-o-o-
4.
-o-o-
Morgana thought of trying to avoid Arthur, but it was fairly inevitable that she should have to talk to him again. They passed each other in the corridor that morning and both stopped, glancing at each other uncomfortably. She could not think how to stand or what to do with her hands.
He shifted self-consciously. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have been so…" He waved his hand in a nondescript fashion.
She settled on clasping her hands in front of her. "You don't need to apologise."
"Good," he said in a small voice. "I meant what I told you, even if I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that." He swallowed and bit his lip; it was disarmingly adorable. Arthur had that resigned expression on his face she'd only glimpsed now and then, when he wasn't trying to prove himself or showing off or being cocky, just looking like a lost little boy with too many hopes pinned on him. How could she deny him anything when he looked at her like that?
"Yes," she said suddenly and loudly.
He frowned at her and she realised he hadn't asked her anything at that moment. She was about to clarify, but her senses came back to her.
"Yes, perhaps… you should have said it differently, but I'm afraid my answer would have been the same."
His face fell further, if that was possible. He simply nodded at her.
Morgana awkwardly told him she had to go, but he stopped her. "You should ask Gaius about that sleeping draught. I really was worried, you know."
"I'll make sure to do that," she said, though she knew she wouldn't. But that sort of lie seemed so small these days.
-o-
"You're distracted," Anna told her that evening. "What is it?"
"I…" Morgana wondered what Anna would make of the whole thing – not that it mattered now that she'd made up her mind. "Arthur wants me to marry him."
"Oh."
"I've said I can't." She was half-hoping for some reassurance that she'd made the right decision, but none came.
"But you care for him a great deal."
"Of course," said Morgana. "I can't help wanting to marry him, though I know I could hardly carry on learning to use magic at the same time."
"I don't envy your position," Anna said before continuing her instruction.
An hour or so later, Morgana bade her goodbye and made her way back. Once again it was dark by the time she approached the castle. It was a clear night; she saw Arthur from a distance and almost managed to avoid him.
"You shouldn't be out by yourself, Morgana. It's late." She was surprised that he did not reprimand her more severely. There was a curfew, though the revolts had died down, and Arthur was still patrolling at night.
"I can see that. I was just out for a walk, looking at the stars."
Morgana could hear him accusing her of being soppy and girly in her head, but the Arthur in front of her simply told her to get back quickly. He seemed inordinately sad. "You have an early start tomorrow." She had almost forgotten that she was heading out to Mercia in the morning.
"How are you, Arthur?" she asked all of a sudden.
"What?" Now he sounded annoyed; she wasn't sure if that was an improvement on melancholy.
"I… nothing." She wanted to ask how he was taking her rejection, but couldn't find a way to say it.
"I'm fine," said Arthur. "You should get yourself to bed."
He was beautiful with the moonlight playing across his face. Morgana wanted to give him a goodnight kiss or at least a friendly hug, but that would probably be cruel. Instead she shivered violently on purpose; as she had predicted, Arthur hastily offered her his cloak. She draped it over her shoulders and thanked him. It was good to know that though every time she looked at him he seemed older and wiser by an age, he was still wrapped round her little finger. Morgana smiled to herself as she wandered back to her room, clutching at the cloak that smelt of Arthur.
-o-
"You're very quiet," said Gwen as they settled Morgana into her room the next night.
"Arthur asked me to marry him," said Morgana abruptly. She should probably have told Gwen earlier and she needed someone to agree with her decision.
Gwen looked her expectantly. "And…?"
"I said no."
"Okay."
"Do you think I should have said yes?"
Gwen put her hand on her shoulder. "If you don't want to marry him, don't feel you have to." That was not the problem at all, but her kindness was appreciated. She was such a good and compassionate soul.
"I do want to." Gwen seemed confused, but there was no explaining herself further without revealing her magic. "I think I might tell him so when we get back. I don't know."
Her maid nodded in bemused concern and went back to unpacking Morgana's things. They had grown apart recently, which saddened Morgana, but she had to lie to Gwen and be secretive for both their sakes. She wished she could find some way to connect with her again.
She lay awake for the third night in a row. Now that she thought about it, the only reason she had not to marry Arthur was the dragon's unspoken warning that it was not supposed to happen, and if it were really dangerous he would surely have been more explicit, little though it was in his nature.
Arthur was brave and handsome and she was loath to admit it, but she did care for him more than anyone else. He had a brother's loyalty and a new lover's adoration for her. Her magic was not exactly necessary, useful though it might be. She could put it to one side until Arthur was King and the law was more lenient, as she was doubtless it would be. She would tell him yes, destiny be damned.
Having resolved things in her drowsy mind, she finally managed to sleep.
-o-
Arthur wished he could stop thinking about Morgana. He had a task in hand, a job to do, his duty, but he could not bring himself to do it while her face hung in his mind. The worst part was that her excuses seemed so flimsy. She had been so mellow in his arms, had been the one to kiss him even, and there was that endearing way she blushed a little sometimes without realising it when he teased her, all the while denying she felt anything for him.
Perhaps she truly didn't. Arthur told himself that was probably the case, as he directed his men to follow the kitchen maid whom he had seen talking with Morgana on several occasions. His father had informed him that the woman was suspected of witchcraft, and obsessed though the King was he was not one to accuse without evidence, so Arthur had followed her yesterday. He had seen her carrying out enchantments and while they were most likely harmless, the law was the law. There was also Lillian's vague and slightly contradictory advice to keep Morgana away from these things, and he truly was worried for her – if she kept on challenging Uther something terrible might happen, and even the possibility pained him. His father had told him repeatedly never to trust a sorceress but in this case she was probably right.
They came to the old derelict temple, which he had half-forgotten was even there until yesterday. Arthur took a deep breath and gave the order.
-o-
Morgana urged the horse onwards. She could still see the vision in her mind's eye, could smell the ash and hear Anna's tortured screams. There was the dark-haired boy, there the fatal wound, and there his blood, red and glistening, marking the pale white stone of the temple floor.
She rode for hours, stopping to ask for directions more than once and wishing she had paid more attention on the way out. Upon reaching the castle she rushed to talk to Gaius and Merlin, but could not find either of them. She headed frantically for Arthur's room.
Arthur stood up as she entered. "Morgana? What are you doing here?"
"I rode straight back. Something dreadful's going to happen and soon."
"What are you talking about?" he asked with disdain. "Is this one of your feelings agai-"
She clapped her hand over his mouth. "There's something I have to tell you, Arthur, and you're going to have to listen and then say whatever you have to."
Arthur nodded, looking at her as if she were mad, which she could hardly fault him for.
Morgana let go of him. "I see things that will happen before they do. I saw you dying because of the Questing Beast. I saw you injured so many times before I could have known about it…"
"Your dreams," he said, his expression unreadable.
"Yes. Last night I saw… that kitchen maid, Anna…"
"She's in the dungeons this very moment," said Arthur quietly.
"For witchcraft?"
"Yes."
She looked at him imploringly. "We have to help her."
"She's guilty; she said so herself."
"But she's done no harm!"
Arthur seemed uncomfortable. "She broke the law." Morgana had known he would be unwilling to help, but persevered anyway.
"The law that would have me executed too."
He faltered. "You can't help your dreams. She knowingly practised witchcraft."
Morgana didn't attempt to correct him. "You remember Mordred?"
"The druid boy?"
"He's her son. I think I saw him too last night, I think…"
"He's dead," said Arthur simply.
"What?" Morgana felt a terrible wave of sickness; her vision flashed before her eyes again. The little boy, stabbed, bleeding heavily and Anna tied up… the smell of burning flesh… Arthur's voice cut through.
"Anna's son tried to prevent her arrest-"
"We have to go, Arthur, we have to save her." Her voice cracked. "What if it were me, Arthur?"
He stared at her. Oh, she was shameless, she thought, but she had to convince him and quickly. "Don't do this to me," he said.
"If it were me-"
"If it were you I would go to the ends of the Earth and you know it. But I cannot challenge my father in this, and he will not be moved."
"Fine then, I shall rescue her myself!" Morgana made to storm out but Arthur stepped in front of the door to block her path.
"You've already run back from Mercia, without excusing yourself if I know you at all. If my father finds out he'll arrest you."
"Then let him! I cannot sit and wait while Anna dies!"
Arthur looked at her sadly. "You're too late anyway. They'll surely be taking her out by now."
She gave up trying to reason with him and attempted to push him out of the way, but they weren't twelve any more and he easily grabbed her wrists.
"Morgana, listen," he whispered urgently as she continued to struggle. "When I am king these laws will change, but for now what my father says goes and if you defy him again I am not sure he will hesitate before executing you too."
"Is it worth living in this place where innocents are slaughtered for the King's paranoia? What have we become if we stand by and watch?"
Arthur shook his head, seemingly ashamed but not letting her go. An idea suddenly came to her. She stepped back and he released her arms.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"What?"
She concentrated and brought back the memories of her visions, of communing with Anna. The rush of magic washed over her and it was enough to push Arthur over and away from the door.
Morgana raced down the corridor, almost tripping over her skirts, her heart pounding, but guards at the corner waylaid her.
"I have to go!" she protested.
"My lady, King Uther requests your immediate presence."
"Well you'll have to tell him I'll speak to him later."
The guard shook his head. "We have orders for your arrest should you refuse to comply."
-o-
Uther sat on his throne and drummed his fingers on the armrest. "Ah, the renegade is retrieved," he said and straightened his posture as Morgana came reluctantly into the room, restrained by the guards. "I expect you must have a very good explanation for abandoning your hosts with nary a word to them."
"I told Gwen-"
"And the diligence of your maidservant is the only reason I was informed of your decision, though I am at a loss to the reason behind it. Was the food in Mercia not to your liking?" He was in a temper already, but Morgana pushed ahead.
"The maid Anna. You're going to execute her."
"How did you hear about this?" She didn't answer him. "You know the punishment for witchcraft."
"She has hurt no one."
"I don't know why you continue to challenge me on these points, Morgana, but the witch has already been put to death."
Morgana stared at him, speechless.
"Is that why you came back?"
Morgana gaped at him disbelievingly. How he could be so dispassionate? "That witch was my friend and a loyal servant to Camelot. What did she do to hurt you or your subjects? How do you not see-"
Uther rose to speak. "Enough!"
"Take her back to her chambers," he told the guards. "We shall speak again when you've calmed down," he said to Morgana. "Hysterics are not conducive to discussion. I shall expect you to issue a formal apology to the court of Mercia."
He dismissed them with a wave of his hand and Morgana was marched back to her room.
-o-
"It's me," Arthur called softly through Morgana's door. Receiving no reply, he went in anyway.
Morgana was sitting on her bed, staring straight forwards. Her mouth was slightly open and tears rolled slowly down her cheeks as she made no attempt to brush them away. She did not even turn her head as he shut the door and sat next to her.
"She was your friend, wasn't she?" he asked. She continued to stare at the wall. "Did she teach you to do that, the…"
He decided it wasn't important. "I'm sorry. I shan't tell anyone about you though, I promise. Not about your dreams or whatever it was you did to me. Not a word."
She finally turned to look at him. Her eyes were puffy. Her voice hitched as whispered her thanks.
He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head against the cords of his jacket. He kissed the top of her head.
"I see it every time I close my eyes," she said. "I can see her face, feel the heat from the flames…"
Arthur could hardly imagine how she felt, but the thought of anything like that happening to Morgana was enough to make him squeeze her more tightly against him.
She looked up at him, eyes lost and staring. "It's too much," she said hoarsely, and Arthur's heart broke just to look at her.
-o-
Gwen arrived back from Mercia early the next morning with the rest of the party. She had sent a messenger immediately after Morgana had babbled at her about horrific dreams and left with little explanation.
She vaguely pondered whether this had really been the best course of action as she went to attend to Morgana. Apparently the poor girl had been in hysterics over Anna's execution. Gwen had not known the maid well, but she understood that Morgana had been good friends with her.
Merlin met Gwen on the stairs and gave her a weak smile.
"Did you know her?" she asked him, thinking it was obvious whom she was referring to.
"No, but… how many more, Gwen?"
She clasped his hand in both of hers. "I have to go and see to the Lady Morgana now, but we'll talk later." She kissed his cheek and carried on upstairs.
She found the room half-stripped of belongings. Morgana was nowhere to be found.
