9

A/N: There are two more chapters left after this. I rewrote the first part of this maybe three times. I'm trying to keep everyone in character. While I appreciate the BDSM aesthetic, it is not a direction I chose to take. I want to make sure that I can truly imagine them saying and doing all of this. Thanks for the tremendous support you've given me. I love hearing from you. Sheila

Learning Curve

Chapter 4

For a moment, Tim couldn't distinguish the pounding on his door with the pounding in his head. However, Jethro up and barking, clarified the distinction. He opened his eyes and the alarm read 3:21 a.m. He frowned and slowly swung his bruised body off the bed. He switched on a light and squinted. In only his boxers, he padded into the hallway and shushed the German shepherd. He looked through the keyhole and his breath caught. "God help me," He whispered softly.

The moment he undid the lock, Gibbs pushed the door in. McGee stepped back but it wasn't far enough because Gibbs caught his face in his hands. McGee could feel his hot breath on his cheeks and he pushed forward eager to capture Gibbs' mouth. Gibbs held him back, "Easy Tim, I want to see what they did to you."

Tim looked at him. "I'm so sorry, Boss. I know you don't like apologies because they are a sign of weakness, but that's exactly what happened here. I was weak."

Gently, he pushed him back into the bedroom and the light. "Shush, Tim. Don't talk. Just lay down."

Gibbs helped him as he sat stiffly and supported him as he lay back. Gibbs sat on the bed beside him. He started at his face, gently touching Tim's black eye and his swollen cheek. "They hit you hard here."

Tim nodded.

"How many?"

"There were three of them."

Gibbs' hand trailed down his bare chest stopping at the angry welt on Tim's right shoulder. Then moving down to the two big, red-purple bruises on his rib cage and then the largest bruise trailing from his hip to his thigh.

"They got you on the ground and kicked the hell out of you. All Marines?"

"I think so."

"Bastards!"

McGee caught his roaming hand. "Let me explain. Please!"

Gibbs shook his head. "You don't need to. I understand."

"How? I barely do. What I felt in West Virginia was so new, so exciting, and I needed to understand it."

Gibbs nodded. "You wondered if what happened was about you and I or something that could happen between you and any man. I understand. I would have done the same thing."

Tim bit his lip. "You asked me to wait and I couldn't. I'm not like you or Tony or Ziva. I can't shelve my feelings when they're inconvenient. I couldn't sleep…"

Gibbs stroked the undamaged side of his face. "Hush. It's okay. I'm not angry with you. I'm the one who's to blame."

"No." McGee shook his head sharply.

Gibbs sighed. "A good team leader would never proposition one of his people. Never. And if he was so weak as to consider it, he would have that conversation with him and give him time to process it rather than pouncing on him in a dark hotel room."

"No!" McGee struggled to sit up. Gibb tried to push him back, but McGee won out, leaning against Gibbs' arm as he righted himself.

"I was wrong, Tim."

"Stop it, Gibbs. This is my story too. You don't just get to end it however you want. Look at me." McGee grabbed his face roughly. "I wanted it as much as you did. I just didn't know it, but once I felt you on me, I knew it was right. A conversation would have been ridiculous. I had no context. I had no idea what it would feel like when you kissed me that first time. What the hell would I have done with a conversation?"

Gibbs gestured at Tim's bruised body. "Look how I screwed you up."

McGee shook his head, his breath hot on Gibbs' neck. "You didn't screw me up, Gibbs. You woke me up. Can't you see that?"

"No."

"Am I the only one here that felt something in that hotel room?"

Gibbs hesitated before shaking his head.

"You were the one who told me that you'd been thinking about this for years. You told me that you were waiting until you were ready for a guy like me. Were those lies?"

"No." Gibbs couldn't meet his eyes.

McGee dropped soft kisses along Gibbs' jaw line. "Does this feel as amazing to you as it does to me?"

Gibbs gasped and turned his face, meeting McGee's lips. They were gentle with one another. This was not a moment for the aerobics Gibbs tempted McGee with their very first time. Both men were wounded now, bruised on the inside and on the outside. After a few minutes, Gibbs could sense the tension in McGee's torso. "Lay down," he said softly.

"Not unless you're with me," Tim whispered.

Gibbs followed him down. Tim lay on his side while Gibbs explored his torso with gently with his rough hands. Tim groaned and slid his hands under Gibbs' shirt. At the moment he tried to loosen the button on Gibbs' pants, Gibbs stopped him. "No Timmy, tonight is not for that. Just let me take care of you."

McGee relaxed into his pillow. Gibbs furrowed his brow. "I want the men who did this. Did you file a police report?"

"No."

Gibbs looked at him for a long moment and then nodded. "Do you remember their names? Anything about them?"

"My head is still foggy about it."

"You need to try. Imagine what would have happened…imagine what might happen to someone else."

McGee closed his expressive eyes. "I know."

"You remember that the leader was a Marine."

"A Staff Sergeant…close to retirement. I remember that."

Gibbs's breathing tightened. "I want this man. I want him for what he did to you, I want him for what he was going to do to you, and I want him because he dishonors the uniform."

"Yeah," McGee said, running his fingers through Gibbs' silver hair. "Me too."

Gibbs sighed. "I want you to close your eyes and rest now."

McGee searched his eyes.

"I'll stay with you tonight."

There was a sense of finality to it and McGee felt an ache far deeper than his bruises rise up from his gut. "You're not sure about this, are you?"

Gibbs rose up on an elbow. "Honestly, I don't know. I want to be, but I know me. When I get lonely, I allow myself imagine the impossible. I have let myself to nurture the idea of you and me together for a long time, but the truth is that I'm lousy at feelings. I have three ex-wives who would love to tell you all about it. I don't want to hurt you, Tim."

McGee studied him closely.

Gibbs shook his head. "I want you so much, but I just don't know."

McGee reached up and stroked his cheek. "Hey Boss, slow down, okay? Of course, it's risky and it's ill-advised, but I don't care. Letting this happen isn't weakness, it's being human. Don't you think we've worked hard enough, seen enough evil, and suffered enough tragedy to deserve a little something special?"

Gibbs leaned into McGee's hand.

McGee turned Gibbs' face so he could focus on his eyes. "I feel so good when you're next to me like this. I feel alive like a little boy discovering a brand new world. There is so much more I want to know, but I can only learn it from you. No one else can make me feel like this."

"I'm a bastard most days of the week."

McGee grinned. "Yeah, I've met you before."

"I'll screw this up."

"Then I'll have to take that risk."

Gibbs sat up and rubbed his hand roughly over his own face.

McGee lay down slowly and stared up at him. "Forget the bruises for a moment. When you look at me, do you see what you saw in West Virginia?"

Gibbs studied him seriously for a few moments and then spoke slowly. "You're gorgeous to me in every way imaginable. It's not just your beauty. It's your sweetness and your honor and your courage. The list goes on. I have dreamt about this for such a long time. You have no idea. It's hard for me to believe you're really here and that you want what I want."

McGee reached up and stroked his neck. "I can't think of anyone who deserves a dream come true more than you, Boss."

Gibbs smiled. "As much as I like to be in charge, we're going to have to find another name for these…less than professional moments."

Tim laughed. "Come here. Let's just forget the rules and the fears and expectations for a few hours and just be happy."

Gibbs pulled off his shirt and settled in next to McGee. He leaned on his side and carefully draped an arm over Tim's torso, settling his face into his young agent's neck. " You win, Timmy. Tonight, you and I will just be happy."

The next morning, McGee could feel Gibbs' eyes on him, watching him much as he did that morning in West Virginia. McGee knew that Gibbs was still at war with himself about this relationship. McGee also knew that it was his turn to be the patient one. He had to let Gibbs battle this in his own way. It was his job to be there when Gibbs' need for love overcame his stubborn logic. McGee understood this kind of patience; he'd practiced it many years with his boss when they faced cases that pulled at Gibbs' demons. When he finally opened his eyes, Gibbs had his shirt on, and was sitting on the bed looking at him. McGee met his eyes. "Good morning."

Gibbs nodded. "I put your pain pills here with some water. I made you a sandwich too. Took my namesake for a short walk. Your refrigerator is sort of bare. Called Ziva. She's dying to see you. She'll bring groceries this afternoon. She'll have lots of questions. Tell her anything you want. I already told Ducky and Tony guessed most of it. Whatever happens, I won't dishonor this by making it a secret."

"Thank you."

Gibbs reached over and trailed his hand down McGee's torso. "I need to take this slow, Tim. I need to go home and do some thinking. Do you understand?"

McGee nodded. "You know where to find me when you're ready, Jethro."

"That came out pretty good, Timmy. I like that." Gibbs leaned down and kissed him lightly on the mouth and then grinned at him. "I liked that a lot."

….

The pain pills kept him sleepy. Normally, he wouldn't give into medications, his body's need for rest was profound. It took him a few minutes to respond to the pounding the door. Jethro had to jump on his bed and bark into his face. Tim groaned as he got up. His body was stiff and it told him that he probably needed to be on his feet more working his muscles. By the time, he got into the hallway, Ziva had already let herself in. A rather bedraggled Tony followed her with the rest. "McGee!" she said as she dragged groceries into the kitchen. He padded after her, forgetting he was still only wearing his boxers.

Ziva froze when she saw him. "Oh my God, Tim. I had no idea."

He blinked and looked down. The bruises on his torso and thigh were deeply purple against his pale skin. "Sorry. Let me get some clothes on."

She caught him before he could get away, shaking her head as she studied each bruise on his body and face. Tony came up behind her. He frowned at Tim. "It looks like you have quite a story to tell us."

Tim blushed and gently pulled away. "I thought you were in L.A., Tony."

"The Israeli here picked me up at the airport after she got done shopping. Go take a shower, Probie. Ziva and I aren't going anywhere."

McGee emerged about 20 minutes in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Ziva was changing the sheets on his bed, and Tony had stocked groceries and washing dishes. Tim groaned. "Please guys, it's okay. You don't need to clean. Just sit down. Please."

Ziva finished his bed while Tony poured coffee for all of them. McGee didn't relax until they sat down with him. He took the coffee from Tony. "I suppose you have questions about this."

"Ya' think?" Tony said, imitating Gibbs.

McGee looked down. "I don't know where to start."

"You've been different." Ziva said. "I know Lauren broke up with you. I know you have been very sad about that."

He nodded. "Honestly, I think I'm pretty used to rejection."

"Then there was something else."

Tim stiffened as he struggled for words.

Tony noticed his discomfort. "Hey Tim, don't worry about all that. Just tell us what happened the other night."

McGee shook his head. "I don't know what to say. I hadn't been sleeping, and I needed to understand something about myself. I went to a couple of Gay bars."

Ziva's eyebrows rose and Tony nodded. "I figured that's what happened."

Ziva punched Tony. "I didn't know this. How long have you been thinking about this and how did Tony know about this?"

Tony pointed at his nose. "The DiNozzo knows. It's a gift."

"Shut up or I will break the DiNozzo."

Tony smiled. "I missed you, my sweet little flower."

McGee cleared his throat. "If you all don't need me—"

Ziva wagged a finger at him. "You are not going anywhere! Go back to your story."

"There isn't much story. Nothing wrong with going to Gay bars, but I had an agenda and I wasn't paying attention. The second one was a rougher bar, and when a Marine started talking to me, I relaxed. He was a Marine, you know, but he slipped me a Rohypnol. He and his friends had some plans to take me somewhere in the trunk of a car, and the rest I would prefer not to contemplate."

"Rasas!" Ziva spit out.

McGee looked up. "You were in my head, Ziva. My mind was foggy, but I remembered enough about what you taught me to keep them off me for a time. Then a friend showed up and chased them off."

"You didn't file a report, did you?" Tony asked.

McGee shrugged. "Of course, I was embarrassed, and yes, I didn't trust that LEO's would treat the situation with respect."

"You were probably right."

"Well, we will not let this sit, McGee. We have a score to settle." Ziva said.

"Yeah, but I need to be the one to settle it. You understand?"

"To a point, Probie. You're not doing this alone. We're a team."

"I should have been able to take care of myself." McGee swallowed his discomfort.

"Yes, yes, but I know you," Ziva said. "When your mind is focused on something, you can't see anything around you. Whatever you were focused on, you were not imagining yourself as a target."

"And believe me, Probie, a Gay predator would find sweet Timmy McGee a tasty morsel."

"Thank you, Tony." McGee rolled his eyes.

"If you ever decide to cruise the scene again, I'm your wing man. It'll be hard because I'm irresistible to your average Gay, but I can dial back the charm so you can shine."

McGee shook his head and laughed. "Sounds good, Tony."

Ziva watched the two of them. "I'm going to make my Moussaka for you. I brought everything with me." She got up and disappeared into the kitchen.

McGee waited until she was gone. "Boss says you've guessed most of what's happened."

"He's been thinking about you for awhile. I've seen it. There's a look he gives you where he wants to smile, but you can tell he's not thinking about anything funny."

"I didn't know."

Tony leaned forward. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

McGee looked down. "I…it feels very special. I didn't know that something like this existed."

Tony nodded. "That's nice, Tim. I just worry that he's always been so important to you—"

"I don't feel a sense of obligation or hero worship. I don't understand what it is, but I have a strong sense of what it isn't."

"He's a complicated man."

McGee looked up. "I know. I may end up with a very broken heart, but I feel compelled to explore this further."

Tony nodded.

"Do you worry that it will change what you have with him?" McGee asked.

"Naw, not really. It would be nice if you were able to make him happy. It would be nice for you too. The back of my head might get a little more rest."

"I'm going to need a friend to talk to; someone who really understands him. Ducky says I need to open up more when I'm stressed."

Tony put his arm around him. "I'm going to be there for you, Timmy."

*Rasas means wicked person or criminal in Hebrew

TBC