They busied themselves making the tea, saying little, until she was ensconced in the armchair with her tea, and he on the couch with his, ready to talk.

I've been thinking about what you said, he began, and how I d react if you answer the question. I'm not sure but I just know I want to get our relationship right. Marriage,"

Laura gave him a quizzical look.

"...or even living together is hard work. Often not happy."

"That's odd, she said quietly.

"What's odd?"

"You've always made it clear you were happily married. Weren't you?"

"Well, married, yes. Not all of it happy."

"I've haven't heard you talk like that...about you and Val."

"I know. I thought I had to believe we were happy or I was betraying her. But the truth is, things weren t always good. But our marriage never got to the point of breaking. Well, maybe almost once.

Recently, he went on, Lyn told me about a blog about second marriages or relationships. It's written by a psychotherapist and a lot of it is rubbish. But one thing that got to me was that the longer you were with your first spouse, the more you need to be clear about the past. I guess if you're divorced, you might think your first spouse was terrible and expect your second to be everything the first wasn't. For people like me, it's the opposite - if I see Val as perfect, I could make the mistake of measuring you to her. And that can t work, and I don't want to do that to you, Laura. It's taken us time to get together, and I don't want everything to, um..."

"Evaporate?" Laura finished his thought.

"Yes. I think the past is important, but now I'm not sure I need to know the answer. Maybe I just need to be clear about my past. Not yours."

"I'm impressed, Robbie, that you are reading that stuff. I know you hate shrinks and use your laptop mainly so you can email with your children and see pictures of your grandson."

Laura grew quiet. She knew she needed to trust Robbie and herself. She believed they were in this for the long haul, and that meant dealing with the unpleasant things you don't expect. She also knew she would not lie to him he gets the truth, or nothing.

"I hate what Sam said to you, she said, but what you just said it touches me that you've been thinking about us, about wanting to do the right things."

She paused and then said. "And if you want to know, if you really think this is important for us, I'll tell you."

He drank some tea. The more he had thought about her reluctance to answer, the more he guessed Laura had been one of Morse's "girlfriends." He wished he hadn't let Sam draw him in, but he had and now he was in pain due to some irrational jealously about Laura and Morse. Her past mattered to him, even though he knew he had no right to say anything about it.

He also realized he had forced this door open. "Tell me."

He heard Laura inhale before she spoke. "You're expecting a yes or a no, Robbie. But both answers are right. I did not sleep with Morse, and if that's all you wanted to know, you have your answer."

"But?"

"I didn't sleep with him because he wouldn't have me."

Robbie said nothing.

"In those days, before he started seeing Adele, we often ended up in a pub for drinks, not just Morse and me, but others. Depending on the case, I suppose. One night I drove him home because he admitted he had had too much to drink. And the next morning, I drove to his flat early to pick him up, so no one would know. We became friends over that.

Laura continued. At some point, he did ask me out, and I accepted and fully expected he'd bed that night."

Robbie winced.

"I told you, Robbie, I was different in those days."

He nodded but briefly looked away.

"Morse and I went to a concert and then out for a late super. And you know what he told me that night?" A little anger crept into her voice. "He said I was on the verge of becoming an object of derision. His words. Derision because I was gaining a reputation of being a 'goodtime girl.'"

She stopped for a moment and then spoke calmly. "He didn't need to go into detail. I got the message. Actually, that was the beginning of a change in my behavior."

Robbie looked at her intently. He didn't remember the gossip. Had he been oblivious? Or had he just ignored any rumors? And how did that all fit with the realization that she could have been one of those women he'd looked down on one of Morse's girlfriends?

He tried to absorb everything Laura had said and make sense of it. But the only thing clear to him was the sense that this was not how things should be.

"I'm going for a walk. Need to clear my head."

Fine, she responded, her irritation evident. She had just opened herself to him and told him things she had never planned to. And what was his reaction? He was leaving.

Just tell me, she asked. Who exactly are you angry at? Me? Or Morse?

She wasn t finished.

He might have been like a father to you, Robbie, but like many sons, I think you probably were competitive with him. And I think, maybe after all these years, you re jealous of Morse. When he was alive, you could tell yourself you had something he didn t have you had a wife and children. You didn t have his sophistication, his experience on the force, his ease with the university dons. Or his knowledge of history, language, and music. But you had your family. But what about now? Maybe you re feeling more like Morse a man who is alone. And now I ve complicated all of that because you have me, but, maybe he had me, too. All of a sudden you don t have that edge you used to have.

Laura grew tired of her anger, and slowed down. Maybe I m wrong, but I think there s more going on here than my past.

She picked up their mugs and walked quickly to the kitchen. He turned and walked in the opposite direction, towards the door. Even from the kitchen she could hear the front door slam shut.