Today is for you


Chapter 4: Blood White Tears

I woke up with the reddest and puffiest eyes I'd ever seen in my life. It was thoroughly embarrassing and I decided there was no way I would go to school. But then, I didn't want to worry Sakura and give myself away. Nor did I want to see her and Syaoran being overly cozy, but Sakura came first. I had to keep my eyes glued on Syaoran anyways and make sure he wasn't making any dangerous moves on her.

I did my best to fix my eyes until I looked normal and cheerful again. The magic of make-up. I made myself look as good as I could and went off to school barely in time.

Sakura was there, waiting for me at the usual place. I could tell she had a worried expression on her face, but then she immediately bounced and embraced me tightly.

"Tomoyo, I'm so sorry! I should have noticed how sick you were yesterday…it's all my fault!"

I closed my eyes and smiled. I held her tightly back and patted her back, "Sakura, in no way was it your fault. I'm sorry I worried you, but I'm perfectly fine now."

"Really?"

"Yup," I smiled, naturally I hope, but Sakura accepted it and smiled back.

"I'm really glad you're better then!"

She held my hand tightly during our walk to school. Even when Syaoran came, she merely blushed and waved but stuck to me. She didn't say a word about Syaoran, but I could see everything on her bright, shining face. I knew she didn't want to bother me with her trivial information, and that she would tell me later.

Even so, I didn't ever want to hear about it and there was nothing about her shining face that tickled me with happiness.

In the classroom, however, Touya was glaring and battling silently with Syaoran. When our eyes met, I immediately blushed, remembering the incredibly mortifying event yesterday night. He did his usual smirking face, but I couldn't even look at him. I was especially relieved when he didn't come towards us as usual to tease Sakura or me about something random.

But then, during class, he constantly picked on Syaoran to do several challenging chemistry problems. Unfortunately, Syaoran solved each and every one, causing Sakura to only shine brighter and brighter…dulling Touya's and my spirits. During lunch, Sakura and I ate together as usual. But suddenly, she looked up at me shyly. I could see what was coming and detested it...but let it happen anyways.

"Tomoyo, I have something to confess…"

"It's okay, I know." I decided that I didn't have enough willpower or strength to listen to any of it, "I can tell from your face and expression how it went."

But there was no way congratulations was going to come out of my mouth.

Thankfully, Sakura didn't seem to notice and simply looked surprised. She blushed and covered her cheeks.

"Am I that obvious!?"

"Yeah," I giggled. "You are."

Sakura giggled back but continued to turn an even deeper shade of red. She told me several things, but I simply turned off my ears for a few minutes until she struck the hot iron…

"Do you think Syaoran could eat with us?"

I immediately froze.

"Tomoyo?"

What to do? Would I let the beast sit between Sakura and I and allow the two to make goo-goo eyes at each other? Or watch Sakura be his servant and spoon feed him as though he were a child? Or refuse and have Sakura leave me to eat with him elsewhere…

"Sure!" I forced a smile as naturally as I could, feeling something churning and knotting up inside of my stomach.

Sakura's face shone even brighter. It was really beginning to blind me and I wished I could actually be blind.

The next day Syaoran was there as I expected and I couldn't stand any of it. I finished my lunch as inconspicuously rapidly as I could and excused myself to go to the restroom.

I barfed and barfed and barfed. The feeling was so painful I crouched and shivered uncontrollably. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to erase all the painful images…trying to erase Sakura's face she made for him. I felt so repulsed, so disgusted, so spiteful I began hating myself.

I sat on the ceramic floor and leaned against the stall door. I wanted to cry but as usual, no tears could come out.

When was the last time I cried besides that day Touya said, cry, and I cried?


She grabbed it out of my hands and threw it at the wall. The toy broke and fizzled and died. She grabbed the photograph out of my hands and fed it to the shredder. Unrecognizable strips of paper frilled out from the machine. I grabbed them and looked for the faces, but they were gone. She grabbed the blanket out of my hands and cut it into pieces.

No…the toy, fine. The picture…no. But that blanket? NONONO. I screamed and reached for the blanket but she pulled it back and continued to cut it.

"MINE! MINE!" I shouted hysterically and leaped for it.

It happened suddenly…I was on the floor grabbing the piercing pain I felt from my finger. Then I began to notice all the red around me. She screamed.

She grabbed where it hurt and began to cry. Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry…she said, kissing, caressing, gaping at where it hurt and was really red.

I didn't even cry then. I just stared at all the red and white fluff that surrounded me. That white fluff that had been the blanket he had wrapped me in when I was born. That warm, warm blanket white as snow.

That's when I started crying. She hugged me and made a phone call and then hugged me tighter. She thought I was crying because she hurt me.

"I'm so sorry honey…I'm so sorry…I'll fix it, I promise."

Can you fix it? Can you put it back together? Can you bring him back?

"Don't think about it, honey, please don't…please don't hurt, honey, please don't…"

How can I not think about it? How can it not hurt? Can you bring him back? Where did he go? Why do people call me names?

"He won't come back for us. He did terrible things to you…I'll protect you."

It was white as snow, but now she and I had painted it with red.

I cried then. And I cried a second time. But I won't cry anymore.


He was in the girls' bathroom, banging against the stall door.

"What the hell are you doing! Get out this instant or I'm going to break this door!"

"Shut up. Go away. Leave me alone." I breathed, lacking the energy to shout back.

"You're leaving me no choice!" He didn't kick the door but pull it open. I thought he had become Hulk.

"Holy shit…" was all he said, and then he pulled me up to my feet and swung me over his shoulder.

"Pervert…" I breathed again. "Quit touching my butt."

"If you had the strength to walk I wouldn't be doing this!" He said, but moved his hand away from my bottom.

I closed my eyes, feeling incredibly dizzy. There was no way I felt safe in his arms. Even if he was Touya, Sakura's brother…he was still a man. And there was no way I would ever feel safe in a man's arms.


N: This story is going to go slow. I mean, really slow. As in, you're probably going to be bored if you're not interested in the flashbacks or the delving into character minds or the lack of an evident plot. If you're enjoying my story so far, I'm glad. Hi-five and flowers and props and lots of hugs to you (tahira and jens)!