Losing One's Hope
Chapter 4: Surprise, Surprise
"How could you do something so . . . irresponsible?" Esme ranted on as she continued to pace in front of me. I sat on the couch, feeling like a teenage girl that was in trouble for partying all night (which was not the case, by the way). I hung my head down as I felt all eyes on me.
My family surrounded me, all of them wearing different looks, yet it all felt the same, it felt wrong. Rosalie, who was sitting on my left, had this blank look on her face. I didn't know if she hated me or felt sorry for me -either way, I didn't like it. Emmett, who was not surprisingly sitting next to Rose, wore a disapproving look. And as seeing this, I felt more ashamed. A disapproving look was something he was familiar with since he always received from everyone, but for him to look at me that way, it made me feel so much worse.
Don't get me started on my parents. No, not my real parents, but Carlisle and Esme. Just looking at them makes me feel as if I've killed a human -which I didn't if you're wondering. Carlisle was sitting in a chair in front of us; he had that superior-yet-calm look on his face. I would've liked it if he just acted like Esme. It would've been better than this. While Esme, oh dear Esme, she's been shrieking in front of me for almost an hour since I've arrived. She hasn't stopped since. Oh, these are the times I wish vampires needed to breathe.
Edward even called me awhile ago. He gave me quite an earful. He ranted on how irresponsible and stupid I acted. And yet there he was – wherever he was - out not knowing what kind of danger he was in. He was supposed to be my favorite brother, and he still is, but he should've understood. He knew how it felt, and yet he was angry at me.
I already felt stupid as it was; did they need to point out how pathetic I acted?
Oh, wait, Esme is addressing me for once. I better listen.
"What were you thinking, Alice? Why didn't you bother to tell anybody or at least leave a note?" Her tone was all but happy.
I lifted my head and looked at her. "I just . . . it all came too fast. And I was afraid that I would be too late." I felt my voice tremble.
I watched her reply, but no sound came to my ears. I tried to drown it out, all of it.
I tried to concentrate on what happened, what I did. Seconds later, the events came crashing back down in my mind.
Earlier
Rosalie, Emmett, and I were sitting on the couch. Rose and I were talking about her and Emmett's upcoming honeymoon, again. I lost count of their honeymoons by their tenth. Why couldn't they just have one? It's not any different than being here, right?
Emmett was watching television, when one of the most idiotic lines I have ever heard in my whole life. The television was showing a stupid cartoon about vampires. They're clearly over the top. The fangs were just so . . . long. And what kind of vampire in the right mind announces that they will 'zuck yoor blad' before they even have their prey?
"Who the hell would be stupid enough to say 'I will suck your blood'?" Thank you, Rosalie.
Emmett quickly looked at us, a smile on his face. "I tried that once on a deer." He had that blank look on his face that told us he was having one of those flashbacks. "It looked at me weirdly before running away for his life."
Choosing to ignore the weirdness that is my brother, I decided that it was better for all of us if we watched something more . . . normal. "Change the channel, Emmett." I whined.
Rosalie had an amused smile on her face. She was obviously used to Emmett's random moments, since they try to spend every waking moment together.
"I like this." He dramatically pointed towards the TV. "It's funny!"
"Change it!" I raised an eyebrow, daring him to go on further.
And the idiot did go on. "No, I don't want to." He had a smug smile on his face as he waved the remote to me. "I have the remote, so boo you." He chuckled teasingly.
What the hell did gigantic, pale vampire say? Oh, it is so on.
Maybe . . . Rose can help me. "Help me?"
Rosalie shook her head; she still wore that amused smile. "No, no, no. You two are one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. You two figure this out on your own."
I huffed as I pouted and crossed my arms across my chest. Apparently the action was funny since Emmett laughed even more. "Give me the remote, Emmett!" You'd think that living with me for more than a decade would've taught any sane person never to laugh at Alice Cullen. The bastard laughed even harder, and he actually taunted me.
"What's little, itty bitty pixie-like Alice going to do?" I saw Rosalie shake her head in disapproval as she scooted farther from him. What a very wise choice, Rose, very wise indeed. "Is little Alice going to shake her wings and call out Tinkerbell and all her little friends for help?"
"What was that, Emmett?" I asked in a sickeningly sweet tone.
He waved his hand, laughing harder. "Nothing Alice, nothing at all." Wow, the boy really did not know when to take a hint. Oh, well, time to put the matter in the right hands.
I lunged at him, as I tried to take the remote. He yelped in surprise, as if I didn't make my intentions clear. Give me the remote, or die. Oh, Emmett, you should know never to cross Mary Alice Brandon Whit-. I'm getting sidetracked, aren't I? Well, back to the story then.
Emmett and I yelled and cussed in any way we can. I even used a couple of curse words from a different language. Ah, the knowledge you learn when you have been living for more than sixty years. Unfortunately for him, his luck ran out, as I happily skipped back to the couch, clutching the remote.
Emmett plopped on the floor, leaning his head on Rose's legs, a defeated look on his face.
"You scratched me with your nails, and tried to bite me." He whined. "That's not fair."
I shrugged, quickly changing channels. "That's just too bad, little boy." I laughed; Emmett was far from a little boy.
After awhile, Emmett and Rosalie left, muttering something about fixing Emmett's jeep. I continued flipping channels, not knowing what to do. That was before I was pulled out of the world I was currently residing in.
I saw myself for just the briefest moment before the scene changed.
It showed a dark alley, the moon was full and the stars were bright. A group of young women were walking. They were all laughing and stumbling. It was quite clear they were very, very drunk. They shouldn't be out at this hour, it's very dangerous. Someone might mug them or worse rape or kill them.
They must be one of those party girls.
They continued walking and laughing when I suddenly saw a streak of blonde hair from behind them. He was stealthily following them. His hair was slightly shorter; his walk was silent and careful. His eyes were a shade I have never worn by him. They were a mixture of red and black. It was truly terrifying.
A sudden wave of panic hit me when I realized what he was about to do.
I could almost hear his mind figure out a plan to take them all out in less than half a second. He obviously could do that, seeing as how vulnerable they were. And he was trained to do this stuff. It would be as easy as stealing a car.
To my horror, he finally lunged himself at them, starting from the one closest to him. A soft, distinct crack could be heard followed by several more of those. The women could only yell for a fraction of a second before their lifeless bodies fell to the ground.
I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop seeing the horrific vision in front of me. I wanted to save those women, to save him from himself. The sight itself made me want to hurl.
He quickly pulled them back towards a dark alley, their bodies blending in with the darkness as they slowly slipped away from my sight. But before my vision had ended, a sign caught my attention. The word, 'Downtown' in big capital letters with bright lights was hanged on top of the small building. 'The Hippest Club in Brooklyn since 1948' was hanged below it in a smaller font.
I gasped as I closed my eyes and started breathing deeply. I had torn the couch pillow I was holding in two. Oh, Esme was going to kill me. But that was the least of my problems.
I could feel that he was going to do this again, and again, and again. I had to stop him. I couldn't save those women, but I could save a lot more. I could save him. I rubbed my face nervously, as I weighed down my options.
Option # 1: Wait for Carlisle to return from work and tell him what I saw.
But who knows how many people he's gotten to by the time Carlisle arrives.
Option # 2: Call Edward and tell him what I saw.
This seemed like a good idea for me. I took out my cell phone and called him, but his cell phone was currently turned off. Nice timing, Edward! You could've turned you cell phone off some other time.
Option # 3: Call Carlisle and tell him what I saw.
This seemed like another good idea. I repeated the same procedure but this time, I received the answering machine.
"Dr. Carlisle Cullen here. I can't come to the phone right now, as I am performing surgery for the next eight hours straight. Leave a message after the beep, and I will try to talk to you as soon as I can."
Stupid Doctor Vampire.
Option # 4: Call Esme and tell her what I saw.
No, that wouldn't do. She would tell me to follow Option # 1, which automatically puts this Option down the drain.
Option # 5: Tell Rosalie and Emmett.
I'm sure they're quite busy right now, and they would tell me to follow what Option # 4 would tell me, which was to follow Option # 1.
And then, there was Option # 6: Go to New York and stop him myself.
That was a very, very, bad idea. I knew that. So why was I sitting on a plane that is headed towards New York?
It's because I am very stupid, and very, very hopeful.
As soon as the plane landed, I ushered myself to the first cab I saw. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was to find him, and try and stop him. My phone kept vibrating in my pocket; I knew they were calling me. They have been doing that for the past 5 hours. Once a call stops, another one comes.
"Where in Brooklyn, miss?" The old driver politely asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I shook my head. "Are we already in Brooklyn?" He nodded. I pulled out my wallet and paid him a hundred dollar bill which he kindly refused since it was too much and he didn't have change.
"Just stop here. And please take it, keep the change." I smiled, before getting off the car and studied my surroundings. I heard the car move but reverse back.
"Miss?" He opened the window and popped his head out.
I looked at him, confused. "Yes?"
"This is Brooklyn, so please be careful." He advised.
I nodded a silent thank you before walking away in search for that place. It wasn't hard since I ran in vampire speed. After a few minutes, I was leaning on a wall watching the alley and the club. I already scanned the alleyways; trying to make sure there was no one hiding.
It was almost five in the morning, several people had passed by, but he wasn't there. Maybe he left already, moved to another state. But I saw him, I saw him here. He needs to be here. I need to see him. I needed to know that he was okay, he was fine. I needed to see if he was happy, because I'm not.
Weeks went by, and I pretended that I was fine, that I could try to live without him there to help me. But I couldn't; I tried but I can't. Edward told me he was fine, he told me my husband would be okay. But somehow, I didn't want to believe it until I really saw him.
You can't imagine how hard it was. I've always lied on my bed at night, closing my eyes as I pretended to sleep. Every time I would do that, he would be beside me, watching me. But every time I open my eyes now, I would see an empty bed space next to me. There was no one there, no one to smile and hug me, nobody there to tell me how they felt when they "slept".
I don't want to put up my façade anymore. Nobody was here, nobody knew me, nobody would know, and nobody would judge. I can't take it anymore. He used to be my wall; he kept me feeling positive about anything and everything. When I woke up after the three agonizing days of transformation, I didn't know a thing. And then I "saw" him. And then I met him. He guided me through everything. He helped me become the person I am today.
God, that sounded incredibly cheesy, but it's true.
I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down. He was going to be here. He had to be here.
I shook my head, trying to stop the very, very accurate flashback.
Safe to say, he wasn't there.
Yeah, pathetic isn't it? I hopped on plane to New York and waited for hours for him. And it turns out, it was all a misunderstanding. Let me explain it to you since you look very, very confused.
Remember when I had that vision? Yeah, I was there in the beginning, even if it was just for a tiny second. I was still there. Well, it seems that I am still an active psychic of the past. The vision I saw happened way, way back. I saw it when I saw human, one of my pre-vampire days.
Silently breaking down near the alley in New York, I had a vision; a very accurate vision. I saw myself in a dark room, rocking myself back and forth as I whispered 'My parents will come back for me. Cynthia will save me. Father will be calling me "Alice" while my Mother would smile' like a mantra. I was probably already at the asylum that night. As I continued to watch myself, the scenery changed. It showed me the vision I had earlier that day, the one about him. After it, the scenery changed once again. It showed me crying as I continued to whisper that mantra, but this time there was another added sentence. 'Jasper and I will be happy.'
Let's just say I had a meltdown at that very alley where he had murdered several.
I remembered sitting down, sobbing like it was the end of the world. I probably looked pretty pathetic since I didn't even have tears down my cheeks. I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach –like when I unwillingly ate human food to be inconspicuous- sink further down, to the deepest level. I didn't like the feeling; I never wanted to feel that broken, ever.
But I still was.
I dragged myself to the airport, trying to see the better side of life. I couldn't see the side where he wasn't there but everything was better. There was no side of life that was like that.
Present
"I know how hard it is, Alice." Carlisle caught my attention. "I lived alone for a long time, too. It's incredibly hard, but you need to continue on. You have a family that loves you. We want to help Alice, but you need to allow us to help you."
I looked up at him, his gaze was burning me. "Thank you." I managed to say. I hugged my knees to my chest and leaned my head on Rosalie's shoulder. "Thank you for everything."
I felt Rosalie wrap her arm around my shoulders. I was broken, and I was glad they're trying to fix me.
"You've always got us, Alice." Emmett smiled. "We're here."
I nodded and smiled. I closed my eyes comfortably. My family was there to support me. They loved me no matter what I did.
So, hear this now. Come home, come home, 'cause I've been waiting for you, for so long, so long.
I know one day you will, I'll wait.
The door creaked open, catching everyone off-guard. I didn't want to open my eyes; I didn't have the strength.
I heard Emmett get up and stand in front of us, undoubtedly in a protective manner; he was lightly growling.
And then I caught that scent. I opened my eyes to see for myself. To make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks.
So come home, come home.
I didn't expect it to be so soon.
He was home.
