know,

Shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low

"That'd be for me." Emmett said as he pulled away quickly and reached into his jeans pocket for his cell phone.

Bella rolled her eyes as his smile got even wider as he pushed the send button and put the phone to his ear, leaving the room hastily.

"Rose." Bella laughed and I smiled as I went to pull a soda out of the fridge and then pulled myself up on the kitchen counter. "I really like her."

"Me too." I said, and though I had only really met her one time, I really had no doubt that I did like her. Anybody that could make Emmett give up his chauvinistic ways was alright by me.

"Change of plans." Emmett boomed as he came back in the kitchen, his fact crestfallen. "Rose won't be here tonight."

"What? Why?" Bella asked hurriedly and I knew she was thinking the worst. Of course, I was too. It was only a matter of time before Rose saw the real Emmett right?

"Her brother just moved in with her and she doesn't want him to be alone tonight…" He trailed off and something passed between him and Bella. Like their unspoken sibling bond or whatever.

"I'm sorry Em." She sighed and then went back to chopping the potatoes she had in her hand.

"Why doesn't she bring him?" I asked dryly from where I sat on the counter, my coke in my hand as I stared at the two of them, who were now looking at me as though I had just solved world hunger.

"You…you wouldn't mind would you?" Emmett asked and he sounded slightly nervous. It was cute really. The only time I'd ever seen Emmett nervous before was when we had gone to Hurricane Harbor in Texas a few years ago when we were visiting his family, and somehow Jack had managed to get Emmett and me up on the rip cord. Emmett had wanted to pull the cord so badly but once we were up there, he lost his nerve and Jack had to do it for him while Emmett screamed like a girl. Jack had ribbed him about it for days afterwards and somehow always managed to never let him live it down.

"Uh…yeah? Should I not be?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. We just thought…well we didn't know if you'd…"

"If I'd want him here?" I finished for Emmett who nodded his head sheepishly. "Look, I didn't want my parents here because my mom mollycoddles me and my dad tries to analyze my every movement, every word…I just…it's fine okay?"

They both nodded their heads in agreement and I slid off the counter, throwing my can in the recycling bin and turning towards the stairs. "I'm going to get ready."

I heard a mumble from where Emmett had wandered back into the living room and collapsed back in front of the television and Bella humming to herself as she sliced and diced one vegetable or another. I dragged myself up to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and throwing myself on my bed. My eyes weren't heavy and my body just wouldn't relax. It had been three long days since I had heard from Jack and the feelings that was causing me were terrifying. It was like I was a drug addict who hadn't had a fix in awhile. Or a drunk who didn't have the money for their next shot. I would do just about anything to hear his voice, to feel his arms around me. I stretched my legs out on my bed, relishing in the popping and cracking of my back as I did it. My head lolled to the side and my eyes came to rest on the closet.

It had been a long time since I had used the closet. I hadn't been able to bear going in there, ruining the way his things were, letting his scent out and making me yearn for him more. So I had moved my things from my closet and into the wardrobe and the guest closet across the hall. The doors to my beautiful closet, the one I had designed so carefully when we first moved in. The one Jack had spent countless hours driving back and forth to Home Depot for, was left untouched, one of my belts holding the doors closed from when I had slammed it just a little bit too hard and broke the handle off. I felt my lips curve up into an involuntary smile as I thought about how hard he had laughed when the metal handle had fallen off and hit me directly in the toe. He had called it Karma and I had called him a jackass, and then we made love right there on the closet floor. With that thought, I let my mind fill with the memories of Jack. The ones Emmett had reminded me I still had. Like when we went kayaking and Bella had somehow managed to not only fall in, but bring everyone else in with her. Or when Emmett had accidentally dated twins at the same time and Jack had to help him get out of it. It was things like that, the simple things that made him smile, that I wanted to hold on to the most. But it was also how his hair looked right after he woke up in the morning. Or the way his cheeks would feel against mine after he'd forget to shave on the weekends. The way he kissed me, the way his hand fit in mine, the way he smelled and how he looked when he smiled. Those were the things I couldn't afford to let go of. Those were things I had to keep and if I should lose them, I wasn't sure what I would do.

XxxxxX

"So, Bella tells me that you're a doctor?" My dad asked Edward as the two sat in front of the television. Emmett was currently sitting on the chair by the window, glancing out the curtains every few seconds as though Rosalie and her brother would somehow magically appear.

"Yes I am…well, I'm on my last year of residency." Edward said and he and my dad were instantly engrossed in their own little bubble of medical related terminology. Bella and my mom were in the kitchen, no doubt putting the feast Bella had prepared onto my barely used china to set in the equally neglected dining room.

I stood up quietly from the couch and walked into the hallway, stopping and sitting on the bottom step, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. Emmett and Bella had been true to their word, and surprisingly enough my parents had yet to say anything about my husband. For which I was grateful. But I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Of course it's wrong. I scolded myself. Jack's gone. He should be here. He should be laughing it up with Emmett over the game on t.v. or teasing him about his current inability to sit still as he waited for Rosalie to show up. He should be helping Bella and Esme set the table and pull things out of the oven as he tried to win over my mom's affections though I knew he already had them. He should be right here, with me. And yet he isn't. Everything is wrong.

I didn't have much time to wallow however, as Emmett came bounding into the hallway, his face alight with pure, unadulterated joy. He slammed open the door against the wall and I groaned, cursing him and his mother, as he skipped out the front door and I went to inspect the damage.

"Sorry we're so late." I looked up from the dent in my wall and the scuff in my paint to see Rosalie walking in. "I brought this for you."

She handed me a bottle of red wine and I took it with a 'thank you' before glaring at Emmett who stood behind her. "You will fix this." I hissed as I pointed to the ding in my wall and he ducked his head like a little boy and muttered a quiet "yes Alice".

Rosalie laughed and winked at me before Emmett led her off to the kitchen to meet Bella and Esme and I went to shut the door before a hand shot out and stopped me.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." I apologized to Rosalie's brother who stood on my front porch.

"It's alright." He said and though his voice wasn't cold, his tone was flat and short.

"Come on in." I offered as I opened the door wide and let him pass by. It was only as I was going to ask if he wanted me to take his jacket that I realized I didn't remember his name. Joshua? Joseph? Jacob? Crap. I mentally kicked myself as we stood awkwardly in the hallway.

"I'm sorry…I just…I can't remember your name."

"Yeah, kind of figured that." He said quietly as he slipped his jacket off of his arms and pulled his sweater sleeves down so that they touched below his wrists. "I'm Jasper."

"Jasper, right. Thanks." I sighed as I held my hands out for his jacket and he handed it to me stiffly. "Thank you for the ride by the way. On Halloween."

He nodded his head without saying anything and I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach for some reason.

"Well the boys are in the living room and dinner will be ready shortly so you can go ahead and make yourself comfortable in there."

"Thanks." He replied as he walked into the living room, leaving me standing in the open doorway, holding his jacket. I quickly snapped myself out of it and closed the door, hanging his jacket up on a hanger in the hall closet before returning to my post on the steps. It wasn't long before my mom's soft voice called us all in for dinner and I stood up, purposefully lagging behind everyone as we made our way into the dining room. Apparently it had been a bad idea because by the time I got there, the only open seat left was next to Jasper. I resisted the urge to make my plate and run into the living room with it as I sat down in the seat next to him and pulled my napkin into my lap like the good lady I was taught to be.

"Happy Thanksgiving everyone." My mom said once we were all seated and comfortable. "It's a family tradition that before we eat and say grace everyone at the table says one thing they're thankful for. We've been doing it a long time so I hope you kids can humor us old folk."

Emmett's booming laugh echoed around the table and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was about to turn a glare in his direction when I noticed my mom had already done the honors. Figures.

"So I'll go first. I am thankful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with my kids and their friends. Because Bella and Emmett, I love you like my own and I thank you for all you've done for Alice." I felt the lump well in my throat and I begged her not to go there. Not to bring him up. Not now. Thankfully she leaned back in her chair and looked at Carlisle expectantly who cleared his throat and smiled adoringly at his wife.

"I am thankful for thirty wonderful years of marriage to a beautiful woman, a gorgeous daughter, two amazing kids who I somehow put up with, and just being with the people I love on such a day as this." My dad smiled at me as he reached over to pull my mom's hand into his.

It continued around the circle as we all said our little thanks to whatever we wanted. We were all slightly shocked when Emmett, who usually thanked the cook for the food he was about to devour, turned to Rosalie and said something actually heartfelt and thoughtful. Bella was thankful for her usual love and family and Edward was thankful for being able to experience 'home away from home'

After Edward had finished with a kiss to Bella's cheek, it was Jasper's turn. He looked positively blank faced as he looked around the table and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'm thankful for the invitation." He said quietly and then looked at me, his electric blue eyes meeting mine. Really? I thought as I stared at him. Everyone else pours their hearts into what they are truly thankful for and all you can come up with is "thanks for the invitation"? I bit back the urge to say something and forced myself to sit up straighter in my chair. My mom was watching me with wary eyes, and I didn't want to look at anyone else to see if they were as well.

"I'm thankful Bella found yams." I said as I picked up my glass and swished the liquid around in it. "Oh, and I'm thankful Rosalie brought the wine too."

I knew the silence that followed my declaration was because of my blatant disregard for my guests, but I honestly couldn't care less as I let my eyes drift to the man sitting beside me. I almost gasped out loud as soon as my head turned and I found him still staring at me, his eyes calculating, measuring.

"Cheers." I said as I tipped back my glass and drained it quickly, my eyes never leaving his.

He nodded his head in my direction before turning and doing the same to his own glass. The table fell into a comfortable silence after my father had given grace and we dug into our meals, talking quietly to each other and asking for something to be passed. I moved the food around on my plate, watching it more than eating it, as everyone else around me laughed and joked. I felt hopeless, and I felt helpless, and I felt alone.