Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's Once Upon a Time's intellectual property.
Half of My Heart
"Our job is never to assume-instead to listen, communicate,
ask questions then ask more, until we know the
true depth of someone's spirit."
-Shannon L. Alder
The bar was dark despite the time of day, as an establishment such as it was not known for the lighting but rather the lack thereof. It wasn't seedy, not quite, but it was dark and deserted in the daytime, most of its clientele coming in after hours - from either work, or class. It had hardwood floors of dark wood, scuffed up by years of various types of shoes scraping against it - from cowboy boots to heels. Booths lined the edges of the rooms, with dark red leather and plush accommodations; dozens of tables and chairs, with a small corner stage of very little importance except on certain nights of the week.
There was movement in the back storage room, muffled cursing as something hit the floor; daylight flooded into the darkness as Killian pulled the front door open and stepped inside. His mind was racing from his stupidity earlier in the library, and couldn't shake the feeling that the invisible line had been completely erased and his equilibrium was out of order. He berated himself as he walked behind the empty bar and grabbed a shot glass.
He wasn't sure why he ever thought it was a good idea; he had been so cautious the past few years - no touching of any kind. No accidental brushes, gestures - nothing; but then she had grabbed his hand, stopped him from leaving the first time. He knew he should have gone, that was his role in this - be the honorable man, walk away from the complicated situation where feelings weren't even a fact - just a pull of unknown origin that had been scratching at them for years.
Her hand was just so warm. Her demeanor was so often stand-offish to him, so cold - but this, she couldn't put a mask over. The way she had tightly gripped his hand initially, as if she was scared he'd walk away, but not really knowing why.
He poured a shot of cinnamon whiskey and downed it easily. He used to take shots of a very different type of alcohol, but he remembered one night in the bar, when it was just David, Emma, and himself - and they had a shot of Fireball. She had licked her lips for awhile afterwards, making sure each sweet remnant was on her tongue. That was the first time Killian had allowed himself the desire to initiate a kiss - a long, languorous one where he savored the taste of cinnamon and whiskey lingering on her tongue as he sucked on it.
Shaking his head violently, he threw down the shot glass, hearing it shatter on the rubber mat behind the bar.
"What the hell-" David came running in, alarmed at the noise. He had been the one cursing in the storage room, presumably preparing for tonight. He saw Killian standing behind the bar, with both hands on it, head bowed.
Walking cautiously up to him, David put his hand on Killian's back. "Hey man, what are you doing here?" He looked around and saw the broken shards of glass and the opened bottle of cinnamon whiskey. "What's going on?"
Killian shook his head, which turned into shaking David's hand off and moving away from the bar. When he looked up at his friend, he just smiled, "Nothing at all! Do you mind if I help you set up tonight? Plans for the evening fell through."
David watched his friend, obviously certain something was going on. He was also certain that, much like Emma, Killian wouldn't admit to more than he was ready to - so, he set him to work. "Sure, but you better clean all this up first. Don't use your hands."
Killian blinked at him, "What are you, my dad now? I know not to use my hands...bloody hell."
David laughed, definitely sure Killian was still himself, and walked back to the storage room. He rarely saw Killian in a pensive mood, so it was unsettling - especially with what happened earlier this morning. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything about it to him, it definitely disrupted their equilibrium. No matter, though; Killian was a man, he could handle it. He'll come to me in time, if he needed it.
David found himself wishing that Liam was more available, as some things are just easier to talk about with your brother. Even though he was Killian's best friend, he suspected that the conflicting emotions today weren't something he could talk about with him just yet.
A knock at the door brought him out of the thoughts, and Killian stood there with a smile back on his face, "All cleaned up, sorry about that. I'll pay for the glass if you prefer - what else do you need of me?"
David shook his head, "No need, but can you help carry these kegs to the bar? We're going to need to get these set up - we were running low at the end of last night."
Killian nodded, and moved to pick up the closest one. As he carried several to the bar, he noted that David was keeping silent - which was all well and good, except that it forced Killian to be alone with his thoughts.
Liam would tell him to stop beating around the bush and make himself clear to someone, probably Emma. The only problem was that he wasn't really sure what he could tell her - hi, I know we have a tense history but I have the sudden need to fuck you on the corner study table in the library, let's go steady?
He scoffed. As much as that was true, he would never complicate her life just for sex - not that she would allow that, but he had a feel she'd close herself off even more at just the mention of it with Killian. She already thinks he's just a surface level porn god. He laughed out loud at the thought. I'd use my special gifts with her, she'd appreciate it.
No, he definitely had to take his time and figure himself out - he only had a year, and the only thing he knew right now was that the small touches they had earlier warmed his body and heart, and he craved more of them. He was sure this was one of those decisions that caused profound change, and was worried it would be for the worse.
If there was one thing he knew about Emma Swan, it was that she valued stability and loyalty over all else - and here he was, ready to rock the boat on all levels. Lovely.
"So are you going to tell me what's been rattling in your head for the past half hour, or why I found you with a shattered shot glass and a bottle of whiskey on the bar?" David's voice was a few steps away from him, and Killian sighed as he turned around.
"I'm just trying to sort some things out, I had an interesting run in today in the courtyard and I'm not really sure what to do with it. I don't deal well with complications." Killian dropped his head a bit and looked away - David was staring him down and he was afraid his friend would notice too much - make too many connections.
"Well, with my superb credentials of bartender and third year psychology student I must tell you that it is okay to wait, but you'll eventually need to tell me before you explode."
"Are you supposed to tell your patients they'll explode if they don't talk to you?"
David grinned, "No, but I'll tell my friend whatever I damn well please."
"It seems you're learning, bartender. Take a shot before we open?" Killian pulled down a bottle of spiced rum, but David noticed that his eyes kept going to the whiskey bottle.
David waved him to shut up and pour, climbing onto the bar stool and leaning on the wood. Killian poured two quick shots and handed one to David.
"So what are we drinking to?" David asked. Killian looked at him, thinking.
"To a life with darkness and light, and hoping it is all worth it."
They touched the glasses together and swallowed the rum, Killian's face was blank while David's was merely curious. "Cheers, man."
Killian had enough of the seriousness and punched David's shoulder, "Hey man, make sure that is the last one you have tonight, this morning was disastrous and I like my toilet puke-free, thank you very much."
David glared at him, "It was the first Thirsty Thursday of the semester, hangovers are practically a requirement."
He rolled his eyes, "Hangovers maybe, but not to the point of upchucking. What are you, 16? How exactly did you beat us on that front anyway, we started hours before you."
David rubbed his face with his hand, remembering last night as his shift ended - just after midnight. Mary Margaret and the gang had been at one of the booths, just drinking and having a good time - he had to drink water during his shift, but as soon as it was over he downed a few tequilas before heading over with his first rum and coke in hand.
Mary Margaret had been exuberant as always, pushing herself into his arms and immediately tasting the left over tequila. This had caused a number of cat calls, mainly from Neal, who had bloodshot eyes and roaming hands already. Fortunately for him, he could hold his liquor well - he said it was years of practice for work, but David thought it might be a bit more serious of an issue.
David felt a slap on the back of his head and was brought back to reality, "Ow, what the hell man?"
"You had that look on your face!"
"WHAT look?"
Killian rolled his eyes, "That gooey 'I am so fucking in love' face. We're having a girl-free moment, let's enjoy it."
David laughed and Killian's brow furrowed, "Man, if you only knew how often you had that look on your face you wouldn't be talking right now."
Alarmed, Killian took a few steps back, "What are you talking about? I'm not in love."
"In love or not, you get that look on your face too. The only difference is I don't know why. Maybe Liam does, should I ask him next time he calls?" David grinned at the scowl on Killian's face.
"Don't go putting thoughts into his head, I'll never hear the end of it."
"I know it's a ways off, but do you think he'll be able to be here for graduation?" David grabbed the empty shot glasses and walked over to the sink.
"Not sure yet, he put in for the weekend off, but you never know how that will work out." Killian shook his head, he really hoped his brother would be able to make it - he had missed so much of Killian's college experience. While Killian wasn't upset, he still wanted his last family member to be there for his graduation. It's what they would have wanted.
He walked back into the storage room, grabbing the mop bucket to clean down the bar area. The main bar might be wood, but it is just idiotic to have it behind the actual bar. He laughed quietly to himself, thinking of earlier this summer when Liam was able to visit last. Fortunately for Killian, only David was around to meet the infamous second Jones brother - he was always busy, usually in the middle of some sea or ocean, but never anywhere you could speak to him for any significant length of time.
They kept up the rather strange correspondence of letters, and Liam called when he could - all together strange, since before college Liam was around constantly; though, that was probably more to do with legal issues than anything else. That and Liam didn't want Killian being raised by strangers.
He always refused to be picked up at the airport, and met them at the bar David's dad owned; The Kingdom. Liam had cackled a good bit at the name, but over the years it had grown on Killian to the point where he staunchly defended it. "You're quite the white knight, little brother," Liam had quipped. "Although normally they defended the honor of the ladies of the realm, is that something you do?"
Killian had moved swiftly from that line of questioning, since it always led to awkward conversations about how he needed to be careful, not get swindled into a situation with a woman out for his money. He hated those conversations with Liam - for one, he was quite responsible and two, not all women were like that and he hated generalizations.
Either way, the first thing David heard from Liam's mouth was that his dad's bar was stupidly named. Of course, David was well equipped to handle a Jones and quickly came back with colorful comments about how Navy men like to spend their time.
Killian had just sat back, watching their interaction, letting it flow naturally; he had wished that Emma and Mary Margaret could have met Liam, but they had both left the city for the summer - Emma was with Neal in NYC and Mary Margaret was visiting family. David had to stay here to help his dad - it was tentatively his last summer as bartender, since they were graduating and hopefully getting jobs or internships by next year.
"Killian, you planning on mopping this place down anytime soon? You've been standing there for a few minutes." David waved his hand in front of his best friend.
Killian snapped out of his thoughts, "Sorry, all this talk about Liam had me remembering when you two met - love at first insult, yes?" He grinned and jumped away from David's violent tendency to hit first, talk later. "You know, for two people who don't share blood ties you and Emma have a remarkable tendency to act the exact same way - what is with all the hitting and violence?"
"Can't speak for Emma, but maybe you're just an ass."
"Well that isn't exactly a colorful word, perhaps we'll go with scoundrel. Yes, I rather like the sound of that," he smiled a bit. "Killian Jones, scoundrel."
David rolled his eyes; he had promised Liam he would look out for his brother, but lately it seemed that Killian had set his eyes on something unknown to even David - his best friend. He was slightly concerned, but when Killian wanted to hide something then there wasn't much he could do except hope he would turn to David before it was too late.
"Oh good, you're here already." At the sound of the gravelly voice, David turned to look at his father. Cold and stern, he sometimes wondered how he had children at all - but then, being a bar owner would create that tendency over time he supposed.
"Hey dad, what do you need?" He always needed something - never talked to David unless he did.
"Oh, James decided to call in tonight so we don't have a bouncer at the door. Do you know anyone available?"
Killian set the mop's handle against the bar and walked over, "I don't mind helping out, Mr. Nolan - I've not much going on tonight."
Mr. Nolan turned to his son's friend, skeptical. "Not really the bouncer type, are you?"
"I know my way around conflict, sir, and I can do the math on birthdays as well as anyone." Killian bristled - he may not be burly, but he had strength on his frame and welcomed any man to challenge him on that; even David's father.
Mr. Nolan hummed a bit, then acquiesced. "Fine, they'll start filing in around 6:30 - we'll probably need you to work until eleven when the next shift comes in." At that, he walked off leaving David to meet Killian's eyes; Killian just rolled them and shrugged.
"He's your dad mate, not mine. I'll just remember that." He jabbed David in the stomach a bit before grabbing the mop handle and finishing up behind the bar.
A few hours later, Killian was sitting in the high barstool at the entrance, waving people in as he cursorily checked ids. There was a reason The Kingdom was so popular with college kids - very lax on the id checking, but no one drunk ever drove home - the bar had a standing order of cabs with prearranged fees - so it wasn't a place that the cops ever focused on too much.
He did use some discretion, if it was clear the people were in high school - he drew the line at college students. As he looked back up at the line, he saw Emma's face being dragged behind an eager Neal. She looked a bit harried, as if she wasn't really up for the bar scene a second night.
When they came up to Killian, he caught her eye, taking their ids and studying them for far longer than necessary. He handed Neal's id back with no worries, and he immediately strode towards the bar. For Emma, though, Killian decided to take the special flashlight to check the validity of her license.
Emma glared and tapped her foot, "Jones, come on let me go in. This is a little ridiculous."
"Ah, I don't know about that, Swan." He looked at her, watching her eyes as she registered that he had reverted back to her surname. No reaction, but definite recognition; got ya, Swan. "You look suspicious, I just wanted to be thorough on my first night."
"What are you even doing here, you've never worked for Mr. Nolan!" She huffed, and Killian had no idea why she was so exasperated with him.
"Just doing a favor, lass. What has you all in a tizzy this evening, did someone get you all riled up earlier?" His eyes twinkled a little bit at the allusion to their earlier meeting in the library.
Emma pushed her hair back, ignoring him as she snatched the id back and walked to where Neal was. Halfway there, she looked back at him, "Only one person gets me riled up, Jones. And it isn't you." At that she wrapped her arm around Neal's neck and gave him a hard kiss.
Killian ignored the people waiting in line, and watched her.
Game on, Miss Swan.
Author's Note: Hey again! Thanks for your reviews, hopefully I responded to most of them - I like talking =P I just wanted to note since I haven't before, that these settings are based entirely upon my experiences as else I would have had to do some research on another college area and just blech, I wanted to write Captain Swan! So anything to do with bars, colleges, apartments, etc. are probably based on my reality in college and other places. Write what you know, you know!? =)
Thank you again to colinodonewithyou, who soothes my worries about these chapters. If there are mistakes, they're still mine, because I can't help tweaking.
