Chapter 4
*New York*
*NYPD*
*An Interrogation Room*
"Listen," Michael began. "I know I came on incredibly strong with my interrogating at first, but...do you wanna call a lawyer before you tell me anything?"
"No." Nikita shook her head. "I can't live like this anymore. Truthfully, it was only a matter of time before this happened. I've known that all along. No delaying the inevitable."
Michael nodded, about to take something out of his pocket, than stopped.
"Are you sure, there's no one you'd like to call for legal representation?" He repeated.
This just felt so wrong to him. He didn't feel right having her tell him whatever it was that incriminated her in his brother's murder, without someone there to help her. It felt like it was a violation of her rights. And looking at her, he didn't feel like she could've done a anything wrong. Then there was the way he was feeling about her...he had deep, intense, real feelings for this girl. He'd tried to push them down, but they just kept getting stronger, forcing their way up.
"Michael, I'm sure. This is just it, okay? My life's over. There's no way out. All I can do now is tell you the truth and pray that God will forgive me, along with you eventually." Nikita finished in a pained whisper. She had no expectations...none except for him to hate her and for her to be thrown in prison for maybe the rest of her life.
"You're life's not over, Nikita." Michael softly replied. "I can promise you that."
Nikita lifted her eyes, to look at him. Tears were in her eyes. "You can't promise me something like that, Michael. You don't know what I've done."
"No, I don't." Michael agreed. "I can see that it's eating up inside though. It has been all along, hasn't it?"
"Look, this is pointless." Nikita said. "You're trying to be nice and sympathize with me, and I'm telling you that it doesn't matter. None of it matters."
Michael looked hurt, and Nikita elaborated. "This is coming out wrong." She sighed. "Your kindness means alot, Michael. You barely know me. You're being so nice to me. What I was trying to say is that I don't matter. My feelings don't matter, they never did. Not even back when they should've."
"I'm sorry, Nikita." Michael shook his head. "I'm sorry my brother made you feel like that. It ends now. Your feelings are important, Nikita. They're important to me. I promise you, I will do anything I can to help you."
"Thank you, Michael." Nikita nodded. "That means alot. Lets just get on with this. Before I chicken out."
Michael pulled out a tape recorder. "Okay," He finally agreed, realizing that she really was relinquishing all her rights and nothing he could say would change her mind. He turned the tape recorder on. "State your name for the record."
Nikita took a shaky deep breath. She was trying to remain strong but the truth was she was absolutely terrified. "Nikita James."
"So, how did you and Ryan West meet?" Michael asked, trying to give her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
"In collage." Nikita replied. "It was half way into the end of my first year. He'd just transferred in..."
"Hey."
Nikita turned her head to look at the new guy sitting right next to her.
"Hi." Nikita gave him a friendly smile. "You must be my new lab partner."
"The key word is 'new'." Ryan replied with a smile.
Nikita laughed. "Don't worry, you'll get through it."
"So, I'm Ryan Fletcher. I just transferred here from LA."
"Wow." Nikita said impressed. "LA. I've always wanted to go there."
"It's nothing all that spectacular." Ryan shrugged.
"Well, my name is Nikita James." Nikita smiled.
"Good to meet you, Nikita." Ryan smiled.
"Good to meet you too."
"So, that's how it all started." Nikita recalled, coming back to the present. "He was a very nice at first. Nothing struck me about him being mean or anything like that. He had a funny charm about him."
"I'd like to think he got that from me." Michael joked.
Nikita smiled.
"Um but..." Michael furrowed his brow. "If he introduced himself to you as Fletcher how did you even know he was really West?"
"Um I..." Nikita sighed. "I just found out a little bit late is all. There was alot about Ryan that I did not know when we first got together. He weaved a pretty tangled web and I fell right into it."
Michael nodded, empathizing with her. It wasn't fair that someone as sweet as her had gotten dragged into his lies. "Did he ever tell you about Lydia?"
Nikita shook her head. "I found a picture of them one time and asked him about it and he got really angry." She looked shaken just thinking about that memory. "He smashed the frame and told me not to look into things that were and I quote 'none of my fucking business'. I assumed she was a past girlfriend or something. Whatever she had been to him...he clearly wasn't over it. That put alot of strain on our relationship."
"Nikita," First off Michael couldn't believe that Ryan would treat someone he claimed to love like that but then again he'd shut his whole family out after what happened to Lydia so why wouldn't he do the same to Nikita?
Michael sighed. "Lydia was not his girlfriend. She was our sister." Nikita's eyes widened in shock. "She died and he never got over that. He pulled away from us and left."
"I..." Nikita breathed deeply. "I'm so sorry, Michael. I had no idea."
Michael gave her a gentle smile. "It's ok. There's no way you could've known. He shut you out of that, just like he did to us. He thought that I didn't care because I wouldn't go all vigilante and get her justice. That's just not how I was made. I can't just kill people. That's why I became a cop. I won't deny that there weren't times when I nearly crawled into a bottle and never came out. I loved Lydia so much but I couldn't let myself self destruct. I couldn't do that to the people that needed me, and also I knew that is not what Lydia would've wanted. My sister was a good person. Ryan however...took a different path."
Nikita blinked back tears. She never thought that she could just kill someone either. No matter how horrible Ryan had been to her, she didn't think she'd ever forgive herself. And now because of her, Michael had lost two siblings. "The next day, he asked me out." She continued.
"Did he seem at all threatening to you?" Michael asked.
"No." Nikita replied. "He seemed like he liked me, ya know? He was interested in the same stuff I was. He wanted to hang out with me. He wanted to be with me." Nikita got a far off look in her eyes, as she was dragged back into the past once again...
"So, what do you wanna do, babe?" Ryan asked her affectionately.
"Um...anything!" Nikita answered with a giggle. She'd never been so happy.
"Wanna watch a movie?" Ryan asked.
"Sure!" Nikita replied.
They were sitting down on the couch.
They had decided on watching 'A Walk To Remember'
By the end of it, Nikita was in tears, along with Ryan.
"Ryan?" Nikita asked in surprise. "Oh my God, are you actually crying?"
Ryan looked at her, a hint of tears glistening in his eyes. "It's just the saddest thing I've ever seen." He shook his head. "I can't even imagine..."
"What?" Nikita asked softly.
"I can't even imagine what it would be like if I lost you." Ryan reached out and touched her face. "Everything about you is just...it's the best, Nikita. The best there is."
Nikita was overcome by his words. She didn't know what to say. She was literally at a loss for words. Which was pretty rare for her. "You're...you're the best thing to enter my life in a long, long time, Ryan." She told him.
She wasn't very good with words. She'd had a terrible childhood and no one in her life, not even her parents had ever told her they loved her. So, she kept her heart pretty closed off.
"I don't know if that means very much, considering what you just told me, but..."
"No, it does." Ryan said, "It means everything. Don't you ever leave me."
Nikita smiled, not realizing at the time how much she'd come to regret these next words. "I won't. I promise I will never leave you."
"No one had ever said anything so great to me before, Michael." Nikita said, coming back to the present. "I never thought that anyone would ever see me the way he did. He loved me. He wanted to be with me."
Michael looked at her with gentle eyes, just listening to her story. He could tell that she'd had a pretty rotten life so far. He could also tell that alot of it had to have stemmed from early childhood. "Your parents never told you they loved you?"
"No." Nikita shook her head. "Not once. I was always...in their own words, 'their greatest disappointment'."
Michael felt anger stir up in him at hearing what bastards her parents sounded like. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "That must've been awful for you."
"Been through worse." Nikita said softly.
Michael nodded his head in acknowledgement. He already knew that. She'd been through the worst thing a woman could go through. He wanted to tell her that he knew but he'd promised Sean.
"I think that you should know, that I'm telling you about two different Ryan's." Nikita said.
Michael looked at her in slight confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Right now, you're hearing about the Ryan I fell in love with. The Ryan that loved me in return and that would never in a million years hurt me, or so I thought." Nikita explained. "Now, I'm gonna tell you about the other Ryan. The Ryan that got so deeply involved in drugs and alcohol and that damn mafia gig, that he lost himself. In losing himself, he lost me. He lost my love, my respect, and above all else, he lost my trust."
Michael was sitting across the table from her. Just taking in what she'd just revealed and what it all meant. He was about to be let in on the other side of Ryan. The side that he never saw and the side that he was scared to death of meeting.
"Things with Ryan were so amazing in the beginning. He was sweet to me. I did love him." Nikita stated firmly. "I need you to know that, Michael. Because, what I'm about to get into is pretty bad, but I need to you know that I did love your brother."
Michael just looked at her. He was pretty good at reading people, and he could tell that she desperately wanted him to believe that. He believed her. He believed she was telling him the truth.
"I believe you, sweetheart. I do." He assured her, not even thinking twice about the endearment he'd just used. "Why is it so important to you that I believe that you cared about Ryan?"
"Because," Without warning, tears began streaming down her face as she let out a small, but loud sob. "I need someone to believe that I did!" Nikita covered her face, as she sobbed. "Ryan never believed me! He never-" Nikita cut herself off, trying to calm herself down. She hadn't meant to break down like that.
Michael looked at Nikita with compassion. He didn't even know yet every single detail of what his brother had done to her, but he already felt anger towards his brother, even though he were dead because he already knew he had raped her. He could see how much pain Nikita was in and it killed him. He'd only known her for a few days, but he had come to care about her in such a short time.
Truthfully, he'd never known what to do whenever the women he'd interrogate would start crying, he always felt awkward, sometimes even annoyed. And that was because some of them would do it to play on his sympathies. He knew that wasn't the case with Nikita. He could tell the pain she was in was real. What also was different with her, was that he didn't feel awkward because of her crying, he just felt this need to make her feel better. To protect her from reliving all this, even though he knew he couldn't.
Michael reached out from across the table and took her hand that wasn't covering her face in his hand. He tenderly caressed it, trying to comfort her.
"I'm sorry," Nikita cried, trying in vain to stop her crying.
"Don't be." Michael said softly. "Someone once told me that crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. It makes you stronger, because you're facing the pain and you're not running away from it."
Nikita wiped her face with her hand, she brought her hand down from her face. Her face was tear-streaked, and fresh ones were still working their way down her face. To anyone else she may have looked like a total wreck, but she'd never looked more beautiful to him.
Michael took his free hand that wasn't holding her hand and reached out and gently wiped away a few of her tears. He took her other hand in his.
"Wh...who told you that?" Nikita asked tearfully.
Michael looked down at the table, then back up at her face. He debated on telling her who had told him that, but then he decided on the truth. "My brother told me that." He admitted after a few seconds.
Nikita let out another sob at that. "Oh God!" She closed her eyes tightly as even more tears worked their way down her face. "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" At this point she was completely hysterical, she just kept repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again.
Michael got up and pulled his chair right next to her and sat back down. "Sweetheart," He said gently, but firmly. "Look at me."
"I can't," Nikita cried.
"Yes, you can." Michael said firmly. "Come on, open your eyes and look at me."
"I don't deserve to. Not after what I've done." She bowed her head down, as she continued to cry.
Michael let go of her hands and reached out to take her face in his hands. "Look at me!" He said a little louder.
Nikita froze, as she was transported back to another time, back to last time those words had been shouted at her...
"Hey, Sweetie." Nikita called out cheerily, as she walked through the front door of her and Ryan's apartment.
Ryan was sitting in his chair in the living room. He was in the dark. It suited his mood, because his eyes were completely dark.
"Ryan, what are you doing in the dark?" Nikita asked him confused.
"Waiting for you." Ryan replied angrily. "Which is something I've been doing for five damn hours! Where the fuck have you been, Nikita?!"
Nikita took a step back, not liking his attitude. His eyes... She sighed, as a new realization dawned upon her. Ryan was drunk.
"Ryan, have you been drinking?"
"Had to do something to pass the time away, while I was waiting for your MIA ass! Answer my question, Nikita. Where the fuck were you?"
"I was out shopping, Ryan. Just hanging out with Alex. What's the matter with you?" Nikita asked incredulous.
Ryan laughed a bitter laugh. He stood up, picked up a vase and threw it. If Nikita hadn't ducked, it would've hit her right in the face.
"Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go out and you call me, when you're sober." Nikita turned around to leave and in two seconds, Ryan had her by the arm and slammed her against the wall.
"I don't fucking think so! We're not done yet!" Ryan screamed at her.
"Ryan, let go of me!" Nikita shouted, fear working it's way into her body.
"You think you can just go out and not fucking tell me where?! And for how long?!" Ryan screamed.
"I think I can!" Nikita replied boldly. "Who are you to tell me what to do?!"
Ryan laughed again. "You stupid bitch." Then, he hauled off and punched her right in the jaw.
Nikita's face was turned side-ways, as she felt the aching pain of his fist that had made contact with her jaw.
"Look at me!" Ryan yelled.
Michael was starting to really worry about her. She wasn't crying anymore, but he wasn't sure that that was such a good thing. She was looking at him, but it was like she was looking right through him. Like she was looking at someone else.
"Nikita, you need to come back now, okay?" Michael told her gently. "Nikita, you gotta come back, alright? Look in my eyes, Sweetheart. Look at me."
Suddenly, Nikita became frightened and she started backing away from him, but her eyes didn't leave his face. "Okay, okay, okay!" She cried. "I'll look at you! I'm looking at you!" She started breathing heavily. "Please, don't hit me again! Please!"
Michael's eyes went wide. He was horrified. "Nikita, I would never-" He was cut off by the next words that she cried out. He'd never forget them for as long as he lived.
"Ryan, please stop hurting me!"
Michael looked at Nikita, he looked at her eyes. She looked completely terrified. "Damn you, Ryan." He muttered. "Damn you for terrorizing her this way."
Michael got up from his chair, and got on the floor to where Nikita was in the far corner. She wasn't sobbing, but she was silently crying. He reached out for her hand, and Nikita turned on him, yanking her hand away from him, trying to move even further away from him. Her back was completely against the wall, and her knees were drawn up to her chest.
"Don't touch me!" Nikita screamed. "Don't!"
"Okay, okay." He relented. He held up both of his hands as a sign of surrender. He'd do anything she wanted him to do. He just wanted her to stop screaming. He wanted her to realize she was safe with him and that he wasn't his brother, and he'd never hurt her like that. "I promise that I won't touch you, unless you want me to, okay?"
"I'll never want you to touch me, you heart-less bastard!" Nikita yelled.
Her words stung Michael. He felt hurt from them, but he realized that she wasn't quite here with him. She was trapped in the past. She thought he was Ryan. "I won't touch you," He repeated. "but I need you to do something for me in return, okay?"
Nikita looked at him, and once again she froze...
"Ryan, stop!" Nikita screamed. She was covering her face, which was rapidly bruising.
Ryan ignored her and grabbed her and forced his lips on hers, kissing her roughly, violently.
Nikita summoned up enough strength to push him away from her. "Do not touch me!" She yelled.
Ryan put his hands up in the air. "Fine!" He yelled annoyed. "You don't want me to touch you? Fine!"
Nikita leaned back, a little relieved.
"But you've gotta do something for me in return!" Ryan stood up, and unzipped his pants. He pulled his boxers down. He revealed his hard dick. "Suck it."
Nikita's eyes flew wide, as she scrambled to get up off the floor.
Michael was even more confused then ever now. He hadn't done anything. He hadn't raised his voice, he hadn't even touched her. He couldn't figure out what the hell had set off whatever dark memories were overtaking her now.
"Nikita," He got up to stop her from leaving. He couldn't let her leave. Not like this. "I need you to-"
"No!" Nikita screamed. She began throwing punches at him. He was dodging her as she attempted to punch him in the face. " You will never force me to do that again!"
Michael's eyes went wide again. She was reliving the rape and the worst part, she still thought he was his brother. How could he help her now?
