"Time Eds"

"Eddy!" Double D yelled as he tromped through the woods by the creek. The short Ed-boy had called him after lunch, and wanted him to come down by the creek immediately.

Double D fought his way through the forest, hearing Eddy's cackling growing louder and louder. Finally, he arrived at a clearing, where he found Eddy standing in front of a large rock with some sort of thick, fuzzy, yellow moss growing on it.

"You gotta see this, Double D!" Eddy laughed.

"What is it?" The brainy Ed-boy inquired. Eddy answered by taking a stick and lifting up part of the yellow moss, revealing Carrie's face underneath. The blonde, Sepian girl had apparently decided to take a nap on this warm rock.

"What have you been doing to her, Eddy?"

"Nothing… yet! Watch this!" Eddy ran to the creek and returned with a bucket of water. He poured it all over Carrie's head, but she didn't even move. Eddy then grabbed a handful of pinecones and threw them at Carrie, but again, she didn't even twitch. Eddy then paraded around her, banging on drums and symbols and blowing a trumpet, but Carrie still didn't move.

Double D gave Eddy an unimpressed look.

"Don't you see, Double D? We're germ-free! And we got a pigeon we can pull pranks on! She'll never know it was us!" Eddy laughed manically as he pulled out a marker and a can of shaving cream.

"Eddy, I thought we were behind pulling childish pranks…"

"Nah, you're never too old for a good prank! Now do me a favor and go get me some eggs, some maple syrup, and some plastic wrap."

"Um, Eddy, I'm afraid to ask, but what on Earth do you need with-" Double D stopped mid-sentence when Ed ran into the clearing from out of nowhere, a stern, dramatic look on his face.

"It's about time you showed up!" Eddy barked. "Where's that sewer water you were supposed to bring to pour on Carrie?"

Ed just ignored his friend, staring into the sky with his unibrow slightly raised. Instead of his trademark jacket, he was now wearing a green overcoat. He sported the polka-dot tie and hairdo he had in "Will Work for Ed", his hair combed over. He held a large flashlight in his hand.

"Shush!" Ed exclaimed. He pointed his flashlight at the sleeping Carrie and turned it on.

"What's with the flashlight, Ed? It's two o'clock!" Eddy yelled.

"Shush!"

Double D and Eddy watched Ed as he walked around dramatically, pointing his flashlight and making buzzing noises. Ed then shone it at the rock Carrie was sleeping on. He then pulled out a stethoscope and placed it on the rock as if he was listening for something.

"Just as I suspected! There's a disturbance in the space-time continuum…"

"What?" Eddy asked.

"Shhh!" Ed put his stethoscope away and pulled out a tongue depressor.

"Ed, what's going on?" Double D asked.

"I am not Ed," Ed replied. "I am…The Time Surgeon!" Ed raised up and lifted his finger high in the air and raised his eyebrow.

"The Time Surgeon?" Double D asked again.

"You mean that British guy that travels through time in a porta potty?"

"Yup, that's me!" Ed said with a grin as he wiped off his glasses. "And I have reason to believe that this rock is the cause of an inter-cosmic disturbance!" Eddy and Double D stared at their friend.

Eddy then turned his attention to Double D. "Go get that stuff I wanted!"

"Um, yeah…" Double D turned to walk away, but Ed grabbed him.

"Don't leave, Double D!" Ed yelled. "I'm going to need your help with this surgical procedure!"

"Surgical procedure!" Double D beamed. "Why Ed, I didn't know you had an interest in-"

"Shush! We must repair this ulcer in the fabric of time before Cyber-Rolf and his cyber-chickens find it and use it to destroy the universe!"

"Rolf?" Eddy asked. "What the heck does Rolf have to do with this?"

Meanwhile, back in the cul-de-sac, Rolf has amassed his chickens, all of them adorned with makeshift armor. Rolf was wearing his traditional dress and wielding a pitchfork.

"Farm fowl!" Rolf screamed angrily. "For too long, the tailed Carrie-girl has terrorized Rolf's fowl! Just this morning, we lost Gertrude to yet another marauding where this was found at the scene!" Rolf held up a really long strand of blonde hair. "Now Rolf calls upon you, his faithful fowl, and the great Yeshmyek, to help him restore Rolf's honor! Many of you will not return, and some of you may be eaten! However, we must grab the eggplants by the roots, baste the venison, and squeeze the tick of pestilence! Now let us go and claim our vengeance!" Rolf's chickens all clucked as Rolf led them out of his fence and towards the woods.

Back in the woods, Ed was putting away his medical tools, his friends Ed and Double D looking at him with disbelief.

"We must now examine the inter-dimensional being!" Ed pulled out a gas mask and a can of tomato soup. "Double D, help me flip her over on her back!" Eddy chuckled as Double D gave Eddy an odd look.

Double D and Ed flipped Carrie over, but with great difficulty; she was surprisingly heavy for her size. Again, Carrie didn't even move and was still sound asleep when they were done. Her face was soaked in what looked like a mixture of saliva and mucous. Ed held the soup can over her head for a second, then placed it on her forehead, his ear pressed against the other end.

"You're supposed to open the can and pour the soup on her face!" Eddy said in disgust.

"Shush!" Ed exclaimed again. "Double D, examine the oral excretions!" Double D gave Ed another odd look. He then looked down at Carrie's mouth in disgust.

"So unsanitary…" Double D put on a pair of rubber gloves and looked at Carrie's saliva with his magnifying glass. "Hmm, this looks interesting!" Double D grabbed a pair of tweezers and used them to pull a drool-soaked chicken feather stuck to the side of Carrie's face.

"Let me see that," Ed said, taking the feather from Double D. He pulled out his flashlight, shone it at the feather, and made a buzzing noise with his lips. "Great Scott! This feather comes from a cyber-chicken!"

"Could someone tell me what the heck is going on!?" Eddy shouted.

Ed then covered Eddy's mouth and whispered, "Shush" again. "Don't you hear them?" The Eds paused for a second; they could hear something! Faint clucking noises echoing through the woods, followed by the sound of someone grunting.

"Oh, dear!" Double D exclaimed. "Carrie's been eating Rolf's chickens again! We have to get her out of here!"

Eddy bit Ed's hand, causing him to yelp and pull away. "In your dreams! I say we hide and see what Stretch does to her! It'll be hilarious!"

"But Eddy, she's incapacitated!"

"So?"

"We must move the ulcer stone and the girl before Cyber Rolf and his evil horde find them!" Ed exclaimed, pointing his finger in the air, and looking dramatic again.

"We can hide out at my house for a while," Double D suggested. "Rolf usually gives up if he can't find us before sunset."

"No time!" Ed replied. "We must take her to my ship. I hid it in the junkyard."

"Ed, my house is closer than the junkyard, so wouldn't it make sense to hide there?"

Ed stared at Double D. "Nope!" Suddenly, the bushes around them began rustling as the clucking grew louder. "They've found us!"

"The Ed-boys are sheltering the chicken-eater!" Rolf screeched. "Get them!" The bushes exploded with armor-clad chickens, all clucking angrily.

"My supersonic flashlight will stop them!" Ed whipped out his flashlight and shone it at the chickens, making that buzzing noise again, but the chickens just became angrier. "Oh no, they've upgraded themselves to become immune!"

"Ed-boys!" Rolf yelled.

"Run!" Ed yelled, giving another overly-dramatic pose. He picked Eddy and Double D up and threw them into the woods, and then picked up the rock, Carrie still sleeping peacefully on it, and ran after them, Rolf and his "cyber" chickens running after him.

Eddy and Double D quickly regained consciousness after being knocked out briefly when they hit the ground. They then felt a sharp pain all over their bodies.

"Ouch!" Eddy yelped, realizing he was covered in thorns. Double D painfully pulled a vine of thorns off of his side.

"Don't just sit there waiting for tea time!" Ed yelled as he ran past them. "Run!" Eddy and Double D ran after him, Rolf and his chicken army catching up to them.

"Rolf's gone mad," Eddy said, now scared for his life.

"You know how Rolf gets when someone messes with his livestock, Eddy," Double D said, jumping over a fallen tree. "Remember our fiasco with that movie we were going to send your brother?"

"I don't think we're going to make it to the ship," Ed said in a phony British accent.

"Good, I didn't want to hide in a porta-potty anyway," Eddy answered.

"I told you, Ed! We need to hide at my house!"

"We must hide at Double D's house!" Ed yelled.

"Wait Ed! Don't bring that boulder in my house! I just cleaned!"

"We have to!" Ed yelled as he stopped in front of Double D's back door. He then stuffed Carrie and the rock through, cracking the doorframe with the large rock.

"My house!" Double D cried. "My doorframe!" Ed threw Eddy and Double D inside and slammed the door, locking it with a huge padlock.

"That should hold them for a few minutes anyway," Ed said, keeping his obviously fake accent.

"Ed, there's a boulder on my kitchen floor!" Double D wailed.

Just then, Carrie yawned, causing everyone to stare at her. She then rolled back over on her stomach and began snoring softly. The Eds just stared at her for a few minutes.

"Man, she's a heavy sleeper," Eddy mumbled. Suddenly, something was banging on the house.

Ed peeped through the blinds and saw Rolf banging on the door. "Cyber Rolf is outside," he whispered.

"Open this door, Double D Ed-boy! You cannot hide from Rolf!" Rolf pounded on the door with his fists.

"Just throw Carrie out the door and get it over with!" Eddy yelled.

"Shush!" Ed said. "Here, take a jelly bean." Ed gave Eddy a gummy bear. Eddy stared at it.

"Um Ed, this is a gummy bear."

"Yes," Ed replied.

"I think Lumpy's lost it…" Eddy whispered in Double D's ear. Ed then grabbed them and took them all into the living room.

Outside, Rolf was still standing at the door impatiently, his chickens roaming around Double D's back yard. He looked around, checked his watch , and peeped in a window; no one.

"Rolf could have sword he heard the sneaky Ed-boys go in the Hat-in-Sock Ed-boy's house. Come, Rolf's fowl! We check the greedy Ed-boy's house, yes!" Rolf and his chickens moved off Double D's lawn to check Eddy's house.

"We'll stay here until it's safe to get to the ship," Ed said, watching Rolf leave out the living room window.

"I'm turning on the air conditioner," Eddy groaned. "I'm frying like an egg…"

"I think that's Carrie's boulder," Double D said, touching the side of the boulder, but it burned his hand. "Ouch!"

"That is the space-time energy flowing through the stone," Ed explained. "That's why Cyber-Rolf and his cyber-chickens want it."

"Please, Ed." Double D rolled his eyes as he stuck his hand in a vase of water. "It's just hot from sitting in the sun all afternoon."

"Hey, Sock-head!" Eddy screamed, sweat pouring from his face. "Where's your air conditioner?"

"Turn the knob on the wall, Eddy!"

Eddy was already upstairs, sweating heavily. He walked up to a metal box with a knob on it and turned the knob. Cold, but refreshing air then began circulating throughout the house, quickly cooling it.

"Ah, much better!" Eddy said with satisfaction.

"Ed, could you move Carrie in front of that vent?" Double D asked. "I'm sure she's burning up as well from laying in the sun and on that hot rock all morning."

"Excellent suggestion," Ed replied, bringing his phony British accent back. He promptly pushed Carrie up against the vent and ice cold air began blowing on her.

"My floor!" Double D wailed again when he saw the damage scooting the rock did to his floor.

"Hey, Eds, heads up!" Eddy threw a couple of sodas at his friends. "Let's chill for a minute."

Double D sighed and mumbled, "Not like I can get these scratches out in time, anyway…"

The Eds all cracked open their sodas, chugged them down, and plopped down on Double D's couch. Meanwhile, Carrie's rock had lost its heat, and Carrie was beginning to shiver. Still asleep, she rose up, a string of drool hanging from the side of her lip. Too relaxed to notice her, Carrie stood to her feet and walked behind the couch, her eyes still closed. Carrie shuffled to the front door, her tail knocking off a picture frame, breaking it with a loud crash, snapping the Eds out of their relaxed state.

"What was that?" Double D asked, his voice filled with concern. Ed looked over at the boulder sitting in the corner of Double D's living room, noticing that Carrie wasn't laying on it anymore.

"The trans-dimensional being is missing!" Ed cried.

"So?" Eddy asked, still drinking his soda and relaxing. Just then, the Eds heard Double D's front door swing open. They all turned to see Carrie stumble out the door, her eyes still closed.

"Oh no, She'll be captured by Cyber-Rolf!" Ed yelled.

"After her!" Ed commanded. "If Cyber-Rolf captures her, her people, the Lizardons, will get mad and destroy the world!" Ed pulled out his "supersonic" flashlight and ran out the door, his finger in the air again.

Hurry, Eddy!" Double D ran after Ed.

"Do we have to?" Eddy groaned as he trudged slowly behind them.

"Look!" Ed pointed at Carrie, who was lying on her stomach in the middle of the lane.

"Good thing the cul-de-sac gets relatively few motorists," Double D remarked.

"Just get her before Rolf sees us," Eddy whispered, as he looked and saw Rolf and his animals ransacking Ed's house.

"There they are!" Rolf screamed as he saw the Eds and Carrie. "Now we shall have our revenge!" Rolf and his mass of farm animals, all clad in armor, stormed towards Carrie.

"It's Cyber-Rolf, and he's brought reinforcements!"

"I'm too handsome!" Eddy cried as the stampede of armored farm animals headed his way.

The Eds ran onto the pavement to fetch Carrie and make their retreat, but they found that the pavement had been super-heated by the summer sun, and was blazing hot, even with their shoes on. They hopped across it to Carrie, anyway, and Ed picked her up as if she were a sack of potatoes.

"Eddy! You take the trans-dimensional being to safety!" Ed threw Carrie on Eddy, crushing him under her breast flesh and hair. "I will handle these cybers!" Ed pulled out a surgeon's mask and hat, put them on, and waved his flashlight at the stampede.

Eddy and Double D dragged Carrie back inside Double D's house, leaving Ed to fight off Rolf's farm animals. They stomped on the large Ed-boy, his flashlight proving ineffective.

"Surrender the chicken-eating Carrie-girl, foolish Ed-boy!" Rolf commanded, waving his pitchfork over his head.

"Never…" Ed grunted, obviously in pain. "For I am… the Time Surgeon!"

"Time surgeon?" Rolf said, bewildered as Ed fought off the animals, using his flashlight as a club. "Stop!" Rolf yelled, and his animals ceased fighting. Rolf walked up to Ed, who was battered and bruised. Ed and Double D were watching from the window as Rolf stared at Ed.

"Time surgeon, eh? Tell me, Ed-boy, since when were you inducted into the great organization of the time-traveling physicians?"

"Uh, since lunch?"

"Hmm…" Rolf stroked his goatee. "Do you have your time-traveling medical badge?"

"Sure do!" Ed pulled out his learner's permit and showed it to Rolf, removing his glasses.

Rolf looked at his permit, and then at Ed. "Rolf respects the organization, oh great time-traveling physician, but Rolf cannot simply let the chicken-eater free. Perhaps we can work out a deal, yes?"

Ed turned to the window where his friends were watching and mumbled, "This is just like episode 237 of Time Surgeon where the Surgeon has to make a choice between stabilizing the time stream and preventing an intergalactic war with the Lizardons." Ed then turned to Rolf, straightened his bowtie, and said, "How about we give you the space-time ulcer stone in exchange for the life of the Lizardon princess?"

"Rolf has no clue what you said, but Rolf is intrigued by this stone… The Ed-boy has a deal, if this stone glows with the radiance of fifty milk buckets!"

"Suuurrreee…" Ed lied, grinning. "Psst, guys." Ed whispered, turning to the window where his friends were.

"What does he want?" Double D asked.

"I tricked Cyber Rolf into trading us the stone for Carrie, but I've repaired the space-time ulcer, rendering it useless to him."

"But you didn't do anything to the stone, oh great 'Time Surgeon'," Eddy muttered.

"Shush! We must make our retreat before he finds out the unstable time ulcer has healed." Ed turned back to Rolf. "So do we have a deal, Cyber King Rolf?"

"Of course, Ed-boy! Rolf will enjoy rubbing the glowing stone of space-time in his relative's faces!" The Eds picked Carrie up and slipped past Rolf and his animals as Rolf walked into Double D's house to look at his new rock. But as soon as the Eds were across the lane, Rolf realized he had been tricked.

"The time physician has made a merry-andrew of Rolf!" He screamed, causing all his animals to go into an uproar. He then smashed down Double D's wall with the boulder. "Get those Ed-boys and the chicken-eater!" Rolf yelled as his animals ran off after the Eds.

"We can escape him in the ship!" Ed yelled, Carrie slung over his shoulder and drooling all over the back of his coat. "Follow me, my assistants!"

"Assistants!?" Eddy protested.

"Let's just play his game until we can get away from Rolf," Double D said.

"When this is over, remind me to hit Carrie over the head with a shovel…" Eddy grumbled.

Rolf and his farm animals chased the Eds all the way to the junkyard, tearing a path of destruction with his new weapon, which was simply his pitchfork with Carrie's boulder tied to the end of it with a rope. The Eds ran towards their van, the sound of Rolf's farm animals growing louder and louder.

"Ed, Mei-Lin's ship doesn't work!" Double D yelled.

"It's still better than a porta-potty…" Eddy added.

"We're not going there!" Ed answered. "There is the ship!" He pointed at the Eds' van, which was now covered with a tarp and sitting up on cinder blocks.

"The van doesn't have any tires, Bur-head!" Eddy yelled. "How are we gonn use that to get away from Rolf?"

"Tires? Forget tires! We don't need no stinkin' tires!" Ed said with a grin.

Eddy unlocked the van's doors and Ed shoved Carrie inside, he and his friends following close behind. Double D then shut the door and locked it, just as Rolf and his animals came into view. Ed then set Carrie gently on the waterbed and sat in the new backseat the Eds had installed. Eddy sat down in the driver's seat and Double D in the passenger's seat.

"Ed, the van isn't going to hold Rolf back for long," Double D warned.

"If Rolf puts a scratch on our van, so help me I'll-"

"Shush!" Ed reiterated, shoving Eddy's head in the backseat cushions. He crawled over the driver's seat and sat in it. He could see Rolf and his animals draw closer and closer through the windshield. "Assistant Double D, hand me the keys."

Double D looked down at the van keys and handed them to Ed. Ed then put them in the ignition and started the van up as Rolf finally reached the van. Ed reached out the window and pulled off the van's tarp, revealing a full rack of flood lights installed on the top of the van. Ed flipped a lever on the dashboard and all the lights turned on, blinding Rolf and his animals.

"Aiyee!" Rolf yelped. "Rolf has gone blind!"

Ed flipped a switch on the dashboard, labeled "loudspeaker." "Foolish Cyber!" Ed announced over the loudspeaker. "You have invoked the wrath of the Time Surgeon, and now you will pay for your hubris!"

Rolf squinted at the van, trying to make out where this booming voice was coming from beyond the blinding lights. Suddenly, he heard a blaring horn that blew half of his chickens away and blew the armor off of his animals. Rolf, knocked to the ground by the noise, struggled to his feet, using Victor, the goat, as a prop.

"Rolf is no match for the time-traveling physician Ed-boy…" Rolf mumbled.

"Leave before I invoke my full wrath!" Ed roared over the loudspeaker again. Startled, Rolf and his animals fled.

"Ed," Eddy said in awe. "You found a brain…"

"Good thing I installed that loudspeaker system this morning," Double D mentioned.

"Finally, the universe has been stitched up and war no longer threatens our planet!" Ed once again raised his unibrow and made a dramatic pose.

Suddenly, the door to Mei-Lin's ship flew open and Mei-Lin stormed out. "What the hell is all that noise!?" She yelled, her pistol pointed at the van.

"That was us," Double D answered, rolling down the van's windows. He then shrieked in horror from the gun Mei-Lin was holding. Upon seeing who it was, she shoved it back in its holster quickly.

"Sorry, I've been having problems with someone stealing junk from the junkyard," Mei-Lin said.

"Since when do you care?" Eddy asked, pulling his head out from between the seat cushions.

"Since the city hired me as the new junkyard manager," she replied, showing Eddy a signed contract. "Apparently they've needed one for the past thirty years, but no one wanted it."

"Well, this van is ours!" Eddy protested.

"Fine, just don't let the county catch you or I'll get fired for giving away junk."

The Eds then heard the water bed in the back sloshing as Carrie woke from her nap.

"There you are, Carrie," Mei-Lin said. "I wondered where you wandered off to…"

Carrie yawned, opening her mouth wide. She smiled and said, "Hi, guys! Did I miss anything?"

Everyone stared at Carrie, Ed adjusting his glasses. Eddy then pulled a shovel out from under the seat and bashed her over the head, knocking her out.