Eve of the Earth

by Jaelly-Bean

Part Four: Fathomless Divide

Zephyr had never been one to take long showers. Recently, though? Her mind had come apart at the seams. She had been given fifteen minutes to shower off the engine grease and smell of motor oil, and join the others for a meeting. Again, she found herself standing still underneath the stream of steaming water, her mind wandering to every place other than where it should have been. Something had changed between Uriel and Zephyr, in the span of a single conversation. And it irritated her.

Of all the times she could have chosen to allow herself to be distracted, she had to pick now? Sevothtarte was gone. Heaven had been turned upside down. The meeting's purpose was to decide the Anima Mundi's next crucial step. She needed to be sharp, focused. Not daydreaming about Uriel, and the look in his green eyes when his gaze dropped to her lips.

Of what might have happened if Raziel hadn't interrupted them.

She fumbled with the damp strands of her violet hair as she walked down the hall, her fingers weaving them into a hasty, sloppy braid. Forty minutes had passed, and they had to have started the meeting without her.

Why was she suddenly such a screw-up?

She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, and she gasped in shock when her body crashed into another.

"Uriel...!"

He stared down at her with concern etched on his fan face, his hands gently gripping her shoulders in a needless attempt to steady her. "I'm sorry...!" He said quickly. "I didn't see you."

"No, no...! My fault...!" Zephyr said, awkwardly pushing herself away from him and sweeping her braid off her shoulder. "I wasn't paying attention...!"

Uriel chewed his lip and swept a hand through his hair. "You missed the meeting," he said softly.

"I figured as much." Zephyr said rigidly. "So what's the plan, then?"

Uriel idly nodded his head and beckoned for Zephyr to follow him out of the hallway and into a quiet, secluded room. He sealed the door shut behind them, and turned to face her. A lump formed in his useless throat as he stared at her, troubled over the fact that words suddenly failed him.

How could one woman be so beautiful, without even trying? The damp strands of her violet hair surrounded her troubled face, and Uriel itched to sweep away those little flyaways and reassure her, about everything. Even though he knew little of what really troubled her... he wanted to erase it all.

"I'm going ahead with Katou and a few select others. We're going to serve as a distraction for Sevothtarte's forces and give the Savior an opportunity to slip into the mansion unnoticed."

"Okay." Zephyr said with a nod and a determined frown. "Are we leaving now?"

"We...?"

"Of course I'm coming with you. I have all of Sevothtarte's security codes, I can disable his security drones..."

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

Zephyr's brows pinched together and her dark eyes gave him a heavy, penetrating stare that shook him to the bone. "Why?" she said slowly.

"I just... I think it would be best if you stay here. Raziel agrees with me."

Zephyr's harsh stare morphed into a look of surprise. "Raziel wants me to stay behind?"

"In case something happens to any of the merkabas, he needs a mechanic alive and well to work on them."

"And let me guess: he didn't get that idea on his own, did he?"

Uriel frowned, turning his gaze away from her, hoping his silence could answer her question. He wasn't sure his pride could have taken another blow, even a small one.

Zephyr took two steps towards him, and Uriel took a reflexive step back and away from her. "I don't understand why I can't come with you. I can help you!"

"It's not that I doubt your abilities, Zephyr. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Fine." Zephyr snatched a piece of paper and a pen and stooped over a desk to scribble something, pressing the pen so hard the point snagged and tore into the fragile paper. "Leave me behind. You're good at that."

Her harsh words were enough to cause physical pain, deep in Uriel's heart. "Zephyr."

She thrust the wrinkled paper so hard against his sternum, it knocked the wind out of him. "Here. My security codes. It'll at least stop the drones."

Uriel trapped her hand against his chest, before she could pull it away, gripping the back of her knuckles with a stern sort of gentleness. "Please don't be upset with me," he said softly, letting his grip loosen on her hand, and slowly slide up her delicate wrist. "I just want to protect you. After everything you've been through-"

"You don't know a damn thing about what I've been through!"

"I know. But I look forward to the day when you can tell me everything."

"I don't want to tell you anything!"

Uriel frowned as he tried to forget the memory of her putting such an abrupt halt to their conversation earlier. When he had mentioned Zaphikel... He felt a cold spike run it's way through him as he wondered why she fought so hard to keep that subject off-limits. He tried to ignore the voice that floated through his head and turned his insides to ice.

They must have been lovers...

He banished the thought and told himself over and over that even if they were, it was certainly none of his business. Even if the thought killed him for no explicable reason, he had to respect her enough to not bring it up again. He knew that visions from his trecherous mind of the two of them, together, would torment him for the rest of his long life. That type of punishment seemed to suit him.

He seemed to be good at falling fast and hard for women that would never love him in return. That couldn't love him in return, because they had already found someone better.

Uriel swallowed the lump in his scarred throat. "I know what it's like to hate the past," he said slowly. "What it's like to have your decisions give you unimaginable guilt. I've been there, too."

"Oh, you've been there? You've been there?!" Zephyr's eyes narrowed into a frightening, angry look as she glared at Uriel. Her shoulders tensed and her hands balled into fists. "Don't you patronize me, Uriel. You don't know anything about my life! You don't know what I've lived with and what I still live with! I could bury you under the mass of shit I carry on my shoulders!"

"Zephyrel, I didn't mean-"

"Oh, I know exactly what you meant. You think that just because you've made one mistake in your life, you're suddenly an expert?! I wish I had the luxury of channeling all my guilt into a single event! I have a thousand Alexiel's buried in my heart!"

Uriel bristled. "Stop it," he muttered. She was tapping on raw nerves, attacking the very source of so much misery.

"No! At least what you did was justified!"

"Justified?" Uriel's eyes widened at her brazen words. "You think anybody deserves to be stripped from their bodies and doomed to live one hellish life after another? Forever?" Uriel felt his words warping with restrained anger and pure fury. He desperately fought to keep himself from drowning in it. "Nobody deserves that!"

"She rebelled, Uriel! If Alexiel was really so great and powerful and wonderful, dont you think she would at least be smart enough to understand the consequences?!"

"Zephyr, I'm warning you-"

"Alexiel deserved what she got. She deserved it a thousand times over!"

Finally, Zephyr had taken it one step too far. Uriel's feet were moving, carrying him forward. A red haze settled over his vision, even as Zephyr's black eyes widened in shock and surprise, even as her own feet carried her backwards in rapid steps, he didn't stop until he had trapped her against the wall. Narrow inches separated them, and Uriel felt his palm slam into the wall next to her ear.

He felt the plaster crack underneath his hand.

Zephyr let out a small and startled sound, shrinking as far into the wall as she could, clapping her hands over her mouth.

"Don't say that to me. Don't you dare say that to me...!" Uriel's muscles vibrated as he fought to suppress a rage he had grown too familiar with. "Every life is precious, Zephyr. And nobody deserves the punishment I gave to her. I've had to live with what I did every day... so dont you tell me she deserved it."

Zephyr's feather light touch rested over Uriel's forearm, and immediately calmed the fire inside of him. "Uriel, I've read the annals," she murmured softly, leaning forward to try and catch his downturned gaze with hers. "I know the story backwards. And you can sit here and make excuses until you're blue in the face, but nothing you say to me will convince me that what happened to Alexiel was your fault."

How many times had Uriel tried to convince himself that it wasn't his fault? How many mirrors had he shattered because he couldn't even bear to look at himself? Far too many. But hearing those words from Zephyr's perfect lips? For a moment, he thought he could believe them, one day.

"I loved her, Zephyr. What kind of sick man does that to the woman he loves?"

Zephyr didn't know why, but those words cut her to the bone. Although she had always suspected that his feelings of guilt had to have stemmed from... love. She hated to hear him say it. Was it pity that twisted her up inside...?

Or was it something else?

"If you had defied Sevothtarte and refused to Curse Alexiel, you would have ended up a drooling vegetable. Just like Jibril. And you knew that. I know you knew that. But you've just let your guilt overshadow your reason."

"I wish I could believe that. Truly, I do." Uriel's hand finally left the dented wall and threaded into Zephyr's hair. "I'm sorry I frightened you..." He tenderly pulled her closer, his lips touching her forehead. "I'd rather die than hurt you."

"I wasn't scared." Zephyr said, her voice coming out as nothing more than a soft breath. "You just... startled me."

Uriel knew that she had every right to feel afraid of him now, after he had let his temper get the better of him. But relief flooded through him when she truthfully confessed that he hadn't frightened her. He thought of a thousand more words to say, but a loud voice cut through the doorway.

"Uriel! Come on, you fucking shithead, we gotta go! Now!"

"That will be Katou..." Uriel sighed and stepped away from Zephyr. "I have to go."

Zephyr still hated the idea of being left behind, but she swallowed and nodded her head. "Be careful."

Uriel swallowed his sudden fear and jangling nerves, and stepped closer to her once more. He cupped her cheek in his hand and pressed his lips to her forehead again. He realized the very real possibility that he would never see her again, and he had to allow himself to give her a meager token of his endless affection. "I will see you soon. I promise."

Zephyr's eyes pinched shut. She didn't believe him. She couldn't believe him. His promises meant absolutely nothing to her, anymore...

Zephyr's fingers drummed impatiently against the hard plastic of her merkaba's controls. 'Wait here', he had said. Like a stubborn child, she had tried to argue, tried to follow Uriel and Setsuna out of the aircraft to meet with the Wind Angel. But when Setsuna agreed that it was best for Zephyr to stay behind, she had no choice but to sit in the cockpit and pout.

What time she had spent separated from Uriel when he had gone off on his little distraction crusade, had been nothing short of horrific for Zephyr. She had stayed in the control room of the Anima's Mundi's floating headquarters and listened to the radio transmission. They had barely escaped with their lives...! The moment Uriel had returned unharmed, it was all she could do to keep from melting into a puddle of sobbing relief. And now, suffering through the separation again, she couldn't stop herself from fidgeting. From chewing her lip and fighting the urge to just leave the merkaba and find them.

And make sure everything was okay... A simple meeting was taking far too long.

When the cockpit's door opened and Uriel finally stepped back inside, ducking his head slightly to fit, Zephyr let out a long sigh of needed relief. "Is everything okay?" She asked, studying the troubled look on his tan face.

"That went... well." Uriel muttered, swallowing and taking a seat in the copilot's chair. "We have one more stop. We have to go to Raphael's home."

"Why?"

"So the savior can retrieve his sister. The human, Sara Mudo."

"Jibril?"

"Yes."

"Okay..." Zephyr turned in her seat and flicked on the merkaba's engine. The journey to Raphael's home was a short one, and for that, Zephyrel was grateful. Because the silence that stretched between them was almost enough to kill her. She could hear the Savior and some other voice bickering in the passenger section behind the cockpit's closed door, but even that wasn't enough to distract her. "What are you thinking about?" She finally asked the silent Earth Angel beside her, gripping the controls with nearly white knuckles.

Uriel was silent for a long moment before he finally answered her. He spoke softly, slowly. "Do you remember that day in Hades... when you were climbing the oak tree in the courtyard and fell from it?"

Taken aback by the memory, Zephyr let out a small, pathetic laugh. "Yes. I remember. I scraped my knee and I thought I was going to bleed to death."

"You were so brave. And stubborn." Uriel's lips tugged into an equally small and pathetic smile. "That's what I was thinking about."

"That was the day you made me my purple roses..."

"Yes," Uriel nodded and brushed a finger over the dusty plastic of the merkaba's control panels. "I let them die, you know."

Zephyr swallowed a dryness in her throat. "I figured you would have."

"It was the third greatest mistake I've ever made."

"The third?" Zephyr let out another miserable laugh. "What was the second?"

"Putting that mask back on." Uriel said bitterly. "If I hadn't put it on, those roses would have never died. They would have stayed beautiful and healthy. But... they reminded me of you. I think Persona knew that, so, it wouldn't let me want to keep them alive."

Zephyr's eyes narrowed as she focused on the horizon, focused on keeping the merkaba on a steady flight path. Suddenly she wondered where Uriel was going with all of this. She hated how her stomach flipped. "So... what was the first?" She knew it had to have been what he had done to Alexiel. After what they had talked about before...? She wanted to derail this conversation, get it as far away from the two of them as possible.

"Leaving you behind."

Zephyr's heart stopped. She could feel Uriel's gaze piercing into her, and yet she couldn't force herself to look at him. Not now...

"Even when you were a child, Zephyrel, I knew you were going to save my life. And I am a horrible man for what I did to you. No amount of apologies I can give will ever be enough-"

"Stop." Zephyr finally turned to look at him, but only for the brief moment it took to silence Uriel and his confessions. "Stop it."

"But Zephyr, I-"

"No. No apologies. And just... stop talking about that." She tore her gaze away to glare at the horizon again, spotting Raphael's home in the distance. She guided the merkaba towards it and started the landing sequence. "We have... bigger issues to deal with, right now. So just... stop. I don't even want to hear it." Dust and debris scattered under the merkaba as it touched down. "When all of this is over you can go back to Hades with your dead roses and keep living your life, okay? You don't need to apologize to me about anything. It doesn't matter."

Uriel didn't even know words had the power to hurt him as badly as hers did. Suddenly, he had to look away from her and stare blankly out the window, trying hard to keep his emotions from rushing out of him. It mattered... his feelings were the only thing left that mattered. He silently cursed himself for trying to talk to her. For trying to open himself up.

For trying to confess all the things he really felt. Suddenly, he saw the divide between them for what it really was: endless. And all hope that he might have had for repairing that gap, died like the merkaba's engine, when she switched it off.

To be continued...

Kind of a short chapter, but the next one is kind of a monster. 8D