Professor Dumbledore sat at his office desk with a raging headache. The summer had really gotten away from him - all thanks to Harry. Between trying to control his fallen savior and keeping his teenage spy supplied with eyeliner and sandwiches, he was going crazy. He didn't understand. He'd worked so hard to make the boy dependant on him, and now it seemed that all of that had been stripped away overnight. He'd have to depend on Remus for information, and he was a little uncertain if the man was up to the task. Still, that didn't matter for now. He had another plan in mind to bring Harry to heel, and he needed to work out a few more details before putting that plan in motion….
The students were rowdy and the food was good as ever that night at the Feast. Harry, Hermione and Ron sat quietly, people watching. They were relaxing before the mayhem began the next day, and were vaguely confident that no surprises were in store. From some brief yet pointed correspondence from the Headmaster, Harry knew the old wizard was going to try and "get" him in some way. He was quite interested to see what the puppet master's grand plan was.
When the last of the food had cleared away, Dumbledore stood and walked to his podium - smiling at the gathered children. "Good evening to you all!" he said, spreading his arms wide as if to hug the entire student body. "I have only a few announcements to make before we all retire. Please note that the Aurors who searched you on your way in tonight, will be remaining with us for the duration of the year. This is for the protection of the school, and I trust that all of you will conduct yourselves in consideration of your own safety, as well as each other's. Also we have instituted a new system this year. Starting this year, we will be selecting Head Boy and Head Girl from the sixth year class. This will give them a chance to learn leadership skills needed as they venture out into the world."
Every single one of the seventh years looked pissed. Even the ones who weren't Prefects were stung by this new change. Dumbledore continued.
"Thus it is my pleasure to announce that your new Head Girl will be Miss Pansy Parkinson."
There was raucous applause from the Slytherin table. To Harry and Ron's surprise, both Hermione and Ginny grinned brightly at each other.
"And your new Head Boy…." Everyone's eyes turned to Harry. "Is Mister Neville Longbottom."
This time, there was no applause. There was no chatter, or whispering even. There was only the dead silence of utter confusion and astonishment. Dumbledore had a smug smile on his face. "I think it appropriate that we hear a few words from our new Head Boy. Neville, if you please." He beckoned the stunned sixth year forward. When Neville didn't move, he said in a stern voice, "Neville, up here please."
Dean and Seamus had to help Neville to his feet, but he seemed quite steady as he walked forward. When he got to the front of the hall, Dumbledore flicked him on the throat and his subsequent cough was amplified for the rest of the students to hear. There was some laughter as he massaged his throat. "Er...thank you, Professor. This is...unexpected, but a great honor. I guess...I guess there's only really one thing to say…."
He waved his wand. The lights dimmed. The ceiling changed from a cloudy night to pink, purple and green strobe lights. Booming bass pumped through the Great Hall as Neville got a running start and jumped on the Ravenclaws' table.
Hot and dangerous
If you're one of us, then roll with us
Cause we make the witches fall in love
And we got our potions boilin' up.
He conjured a bunch of sunglasses and threw them to the dancing Ravenclaws and Gryffindors as the teachers tried to stun him. All of the spells were glancing off, however, and Harry noticed Ron casually casting shield charms while trying not to grin.
And yes of course we does
We runnin' this school just like a club
And Snape don't wanna fuck with us
Got Merlin on my necklace.
Even some of the Slytherins were up and grooving now. McGonagall was trying her damndest to restore order, but Neville's magically amplified voice, plus all the cheering, was drowning out all of the teacher's protests.
Got Floo powder on my eyes
Dress robes ripped all up the sides
Lookin' sick and sexified
Here Neville ripped his shirt open, revealing a more chiseled frame than Harry had ever seen in all of Dudley's porn stash, let alone on Neville himself.
So let's go-o-o-o
Tonight we're goin' har-har-ha-ha-hard
Just like the world is our-our-our-ou-ou-ours
We're casting all our Char-char-char-cha-charms
We're magic superstars
We are who we are!
Neville pointed one finger at Harry and crooked it, beckoning him to join him on the Hufflepuffs' table. Harry couldn't resist. He ran over, grinning, and climbed on the table to dance with Neville as he sang.
Harry, turn it up
It's about damn time you lived it up
We're sick of being so serious
Voldy makin' our brains delirious.
I'm just talkin' truth
I'm telling you 'bout the shit we do.
We're ridin' Thestrals, fightin' Death Eaters,
Takin' on You-Know-Who.
Harry amplified his voice and joined in with the next bit, as both of them ducked and rolled to avoid stunning spells.
Got Floo powder on my eyes
Dress robes ripped all up the sides.
Lookin' sick and sexified.
So let's go-o-o, let's go!
Tonight we're goin' har-har-ha-ha-hard
Just like the world is our-our-our-ou-ou-ours
We're casting all our Char-char-char-cha-charms
We're magic superstars
We are who we -
Neville and Harry went down with two identical "oomph!" noises as they were tackled by Madame Hooch and Professor Sinistra, respectively. McGonagall put them in full body binds and floated them out of the hall to enormous, thunderous applause. At the head table, Dumbledore sat with his head in his hands.
Ron grinned at Hermione. "I think this year's going to be a winner, don't you?"
"Really, Professor, who talk you to tackle?" Harry asked, rubbing his shoulder.
"I played minor league Quidditch with Hooch."
"No shi-"
The doors banged open as McGonagall strode into her office, looking seventy-five steps passed pissed. She sat down behind her desk and looked across at them, breathing hard through her nose. Finally, she slapped her hand on the desk. "I have only ever been this irate at a Gryffindor student once before," she said in a deadly voice. "But this makes it two for two, because that incident involved one James Potter. It also involved a tub of custard, a string of Christmas lights, and the restricted section of our library, the details of which I will not go into, for the sake of my sanity. What were the two of you thinking - don't answer that!" she snapped, seeing them about to speak. "You take an honor, a mark of prestige to the House of Gryffindor, and turn it into a cheap Chippendale's show?"
"How on earth do you know what a Chippendale's show is, Professor?" Neville asked with a grin.
"Silence, Longbottom!"
"More importantly, what exactly was my father doing with the custard?" Harry asked.
"SILENCE, POTTER!" McGonagall yelled. She took a few deep breaths. "You will both receive detention for the next month. Off to bed, both of you."
Harry and Neville managed to hold in their laughter until they were one flight of stairs up from the Transfiguration teacher's office.
"Oh...that was brilliant," Neville said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.
"What a grand kick off to our year," Harry said, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "The real fun starts tomorrow."
