Chapter 4:

Saying goodbye.

Maura and Jane spent the next hour, cuddling in silence. It was the first time Maura would allow Jane to touch her since she lost the baby.

She wouldn't let her, hug her or kiss her, or even sleep too close to her.

Jane lied there with her wife in her arms gently rubbing her shoulder with her thumb, enjoying her sent, and the way her skin felt under her finger tips.

She thought she would never experience that again.

Every time she closed her eyes she could almost relive what happened that day:

"Come on Maura. pick up the damn phone." Jane groaned.

"She's still not answering?" Frost asked a bit worried. He knew it wasn't Maura' s type to ignore Jane's calls.

"No, something is wrong, I set up her ring tone so loud that it would wake her up ." Jane said grabbing her keys.

"I'm coming with you." Frost said following her partner.

"Thank you."

So Jane drove home, burning every red light in town and in less then 15 minutes they arrived at their house.

"Maura , where are you?" Jane called entering the house.

When Frost and Jane entered the kitchen, there she was lying on the floor in a pool of blood.

"Oh God." Jane let out rushing towards her wife.

"I'm calling an ambulance." Frost immediately said.

"Maura, baby, wake up, no, no, no this is not happening." Jane mumbled holding Maura as tight as she could.

"The ambulance should be here any minute, hold on Maura." Frost encouraged.

That's why Jane liked him so much. He was always calm and focus in any situation, maybe because he was raised by a navy officer or maybe that's just how he was. All Jane knew is that she appreciated to have someone like him with her in such a difficult moment.

"Come on babe, hold on, help is coming you're going to be alright, I promise. Where the hell is that blood coming from?" Jane let out panicked.

"I think she's losing the baby." Frost explained looking between Maura's legs.

"Oh God, no, no, no." Jane repeated holding Maura tight, blood all over her.

A few minutes later the ambulance finally arrived.

When the EMT arrived they went straight to Maura.

"How far is she?"

"25 weeks, she just had an ultrasound last week, the baby was fine."

"Alright, she's not breathing, please stay aside Mam, we need to intubated your friend alright?"

"She's not my friend, she's my wife and she's carrying my baby, please save her." Jane begged.

"We're doing our best, was she breathing when you arrived?"The EMT asked.

"Yes, she had a pulse just a minute ago before you came in." Frost replied still focused.

"Good, then her brain wasn't depraved of oxygen to long, here we go." The EMT said while finishing intubating her.

"We're taking her to the hospital now, come with us." The other EMT instructed while they were both lifting Maura up on the gurney .

"Yes, I'm coming, I'm not leaving you baby, Frost call my parents." Jane instructed not letting go of her hand.

"You got it." Frost replied.

As they were moving towards the ambulance Jane never stopped talking to Maura.

"I'm here babe, I love you so much, you're going to be alright, I promise." Jane whispered kissing the top of Maura's hand and stroking her forehead with her thumb.

When they arrived at the ER Maura was immediately taken care of by Doctors.

As she was forced to let go of her hand, while she was taken to a trauma room, Jane totally blacked out, she couldn't hear anything the EMTS were telling the Doctor, she couldn't see anything but a bright light in front of her eyes.

"Mam, are you ok?" A nurse suddenly said shaking her up a bit.

"I'm Detective Rizzoli, Boston homicide, this is my wife Chief Medical Examiner Doctor. Maura Isles." Jane robotically answered showing her badge.

"Alright Mam, you have to come with me so we can clean you up."

"That's my baby's blood." Jane mumbled her eyes fixated on Maura lying down on that table right behind that transparent door,Doctors all over her.

"Come on, you can be with her once she's better, I promise." The nurse insisted.

"No, I'm not leaving my wife." Jane replied not willing to let her wife go through this alone.

So Jane stood there for about an hour waiting, until one of the attending physician came out.

"Mrs Rizzoli, I'm Dr Riley."

"How is she?"

"She's doing better, she lost a lot of blood, but we transfused her, but she' still not able to breath on her one, so we put her on a machine . We're going to take her the the ICU now."

"How about my, our baby?"

"I'm very sorry , we did everything we could, but we weren't able to save her."

"Oh God no." Jane cried out feeling the ground opening under her feet.

As the Doctor was trying to help her standing Jane heard a familiar voice.

"Jane, sweetheart."

"Ma." Jane let out rushing in her mother's arms.

"Frost came to pick me up, how are they?" Angela asked holding her daughter tight.

"Maura lost the baby Ma, my daughter is …Oh God…"

"Shhhh, everything is going to be ok, how is Maura?"Angela asked the Doctor.

"She's doing better we're going to take her to the ICU, you will be able to see her in a little while."

"What happened?"

"Maura suffered from Placental abruption, the placenta separated from her uterus causing internal bleeding. The baby was depraved of oxygen for too long, I'm very sorry we did everything we could. I'm going to take her now. I will come back for you in a little while I promise."

"Thank you Doctor." Angela said.

"Ma, our baby..Oh god." Jane kept on repeating , she couldn't believe what was happening.

"Let is go sweetheart." Angela whispered holding her daughter.

About an hour later the Doctor came back and to them to the ICU.

"How is she?" Jane mumbled whipping the tears of her face.

"We were able to extubate her, neuro exam was good, she's going to be alright."

"Thank God." Jane let out in a sob.

"There is something you need to be prepared for. A nurse will be coming to ask you if you want to see your daughter."

"Oh…"

"Of course I can not tell you what to do, it's your choice, but seeing your baby and holding her can play an important part in the mourning process. "

"It's important for them to say goodbye to her." Angela nodded.

"Yes, I know the thought of holding her might be the most terrifying thought but you need to meet your daughter and say goodbye to her. You might regret her other wise."

"Thank you Doctor, I will talk to Maura when she's ready. I'm sorry to ask you that but, will she be able to be pregnant again?" Jane asked knowing that the worse thing that could happen right now would be for Maura to be unable to carry again.

"Yes we managed to avoid the hysterectomy. You can go to see her now. We haven't told her that she had lost the baby we figured it would be better for her to hear it from you." The Doctor explained .

"She's a Doctor, she already knows." Jane said her hand on the door.

"I will stay right here if you need me."

"Thank you Ma."

So Jane entered the private room where Maura had been installed took a deep breath and slowly moved towards her.

"Hey are you feeling?" Jane pouted leaning over to gently kiss her wife's forehead.

"What happened?" Maura asked painfully trying to straight up in her bed.

"You don't remember?" Jane asked worried that Maura actually had no clue of what happened.

"No, I was standing in the kitchen watching tv and then I woke up here."

"Oh babe."

"Tell me what happened now Jane." Maura ordered panicked.

"You weren't answering your phone so Frost and I drove home and we found you unconscious on the kitchen floor, you were bleeding."Jane explained.

"OH God, the baby." Maura cried out her hand on her belly.

"I'm so sorry babe, the Doctor did everything they could but they weren't able to save her."

"Oh no, no." Maura squealed .

"Shhh, everything is going to be ok."Jane promised leaning forward to hold her wife.

"Jane, our baby…" Maura murmured her head buried in Jane's neck.

"I know, I'm going to be here everyday, don't worry about a thing, I'm taking care of you. I love you so much."

"Did you see her?" Maura sobbed rising her head.

"Not yet, the Doctor said a nurse would come and ask us if we want to."Jane replied

"I…I'm not sure if I can…I…"

"I understand, but the Doctor said it was important for us to say goodbye."

"I know, I know…can you go see her first, and bring her to me please?"

"Of course, I will be right back, I love you so much." Jane said kissing Maura's forehead.

Jane knew from that instant that she needed, that Maura needed her to be the strong one. She couldn't flinch, she couldn't cry, she couldn't let her down.

"How is she?" Angela asked as soon as her daughter closed the door behind her.

"She's devastated…She wants me to go see our daughter and to bring her . How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to hold my lifeless daughter in my arms."

"Because you love her and you love your wife, and you both need to say goodbye. Come on I will come with you, I'm here for both of you, I promise."

"I know Ma."

So Angela took her daughter back to the ER room where her grand daughter had died. They hadn't cleaned it yet, the floor was spoiled with bloody pads.

"Are you here to see your daughter?" The nurse shyly asked.

"Yes, my wife wants me to take her to her."

"Alright, come with me."

As she was entering the room Jane grabbed her mother's hand and closed her eyes for a second.

"I'm here sweetheart."

"Would you like to hold her?" The nurse said taking the baby out off the incubator.

"Oh God, I can not do that." Jane said taking a step back.

"It's alright sweetheart take your time."

" I have to do this for Maura, I can do this. Can you give her to me please." Jane asked putting herself together.

"Of course." The nurse replied moving towards Jane and gently putting her baby in her arms.

"Oh God." Jane whimpered her arms shaking.

"She's gorgeous, Jane." Angela replied not knowing what were the right words.

"She is, she has Maura's nose. Hey sweetheart, I'm your mom, your other mom would like to meet you now." Jane whispered moving towards

So Jane slowly moved towards the ICU holding her daughter as close to her heart as she could.

"Would you ask her if she's ready?"Jane asked angela once they reached the door.

"Sure darling."

About 5 minutes later Angela came out.

"She's ready." Angela nodded opening the door

"Hey babe, I would like you to meet our daughter." Jane mumbled moving toward her bed and trying no tot cry.

"Oh God."

"It's alright I'm going to hold her until you're ready." Jane offered.

"No I want to hold her now." Maura objected straightening up in her bed.

"Alright then." Jane nodded gently passing the baby to Maura.

The two women lied there for w while holding their unborn child, wondering how they would survive that, if they even have the strength for that.

Alright guys, what do you think?Again I don't present to know how it feels like, but I'm trying to write as best as I could...