Chapter 4, Mac-n-Cheese.

Jose:

I lean against the elevator as it takes me up to the 25th floor.

I've finally gotten Christian's address out of Elena, even though it took a little bit of alcohol. While she was drunk, she also spilled the details of her and Christian's relationship.

To say I was disgusted would've been the biggest understatement. Elena has always made my skin crawl, but since she had the most reputable BDSM club in Seattle, I tolerated her. Needless to say, after this piece of information, I'm pulling out.

No wonder Christian is fucked up. She molested him.

I wanted to check up on Christian, make sure he is ok. All I know is that I canned him super hard and that Taylor had to carry him out because he couldn't walk. I feel horrible for what I did, no matter what happened between him and his sub, I should've talked to him about it instead of jumping to such a rash decision.

The elevator door dings open, and someone punches me, square in the face.

"Ahhh, what the fuck?" I hiss, holding my eye.

"Ana! What the hell…" Christian gasps, and I assume he takes her because I hear struggling.

I slowly open my good eye, and sure enough, there's a small brunette struggling in Christian's arms. She's trashing around as Christian grabs her shoulders. I can tell his grip is not too firm on her by the way he's holding her.

"Ana! What are you doing? Please calm down. I promise Jose's not bad." Christian shouts, continuing to hold her until she stops struggling.

Ana finally stands still and wraps her arms protectively around Christian but glares at me.

If looks could kill…

I raise my hands in surrender. "Look, I'm not here to cause any trouble, I only wanted to come check on Christian." I explain.

Ana continues to glare at me. "He's fine, thanks to you." She spits.

Christian brings his arm around Ana. "Baby, please don't be like this. I asked him to canned me, it was my free will." He says.

Ana slaps his hand away. "Yeah, and if you asked him to kill you, would he have done that as well?" she fires back.

I bow my head, truly contrite.

Christian shoots Ana a disapproving look but keeps his arms around her. "I think I owe both of you an explanation." He says, gesturing towards the couch.

Christian and Ana sits down, and I smile at how cute they are. She fits perfectly in the crook of his neck with his arm wrapped around her. I can tell they complement each other in almost every way. She's probably pretty quiet, introverted, but has a fierceness in her eyes that I haven't seen, and Christian is this big, tough guy with a certain softness to him.

"Wait, is this the girl you were telling me about?" I ask.

If this is his sub that he told me about when he didn't stop for her safe word, she sure forgives a little too quickly.

Christian smiles real big, pride and joy radiating off his very being. "Yep, this is Anastasia, my girlfriend." He states, and I don't think I've ever seen someone so proud as he kisses her cheek.

Ana gives him a kiss back but she's still nailing me with a look that could freeze blood.

"Is she your sub as well?" I ask carefully. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt her again.

The word sub immediately makes Ana shrink into Christian's arm, and I feel bad if I accidentally scared her.

Christian tightens his hold on Ana, and I see him squeeze her hand for reassurance. "No, I've abandoned that aspect of my life. Ana's too important." He says, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry…It's just you said last time…" I trail off, unsure how to continue.

Christian sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Ana's glare changes into a subtle look of curiosity as she stares at me.

"I…um…may or may not have tricked you into canning me." Christian confesses, and I raise my eyebrows.

"I did belt Ana, but she never safe worded, what I told you was simply a lie because I knew it would get you mad enough to punish me." Christian elaborates.

Both Ana and I gasp. "You told him you didn't stop when I safe worded? Christian, we both know you would never do that. I was the one that forgot to safe word." Ana exclaims, turning around in his lap.

Christian smiles up at Ana, his grey eye crinkling at the edges. "I know, sweetheart, but I still needed to punish myself for hurting you, and I didn't see any other way to convince poor Jose." He says, winking at me, and I feel utterly ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I should've never canned you, even if what you told me was true. It was a stupid, cruel decision on my part, I'm sorry." I confess.

Christian brushes it off, chuckling. "It's really ok. Stop beating yourself up, man. Everything's fine now." He says, grinning at Ana and tapping her nose.

"Ok, I just came to check on you, although you're obviously feeling better and I'm sure you're in good hands." I say, giving Ana a small nod, and for the first time, she smiles back at me.

"I better get going…and oh Christian…I'd keep her." I say, winking and walking towards the door.

"Jose, wait a second." Christian says as I halt my steps. He comes back in two seconds later with an icepack.

"You better keep this, you're already starting to bruise." He says, pointing to my right eye.

I give him a smile. "Thanks man, and you, my little lady, have a mean swing." I say before stepping in the elevator.

Ana:

Jose finally left, and I am scavenging the kitchen for food while Christian does some work in his office. Taylor said Ross has been going crazy since he's been absent for the past two weeks.

I'm craving junk food. I guess two-month of only healthy, non-processed food has finally done me in. As I open shelf after shelf, all I find are raw ingredients and spices.

No chips, no chocolate, no candy.

Nada. Nothing.

This man really is the world's biggest health freak.

Just as I was about to give up, something blue and yellow on the top shelf catches my eye. I immediately get a chair and stand on my tip toes.

To my surprise, I pull out a huge box of instant mac-and-cheese. As I look at the bright yellow and blue box, I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face.

Ha! I knew he had something he craves for!

Smiling, I take the box and tip-toe to his office, knocking twice before entering.

Christian's bent over a pile of papers, but immediately perks up when I enter. He gives me his biggest smile while patting his lap.

I scurry over and straddle him, leaning down for a deep kiss. I feel Christian's grin against my face.

"What are you up to, sweetheart?" He asks, grey eyes twinkling.

I pretend to be mad and tick my tongue at him. "Why, Mr. Grey, I think you have been withholding some very important information from me."

Christian lifts a perfect brow. "Oh? And are you going to enlighten me on what this information might be?"

A devious smirk crosses my lips as I reveal the box of Kraft Mac-and-Cheese in my hands. "I didn't know you liked nursery food, Mr. Grey. Hmmm?" I say, trying to be playful.

Christian's whole demeanor instantly changes when he sees the mac-and-cheese. "Where did you find that, Ana?" His voice is no longer playful, but cold.

Huh?

"Christian, I found it on the top shelf. Wait? Are you mad? I was thinking we could have this for dinner." I say.

Christian knocks the mac-and-cheese out of my hands. "No, don't toy with something you know nothing about, Anastasia."

"Wait, but it's just mac-and-cheese. Christian, is there something I should know?" I ask cautiously.

Christian stands up, abruptly dumping me off his lap. I almost fall. "No, Anastasia, leave it alone. And no, we're not having that for dinner, ever." He states.

What happened to my playful fifty?

I feel hot tears sting my eyes. "Christian…please…you're scaring me." I sniffle before running out of the room. I hear Christian curse behind me.

Christian:

Fuck! I've hurt her again, and she hasn't even been back for a whole week.

I listen to her footsteps scurrying up the stairs and I hear a door slam.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I slump down on my chair, roughly rubbing my face and internally cursing.

How do I explain the connection between the crack-whore and the mac-n-cheese to Ana?

With heavy footsteps, I make my way to the kitchen, pouring boiling water into the tiny, blue cup before heading upstairs.

Ana's curled under the covers in the sub room, sniffling.

"Hey…" I say as gently as a man like me can. Ana doesn't say anything; she just buries her head in the pillow and lets her tears come.

I sigh, easing myself onto the mattress and wrapping my arms around her. I pull her against me and nuzzle my nose in her hair, inhaling her toxic sense.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you…I never want to scare you…" I murmur and kiss her head.

Ana just cries harder. "Christian…I don't understand…it's just mac-n-cheese…are you embarrassed or something because you like mac-n-cheese…or is it something else…I feel like you know everything about me, but I know nothing about you…I can accidentally do the smallest thing, and you'll just automatically close up…"

I sigh and pull her up. "Ana, I think there's something I need to tell you. In truth, I probably should've told you a long-time ago. How about you sit up? I brought you something." I say.

Ana gingerly sits up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. I stir the mac-n-cheese with a spoon before blowing on it and lifting it up to her mouth.

Ana obediently takes a bite, still sniffling.

"Good?" I ask, and she gives a little nod while I continue feeding her.

"You know...mac-n-cheese is the best comfort food ever. My birth mom made it for me once." I say, stroking Ana's back.

Flashback.

I'm curled up in the closet, belt marks and cigarette burns all over my body. I clench my stomach, trying to be quiet.

I didn't want the bad guy with the black boots to find me.

A door slams, and I hear the closet door creek open.

Mommy is crying, tears course down her face. "Baby boy…" she whispers as she tries to lift me, but we are both too weak.

She crawls towards the kitchen. In her hand is a beat-up blue cup. The cheese is all watery and cold, but it was the best thing I've ever tasted.

I gulp down the whole thing, only to realize I didn't leave any for her.

Her body turns cold.

End of flashback.

Ana's crying as I rub her back. "Why didn't you just tell me Christian, I would've never joked about mac-n-cheese if I knew what it meant to you. I'm sorry." She hiccups.

"No, Ana. I'm the one that's sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, yet again." I say, my hands playing with her hair. "I should've told you, but I didn't know how. I only eat mac-n-cheese when I'm sad or when I miss her. It's stupid really." I mutter.

Ana turns around and kisses my forehead. "It's not stupid, Christian. It's natural for you to miss your mother."

"Do you miss her now?" Ana asks.

I close my eyes. This is it.

"No, not really. I hardly ever think about her when you're here…but it got really bad when you left…I felt the same abandonment...you know…from when she left…"

Ana gasps. "Oh Christian…" she whispers.

She leans over to kiss me but I stop her. "No, Ana. There's more."

Here it goes.

"Youlooklikeher." I mumble as fast as I can.

"Huh?"

I swallow dryly. "You look like her...I mean, all of my submissives did."

Ana pulls back, and I see a look of utter confusion and hurt cross her face. "I look like your…birth mom? The woman you call a crack whore?" her voice quivers.

I immediately hug her towards me. "No, no, no…I don't mean you're like her, that couldn't be further from the truth. I mean you look like her. Ana, I'm a sadist that enjoys beating and fucking brown hair girls that look like my birth mom. Flynn says I use it as a way to escape…"

She's going to run. Who wouldn't?

My whole body stiffens when I feel the mattress dip.

She's leaving. I knew it. I screw my eyes shut.

But instead of footsteps walking away, I feel two small hands wrap around my shoulders.

I stay like that for an eternity, not daring to move a single muscle, and Ana doesn't move either, keeping me in her tight embrace.

"You're not mad?" I finally squeak…risking a quick glance at her.

Ana cocks her head to the side. "Mad? Why would I be mad? I mean, don't get me wrong, it hurts knowing that I resemble her, but you said I'm not like her, right?"

"Ana, please, you could never be like her, no matter what."

Ana nods, smiling. "So no, I'm not mad and I'm not going to run. Although I wish I knew this information sooner, I'm glad I know it now. Thank you for telling me, I know it wasn't easy."

Before she can say any more, I have her pinned beneath me and I'm kissing her with all the passion I can muster into this one kiss.

Ana kisses me back with equal passion.

"Oh god, Christian…" She moans, and starts taking off her shirt.

"Wait…are you sure about this?" I ask, panting as I slip off my own clothes as well.

"God yes…please…" Ana begs, she puts her arms above her and grabs the headboard.

I start trailing kisses down her body. "Baby…why are your hands up there? I'm not going to tie you." I say, a bit puzzled.

Ana smiles at me. "Because I don't want to accidentally touch you, Christian. BDSM or not, I will never breach your hard limit. I understand." She says, arching her back and presenting herself to me.

My eyes blur as I stare at the beautiful creature beneath me, her hands tightly grasping the headboard as her breathing labors.

I slowly un-pry her fingers and her blue eyes fly open.

"Christian, what are you doing?"

"Ana, I want…no, I need for you to be able to touch me."

And with that, I place her hand over my heart…