Tatsumi kicked the door once…twice…the third time knocked it open. Reiji was sitting on the bed, where Watari lay with his head in the spirit's lap. He took in the scene at a glance and wasted no time. Shadows raced out along the floor, sliding up the bed to slice at Reiji.
"Leave Watari alone!" he snapped. "What did you do to him?"
"I love him! I want us to be together forever!" Tatsumi ran over to them. He grabbed Reiji and flung him across the room.
"Watari!" he cried, feeling for a pulse. It was there, faint and far too slow. He turned to Reiji. "You're killing him! You have to let go of him!"
"Let go? No! I am going to hold onto him forever! He understands! He feels the same! He loves me!" the spirit protested, standing and taking a step towards Tatsumi.
"He's Watari, he loves everyone!"
"I'm special!" Tatsumi snarled, thoroughly put off by this nonsense.
"Special or not. It's time for you to join your eternal rest, and you're not taking Watari with you, not while I draw breath!" Once again, shadows darted out from beneath his feet. This time, however, they simply dropped the spirit into a portal, sending him rushing back to the afterlife.
"Watari!" The terrified spirit screamed. "Save me! Save-!" the portal snapped shut behind Reiji, cutting off his pleas. Tatsumi now turned back to Watari.
"You idiot," he muttered. "I knew it was no good, you coming here alone with that guy. We should've done it my way from the start." He scooped his partner up and carried him back to their hotel room. "He's gone, so wake up already," Tatsumi grumbled, laying him down. As he drew away, Watari's hand moved to capture his own. The brunette swallowed hard. "W-Watari? Are you awake?" No response. He sat down. "Stop scaring me, like this. What would I have done if you'd died? Why'd you let that idiot get close to you?" He reached over to see how his pulse was doing, relieved when it was a little stronger. Good, he's recovering. The blond shinigami groaned softly, his eyes fluttering open.
"T-Tatsumi?" he whispered, a small smile touching his lips. He shivered. "Why is it so cold?" He rolled closer so he was pressed against his partner's leg, still holding tightly onto his hand.
"Your heart isn't beating very strongly, right now – that's all," Tatsumi murmured. "He…he almost made you his next victim."
"I remember…we went to his hotel room, a-and I tried to tell him…that he had to come, but he…he kept going on about being in love with me. We talked…for a bit, and just when he agreed…to come with us, he kissed me." Tatsumi looked away, inexplicably disturbed by the idea of that man kissing his partner. "There was this pain in my chest, and I couldn't move, and…and the next thing I remember, I'm waking up here. You…you came and got me."
"When you weren't back in twenty minutes, I went after you. If I'd waited any longer, it's likely you'd have been dead." Tears rose up in Watari's eyes and he turned to hide them, burying his face into Tatsumi's thigh.
"Th-thank you for saving me," he whispered. Tatsumi's free hand glided over Watari's hair comfortingly.
"Well, you're my partner – I couldn't let you die," he reasoned. He stayed silent for a while, waiting for the scientist to gather himself, again. "Are you okay?" Watari nodded.
"It's just…he…he wasn't a bad person. He was just…he was just lonely. Tatsumi, that could've happened to anyone. That could've been me or you or Tsuzuki…the kind of people that become Shinigami are the same kind of people that become these lost spirits. Don't you find that a little scary and…sad?"
"We're not the same type of people as them. We become Shinigami not only because of our suffering and unfinished business but also because of our strength. Watari…you are not like him. There's no similarity between you two. Nothing. He was selfish and weak. You're just the opposite."
"Thank you, Tatsumi. It means a lot, hearing that from you."
"Are you feeling any warmer?"
"Yeah." Watari sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked up into Tatsumi's concerned face and immediately regretted it. Such a soft expression altered the secretary's face entirely. His already strikingly handsome features seemed to glow with a sort of warmth. The scientist's insides shivered and he looked away, a faint red touching his cheeks. "L-let's just get back to Meifu." The two of them got up, and the next thing Watari knew, Tatsumi had teleported them back up to Meifu. They appeared in Tatsumi's office. The scientist turned to leave.
"I'll go ahead and write up the report," Tatsumi informed him.
"Thank you. You know, if you need anything, just let me know. I'm…I'm here for you." The dark-haired shinigami looked away embarrassedly and nodded.
"I will." Watari's eyes flitted up and down Tatsumi's form, then he turned and walked off. He exhaled deeply as he went down to his lab. I actually feel bad for Reiji, he thought sadly. He didn't want to hurt anyone; he just wanted to feel loved. In the end, isn't that what we all want? We all want to be needed and cared for. He wasn't wrong or even selfish. He was just unlucky. I should've been able to convince him to come peacefully. He shook his head. There was nothing he could do about it, now. With that thought to console himself, he set to work trying to once again create a potion to switch genders.
Tatsumi finished up with the report and sat back, analyzing his work. Confident that it was flawless, including all the important details and nothing too extraneous – he liked his reports to be concise – he stapled it together and stood to submit it. He strode briskly down the hall. Turn this in, go home, sleep. He repeated the phrase in his head over and over like a mantra. He wanted nothing more than to just get out of the office without having to look Tsuzuki or Hisoka in the face. This can't go on, he told himself as his hand reached for the filing room door. That's right. I have to be able to interact normally with them. Be professional, Seiichiru. He took a deep breath. Fine, after this, I'll go talk to them. He opened the door and froze, his eyes wide with shock.
Tsuzuki was pushed back against one of the filing cabinets, his fingers curled tightly into Hisoka's wheat-blond hair as the younger kissed him passionately. Both were entirely oblivious to his presence as their tongues entwined enthusiastically. Tatsumi wanted to look away. Oh, he wanted more than anything to turn and flee, but he was completely transfixed. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene before him. He knew if he didn't move soon, they would realize his presence. It was only so long before Hisoka would realize his emotional aura behind them.
"Hisoka," Tsuzuki moaned softly into the other's mouth. "Tell me, again…please." The younger smirked slightly.
"I don't want to spoil you…just once more."
"Please."
"I love you." The report fell from Tatsumi's hand, fluttering to the floor. In an instant, the two were ten feet apart, wiping their mouths, both stammering for an excuse.
"T-Tatsumi-san! You see…um!"
"What he means is…!" The secretary finally managed to pry his feet from the floor. He took one, hesitant step back. Then, before they could actually get a coherent sentence out, he turned and fled. He ran to the bathroom to a stall and slammed the door shut, locking it. His pulse was hammering in his veins, his breathing sharp and shallow. He wanted to cry, his chest ached so badly. Cry…again? It's been happening so much recently, he criticized himself. Stop being such a girl about this. It's not like you got dumped. You had nothing with Tsuzuki, so…He heard voices outside the bathroom and did his best to pull his emotions inside him.
"S-should we go in and talk to him?" Hisoka was asking.
"Are you kidding? He'll fire us for PDA or something!"
"He looked…freaked out."
"He's Tatsumi-san. He's practically asexual. I wouldn't be surprised if he freaked out over a kiss. C-can you sense his emotions?"
"You know Tatsumi. He's got a brick wall around himself."
"What do we do, then?"
"He'll probably call us into his office tomorrow to lecture us about it. Just let him be. He probably went to go…I don't know, throw up or something."
"You're probably right."
"…I hope I am."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. You go on back to the office without me. I'll be right back." A moment later, the bathroom door opened and shut again. Tatsumi put on his best stern face, flushed the toilet, and came out, washing his hands, face, and rinsing his mouth. "Do two guys together really disgust you that much?" Hisoka asked softly.
"Pardon?"
"Because I thought…maybe…I thought you were in love with Tsuzuki."
"I don't approve of office relationships."
"That doesn't change your feelings." The secretary refused to look at the teen, choosing instead, to studiously stare at his hands. "Look, you don't have to say anything, but…but if you were in love with him…I'm sorry. I mean, I never wanted to hurt you, it's just…Tsuzuki and I…"
"I don't want to hear about your relationship, Hisoka-san. It's none of my business, and I'm not much of a gossip. Just don't let it affect your work, and I can pretend I never saw what happened today."
"…Thank you, sir," a stunned Hisoka replied. "I went ahead and filed your report for you…you dropped it."
"I appreciate it." Tatsumi brushed past him, ignoring the ache in his chest. "I'm going home early, tonight." He went to his office and grabbed his coat. As he headed out, he passed by Watari. Their eyes met for a moment, then his gaze dropped, and he brushed past his partner. Watari frowned. What's wrong with him? Frowning he went to go ask around about Tatsumi.
"Hey! Hisoka!" he called. The boy froze mid-step. Then, he turned around.
"Watari. What can I do for you?" he asked guardedly. "I will not drink or eat anything you concocted in your lab."
"No, I wanted to ask about Tatsumi. Did something happen? He seemed a bit…off, right now?" Hisoka's eyes slid away from his, and he swallowed hard. "So something did happen." Silence. "Something with Tsuzuki?" The teen bit his lip. "What happened with Tsuzuki?"
"T-Tatsumi caught us…together."
"Together like what?" Silence. "Just tell me!"
"K-kissing." Watari took a startled step back, his lips forming a small "o" as he gasped softly. "Tatsumi said-!"
"Never mind what he said."
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like I did something wrong! Tsuzuki and I…"
"I know. I don't hate you for it. I understand."
"Do you?" Hisoka's voice sounded hopeful. Watari didn't have to be an empath to see how guilty Hisoka was feeling. The scientist laid his hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Yes. I understand perfectly. You love Tsuzuki, and he loves you. You two went through something together that no one else can fully understand. Whatever happened between you two in Kyoto brought you very close together, and the way you find comfort is in each other's arms. I understand that, and I don't blame you for it. I just…I need to go…" He turned and ran off.
Tatsumi was sitting on his couch, reading, trying his best to distract himself from the images that kept rising up in his head. Tsuzuki clung to Hisoka, panting heavily into his mouth. He shook his head. No! I am not going to think about the way his fingers curled into that blond hair, and the way his mouth fought desperately to be closer to his. The way he moaned like he was in utter bliss—Tatsumi kicked the thought out of his head and tried to focus once again on the words on the page. A knock on the door startled him. He sat there for a long moment, wondering if the person would go away if he ignored them long enough. Another knock. He stood up, and crossed the room to the door. Please, don't let it be Tsuzuki or Hisoka. He opened the door to see a bunch of yellow flowers shoved in his face. He blinked at the bright color, stumbling back a step.
"Too bright?" Watari's voice floated out from behind the bouquet. They lowered. "Can I come in?" Tatsumi took a step back, allowing his friend into his house. "Mind if I find a vase for these?"
"N-not at all."
"It took me ten tries to get them drawn right."
"…You could've just bought some."
"If I'd done that, you'd have complained about me spending money on them." He was forced to agree, forcing a wry smile. "You don't have to do that."
"Do what?"
"Force a smile for me." Watari was already headed to the kitchen to find a vase. Instead, he found a pitcher and used it, instead. Tatsumi stood there in the entryway, staring at him. Watari turned around, his face sympathetic. "Come here." Tatsumi obeyed with a suspicious frown. The scientist reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into an embrace. A soft gasp issued from Tatsumi's lips, but his partner continued to hold him firmly yet gently.
"W-what are you doing?" the secretary asked.
"I believe this is called a hug," Watari replied with a sarcastic chuckle.
"I know that! I mean…wh-why?" Tatsumi gently pushed away, staring seriously at his friend's face. The blonde, however, just gave him a small smile and looked down to see the book.
"What are you reading?" The older shinigami held up the book to read the title.
"A Collected History of the Evolution of Japanese Law." Now, the engineer nodded, pretending to look interested.
"Sounds fascinating."
"I think it was a gift…I think there was some humor about it…I don't remember." A shiver ran down his spine as a smooth, gentle hand came to touch his cheek. "W-Watari?"
"Seiichiru," his partner murmured. "Are you okay? Hisoka told me…about earlier." Tatsumi winced. "You told me you'd come to me. Let me help you."
"I couldn't…I couldn't look away. I thought my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. It doesn't make any sense. I was the one who pushed Tsuzuki away. I knew…I knew he was falling for Hisoka. I watched it happen."
"Still, seeing them like that…it's not something you should've had to see. Of course it would be hard for you." He relaxed into his friend's arms, burying his face in his shoulder.
"I'm so selfish."
"Shhhh…no you're not. A selfish man would've fired Hisoka for breaking office rules or forbade them from seeing each other."
"I wanted to."
"I know you did, but you didn't."
"I want him to be happy, so…so why can't I be okay with this?"
"Because, Tatsumi. You don't just want him to be happy. You want him to be the cause of his happiness. You want to be the one to make him smile. You want to be close to him. Just like anyone in love, you want to be the most important person to him. Seiichiru…"
"Yutaka. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, right now."
"It's fine. It's fine as long as you let me stay by your side and help you. Don't run home, again. Run to me, instead. Run into my arms and let me comfort you."
"H-how can you be so kind?"
"Because it's you, Seiichiru."
"Wh-wha-?" Tatsumi's question was cut off when a soft, warm mouth was pressed lightly against his own. His eyes flew wide and he gasped, reeling back. A look of hurt crossed over Yutaka's face. "What was that?"
"I-I'm sorry, I thought…I…I mean…"
"You kissed me."
"…I thought you wanted it."
"But…but I l-love Tsuzuki."
"I know, I thought…you could use me…as a replacement…until you heal." Watari looked away. I'm so pathetic, he thought. Doing something like this. I'm the lowest. All this, just to be close to him.
"You don't have to force yourself."
"I'm not." The younger shinigami took a deep breath. "Y-you're not the only one…who's been watching the one he loves fall in love with another man." Tatsumi's eyes widened.
"M-me?" The scientist nodded.
"I would never force anything on you, so I…I'd determined not to tell you, but I thought…if you needed someone…even if I'm just a replacement, I don't mind you using me as long as you want, even if you throw me away in the end." This is despicable.
"I-I would never just throw you away! You're my friend! My partner!"
"But I mean, I wouldn't expect you to…become my lover. I'm fine if you just want to use me to heal. I want…I want you to, if you need it." Tatsumi's throat tightened. He would do that…for me? I don't…I don't understand how he can be fine with it.
"How long…how long have you felt like this?"
"Almost fifty years. I…I fell for you long before you even looked at me. Ever since I first saw you in the field, when you saved my life…on that first mission…I've always admired and looked up to you, but it was so obvious…how you felt for Tsuzuki, so I kept my distance. When we became partners, I didn't know how to feel. I was elated that I would be working with you and terrified that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself and nervous that you would hate me and…and selfishly relieved that you were exclusively mine. I understand that you don't feel the same way, and I would never presume to force my feelings on you, but if this is the way I can help…please use my body."
Tatsumi swallowed hard. He's like me. He's watched me, all this time…comforted me, supported me despite his own feelings. And now…he's even willing to do this… As if in a trance, he reached out and turned Watari's face back to his. Slowly, hesitantly, he placed his lips over the other man's. His eyes fluttered shut. In his head, it was Tsuzuki he was kissing. His ex-partner, in his mind, had wrapped his arms around him and was now pulling him closer, though never trying to deepen the kiss. The caress felt amazing. Relief washed over him. The feeling of being loved, wanted, that closeness…he had needed it for so long. He was like a starving man, and the body in his arms was the only source of sustenance. His tongue slid out, pleading at the other's lips for entrance, which was immediately granted. They parted for air, but Tatsumi kept his eyes closed. In his mind, Tsuzuki's hand was on his cheek, and the man was smiling at him. He leaned in again, dropping a feather-light kiss on his lips.
"Ohhh, Asato," he breathed. Watari failed to hide the look of hurt that flashed across his face. I asked for this, he reminded himself. I knew it would be like this. If only I can make him happy, it's fine. He eagerly leaned up for another kiss, his eyes open and staring at his partner's face. I can do this...for him.
