Chapter Three: Flashback - Aftermath
May 2015
Kurt had run out the front doors of the apartment building just in time. He leaned against the outside wall, bent over and vomited. He didn't have the stomach flu, he didn't have food poisoning – what he suffered from was deep heartache. Breaking up with Blaine had never been easy – not at all but this time if felt so much more … final, so much more heartbreaking. He gasped to try to catch his breath but all he could do was vomit again. His lunch splattered all over the sidewalk and even his shoes – but Kurt didn't care. He was too distraught to worry about soiled shoes – he wasn't even aware that the people walking by were starting at him. He took a few breaths and leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed. His cheeks were flushed and drenched with tears as his sobs tumbled uncontrollably from his mouth.
When he finally opened his eyes he realized he was still outside the building. I need to get out of here, he thought. He clutched his satchel tight and made his way to his car. He didn't know where he was planning to go. He really didn't have anywhere to go but he knew he couldn't stay there.
He didn't know how long he had been sitting in his car – he didn't really care as he had nowhere he had to be. All he could think about was Blaine and the heart-wrenching look in his eyes when he had told him their fate. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do but it was necessary. He loved Blaine so much that he had to set him free. The truth was that Kurt had darkness in his heart; he had been fighting it almost all his life. He had become quite good at hiding and suppressing it. And Blaine had always helped him through it – Blaine's love was like a wall surrounding and protecting everything that was beautiful and good and keeping out everything that was dark and bad. Kurt felt that Blaine had always given so much – had always loved him so profoundly. How could he compete with that? Blaine deserved so much more than what he could give him. So, yes, he broke up with him. He set him free because he loved him so much. I will never be able to love again – not you, not anyone – those words were now etched into his dark heart and he hoped with all his might that Blaine was wrong about that because he deserved so much love. He deserved everything good the universe had to offer even if he was not the one who could give it to him.
Kurt wiped his tears and pressed his keys into the ignition. He fastened his seatbelt and started his car. He began the aimless drive – he had no direction, no place in particular to go. He simply drove … and left everything he knew and everything he loved behind.
