A/N: Thanks for all the reviews!
With Ross as the driver, he was tired real quick
Of the dinosaur on tape who was making him sick.
Both him and Rachel would sure soon be driven insane,
If not for their friends' house, into view which it came.
Chapter 4
Ross tried to keep focus on the road. Ever since Rachel had popped in another Barney DVD, he found himself more and more irritated. "Look, if Barney was a real T-Rex, he would want to eat children, not teach them manners!"
"Right, because that would work for an educational kids' show," Rachel scoffed.
At that, Ross went on another rant. "Please. If they were trying to be educational, they could have at least chosen a herbivore like an Apatosaurus or a Triceratops…"
"Isn't Baby Bop a Triceratops?" Rachel retorted with a smug look. "She had the whole head piece, didn't she?"
Ross sighed. "Alright, they have that going for them. But making Barney a T-Rex, which was a vicious carnivore, was the stupidest decision about a television show ever made. I mean, that's like making Winnie the Pooh a cuddly bear! Now, when kids see a dangerous bear, they'll think, 'oh, maybe he'll share some honey with me!'"
"You're totally right, Barney is sending kids all kinds of wrong messages," Rachel replied, her voice thick with sarcasm. "I mean, how are kids ever going to learn how to act when confronted by a T-Rex?" She paused for dramatic effect. "Oh, that's right, they're extinct! God, Ross, let it go!"
"Fine. But you should know that I totally object to that," Ross said with a point at the DVD player for emphasis.
Smug, Rachel calmed down and suggested, "Now, what about Power Rangers? They use T-Rex as one of the good guys. Are they sending the wrong message too?'
Ross rolled his eyes. "Please, Rach, they haven't used a T-Rex since like the nineties. They're up to Jungle Force now," he informed her, rather proud of his comeback. That was, until Rachel raised an eyebrow in disbelief that her boyfriend could be that much of a dork. Ross quickly cleared his throat and muttered, "Uh…it was on after Barney one day while I was watching Emma."
"Sure it was," Rachel teased.
Both parents perked up when they heard a whimper from the back seat. As he glanced in the rear-view mirror at his daughter, Ross asked, "What's the matter, honey?"
"Turn off show now," Emma whispered.
Concerned, Rachel turned around and asked, "Why? The movie's almost done."
"I'm scared. Barney's gonna eat me."
There was silence. Ross felt guilty as he realized that he had said all those things about Barney in front of his young, impressionable daughter. While he hated the show and main character, his daughter loved it and he'd ruined it for her.
Angry, Rachel glanced at Ross. "Congratulations, you just made a three-year-old afraid of Barney!" She then turned to her daughter and assured her, "Aw, sweetie, I promise that Barney's not going to eat you."
"But Daddy said!"
"Well, um, I was talking about…most T-Rex's," Ross tried to explain. "B-Barney…Barney's different. He's a good guy."
"But if all T-Wex's…" Emma began. She was at that stage where all her "R's" sounded like "W's."
Ross paused, then got an idea. Though it killed him to do it, he would have to address Barney as a "real" T-Rex. "Yes, but, not all T-Rex's are the same. Like, you see those mean, barking German Shepherds in the gated yard on the way to your daycare. But Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler's neighbor has a really sweet one, right?"
Emma paused in concentration while she took it all in. "So Barney's not going to eat me, right? Or the kids on TV?"
"Nope, I promise," Ross replied. He let out a sigh of relief when they turned a corner and his sister's house came into view. "Hey, Em, we're here!"
"Yay! Will Uncle Chandler ask me to pull his finger?" Emma asked with eagerness.
Rachel frowned in disapproval while Ross grinned and answered, "I'm sure he will."
Now, Ross! Now, Rachel! Now, Emma and Erica!
Now Jack! Now Chandler! Now Phoebe and Monica!
After tossing her cookies, Phoebe was together with all!
Except for Uncle Joey, who's arrival did stall!
By the time her and Mike arrived in Westchester, Phoebe wasn't feeling so well. Mike kept stopping and going because of the horrible traffic that was a result of the snow. The actual snowfall had stopped, but there was enough of it to throw drivers off.
Phoebe jolted forward as Mike stopped short. "Now that one just wasn't necessary."
"Sorry. There was a squirrel," Mike answered as he nodded to the creature, which had darted into the bushes.
Softened by the sentiment, Phoebe replied, "Oh, that's okay then. I'll take one for the good of squirrel-kind."
"That's very sweet of you," Mike said with a laugh. "Don't worry, we're almost there. Now, Monica won't be too mad that we're late, right?"
Phoebe just gave him a sympathetic smile. "She might not let you have dessert. Don't worry, I'll slip you some of mine."
"Why would you get dessert and I wouldn't?" Mike argued.
Her hand still on her aching stomach, Phoebe replied, "Well, I wasn't the one with the gig that ran late."
"But…" Mike sighed. "Fair enough."
Phoebe's eyes widened as she came up with another plan. "Hey! If Joey's still not there, we can make her more angry at him than you!"
"Aw, honey, you'd sell out your best friend for me? I'm touched," Mike joked and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Well, Joey is my best friend," Phoebe explained. "But you're my ride home. Not to mention my only chance to have sex tonight."
Mike smiled, but pointed out, "We're sleeping over. We can't do it with Emma in the next room! Especially when she'll be listening for Santa Claus!"
"Oh, right, that won't work," Phoebe agreed with a disappointed sigh. "We'll have to make up for it when we get back home. I hear that New Year's Eve sex is just as good as Christmas Eve sex."
"That's good. Because I was really upset about missing Christmas Eve sex," Mike admitted, only half-joking.
Phoebe was about to laugh in response, but ended up groaning instead. "Damn it! My stomach won't give up until I throw open the door while the car's still moving and toss my cookies on the street."
"Well, you won't have to suffer much longer, because we're here," Mike announced as he pulled up to Monica and Chandler's house behind Ross and Rachel's minivan.
"Thank goodness!" Phoebe explained. Then she opened the door while the car was still on, ran onto the sidewalk…and promptly threw up on her friends' front lawn. With a satisfied sigh, she stood up and turned to her husband. "There, I feel better."
Mike frowned at the green-and-brown mess in the snow. "Enjoy it while it lasts. I think we're in trouble."
"Oh, don't worry, people know not to eat yellow snow," Phoebe explained, "I'm sure they'll know not to eat green snow either."
Still staring down at the mess, Mike replied, "That really wasn't my main concern. Are Monica and Chandler going to be okay with this?"
"Oh, yeah, Monica will totally freak," Phoebe answered. She looked around and spotted a shovel on her friends' neighbor's lawn. She retrieved it, got all of her tossed cookies, mixed with the snow it landed in, on one shovel-full and dumped it on a neighbor's patch of grass next to the street. "There we go."
An eyebrow raised in disbelief, Mike just shook his head and said, "That's great, honey…but I think we better run."
"Why?"
Mike pointed at the neighbor house's window. "The neighbors saw you, and I think they look pretty mad."
"Oh, I see," Phoebe replied. "Run for it!"
She and Mike made it from the sidewalk to their friends' entryway in about two seconds.
