Disclaimer: I do not own Maria-sama Ga Miteru. I only own this little piece of non-canon drama. For what its worth.

Hey guys! Thanks to Insomniac1970, Enemy32, 102992, EAnil and any guests for your reviews! Seriously, you all kick a$$! And thanks yo all those of you who Favorited/followed the story! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. You know... like some sort of care bear... or something... =.=

Off we go!

The Princess and the Sparrow

Chapter 4

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Part 1

What was it about visiting the psychiatrist, thought Yumi as she stared out of the passenger-side window of Touko's sedan, that filled one with a sense of depression and anxiety? Was it because you often talked about things you didn't necessarily want to talk about anywhere else? Wasn't that the whole point of going to a therapist, though? To talk about things you usually avoided to get them off your chest? God, if that was true, where do the psychiatrists go to get things off their chests?

Those people must get paid a fortune.

Yumi distantly felt the car pull to a stop in front of a short, two-story building. The dull, rust-colored bricks had a good amount of soot and dirty snow encrusted on them. Somewhat odd, Yumi mused as she trailed her eyes around the foundation of the old building, because just the other day they had a fresh flurry of snow. Shrugging to herself, she turned towards her driver. "Thank you for the ride, Touko." She said, giving the woman a smile.

"Of course, Onee-sama." Touko replied, returning the older woman's gesture with a thin smile of her own. "It was my pleasure." She leaned forward and cast a glance up at the building Yumi would be entering in just a few minutes. "What time it your appointment again?"

Yumi cast a glance at her wristwatch, twisting her hand around in order to properly see the dial. "Eleven." She said. "I still have a good twenty minutes." Touko nodded and sat back in her seat.

"Want me to stay with you until your appointment begins?"

"No." Yumi said firmly, her tone chastising. "You, Touko, have your own appointment to get to. You need to go and meet Aya-chan. And I'll be damned if you are late for that sweet girl because of your crazy Onee-sama."

Touko's dark eyes flashed and she opened her mouth as if to argue, but shut it before she even began. She shot the older woman a soft glare, one Yumi knew that meant 'You, Onee-sama, aren't crazy.' There was silence in the car for a long minute, and Yumi felt the sudden sensation of a mildly annoying prickle in the back of her neck. She reached up the scratch the area, but it wouldn't go away. It just dulled slightly. After another moment, she heaved a sigh.

"Sorry, Touko. I didn't mean that." She apologized. "But seriously. Don't be late to see Aya-chan. She may cry."

The other was silent for another few seconds, and then relaxed. "I suppose you are right. She is quite prone to outbursts like that." She said with an airy snort. She glanced at the dashboard clock and pursed her lips, making a few quick calculations in her mind. "Do you want me to pick you up afterwards then?"

Yumi considered the offer, but shook her head in reply. "Nah. I'll snag a bus back home. It'll give me a good opportunity to... what did Kimigura-sensei refer to it as?" She snapped her fingers and waved her other hand around the car's interior dramatically. "Ah yes. Reflect. It will give me a good opportunity to reflect on the session."

Touko nodded, accepting Yumi's decision. "Alright then. I'll call you tonight, Onee-sama."

Yumi opened her door and, grabbing her purse, slid out of the car. "Sure. Say 'hi' to Aya-chan for me." She said as she moved to shut the door.

"Of course." Touko said, smiling. "Have a good day."

With a muffled 'whump', the passenger door closed and Yumi stepped back from the car. Touko gave one last wave and directed the car out of the small parking lot. There Yumi stood for another few seconds, watching the car until it rounded a corner out of her vision. Then, taking a deep breath, she walked in the front door of Emi Kimigura's office.

The interior of the office was vastly different from the exterior. From the outside, and how old the building looked, one would assume the building was more than fifteen years old. But, when the building was leased out it underwent a large amount of interior decorating and renovation. The outside was left well enough alone, due to the building regulations in the surrounding district. However, the inside was another story. The inside was all new, modern, and attractive. The main lobby was a mix of soft cream colors and grays, typical of most offices, and filled with assorted sculptures and paintings. These, Yumi had learned after a few initial visits, were all owned by Doctor Kimigura herself and were used to elicit a feeling of relaxation to her patients as they waited for their appointment to begin.

Squaring her shoulders and straightening her coat, Yumi approached the front desk.

"Ah! Good morning Fukuzawa-san." The receptionist, a young-looking and attractive woman, said. She smiled widely as Yumi stopped in front of the desk. "Here for your appointment?"

"Ah... yea." Yumi said after a moment's hesitation. Just what else would she be there for, anyway? "I'm still a few minutes early, though."

"That's alright." The other said. "Kimigura-sensei is just finishing up some work from her last appointment. If you don't mind waiting, she should finish soon." She gestured towards the few couches that littered the room, indicating that Yumi should make herself comfortable. Yumi nodded and chose the couch she usually sat at while waiting for her appointment to start.

Sighing to herself, and realizing that she had been sighing a lot these past few days, Yumi made herself comfortable on the edge of the couch. After setting her purse between her leg and the armrest, she glanced at the digital wall-clock. She still had roughly ten minutes until eleven.

Slowly bringing her eyes around the room, she idly took in the environment. Nothing had really changed from her last visit. The esoteric pieces of artwork were still hanging around, the somewhat outdated magazines (which seemed, to Yumi, to be in almost every doctor's office around the world) were still there, the same friendly receptionist...

Yumi had, at one time, considered chatting up the somewhat younger girl sitting behind the desk. Obviously no older than twenty five, maybe fresh out of college- or at least by a couple years- the girl was quite pretty. Short cropped black hair, round dark blue eyes, a thin but still approachable face... it had taken but a single time of idle conversation between her and Yumi before she realized that she just wasn't ready to move on yet. That had been about a year ago, and Yumi had not tried again with the girl since.

And speaking of girls…

Yumi narrowed her eyes at the cover of a magazine perched just beside her, on a coffee table to the left of the couch. It was a popular magazine aimed at fairly young, high school and college-aged women. Not that she often read it; in fact, she sometimes leafed through copies second-hand from Touko's petite soeur, Aya (the girl had a subscription). The articles were fairly interesting… but other than that, Yumi didn't go out of her way to read it.

As she stared at the model on the front of the magazine, she surprisingly found herself thinking of how similar she looked to her. Same hair color… same eyes… same face… God damn! Why was Yumi suddenly seeing that womaneverywhere she went! First with Maya Sagara the other day… now in magazines! Did the universe want to drive Yumi insane?

Yumi grimaced and looked away from the magazine, instead choosing to stare blankly at a piece of modern art on the wall opposite from her. After a moment, she began to wonder why she even came in for an appointment a full week before she usually did. Was it because of the new project with Daisuke Onoga and how closely his business works with the Ogasawara group? Was it because of her surprise meeting with Maya? Was it because of her?

Maybe all three.

Still though, Yumi didn't really know why she had suddenly scheduled a weekend session with Doctor Kimigura at such short notice. Surely anything bothering her with the Onoga project could have waited? And the thing with Maya… well, nothing was likely to come up from that. It was a fluke. A fluke that wouldn't happen again.

Out of idle interest, Yumi pulled her phone out of her coat pocket and keyed it on. The bright screen flickered on and Yumi navigated to her messages. The latest one was an email from both Yoshino and Rei, commenting on the outing the previous day. There was an attachment on the email that Yumi hadn't noticed before, and she pressed the download toggle. It only took a few moments and, silently thanking Japan's up-to-date 4G cellular service, Yumi opened the attachment.

Yumi felt her cheeks burn at the picture that popped up on her screen.

Apparently, Yoshino hadn't deleted all the pictures she had taken yesterday! Yumi had specifically told her friend that dressing her up in skanky (what she would call skanky, anyway) outfits was all well and good… but not to take pictures for posterity!

And Yoshino had promised, too…

Yumi had half a mind to call her best friend and scream her ear off, but instead decided to wait and get Touko in on whatever revenge she was going to work out. That might be overkill but…

Yumi took another glance at the picture on her phone. She had never shown so much skin before in public, and probably never would for that matter. If this picture were to ever get out on the internet… Yumi would likely have to commit seppuku on the spot.

Overkill be damned. Yoshino was going down.

A sound from across the room jolted Yumi's attention back to the present. She looked up from her phone as the door to the inner office opened. From the inside stepped a woman dressed in a smart, ash-grey business suit, her auburn hair tied up in a ponytail. At once, Yumi recognized Doctor Emi Kimigura. She took a quiet breath and waited for the older woman to notice her. For a few seconds, the woman's bright eyes scanned the room, and then landed on Yumi. Smiling widely, she walked up to Yumi's couch and stood straight, her arms held behind her back passively. "Good morning, Fukuzawa-san." She said, her well-modulated voice was gentle and welcoming. "Are you ready to begin?"

"Yes..." Yumi sighed and, powering off her phone completely, she followed the doctor into her office, giving a friendly nod to the pretty receptionist as she passed her desk. The Doctor stepped to the side as she approached the doorway, giving Yumi a clear gesture to enter before her.

"I'll be just a moment. I need talk to Makiko-san." She said. "Just sit anywhere you like." Yumi nodded slowly and walked into the room. As she crossed the threshold, she realized that Makiko must be the receptionist's first name. Embarrassingly enough, she had never once gotten to learn the attractive younger woman's name.

Maybe she deserved to be a screw up with romance forever.

The inner office was much the same as the waiting room. Shades of off-white and gray, various pieces of artwork, ranging from classic pieces to the more modern styles Yumi had grazed over when she attended art school. At the far end of the office was Doctor Kimigura's large desk. There was a desktop computer in the middle of the desk, with papers stacked neatly on either side of the machine. On one side there was a large bookshelf laden with an assortment of books, ranging from medical textbooks to different collections of artwork. Yumi assumed the art books were filled with Kimigura's favorites, but she never followed up her assumption. She had always meant to but… she had never gotten around to it.

Across from the bookshelf, on the other side of the office, was a large fish tank. Yumi walked over to the tank and leaned forward to get a closer look. Inside were various species of freshwater fish. They lazily swam around the plants floating in the clear water, whereas one or two of them seemed to take an interest in Yumi as she pressed her finger up against the glass.

"Hey guys." She said quietly as a small, orange fish followed her finger on its side of the tank. "You doing alright?" She idly wondered if the doctor ever got bored and talked to her fish when she was alone in her office. Maybe she had psychoanalyzed each and every one of them at one time or another. Smirking to herself, Yumi decided that if she had a pet, that's what she would likely do.

The door opened once again, prying her attention away from the fish tank and towards the returning doctor. The older woman cast a speculative glance over the scene before her as she strode over to her desk. "You're not going to eat my fish, are you, Fuzuzawa-san?" She asked, placing a folder on her desk and turning fully back to Yumi.

"No, no. But I was thinking about it." Yumi remarked, hiding a laugh behind her hand. "I saw a great recipe for freshwater fish on TV the other day." The older woman raised an eyebrow at Yumi and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I forbid you to eat my pets." Her eyebrow arched high. "I don't have patient-eating-my-own-fish insurance. If such an event were to occur, I would have to ask you to pay for replacements." She smirked as she joined Yumi at the fish tank. "And I do not think you would like to do that. Some of these are quite expensive. Imports and all…"

Yumi took a step back and shrugged. "I never could understand the fascination with expensive, exotic pets."

"It's a taste thing, I suppose." The doctor returned, facing Yumi as she walked away from the tank. "I like fish. But I don't go overboard with them. At least I am not like those people that choose to dress up their dogs or cats in bright pink coats and shoes. I don't even have the temperament to figure out why people do that." Yumi laughed and nodded at that. That was why she liked Doctor Emi Kimigura. She was smart, collected, and always spoke her mind. She never failed to get Yumi to open up with her own thoughts in the process. Maybe, she thought as she sat down on a couch beside the Doctor's usual chair, that was the entire point of Emi Kimigura's style of treatment.

A little odd, from what she knew about psychiatrists. But at least in Yumi's case, it was effective.

The doctor took another moment to linger beside her fish tank, watching Yumi as she made herself comfortable on the couch, and then took a seat in her chair next to Yumi. "So, how are you recently?" She asked.

Smiling at the cliché start to the session, Yumi shrugged. "Alright, I guess." Which, of course, was stretching the truth. If she was really 'alright', she wouldn't have scheduled an early session. Emi knew this, of course, but knew enough to not press for information. "I just… have some things I'd like to talk about." There, thought Yumi, that was simple enough. Right?

"Alright." The Doctor said. She shifted her position so that one leg was crossed over the other. "What would you like to talk about, Yumi-san?"

"Mmm." Yumi made a noise, as if thinking about where to start. "I guess, I want to talk about the new project Yuuki and I landed."

"Oh?" Emi's eyebrows lifted, her eyes widened slightly. "A new work contract?"

In spite of herself, Yumi smiled. "Yea, Yuuki used his incredible charisma to land a contract with Daisuke Onoga, of the Onoga Financial Organization." Yumi stopped and watched the Doctor for a reaction of some kind. When there wasn't any, she continued. "Anyway, it would be all well and good… if it wasn't for the connections Onoga-san has."

"And what connections might those be?" Came the question.

"Uh…" Yumi wrung her hands together uncomfortably, a gesture that was not unnoticed by Emi. "The Onoga Financial Organization works with the… Ogasawara group."

"Ahh." The Doctor drawled, a hint of a smile playing about her lips. "I see now." She discreetly shifted her legs again, this time the left dangled lazily over the right. "And I would hazard a guess as to say that Yuuki-kun didn't say anything until last minute?" Yumi laughed at that. The woman was too smart; much like Touko was most days. In fact, Yumi had on more than one occasion made comparisons between Emi Kimigura and Touko. Their intuition was the same, anyway.

"I didn't find out until we were there meeting Dasike Onoga-san in person."

"That must have been fun."

"Oh yea." Yumi said with a snort. "I was mad for a while at Yuuki, but then I thought 'whatever'… there's no point in staying mad. It's just business, anyway."

Emi cocked her head to the side. "What is just business? Working with Onoga-san or being mad at your brother and co-worker?"

Yumi laughed again. "Both I guess." She sat forward and put her elbows on her knees. "I mean, working with Onoga-san is just business. It shouldn't matter who he deals with professionally. His company works with the Ogasawara Group. Fine. That doesn't mean I am."

"True. And so are you fine with it?"

No. Yumi wasn't fine with it. Truthfully, is she could spend the rest of her life and never have anything to do with the Ogasawara Group or its affiliates it would be a life well-spent. But, considering her contacts and past relations… it was a life she would never really have. She accepted the fact that she was essentially part of the Ogasawara family… regardless of how her relationship with its members was now. She could never get fully away from it. But that didn't mean she was fine with it. "I guess so." Yumi finally said. It wasn't an outright lie, but it was close enough. She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. Again. "But it doesn't mean I am really happy about it. They are a client. I have to treat them with respect and be professional about it."

The therapist laughed softly. "Now you are stepping into the professional world of service and clientele. There will always be clients you don't necessarily want to work with. You just have to buckle up and deal with it as professionally as you are able."

Yumi looked up and cocked an eyebrow at the slightly older woman. "You too? Do you have clients you don't like working with?"

Emi smiled, a secret-sort-of smile, and winked. "Now, now, Yumi-san. I can't tell you about my patients, can I?"

"I guess not." Yumi acquiesced. "Anyway, the thing with Onoga-san is only part of what I wanted to get off my chest." Emi leaned back in her chair and laced her fingers together, her face taking on a somewhat contemplative look. She didn't speak, so after a few moments, Yumi continued. "I also… met someone the other day."

The doctor pursed her lips and arched an eyebrow. "Met someone?" She echoed thoughtfully. "Meaning?"

"I mean, I-" Yumi clicked her tongue in frustration and reached up to her neck, scratching it. "Well, I guess I'll start at the beginning…"

Emi Kimigura listened at Yumi explained her chance 'run-in' with Maya Sagara earlier, and the resulting message from her that very evening. The doctor stayed silent during the explanation, and nodded at certain moments. She seemed surprised when Yumi told her about replying to the message, but chose to keep any comments to herself. When Yumi stopped to gather her thoughts, Emi leaned forward, her face serious.

"And what do you think about that? Why did you choose to bring it up in here?" She asked slowly, carefully.

Yumi licked her lips. "I think… I want to get another's perspective on the situation." Suddenly, she laughed. "Then again, I don't think there is a situation. I mean, I really don't think anything will come from that. I likely will not see her again."

"No?" Emi voiced. The question was simple and quick. Yumi started at the suddenness of it.

"Uh… I don't think so?" She supplied nervously. "I mean… I don't know. Why would anything come from that?"

The Doctor cocked her head to the side. "It sounds like you want something to happen." It wasn't a question this time. Yumi gave the older woman a defeated smile.

"No idea. Touko wants me to get myself out there and make a new friend. I agree with her that it may be a good thing, but…" Yumi trailed off, waving her hand around.

"Well, I agree with Matsudaira-san." Emi said. "It would be good for you to meet new people. But the way you are talking about this woman, Sagara-san…" She shrugged. "It sounds to me like you are thinking about something more. Despite the fact that you just met and, as you say, may never see her again."

Yumi shook her head, suddenly serious. "No, I really don't think it's a good idea for anything more than a friendship." She wasn't really sure if Emi was thinking along the same lines as Yumi was in this conversation, but it wouldn't hurt to be specific. "A relationship, especially with a girl I just met… is out of the question." Emi eyed Yumi for a few long moments, and then her face relaxed somewhat.

"Well, I am happy that you recognize that. However, I am not saying a relationship is out of the question, Yumi-san." She held out her finger in front of her face, catching Yumi's attention. "In fact, it may help your recovery along the same lines as a new friendship. I just want to stress that you must be ready for something like that. If you think you are ready, then you are ready."

Staying silent for a few long moments, Yumi contemplated her next words. After taking a steady breath, she finally spoke. "But… the thing is… Maya Sagara looks exactly like… Sachiko Ogasawara.

Emi blinked once. Twice. A third time. Her lips curled up into a small smile and the leaned back in her chair again. "Ah." She simply said. After that, silence reigned again in the room.

Yumi took the Doctor's silence as cue to continue. "I was shocked at first. I mean, here I was, going about my normal day. And I run straight into Onee-sama! Of course I was shocked." Yumi wrung her hands together. "I couldn't even speak at first. I mean, you know what was going through my head? 'Why was she there?' 'What was she doing in Japan?' 'Why was she acting so normal?' It wasn't until after I found out she wasn't Onee-sama that I felt horrible because I had said some mean things to her…"

"Mean things?" Emi asked. "What things did you say to her?"

"Uh… I said something like, 'What was she doing here?', 'Go back to England'…" Yumi shrugged. "Things like that. But it's the tone I used that embarrassed me. I was really angry, thinking that she was Onee-sama."

"You said those things because you thought Sagara-san was Ogasawara-san?"

"Yes. She then said I must have mistaken her for someone else… then showed me her ID card." Yumi laughed bitterly. "It was a stupid mistake. Honestly… mistaking someone completely innocent for Onee-sama-"

"You keep calling her 'Onee-sama', Yumi-san." Emi noted, cutting Yumi off. "Even though you haven't seen Ogasawara-san or heard from her in almost ten years. Why is that?"

Yumi opened her mouth to answer that it was a habit, but then shut it again. Was it a habit? Shouldn't it, even as a habit, have been broken years ago? There was a time in university that she still referred to the Ogasawara heiress as 'Onee-sama'. But since then, Yumi (everyone else included) refrained from either talking about Yumi's Onee-sama, or when they did, used her full name. Even Yumi used her name since then. The first time she said the title 'Onee-sama' in a very long time was just the other day when she met Maya Sagara.

What did that mean?

Emi took Yumi's silence in stride, waiting patiently for the younger woman to answer. After a few long minutes, Yumi sucked in a breath and did the best she could. "I think…" She said slowly. "It's because I still think of her as my grande soeur. No matter what happened, no matter how angry I may be, I still think of her as my 'Onee-sama'." She pursed her lips and looked up at the Doctor, who had her eyes leveled back at Yumi's. "But that doesn't mean I am over anything." She said decidedly.

Emi nodded. "I understand, Yumi-san." She shifted her legs again. "Then, if I may, do you think the fact that Sagara-san's physical similarity to Ogasawara-san have anything to do with your apprehension to starting a friendship with her?"

"Maybe." Yumi finally said after a long pause. "I know they are two different people. Their personalities are pretty different, from what little time I spent with Maya-san. But the fact that they look alike…" She trailed off, a suddenly embarrassing thought occurring to her. "Um… do you think it's weird for me to want to be friends with her?"

"Not at all, Yumi-san." Emi said with a smile. "Sure they look similar. But as you said; they are two different people. That fact remains true."

"Right." Yumi swallowed, another uncomfortable feeling creeping into the back of her head. She looked just like Sachiko Ogasawara… but she wasn't her. A friendship was one thing. It was safe. It was normal. "Two completely different people."

Emi and Yumi looked at each other for a few long moments, neither woman saying anything. What was there to say? So much had been said already, both in this particular session and in the five years they had known each other. Yumi had told the Doctor so many things about herself, she had the feeling that, aside from Touko, Emi knew about her more than any other person. So really, what else could she say?

"Yumi-san." Emi said, uncrossing her legs and sitting up straighter.

"Hmm?" Yumi blinked and stiffened, matching the Doctor's posture.

"How long has it been since you have written in your diary?"

The question made Yumi's stomach churn. "Why?" The words came out before she could even stop herself.

"I was curious." Emi said, her tone backing up her claim. "I think that, maybe, if you look back through it, you may come to some sort of realization about your feelings toward Ogasawara-san and… maybe… your idea of a friendship with Sagara-san."

"What sort of realization?" Yumi couldn't keep the icy tone out of her voice. Emi knew what was written in her diary. She knew exactly what she was asking of Yumi. The question was, why?

"That is entirely up to you." Emi said with a light shrug. Yumi couldn't help but notice how cryptic the advice was, but chose to overlook it. She simply crossed her arms over her chest, willing her annoyance to dissipate.

"I'll consider reading through it again."

Emi nodded, her smile returning. "It may help, is all I am saying."

0 – 0 – 0

Part 2

Yumi knew the whole point why she waved off Touko's earlier offer of picking her up from the doctor was that she could 'reflect', as Doctor Kimigura put it, on her session. That, and so Touko could actually spend time with someone other than Yumi for a change. But, as she sat in the bus, staring out of the window at the passing pedestrians, cars, and light posts pass her by, she was acutely aware that she was not reflecting at all. In fact, barely anything that was talked about barely an hour earlier registered to her. The contract with Onoga… meeting with Maya Sagara… all of that was shoved into the back of her brain as the most pressing thought reared its ugly head.

Her diary. And the fact that Doctor Emi Kimigura wanted Yumi to dig it out and read it again. She knew exactly where it was, of course. Finding it was not a problem. The problem was the book itself. The book, and its contents. Yumi had long ago buried that book in her closet, fully intending to leave it in there, forgotten, until she moved out. When she did, she may have even thought about leaving it there. She didn't want it to follow her around like some kind of reminder from her past. That's what it was, but still...

Yumi turned her head around, casting her eyes around the bus. It wasn't very crowded, but there were still people standing instead of sitting. A few older people, both men and women, and some assorted younger students. Two girls, Yumi noticed, were wearing winter uniforms from a local school. She didn't really recognize the design, but from the ages of the girls, she Yumi guessed they were likely in high school.

She watched the pair of girls lean in close together. One of them, the older one from the looks of her, whispered something into the other's ear, and the other, the younger girl, laughed, one hand covering her mouth while the other hand grasped her friend's elbow.

Yumi pressed her lips together tightly and turned away, looking back out of her window. Had she been like that when she was in school? Had she been… so happy looking?

"Onee-sama!"

Yumi started and her eyes flashed back towards the couple, her heart suddenly pounding painfully in her chest. The girls were still chatting quietly together as though nothing was different. Suddenly, the younger one stepped back and laughed, playfully hitting the other's arm.

"Oda-san!" She cried as she laughed. The older girl, apparently named Oda-san, returned the younger one's playfulness with a soft shove in return. Yumi watched as the pair finished laughing and pressed close together again, continuing their conversation.

After a few long moments, Yuki clicked her tongue and glared out of the window beside her. "Tch- Yea… right." She hissed to herself.

Maybe once she was happy like that… but not anymore.

0 – 0 – 0

Part 3

Yumi opened her front door and shut it roughly behind her, ignoring the loud 'bang' of wood on wood. She slid off her coat and dropped her purse unceremoniously beside her shoes, which she kicked off without too much effort.

Not really caring about tidying up the dirt and soot she brought into the entryway, Yumi made her way down the hall and into her bedroom, her eyes immediately falling towards her closet door. Her closet was fairly large; just short of being a walk-in. It was generally where she put her larger articles of clothing: coats, suits, dresses (the few she owned), and some old boxed of things she wanted close at hand. The rest, she had put into storage a couple years ago, right after moving in.

Opening the door and flicking on the light, Yumi waited until her eyes adjusted to the incandescent light bulb dangling from the ceiling. It didn't take long, and when she could properly see into the closet, she knelt down and began to riffle through the boxes on the floor. A few boxes of shirts, some old sweaters and sweatpants, a larger box of bed linens, all Yumi pushed aside as she went deeper and deeper towards the back of the closet.

Soon, she found what she had been looking for.

"Found you, you little bastard." She breathed and clasped the small box. She wiggled her way back out of the closet, and stood up in the more spacious area of her bedroom. Taking a moment to brush her trousers and arms free of dust, she walked over to her bed and sat down. "It's been a while, huh?" She said, holding the box gently in her hands. The box, wooden and light brown, was small; only about the size of a textbook. Yumi knew it didn't really hold much inside, but she also knew it didn't have to hold a lot to be important.

Taking a steady breath, she opened the box and looked down at the contents. Inside were only a number of photographs, some scraps of paper, and a small, leather-bound book. Yumi worked moisture into her mouth and picked up one of the pictures.

In the picture was a girl. The girl, maybe eighteen or nineteen, was smiling at the camera. Her long, dark hair cascaded down behind her head, giving the impression that she was older and more mature than she actually was. Her eyes, dark and intense, shone with an intelligence that matched her face.

Yumi pressed her lips tightly together and picked up another picture. This one, the same girl was depicted together with another girl; a younger-looking Yumi. They pair were pressed tightly together in order for the picture to come out well. Yumi, her face flushed pink, was smiling brightly. Her smile was matched equally by the other girl.

Shaking her head, Yumi replaced the picture and picked up one more. As she found one and turned it over to look at it, she felt her fingers freeze and her chest pound. On the picture was a scene she would never forget. A scene that, to this day, filled her most beloved dreams and haunted her most horrible nightmares. Yumi was in the picture. She stood straight, her face lowered slightly in embarrassment. She was standing before the same older girl that was in the other pictures. The older girl had her hands wrapped skillfully around Yumi's old Lillian Academy necktie, and was straightening it. The two girls were in front of the statue of Maria. Sun brightly light up the trees in the background, giving the overall impression that the picture was taken at the perfect time, in the perfect place. To all intents and purposes, it was. This had been Yumi's favorite picture for almost three whole years.

Until the day she graduated Lillian. Until the worst day of her life.

"Onee-sama..." Yumi heard herself whisper. Slowly, she reached her hand out and pressed her index and middle finger to the older girl's face. After a moment, she blinked back the tears that were threatening to form and dropped the picture back into the box. Looking at old pictures wasn't going to help her. That wasn't why she dug out her memories.

Willing her hand to stay steady, she picked up the book from the box and gently tossed the box to the other side of the bed, where she couldn't look at it. She turned her attention back to the book and clasped it tightly in her hands, remembering the feeling of the soft leather. She hadn't held the book in at least two years, but now that it was there in her hands, it felt like only yesterday that she last wrote in it.

Why was she doing this? Would looking through it really help at all? Why now? Why not next year? Or never? What was Doctor Kimigura's goal in having Yumi go through her most negative and destructive thoughts?

Suppressing a sudden shiver that crept up her spine, she opened the book to a random page. Of course, her words were still there. Somehow, she was hoping the ink would have disappeared in the past couple years of not being read. "Damn" She sighed. Now she would have to read it. She flicked through a few pages, recalling the methodology in which Doctor Kimigura had her write in. Everything should still be in chronological order from her graduation to the most recent entry. So all she had to do was start at beginning and see how far she could get.

Yumi flipped to the first page of the book and took a deep breath. Shifting her position on her bed to a more comfortable one, she licked her lips and began to hear her own voice narrate as she read.

0 - 0 – 0

Part 4

From the diary of Yumi Fukuzawa: Entry 1

For many people, graduation day is the day you remember for the rest of your life. You graduate from your childhood and take the first step into being an adult. You progress forward, with your friends and family, into what you hope will be the next great adventure of your life. It is a great day that is filled with many laughs, happiness, as well as tears. Laughs with your friends. Happiness at the accomplishment you made that day. Tears because you know you may never see some of your friends again.

My graduation day from childhood into adulthood was filled with tears. But these weren't the happy tears of knowing you are growing up. These weren't even the tears of parting with your friends you spend our high school career with. These were tears that were shed because the love of my life tore my heart out that day.

The worst part wasn't even that. It might have been fine if she had ripped my heart out and then still wanted to be friends. Or even see each other anymore. I mean, we were soeurs after all. I could live with any decision she made, just so long as she was in my life. If she wanted to break up, that's fine. I still wanted to be her friend. Her sister.

But no. It wasn't enough just to be my sister I guess.

Anyway, I'm just bitter. Let's continue.

That morning was strangely not all that dissimilar to the previous years' graduation day. I woke with my eyes feeling much better than they had the previous night (which I had spent crying, much the same as last year). I knew that, even though today I would be graduating, it didn't mean farewell. It was just another step to take in life. Much like the word 'Gokigenyou' meant 'Hello' as well as 'Goodbye'. Today wasn't a goodbye. That had been my main consoling factor before finally acquiescing to sleep behind my swollen eyelids.

Sleep wasn't really as restful as I would have liked either. I slept uninterrupted, for what it's worth... but my dreams were full of the reminder that my friends, my petite soeur and I were going our separate ways (for the most part). When I finally did wake up, earlier than usual of course, there was much work to do to make herself presentable as the graduating ex-Rosa Chinensis.

"Honestly, Yumi... is this a re-run from last year, or is it just me?"

I turned from my starting contest with the bathroom mirror (I lost... )to find Yuuki leaning against the door jam, a sardonic smile plastered on his dumb, baka-face. I knew why he was there, though, so I couldn't find it in me to snap back at him. He knew me all too well. "It seems so, huh?" I smiled and turned back to the girl in the mirror. Her brown eyes stared back and she tried hard to force a smile out. "It's really for different reasons though."

That much was true. Onee-sama wasn't really the reason I was upset. In fact, next semester she and I would be back in the same school! That was exciting! The depressing part was now I would be separated, even just a little, from Touko, Yoshino and Shimako. That was the main reason I was sad.

Yuuki nodded towards me and took a step into the bathroom. I glanced over the girl's shoulder in the mirror and gave my brother a once-over. His brown hair was lightly brushed and, besides the small cowlick in the back of his head, he was all but ready for his own graduation. Being a boy must be so easy. Did you know they don't even have to sit down to pee? Lucky.

For a few long moments, neither of us spoke. There was no real need to. He must have known why I was still nervous. And his... well... nothing needed to be said. "Will Sachiko-san be there today?" Yuuki said, breaking the silence.

"Yea..." I said, nodding, albeit reluctantly. "We pulled some strings and were able to get both Rei-sama and Onee-sama in to watch the ceremony itself. But, she said something about having to go to a meeting with the heads of the Ogasawara Group this morning. She will make it there as soon as she is able. So it's likely that only Rei is actually coming to the ceremony. But then everyone is going to go out to celebrate afterward."

"Will Touko-san and the others be allowed to? I thought the underclassmen had a curfew? And since when do you drink?" Yuuki said, snickering slightly. I scoffed and tugged at my hair with my fingers.

"We aren't celebrating that way, stupid." I said, throwing him a glare. "We're just going out to a cafe or something." Yuuki nodded in understanding, though he still had a dumb-looking smirk on his face. After another moment, it occurred to me. I whirled around and stood up, my finger pointed directly at Yuuki's nose. "And it's not Sachiko-san. It's Sachiko-sama! If you think I'm going to let it slide again this time, You've got another thing coming!"

Yuuki shrugged, but at least had the grace to look somewhat apologetic. "Alright, alright. Sorry! Make sure to greet Sachiko-samafor me. Now move; I'm taking over." He said, gesturing me out of the door with his hand. "You pulled this crap last year and if I have to count down from a minute again, I will!"

"Ehhhh?" I groaned, feeling my face fall. Indeed, as he said, this whole thing seemed strangely similar to the previous year. "But I haven't even done my ribbons yet!"

Yuuki looked as though he was inclined to argue the point, but then, surprisingly, relented. He took a step forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Alright. I was only joking. I have to go anyway... some council stuff." He shrugged nonchalantly. "At least, my last day of council stuff. Good luck today, Yumi. Just smile, alright?"

I returned my brother's smile and gave him a wave as he left the bathroom.

That's right, I thought as I looked back in the bathroom mirror. The girl was still there, looking right back at me. Today was a happy day. It wasn't goodbye. I should just smile.

It's what Onee-sama would do.

I left the house on time (even with my mother's repeat of the Shinto flint and steel fire purification ceremony from last year), and arrived at the front gates of Lillian in time for the beginning of classes. I barely had time to greet Yoshino and Shimako before we were sat down in our classes and reminded the entire process of graduation. First, we would be presented with the graduation flowers in our classrooms by the second years. With a smile, I remembered how lucky I had been to be able to pin a flower on my Onee-sama the previous year. I wondered if Touko would be able to do the same for me this year.

The flower-pinning ceremony came and went. I didn't see Touko, but a second year named Kaiko Masuto pinned a flower on my chest. I felt bad that I didn't know her, but I was happy when she said "Congratulations on your graduation, Rosa Chinensis." Somehow, hearing it from someone else made it seem more real for me. I don't really know why.

After that, we proceeded to the gymnasium and, after a farewell speech from next years' Roses, we would receive our diplomas. I remember speculating with Yoshino and Shimako before the ceremony about how Nana, Noriko and Touko would structure their speech. It would undoubtedly be more impressive than ours had been the previous year… and assuming another bee didn't have its way with them, the trio should be able to pull off quite the farewell speech.

The speech was delivered, and much to my embarrassment (with equal parts pride), Touko delivered a devastatingly incredible speech accompanied by Noriko and Nana. I actually cried when Touko delivered the final line. It was something about wherever one goes, always remember that one has a family at Lillian. I don't really remember. It was a cliché and sort of campy line. But, the fact that my own petite soeur delivered it with such intensity and clarity... Well, I remember crying a lot at that point.

After that, I don't really remember the ceremony itself. Not that it wasn't moving or a happy moment. But because of what happened after… it was just kind of pushed out of my active memory. Yoshino and Shimako remember the ceremony. So, if I ever get nostalgic, I can just ask them to fill in the gaps. That's enough for me.

Rei had made it to attend the diploma awarding ceremony, but Onee-sama didn't. She had told me the previous night that she had a meeting with the heads of her family's company, and that she would be able to come, she just didn't know when. I believed her, and waited for her at the front door of the Rose Mansion. The others were all chatting with friends, classmates, saying goodbyes, and finishing what they all needed to finish. All I could think of was meeting Onee-sama.

What a damn fool, I was. I say that now, but at the time, I had no idea. Neither did Onee-sama, for that matter… but that doesn't make it any better. I am still mad at myself for being stupid and naive. I just needed to write that out. Damn.

I must have waited for a good half an hour or so. Maybe an hour. I wasn't really paying attention. When I did finally look up and see her, Sachiko Ogasawara, approaching me, my heart fluttered a little in my chest. I can still remember that final feeling of utter relief and happiness. It will probably be a feeling I remember for the rest of my life. A feeling I never want to forget.

That's the truth. Even now, years after she broke my heart. I still love that feeling of utter happiness she gave me.

"Onee-sama!" I called out, waving my hand. "I graduated!"

The smile she gave me, the forced, sad smile, made me falter. I had seen that look on her face before, but at the time, I couldn't really remember where or when. It only made the light, fluttery feeling in my chest cease. She took long, steady steps towards me and, after a few quiet moments, she stopped in front of me.

"Onee-sama?" I asked slowly, not quite sure how to take the tense atmosphere that now surrounded us. It wasn't quite the meeting I had envisioned earlier. She was supposed to be happy, right? I was supposed to be happy. "I… graduated." I tried again, a little less enthusiastic than before.

This time, Onee-sama nodded, her sad smile still on her lips. "En." She said softly. "I know. Congratulations, Yumi. I am very proud of you." In all seriousness, she did sound sincere. But, even with how naïve I was… I knew something was wrong. I just didn't have the courage to ask. Instead, all I could do was stand there, fidgeting under my grande soeur's sad, apologetic gaze. Eventually, the silence became too stifling, because she took a long, slow breath. I took one as well, preparing for… what? I didn't know. "Yumi…" She began.

"Don't say it." I heard myself say. Don't say it? Don't say what? What was she even going to say?

"I have to, Yumi." Onee-sama said, her tone going from sad to firm. "I…" She faltered, pressing her lips tightly together. "I am leaving Japan." Even seeing her face, even knowing she would tell her bad news, it still didn't prepare me for hearing those words from her. It was too outlandish, the thought of her leaving. I must have heard her incorrectly.

"Leaving…?" I asked, my voice sounding completely clueless. "Leaving where?"

"Japan. I am leaving Japan, Yumi." Onee-sama repeated, her face as pained as her voice. "I am going to England next week."

"Why?" I heard myself ask. It was the only think my mind could come up with at the time. It was all too sudden.

"The current head of the Ogasawara Group in the UK passed away a few days ago." She said. "The executives in Japan called a meeting today to decide whom would go and take over. I… was chosen." Out of all the things running through my head… Why you? You are a freshman in Lillian University; not even done with school yet. You have a family here. Why not someone else? Someone more experienced? Someone who doesn't have ties here? What about your school? What about your mother and father? What... what about me?

None of them came out of my mouth. The only thing that did was-

"I see."

Silence fell on us again. Neither of us knew what to say. Should we say goodbye? Should we try and fight it? Can we? Was the decision final? Did Sachiko even try and decline? Why us? Why was this happening to us? Why are you leaving me? Don't you love me? Can I go with you? Don't leave me alone! I don't want you to leave! Don't go!

Through all the thoughts in my head, I distantly felt a single tear slide down my cheek. I would have reached up to wipe it away, but Sachiko beat me to it. She walked up to me and, gently pressed her finger to my cheek, catching the tear before it fell onto my graduation robe. I barely noticed as she took her hand from my face and began to fix the tie on my robe. It was all so familiar, I couldn't even stop the laugh that slipped out.

"How long." I asked, my voice all but trembling.

"I don't know, Yumi. I was chosen as a long-term head of the United Kingdom Group." That was it. That was how it was. That was how they decided things. No arranged marriage. Oh no… nothing like that. Instead, something even worse. With this, Sachiko and I would be on opposite sides of the planet. How could we still be together like this? Thinking back on it now… the answer was obvious. I just refused to see it.

"So… what happens now?" I asked her, trying hard to avoid her dark blue eyes.

"I-" Her lips trembled, giving pause to her voice. "It means this is goodbye, Yumi."

"Goodbye…?" I echoed her, trying to word out. It tasted horrible on my tongue. "Why does it have to be goodbye?" Honestly, I am surprised I was still talking. Maybe it was the shock of it that kept me going.

"Yumi, we cannot keep this relationship being so far apart from each other." Onee-sama said. It was painful to hear. I remember another tear sliding down my face. This time, she didn't reach out and wipe it away.

"Why not?" I asked quietly.

Sachiko took a step back, just out of arms reach from me. "Yumi, I-" Her voice tripped, a small sob escaped her lips. "I just can't. It would be too difficult. For both of us. What we have… I just can't accept being away from you. I just couldn't stand it. So, this is goodbye."

I blinked, more tears spilling from the corners of my eyes. She didn't make any sense to me. She couldn't accept being away from me? So she was leaving? What did that mean? Did that mean she still loved me? Did that mean she was being forced? Just what was happening? "I can't go with you?" My voice was quivering. Onee-sama shook her head, a tear finally sliding down her own cheek.

"No." She simply said.

"I see." I said again, my tone hollow. Was this really happening? Why? Was God really this cruel? What did I do to deserve this? Could I do anything at all?

"Goodbye, Yumi."

I looked up in time to see Onee-sama turn around. "W-wait." I managed to call out. She stopped, turning her face back towards me. Even though my vision was blurred by the tears that were then unabashedly falling, I could still make out her sad, apologetic face. Her dark blue eyes, shining with tears. Her long, black hair, blowing slightly in the warm breeze. "Onee-sama-" I stammered. "I love you... don't go."

She stared back at me for a long moment. She made a movement as if to turn around and return to me, but then she simple bowed her head. "Gokigenyou." She said and, not looking back, she ran towards the entrance to the school.

For a long time, I stared at her retreating figure, even after she disappeared. For a long time, I stood there, barely taking enough breaths to keep myself from collapsing. For a long time, I cried, no longer feeling the tickle of tears as they fell down my cheeks, staining my graduation robe. After a while, I was kneeling on the ground, sobbing aloud. I could hear myself crying, but I could do nothing to stop it. It just came out. My sobs mixed with painful words to form a language I, and I am fairly certain no one on this Earth, could not hope to understand. All of it happened too quickly. Everything was said too fast. But one thing was certain. Sachiko was gone. Onee-sama was gone. It was over. I couldn't do anything, so I knelt there, crying in front of the Rose Mansion.

"Onee-sama!" I heard a voice from far off, but didn't really recognize it. It was odd, I thought at the time. Onee-sama was gone, wasn't she? Why would Onee-sama come back when she just left? What good would that do?

"Onee-sama!" I heard it again, closer this time. Yet again, I remembered that Onee-sama just left. Leave me alone. Onee-sama was gone. There was no Onee-sama here.

Finally I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. "Onee-sama!" I heard the call again and, this time, I looked up weakly. I blinked away some of the blurriness to see Touko kneeling down in front of me. Oh, that's who was calling 'Onee-sama'. I was her Onee-sama, wasn't I? That made sense.

Silly me.

"Onee-sama…" Touko's voice was quiet. Her eyes, usually a sharp and intelligent, were rounded and soft. Her lips were pulled down in a worried frown. Somewhere in my mind, I thought to myself that this was a very different Touko than the Touko I knew. She brought her hand up and wiped her thumb across my cheek, trying but failing at cleaning up the mess that was most likely my face.

"Touko-" I hiccupped, biting back another sob. "She's gone." I didn't say who. She probably knew anyway.

My petite soeur looked at me for a long time, and then nodded. "She just told me a few minutes ago." She said, her lips pulled down into a deeper frown. "She just left the school. Do you want to go after her?"

Hearing her say it just made it worse. She was gone. She left. It hurt to think about and sent another sob from my lips. Go after her? Why? She wanted to leave, didn't she? It's not like she wanted me to follow her, right? This wasn't a game of cat and mouse. She was really leaving.

"She's gone…" I sobbed, lowering my head. "Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone." The word repeated itself in my head and in my ears, as if it were the only thing that mattered. In a way, it was. My felt Touko's arms wrap around my back and her face press on the top of my head. Past my sobs, I heard her voice, soft and quiet.

"Onee-sama… I want you to count from one to one hundred." She said. "Until you do, you cannot move from this spot."

If I had been thinking clearly, I would have laughed at the irony of the situation. Touko had just told me to do the exact same thing I told her the previous year, when she had been upset. After I had first offered my rosary to her and asked her to by my petite soeur, she had taken it as a sign of pity, thinking I knew about her family issues. Later, she had vocally lashed out at me, and I bade her to count from one to one hundred. Until she did, she couldn't move. It was a good way to calm oneself down.

And here she was, one year later, telling me to do the same thing. It would have been funny, if I wasn't half-delirious with rejection.

"One." I whispered.

One year of being together as lovers. That's what Onee-sama was throwing away. For no other known reason than obeying what her family-run company told her to do.

"Two."

The two of us were always together. Ever since becoming soeurs, I felt as though we were made for each other.

"Three…"

Almost three entire years of knowing each other. I thought I knew her more than anybody else. Except maybe Youko, her grande soeur. I had thought she knew me best, as well. If so, she must have known how I would take this. So why did she do this?

"Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine…" I whispered, my voice all but trembling. Each time, my counting growing louder as my grief came bubbling up to the surface. Each number reminded me of her. Each number reminded me that it was indeed over. Each number made it worse.

"Ten." "Ten."

This time, I felt Touko's hands grip the back of my shirt as I said the next number. Her voice mixed with mine as I counted. She brought her face down and pressed her cheek up against my own. I could barely register the slight warmth and wetness against my face, either from my own tears or hers.

"Eleven." "Eleven."

As I counted, I listened to the sound of her voice with mine. She counted with me, not missing a single number as the counting went higher and higher. She cried beside me, her hands wrapped tightly around my shoulders and back, sharing my sadness. I could feel her shoulders shake slightly with each number, each breath. Eventually, my hands found their way up and wrapped themselves around her back. I pulled her in closer and cried into her shoulder.

"Fifty." "Fifty."

Higher we counted. More we cried. I have no idea how much time passed while we knelt there in front of the Rose Mansion. I have no idea if anyone saw us. I have no idea if she or I said anything besides numbers. It didn't matter. All that mattered was her voice in my ear and her arms wrapped around me.

"Ninety..." "Ninety..."

We were almost there. We were almost finished. I knew when we reached one hundred, we would let go of each other and then both stop crying. But even then, I knew it wouldn't really end. I now knew that, even though the counting would end, Touko would still be there. She would always be there for me. She would be there to comfort me in sadness. Congratulate me in success. Be there when I needed her, as I knew she would be.

And, in turn, I wanted to be there with her. I wanted to do what my Onee-sama did not. I wanted to be there for her like she was there for me. This wasn't a goodbye. There was no goodbye between us. Because Touko was my soeur. Because she was my sister.

"One-hundred." "One-hundred."

Happy graduation, Yumi.

0 – 0 – 0

Part 5

Yumi shut the book silently and tossed it to the side of her bed. She lay there for a long time, unmoving, and stared at her ceiling. She watched as the ambient light from outside her window dimmed from bright yellow, to orange, and finally to the deep purple and red of twilight. She listened as her wall-clock ticked on second after second, minute after minute. She didn't move, didn't go to sleep. She just lay on her bed, thinking about what she had herself written in the past.

After what seemed like hours (perhaps it actually had been hours), Yumi felt her stomach grumble painfully. Realizing that she had skipped lunch, she pushed herself up from her bed and walked out of her darkened room. She walked down the hall and stepped into kitchen. Opening the fridge out of habit, she peered around to see what she had available to eat.

Eggs... ham... turkey... tomatoes... some leftover mashed potato and brisket from two nights ago. None of it seemed really all that appetizing at the moment.

Shutting the fridge quietly, she stepped over to the hanging cupboards beside the fridge and took a look inside. There were a number of perishable and nonperishable foods inside, mostly canned, and it took Yumi only a moment to decide on a container of instant noodles.

There. Quick, easy, and unhealthy. Perfect.

Yumi began to boil some water in the kettle and took a seat at the kitchen island to wait for it to finish. It didn't take very long, and as soon as the electronic kettle clicked off, Yumi snatched it off its cradle and poured a generous amount into the noodles' paper container. Not even waiting for the boiling water to properly cook her dinner, she took the noodles and walked out of the kitchen.

Her first destination was the living room. She sat down on the couch and placed the container of noodles in front of her. She sat back and eyed the unpowered television for a few long moments, not quite decided if she should actually watch anything.

Cartoons? No.

Drama? No thanks.

Horror? Gah… who was she, Yoshino?

Forgoing the choice of watching TV, Yumi took her noodles in hand again and walked back out of the living room, instead returning to her bedroom. She entered the dark room and flicked on the light with her free hand. Actively avoiding looking at the book and box of pictures on the far side of her bed, yumi chose instead to sit on the opposite side of the bed, closer to her nightstand and her closet. There she sat for a while, just holding her food and not quite brining herself to start eating.

Just what the hell, thought Yumi as she stared into the noodles in her hand, was the whole goddamn point of that?

The sudden buzz from her phone almost made Yumi drop the container of noodles. She shot her eyes over to her nightstand and leaned over to get a better view. From the LED screen, she could make out the name 'Touko Matsudaira' as the caller. Careful not to spill the noodles (which she still hadn't even touched), she picked up her phone and pressed the 'answer' toggle. "Hey." Her gruff, tired voice came out from her throat, surprising herself more than a little.

There was silence on the line for a few moments, and then- "Good evening Onee-sama." Touko's voice came through, as cool and controlled as ever.

"Hn. Hey Touko." Yumi replied softly.

"How are you this evening?"

Yumi pressed her lips together, holding back yet another sigh. She had been doing that a little too much recently and would probably do well to try and stop. "...Fine."

"Have you eaten?" Touko asked after a few more moments.

Yumi held up her fork in her free hand, gesturing to no one in particular that she was in the process of eating at that moment. "Uh... yea. I made some noodles." So she hadn't finished eating them yet- so sue her. She was tired.

"That is good." Her petite soeur said from her end. There was another pause, and then she cleared her throat. "How did your appointment go this morning?"

Yumi grimaced inwardly. There it was. She knew it wouldn't have taken Touko long to ask about it. Not that it was a bad thing for the woman to ask about Yumi's visits to Doctor Kimigura's office... Touko always did. And Yumi never failed to talk to her 'sister' about it, either. But the fact that Yumi had gone through her diary after made today's visit slightly more... taxing. Taxing and more difficult to talk about.

"Uh... It went fine..." Yumi said, not all that firmly. It was a half-truth at least. The appointment itself was fine, anyway.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Again, yes and no. She did, and yet she didn't. Just what could she talk about? Should she mention her talk with Emi about the Onoga contract? The situation, if there was a situation at all, with Maya Sagara? Or...

"I..." Yumi trailed off. In truth, she really didn't know. She would gladly, willingly share anything and everything with Touko. But as of right then, with her entire afternoon spent going through her past memories and reliving her breakup with her... Yumi just wasn't sure what to share. She didn't know what to talk about. Onoga? Sagara? Neither of the two were all that important now. Nothing had really started with them yet, either.

She just knew one thing for sure.

"I hate her, Touko." Yumi whispered into her phone. That was the most pressing thought on her mind. That was the thing she wanted to get off her chest most. She grasped the device tightly in her hand, and wisely used her other hand to push the noodles off her lap and onto her nightstand. "I hate her so much." She didn't know if Touko understood who Yumi was talking about. But, from her silence as Yumi sucked in a deep breath, she probably had a good idea. "I hate her- I hate her for what she did to me! I hate her for leaving me! I hate her for never contacting me! I hate her for- for-" She stuttered, too angry to think of anything to add.

"Onee-sama..." Touko started softly.

"I hate her, Touko!" Yumi yelled into the phone, her tone rising in pitch. She knew that Touko had done nothing to deserve being yelled at, and that none of this was her fault, but now that she started, she couldn't easily stop. "I fucking hate her! I hate her so Goddamn much! I hope she is happy! Wherever she is, I hope she is happy knowing she made my life a living Hell!" She felt her tone fade as she said the last thought that came into her head. "I hate her… for loving me. I… wish that she never made me her soeur."

"Onee-sama, please-" Touko said, her tone becoming worried. "You don't mean that."

"I do! I wish she and I never met!" As Yumi screamed into the phone, she suddenly felt a wave of dizziness wash over her. "I-" She started to speak again, but stopped, swallowing against a suddenly dry throat. She really hated her. She left Yumi along for years. No phone calls… no emails… no nothing. The only way Yumi ever found out anything about her was from third-party information from either Touko or Kashiwagi… The Ogasawara heiress had all but abandoned Yumi and left to England. And Yumi hated her for it.

"I hate her so much, Touko…" Yumi whispered into her phone's mouthpiece.

There was silence on the line for a long time. "I know, Onee-sama." Touko finally said, quietly.

Suddenly, a sob escaped Yumi's lips. She held her hand up to her mouth, while her other hand pressed her phone tightly against her ear. She gave another sob, and felt the tears that had threatened to build up while she was reading earlier finally begin to slide down her cheeks. She cried into the phone for a long time, not saying anything. Touko remained silent on her end as well; she knew enough to give her grande soeur time to let her feelings out.

After a few long minutes of quiet sobbing into the phone, Yumi sucked in a shaky breath. She hiccupped, and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "Touko?" She asked.

"Yes?" Came the reply.

"I miss her so much…"

"…I know, Onee-sama."

0 – 0 – 0

UPDATED: 1/16/14 - Second update: Spelling, spacing, and a couple sentences here and there (11,492 words)

A/N: Phew! This was a difficult chapter to get out. Not only did I get in Yumi's visit to Kimigura-sensei, but I also had to fit in part of Yumi's past with Sachiko. (Don't worry, that's not all of Yumi's past issues with dealing with Sachiko's breakup). I think it turned out well, but something still bothers me about it... not sure what, but hey. What can ya do?

I wanna point something out, because I am sure there are a few people scratching their heads. Yumi's diary was written during her treatment process with Doctor Kimigura, and is written in past tense. That means that it is a younger Yumi (college-aged and treatment) writing about an even younger Yumi (post breakup and her life up to the present). If it sounds a little confusing, don't worry about it. Think of the diary entry as a flashback. Additionally, because I don't particularly like flashbacks, I will be handling snippets of Yumi's past and post-breakup life via diary entries. (I.E. From the diary of Yumi Fukuzawa: Entry 1... 3... 5... you get the idea) It's my version of flashbacks. Lets see how you all like them.

Anyway... I think that's it... If there is anything else I can think of, I'll add it in a later update.

Peace!