A third week of separation had come at last. The scarlet sun had faded beyond the mountainside, but the two monks continued on in their work. The book felt like the one thing they could distract themselves with. The two of them would work all day until they grew tired and irritable towards each other and get into arguments before bed. The stress, tension, and frustration cast an overwhelming heat across the cell like a kiln. It was only a matter of time before something would give in.

Brendan sat at the desk illuminating. But the shear loneness and distance between him and Aidan was starting to take its toll on him. He was beginning to lose hope of them ever reviving their relationship. The young monk felt like he had tried just about everything. Once talking had failed, he started acting depressed around Aidan to try and get his attention. But it still wasn't enough to change his mind.

This only made Brendan angrier and he tried his absolute hardest to make Aidan feel something- anything! …Even if it meant doing some dirty things around him… But in the end, Aidan only grew bitter and took back his cloak he had given him. The young boy remembered how Aidan remarked on how maybe he should burn it after all the sinful things he caught him doing with it.

Looking back at it now, Brendan couldn't remember why he did such things and regretted doing them. It just made him feel empty as things only seemed to get worse.

The young apprentice's concentration broke once he felt Aidan watching over his shoulder at his work. But he could only sense disappointment radiating off him.

"I'm sorry, lad… But please try again." Aidan sighed in dissatisfaction.

"Why, what's wrong with it?" Brendan replied, with his frustration showing through the cracks of his voice.

This was the third time he had to redo this page; it was starting to get a little taxing on the poor young monk.

"I know I've asked you to do this three times now… But come now, lad, I've seen you draw better than this. These don't have the same flare as the others you've done in the past. They're lacking that element of light that's needed for the book," Aidan explained.

Brendan let out a halfhearted sigh.

"Fine! I'll do the bloody page again…" He grumbled, bringing out a fresh piece of vellum.

Aidan stiffened at Brendan's sharp tone of voice, but said nothing in return. Instead he returned to his seat across from him and watched.

"Things used to be different in the past…" He heard Brendan sadly whisper under his breath.

Aidan's expression softened.

It had been hurting too much to hear Brendan sound so miserable.

"I know, Brendan… But we've talked about this before. We can't go back to how things were back then… It's not safe," He said to him, his voice riddled with grief.

Brendan visibly shook at his master's words.

He couldn't tell if he was more enraged or saddened by him. Either way, the boy was suffering.

Aidan could see it by the look in Brendan's eyes; it was painful enough just to witness it alone. He rose from his seat intending to go and comfort his apprentice, but what the boy said next made him freeze on the spot.

"You're lying… You could stop this anytime you wanted, Aidan. But you're too afraid to!"

Aidan went rigid.

A spike of anger was driven into his heart by Brendan's words. He couldn't believe this. How dare he accuse him of lying! Did Brendan really believe it was that easy for him to do that with so much at stake?

The older monk stared him down in silence before slowly sitting heavily back into his seat.

"…Just do the bloody page, boy…" Aidan hissed.

Brendan barely acknowledged what his master said. He couldn't even bear to look at him, and continued to draw in the page. However, it was easier said than done, he was still shaking and his eyes were becoming glazed with tears, his lines were getting sloppy by the minute. He could barely make out what he was drawing, but at this point he didn't care. The young monk pressed on, putting ink to the page and nothing else.

Aidan didn't need the crystal eye to see that Brendan was drawing poorly. He didn't want to have to tell him a fourth time to redraw it, but it was beginning to make him frustrated. However, when he spotted the tears welling up in Brendan's ice blue eyes, the older monk withdrew some of his anger with a deep sigh.

"Brendan… You've just started. Take a deep breath with me, alright?" Aidan instructed, gesturing for him to pause from his work.

The young monk huffed and set his quill down, holding his head in his hands as he did what he was told.

Aidan slumped in his seat.

He didn't want to be angry, and especially not at Brendan of all people. Seeing him hold himself in that state made Aidan want to go over and embrace him. But something inside kept him rooted in place.

"Just take your time, lad. I know you're not feeling well… Just… Try and think of things that inspire you. The woods, beasts, spirits—can't any of those help you at least a little?"

Brendan brushed the moisture out of his eyes and returned to his piece.

"I'll try, Master…"

Aidan found himself breathing a little easier; already Brendan's work looked a lot better. He could still tell the boy was still shaking, but he seemed to be more in control. More inspired even, as if the wheels in his head were turning. He could catch Brendan occasionally stop and close his eyes in thought before resuming his work.

For a moment, Aidan found himself giving a light smile.

This was the Brendan he remembered.

He glanced down at the page only to feel his stomach turn to stone in the blink of an eye.

Aidan almost didn't believe what he saw at first-He didn't want to! But without warning, the older monk moved over and snatched up eye from his apprentice's grasp to take a look through it. What he saw nearly made his jaw drop to the floor.

The page was indeed improving and was looking beautiful, but letter at the beginning of the text took the shape of a man…

…A man with a very erect penis.

"Brendan!" Aidan growled at his apprentice, feeling his face turn a shade of fiery red.

Brendan could barely restrain his tears from bubbling just below the surface of his pale blue eyes as he gazed up at the furious look on Aidan's face.

But as sad as Brendan's eyes looked, they were overshadowed by cold rage as he glared right back at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Master. I was only drawing what inspired me. Shall I redo this page as well? Perhaps you'd like it more if he had long silver hair and a bigger cock!"

Aidan had enough.

He snatched Brendan up by his ear; ignoring the painful yelps Brendan made and dragged him from his desk.

"Brendan...! Don't you EVER taint my work like that again! Do you hear me!?" Aidan snarled, as his breath grew heavy with anger.

Brendan froze.

The pain shooting through his head was nothing in comparison to the pain he felt in his heart after hearing those words.

Taint…

The word echoed in his mind. Eroding every comforting thought and every loving memory he held dear. Killing the light that was once there.

Was that how Aidan saw his work?

Tainted?

Was that how he saw their love?

Tainted!

Was that how he saw him?!

Tainted!?

Brendan felt something snap inside.

The young apprentice shook himself from Aidan's grasp and stared up at him.

"Is that what I am to you!? Just some corrupted SINNER!?" He shouted.

With that, Brendan raised his hand and struck Aidan across the face with a loud, hard slap.

Pain shot across Aidan's face like burning embers.

He was stunned.

Heartbroken…

Never in a million years did he think Brendan would hurt him like this.

The old monk stiffened with rage as he glared down at his apprentice with his violet eyes reddening with tears.

"FINE Brendan! Be that way…" Aidan hissed, before storming out of the hut.

Brendan stood shaking, staring at his former lover as he disappeared beyond the door. Tears streamed down his face, but his expression was locked in a state of twisted pain and grief, each muscle refusing to move.

At last, after a moment of staring vacantly at the threshold of their hut, Brendan collapsed and fell to his knees, curling up into a ball and holding himself tightly.

There he lay on the ground, his body racked as he burst into violent sobs.

"Oh God!- WHY!?"

Outside, Aidan was no better than Brendan. He stormed off into the woods, feeling his heart thundering in his chest with anger pumping through his veins as he brushed past the trees.

He couldn't remember that last time he had been this angry and didn't know what to do with all this rage. His thoughts were nearly caught off guard as he found himself tripping over a thick tree branch and slamming into the ground. To add insult to injury, the rush of pain up his body reminded him of the slap Brendan gave him.

Burning with fury, Aidan arose mustering his all strength and snatched up the heavy branch, putting every last single ounce of pent up rage into it before hurling the branch at a large oak tree with all his might.

"Aghhhhhhhh!"

With an earthshattering SMASH the tree branch was reduced to mere fragments of broken wood and pieces of bark splintering and scattering all around him.

Aidan stood there shaking with tears spilling from his eyes. His heavy breathing faltered, his head was aching, and his knees grew weaker by the moment. The older monk soon found himself leaning against the tree for support, pressing his brow gently against its bark.

Aidan felt his mind clearing up after venting his anger out of his system, but everything hurt too much to think. All he could do was cry out into the night air.

"Oh, B-Brendan…" He sobbed. "Why is there nothing I this life but mist…?"

The old monk slumped at the base of the tree, cradled inside its large roots as he let his pent-up despair come out.

After a while, Aidan found his eyes burning and bloodshot. He took this moment to rub away tears that still clung to his bearded face. As much as Aidan would have liked to spend the night under the oak tree, he knew he'd regret it in the morning. The old monk had more important things to tend to now than wallow in sadness.

He gave himself a task to gather up the pieces of broken wood he had just made for firewood back at the hut. The least he could provide was warmth for the night.

A brief smile crossed his lips reflecting on how such an outburst like that still proved to be a use to him.

However, it was short lived. For his thoughts soon came back to Brendan. The old illuminator recalled the cold look in Brendan's eyes; they held such pain and angry towards him it made his heart ache. He knew something had to be done, they couldn't keep living like this. But Aidan was at a loss. He felt too frustrated and exhausted to come up with something. It didn't help the fact that any new solution he came up with only seemed to make things worse between him and Brendan. But he knew he had to keep trying and think harder.

Before he knew it, the old monk found himself standing at the front door of his hut. With a deep breath, he clutched his bundle of wood and walked inside. Already he felt the wave of bitter cold energy radiating from within. It almost made Aidan feel ill just walking in.

At the corner of his eye he saw Brendan balled up in his bed and shift away from his general direction to face the wall. The lad couldn't even bare to look at him after what happened; but to be fair, Aidan couldn't look at Brendan either.

Where did we go wrong?

We were smiling and laughing together not too long ago, yet here we are… Distant as strangers could possibly be… Or worse!

How did it all come to this?

Aidan tried his hardest to ignore the sting of Brendan's anger and kept to his task, rekindling the flames at the fireplace.

Already its warmth was easing the tension in the air. The old monk soon retired to his side of the hut and lay still in his bed, staring out of the small window at the full moon. All he could do was pray that somehow, he'd find a way to set things right.

After what felt like an eternity, Aidan had finally found the urge to fall asleep. But almost in an instant, he found himself caught in a dream.

Everything was shrouded in a thick misty darkness. Slowly he tried to navigate himself through the blackness, each step echoing as he went. Aidan could have sworn he kept hearing footsteps accompany his own, but every time he'd turn around to look the black mist would thicken.

"Who's there?"

No answer…

"Show yourself!"

No answer….

Aidan kept going, moving just a little faster, only to hear the footsteps grow louder behind him.

Aidan was about to break into a sprint when a patch of white light illuminated through the darkness. But as Aidan walked up to it he saw what appeared to be a memory of his. The patch showed him and Brendan in the scriptorium. His apprentice was slowly working on a page with two tangled angels, while he sat and watched.

It suddenly occurred to Aidan it was the night he and Brendan made love for the first time.

The older monk was beginning to notice how often his apprentice would pause from his work to stop and think.

"Something on your mind, lad? I don't think I've ever seen you look this pensive before," Aidan spoke.

Brendan broke his concentration.

"Huh?"

"You seem to be troubled by something. Now what is it?" Aidan chuckled.

Brendan bit his lip as he felt his cheeks turn redden before hesitantly speaking up.

"Brother Aidan?... Have you ever been in love?"

Aidan blinked at the question.

"In love…? Yes… Many times."

"You have?"

"-Although I never had anyone to call my own, lad, being a monk and all… Why do you ask?— Are you by chance having feelings for this Aisling of yours?" The older monk smirked.

"I-I am… But… Here's the thing…" Brendan mumbled, before leaning in to whisper into Aidan's ear. "…I think I've fallen in love with you too."

Aidan's eyes widened, he felt his cheeks turn red. The older monk couldn't believe what he had just heard. His body trembled slightly as his heart skipped a beat.

Surely the boy was joking…

"Me?"

Brendan nodded.

He knew from the look in his eyes that this was definitely not a joke.

The Aidan felt so conflicted; he didn't know what he was going to say next.

The thought of a young boy falling in love with an old man like him was quite unheard of- Not to mention dangerous considering the occupations they were in! He knew perfectly well what would happen if they were both caught like that. Abbot Cellach would sentence them to death for sure… But Aidan knew deep down he'd be lying if he said he didn't have any feeling towards Brendan too…

He then noticed Brendan gulp as he waited for his response, fearing what he did was wrong.

"Brendan… Just when did you start having feelings for me?" Aidan blushed.

"I don't know… I always thought you were wonderful, you had shown me such beautiful things that I wouldn't have dreamed of, had I not met you. You've changed my life… and… after hearing what you had gone through—and are still going through even now!... I… I want to be there for you… I know you're in pain, Aidan, and I want to make you feel better… So… I'm offering myself to you." Brendan confessed.

Aidan felt his heart warm up; he once again was at a loss for words.

Over the course of them working together on the book, he too had grown very fond of him. Brendan had exceeded his expectations and was even showing signs of surpassing him as an illuminator. But he even took such great risks, facing dangers like wolves and even the Dark One himself… going out of his way breaking rules set down by his uncle and risking his life just to help him complete his task and make him feel happy again…

Aidan couldn't help but smile, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. Little did the boy realize how much he already had made him feel better.

The events played out just as Aidan remembered, witnessed himself and Brendan grow entangled in a deep and loving embrace- one not too different from the one Brendan was drawing a few weeks back.

There they shared their forbidden fruit. Both were naked, smiling, and laughing in the warm firelight. Focusing on nothing else but loving the other; putting aside any fears or worries like their discarded robes. Soon they were both basking in the afterglow of their partner, curled up under the fur blankets together.

"…Brother Aidan?"

"Hmm...?" Aidan responded, as he slowly opened his violet eyes.

"… I… I love you," Brendan whispered.

Aidan smiled back.

He lifted Brendan's chin kissed him softly in return.

"I love you too, Brendan…"

A blissful smile grew on the apprentice's face. Brendan held Aidan close as they both fell asleep with their cat, Pangur ban, curled up beside them.

Aidan wanted to stay in that moment, remembering how happy they were after sharing their love together. But the memory had faded into the growing light. It was so bright that Aidan had to shield his eyes. Once he adjusted his eyes, he saw a figure standing before him.

It was none other than Brendan.

Aidan wanted to go up to him, but guilt kept him from taking a single step forward. His anguished gaze sank to the misty ground.

"Oh, Brendan… How could I have been so blind? We… We truly did have something precious between us….. You've helped me so much with your love and yet all I did to repay you was by pushing you away… And…. For that I am deeply sorry… I never wanted things to turn out the way they did between us… Not after all we've been through together… I'm such an old fool," Aidan confessed, realizing the error of his ways.

His eyes closed, bringing his head down low. Willing to accept any punishment his apprentice had to offer.

"Could you ever forgive me…?"

Just then, he heard the boy's footsteps and dared to look up. As Brendan drew closer, the mist seemed to make his robes vanish. To his surprise, it had the same effect on his own.

For a moment, Aidan grew hesitant. His instincts were screaming at him to back off. But the wise monk stood his ground and waited for Brendan's response.

The young apprentice stood before him, both exposed and having nothing left to hide. They stared each other down. Brendan's expression was sullen as their gazes finally met. Aidan waited with baited breath, expecting the boy to strike him like before. The old monk closed his eyes and accepted what was to come.

But to Aidan's surprise, he felt himself getting drawn into a warm and gentle embrace instead. He opened his eyes to find Brendan pressed into his chest, hugging him tightly. The boy's expression had melted into a melancholic smile, as he kept nuzzling him tenderly.

This was enough to make Aidan break down at last. He fell to his knees and hugged Brendan tighter. He wept upon feeling his apprentice's warmth. Never once did he need Brendan's touch so badly. It almost felt like all the pain he had been harvesting had gone away.

He lifted Brendan's chin to look at him. The lad had tears running down his face too.

"… I love you, Brendan…" Aidan whispered.

Slowly, he leaned in for a kiss.

But before Aidan could touch Brendan's lips, the boy had become mist in his arms. Leaving Aidan alone in eternal darkness once more.

"Brendan?- Brendan! Please, don't go, Brendan! DON'T GO!" Aidan cried out, desperately reaching for the mist that was once his beloved apprentice.

He scrambled onto his feet, charging it all directions to search for him in the cold darkness. Crying out his name.

But nothing came…

Aidan collapsed to his knees and held himself. He felt so cold and alone, all he could so was tremble bawl his eyes out in the dark mist.

"Please…. Don't leave me… I have no one else… I-I don't want to be alone…. Please… Come back…. C-come back…" Aidan wept.

Suddenly, he felt the ground give. With a loud crack the floor was ripped open. Aidan was swallowed up.

"No! N-NO NO!- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed, too late to run.

He had fallen into shadow.

His violet eyes shot open.

"Brendan!" Aidan gasped, breathing heavily as he sat bolt upright in his bed.

The old monk put a hand to his chest, feeling his heart pounding under his skin. It was still dark outside. His body was still aching and shaking from the feeling of falling in his nightmare.

The old monk exhaled and plopped back on his pillow. Relieved it was only in his head. But be knew this was no ordinary dream. He knew he had to do something to set things right once and for all. But where was he to begin?

Aidan turned to his side, still dwelling on what he witnessed in his dream in hopes of collecting his thoughts. When suddenly he froze, and felt all the color drain from his face as he stared across the room in utter dismay.

Brendan was gone!

"N-No! No! No! No! Brendan, don't you dare do this to me!" Aidan cried out and scrambled out of bed, calling out his name as he desperately looked outside.

"BRENDAN!"

His voice echoed across the dark mountain pass.

Nothing…

Brendan had vanished into the night.

Aidan started to panic; he could feel his heart throbbing in his chest. Millions of questions began flooding his mind all at once as he began pacing franticly.

Did Brendan truly run away from him?

Where could he have gone this late at night?

Was it something he said?

Did something happen to him?

Is he alright?

Where can he find him?

Where is he?!

He grasped roughly at his hair and tried to pull his thoughts together and think more rationally. Aidan stepped back inside and snatched up his cloak. He then noticed that his cat, Pangur Ban, was missing too.

A thought then occurred to him.

"Brendan couldn't have gone too far. Not with Pangur on his trail. If I can find her, I might find him… I only pray I'm not too late!" Aidan muttered to himself, before charging to the mountain pass.