Author's Notes: This chapter was difficult to write because of what happens a the end of it (you'll know what I mean once you read.) Thanks for sticking with this story so far; I know it isn't exactly the brightest, happiest fanfic out there.
Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize from HP isn't mine.
Chapter Three: The Yule Ball
The night of the ball arrives quickly. I am not sure what to expect: Timothy is using me, yet between now and the time I overheard him talking to his friends, he's been kind to me. As I put my blue dress on - the one that he wanted - I hope for the best.
Kit comes in. I almost wish she going to the ball rather than I - assuming Timothy is going to be sweet, she deserves him more than I do.
"Luce?" she asks.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"What's bothering you? You've been so distant and pensive lately."
"I..nothing's wrong, Kit. Don't worry about me."
"Lucy." She can read me like an open spell book.
"Kit, I told you: nothing's wrong." She would worry if she knew about the cutting. She'd also want me to stop, which I have no intentions of doing right now.
"I know you're not telling me something," she says, "And I'm worried about you."
Something inside of me suddenly snaps. I just want her to stop asking about this, to stop pressing the subject. Why won't she stop talking about it?
"For Merlin's sake, Kit, the only problem I have is that you won't leave me alone!" I say angrily.
Kit looks shocked. Before either of us can say anything else, I leave the dormitory.
Timothy is waiting for me in the common room as I walk down the stairs from the girls' dormitories.
"Hey," he said with a smile. His smile is so charming; if I hadn't overheard him that time, I think that I would be over the moon right now.
"Hi," I reply, trying to mirror his smile. Apparently I was successful, because he takes my hand in his and asks if I'm ready to go. I reply that I am, and we exit the common room with my hand still in his.
The Great Hall has been transformed. It looks like a completely different from the place where I ate breakfast this morning. The high table is gone, and in its place is a band playing. Twinkling white lights line the walls. There is a huge Christmas tree in the corner. I smile in spite of myself.
I hear the whispers that seem to surround us as we enter the hall.
Timothy and Lucy…they're good together. Really good together.
The perfect couple.
I wish I was her.
I wish I was him.
My cheeks redden and I feel self conscious. Are we on everyone's mind tonight?
Timothy, seeing my discomfort, orders me softly, "Ignore them."
I nod. He leads me to the dance floor. His arms are around my waist and mine are on his shoulders. We begin to dance, and for a moment I forget. I forget that I'm nowhere near as talented as I should be. I forget that I'm a disappointment, that I hate myself for it. Dancing with him, I can pretend to be that girl, my ideal self. I can forget that he doesn't really like me for me, and I can pretend that he does. I can pretend that he asked me because I'm smart and pretty and everything that I'm not. I can pretend that we really are that perfect couple that everyone seems to see us as. I can forget and pretend, and that makes me smile.
"You're so pretty when you smile," he compliments.
"You flatter me," I almost laugh.
"It's true," he replied, "I'm a very honest person."
He pulls his arms tighter around me. We dance for what seems like ages.
I hear the whispers again.
"I wish I was her."
"I know, right? She must have the perfect life."
I wish they were right, but they're not. And if they knew…if they knew everything about me, they wouldn't want to be. Merlin, who would?
"Lucy," Timothy says, "Let's go somewhere else."
I nod and he leads me away. We leave the hall and step outdoors, where it's still snowing.
"I love snow," I say, as we step into the cold.
"Yeah. It's nice, isn't it?"
"It's beautiful."
We walk further and further, until the school building seems incredibly tiny.
"Lucy."
"Yes?"
He kisses me. It begins gently, but quickly grows more desperate. I don't mind until he slides his hand down the front of my dress. I struggle to pull away from him, but he doesn't let me.
"Timothy!"
He ignores me and continues.
"Timothy…Timothy, stop!"
He talks as if hasn't heard me, "I took you to the ball, Lucy, got you away from those people who were talking about us…now it's time we had some fun."
"No, Timothy. No!"
He ignores me once again. He's pulled the sleeves of my dress down and is kissing my bare shoulders. I try to get away, but to no avail; he's stronger than I am. Merlin, I just want him to stop. Please, please let him stop…
He pushes me on the ground, into the snow. I cry out; he laughs at me.
"We're so far away, Lucy. No one will hear you."
He gets on the ground, too. Tears fall down my checks. He touches me everywhere. Struggling is useless. He gets on top of me. Then, he is inside of me. I want to be somewhere else, anywhere but here. I close my eyes and pretend that I am somewhere far away, not here. Anywhere but here. Somewhere far, far away…
After what seems like hours, he is finished. He leaves me there, freezing, hurt, and sobbing.
Shaking, I slip back into the castle unnoticed. Everyone is still at the ball, dancing. I take my dress of and get into one of the showers. I turn the water on as hot as it will go. It burns, but I don't care. I stand under the flow of the hot water, still shaking and crying. When I'm done, I take my wand and cut my arm because I don't know what else to do.
