A/N - Reviews are love. Have quite a lot of this story written already so updates will be frequent until I get caught up. Hope you're enjoying the Pez.

Chapter 4 – Too afraid to love

Why was everyone talking so loudly? Why was the sun so bright? Why was I breathing? I took another sip from my black coffee and opened my locker.

"You kind of look like shit, S." Brittany's quiet voice reached into my ears.

"Well you know how it is. Heartbreak probably isn't a good look for anyone." God that sounded so bitter. I slammed the door of my locker shut and went to walk away but her hand on my arm halted my movement.

"I don't want you to be hurting Santana. It makes my belly ache."

"Well, B, you're hurting me because it looks to me like you are choosing him. Have you changed your mind? "Brittany had the good grace to look sheepish at the question, choosing to gaze down at her feet and sigh deeply.

"N-No." I gave her a know it all look and Brittany hastily backed down on that admission. "Well sort of I guess. I just wanted some time to think. I need time. I do you love you, S"

This girl was confusing the shit out of me and it had to stop or I'll drive myself insane. I pondered the statement the blonde had made. She wanted time. What the fuck did that mean?

"But you were the one pressuring me into giving you answers Brittany. You wanted to talk about feelings and rainbows and do the fucking unicorn dance into the sunset and have lady babies. I don't know what you want me to do!" The emotion I couldn't hide in my voice caused me to crack on the last word.

Brittany sighed and stared into my eyes longingly. Her beautiful eyes looked so expressive.

"I can't leave him Santana it would be cruel."

"You're being cruel to me Brittany." I shouted at the blonde girl, my voice attracting the attention of other students around the busy hallways. Brittany looked around making sure no-one was listening to my public breakdown.

"I want us to be friends. I want us to be Cheerios again and everything be like before when I only had to worry about my cat reading my diary." Brittany's childish innocence sometimes could still melt me. It was hard not to give in.

"I can't be friends with you Brittany I'm sorry. It's too hard."

"Then let's not make it hard." The blonde said evenly.

"It just doesn't work like that Britt." I replied, my voice wavering with emotion. "I can't be around you without it hurting. Maybe one day, if you change your mind and its not too late, it can happen." She looked pointedly at the blonde, who dropped her eyes to the floor.

"I'm sorry, but I have to put myself first here and it's how it has to be. For now." I breathed out, a weight lifting off my shoulders somewhat.

"Okay. If that's what you want. I'll always be here for you Santana." She breathed out a sigh and tucked her hair behind her ears. She moved away from the lockers and walked over to her class where Artie was waiting for her. She moved to push his wheelchair, looking up at me sadly before going inside.

I was now started to realise what Brittany must have felt all those times I had walked away from her. Every time I had turned her down, about singing a duet in glee club. How could I have done that. I guess karma is a bitch.

"Are you okay?" Rachel's voice brought me out of my stupor.

"I can't take this, Berry." I said breathlessly before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her towards the girls bathrooms.

"Santana Lopez unhand me this instance." Rachel was furious at the way I was kind of man handling her.

"Shut up, Midget." I led her into the bathroom as she struggled, shouting at the freshmen doing their make up in the mirrors.

"Everyone out. Now." They quickly grabbed their stuff and left not before one particular brave kid piped up.

"You're not gonna like murder her or anything are you? Not that I really care, but –"

"Listen mouth breather, if you hear any screams give me a ten minute head start before you call the police and then I won't come after you okay? Oh and don't talk to Berry like that, she's your elder, have some respect." The little kid shuffled out without a second glance.

"Now get off of me, you are clearly unstable and emotionally damaged and alone in a bathroom with you is the last place I want to be right now, and my academic record is at stake here, I can't have a tardy on my recor-

I growled loudly pressing my lips against the other girl's with as much strength as I could muster. Rachel struggled at first but then responded, opening her mouth to let my tongue stroke her own. The kiss was passionate but short, as Rachel broke away and shoved against me.

"You can't keep doing that." She spoke through heavy breaths matching my own. I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

"It's okay, if we don't talk and we don't think." I reasoned, making this shit up as I went and then leant back in to press my lips against Rachel's.

"We don't even like each other. In fact we hate each other." Rachel again broke the kiss after a moment. "This is too messed up Santana, even for you."

I just looked at the girl before me. She was out of breath and wearing a really short skirt and quite frankly she didn't look as hideous as usual. She looked hot, all dishevelled and breathess.

I wanted Rachel Berry.

It was in Berry's nature to question every little thing and I just wanted to feel something with someone I didn't give a fuck about.

"Why can't you just be happy someone as hot as me even want to kiss you McStumper?"

"You can't do that. You can't insult me and then kiss me and then insult me again. You're mean to me all the time, and it hurts my feelings. You're kind of the last person I'd ever want to kiss."

"Then why do you keep doing it Berry?." I leaned into her personal space to press my lips against her again. Her strawberry lipgloss was intoxicating. She brought her hands up around my neck and pressed against me. I ran my hands along her thighs as she moaned into my mouth.

"No stop it, stop it." She pulled away and I groaned in frustration. This shit was useless.

"We can't just keep kissing and not talking and its very, very confusing as you keep telling me how much you hate me." The shorter girl looked so confused that even Queen bitch could stop from answering her.

"I've never hated you Berry." I sighed as I met her eyes in the reflection of the mirror. "You're actually one of the more tolerable people at this school, and that is saying something."

The genuine smile she flashed at me kind of made me smile back at her. Just for a second.

"Don't get a hard on for it Berry, I just like making out and I hadn't a chance to try you yet. Damn my curious nature." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well I don't hate you either. But I certainly don't want any more kissing and personal space invading to be taking place." She shook her head disapprovingly.

"What are you some kind of alien?" I looked at her incredulously. "You liked the kissing, but trust me it's not something I want to keep happening myself. We done here?"

"Not just yet.." Rachel spoke after a moment. I groaned out loud not wanting to be talking to this annoying girl for the rest of the day. Maybe the rest of my life

"I had the opportunity to speak to Mr Schuester on your behalf last night after rehearsals and I convinced him that if I made you promise you to be on your best behaviour he would allow you to come back to glee club next week." Boy did she look proud of herself. Oh Hell No.

"You did what!" I was outraged. The nerve of this interfering dwarf. "I don't want back in glee club. What makes you think you have any right getting involved in my business? I am not going back and you can shove it up your ass.

"But you love glee club." Rachel was surprised at my reaction. "We need you, behind Mercedes and I, you're the best singer we have."

"Yeah well I don't need any of you. I can't stand 80% of the people in that room, including Mr Schue. He's a bad teacher. He uses glee club for a vendetta with Coach Sylvester, to gain an upperhand with Miss Pilsbury and to throw back to his own youth. It's really quite disgusting."

"Whilst I agree with you that some of Mr Schuester's methods are questionable, you cannot doubt that he cares about us Glee kids."

"Yeah well he kicked me out, cause it was easier for him to do that then face up to the fact that I was provoked in that room yesterday and nobody even gives a damn or cares."

"I care." Rachel breathed out softly. "Yes you're mean and rude and manipulative, but isn't everyone a bit like that? They shouldn't have all turned on you like that yesterday and I've told you how I felt about it."

"Yeah well maybe you shouldn't. I'm not someone you want to care about Berry, I'm bad news." I shake my head at her.

"Well that's up to me to decide isn't it?" She smiled at me. "Now will you come back to glee next week after you've had time to think about it?" I shook my head at her.

"For me, please?" Rachel continued.

"Will you leave me alone, if I say I'll think about it?" This bitch just didn't give up.

"Deal." She smiled her Rachel Berry smile and made to leave the bathroom. "Oh and Santana, if you ever need to talk or anything, you can call me. I nodded at her and she closed the door behind herself.

Well fuck me sideways with a chainsaw. I guess people can surprise you huh? I sighed and pushed my sunglasses onto my face.

Screw this, I'm skipping.