Edward POV

It feels weird to be knocking on the door of my own house.

It's not your house anymore I remind myself.

I can hear their thoughts. Esme is bubbling with excitement. Of course she would be happy to see me. A Mothers love is unconditional. even if their son's is the worst type of human imaginable.

Human. I wish.

Carlisle will be the one to open the door. Head of the household.

They are acting as if they are meeting with an outsider. Any other vampire.

I guess they are..

They have sent Rosalie and Emmett off to hunt. Rosalie knows nothing, and Emmett has been sworn to keep it that way.

Ah she was always one to hold a grudge.

But Alice's thoughts are the ones that surprise me the most. She has seen me coming; of course she has. Yet she isn't pleased, but is strangely looking foreword, as if anticipating..

a fight? Why would she possibly anticipate fighting me? I would never hurt her..

And then I see it from her perspective.

I vanish. Without a word, stealing her brother and best friend along with it. Then Jasper goes. That's news, obviously what Eleazor was hinting about.

But why would Jasper…? Where had he to go? Peter? Maria?

I suddenly feel guilty. if it wasn't for me, her family would not be in tatters..

I am still locked in her thoughts when Carlisle opens the door.

"Edward."

I nod a reply, feeling his coolness as he relives our last conversation. I walk into the white living room.

It Hasn't changed much since I left, but my Piano is conspicuous by its absence.

"Where is he?"

Alice is mere inches from me before I recognise her. She is not the little pixie I left behind. I look at her blindly before she shouts

"Jasper!"

I am assaulted with memories of their last minutes together. Mere weeks after my own disappearance.

They are in Denali, visiting; until they can make decisions about where to move on next.

"Your leaving."

It's not a question and I can feel the sorrow in Alice's voice as if I'm speaking the words myself.

"I have to Alice, I don't have a choice." His voice is resigned.

"Of course you have a choice; a decision to make. Don't you get it?! All future is based upon decisions, haven't you learnt that yet?"

Alice knows she fighting a loosing battle, the picture of Jasper walking away is so clear, but it doesn't mean she isn't going to try.

"I can tell that you don't want to go Jazz.. That it is breaking your heart to make this decision."

The change in tack does not change the hardened edges of Jasper's pale face.

"Then don't make it any harder for me. Please" He's pleading now;

and I can tell that both vampires are falling apart. When Vampire's experience change they are transformed irrevocably, and it was if I could feel every tear from both of them as they ended their relationship.

Alice dry sobs won't stop and I can feel her arms grabbing at Jasper's trying to pull him away from the door.

"DON'T DO THIS!!" She's shrieking in pain and agony.

"If this is about trying to bite Bella… I… I."

He turns on her so quickly that she nearly falls, but Jasper catches her. His hand burning on her own arm now, as his eyes scorch her skin.

"What? Do you forgive me? Is that what you are trying to say? Save your breath. Because you can't"

All venom disappears as quickly as it had emerged, the pain and resignation are back.

"I can't forgive myself either. I know this will hurt, Alice. But It can't be any worse than what It feels like now. I hate the way you look at me. I hate what this family has become. I hate thee way everyone feels. All because of me.."

I feel Alice's thoughts. The No she screams in her head is so loud, it's almost deafening, but she won't voice it. She's going to let him go. I see the back of his head as he runs.

I am now pulled into a multitude of old visions. One after the other; all concerning Jasper. Always alone. He Hasn't sought out Peter then. Or Maria. One relief at least. He's abstaining; for the most part. Making sure he's away from civilisation; hunting almost daily at first. I can feel the time change.

Over a year and half go by.. Jasper is growing closer and closer to civilisation, the thirst under better control. I feel a burst of pride seeing him enacting with unsuspecting humans. He's near Alaska when it goes Blank.

Nothing.

He was looking for somewhere to live. Starting a course at the university.

Then nothing.

Wait.

Alice has him back again, a patchy vision, the clarity all gone. He's alone but there's something there. Something I can't make out in the distance. he's trying to make a decision, but what it is, is anyone's guess. Then nothing…

The visions go and I am back in the white living room staring down at Alice's angered face.

"What did you do?

How did you do it?" She's virtually screaming at me.

It takes a minute for me to focus.

You killed him. My Jasper! Not that he's my Jasper any more. But Why? She was safe from him.. I would never have let..

But her voice is not the only one in my head right now.

They have taken my silence as a confession.

Oh Edward. What have you done? I would never have let you walk out of my study if I thought; for one moment that you would..

Carlisle's thoughts upset me but they are nothing to what Esme is thinking.

MY son My son. I love you so much, but how can you do this? My heart is breaking for you. But I don't think that this is something I have in my power to forgive you of..

I can feel her love tangled with sorrow and disappointment. It nearly has me fleeing but I know this would cause more harm than good. There sorrow is overpowering, yet it is new. if Alice's vision of Jasper's disappeared over two years ago, why did they not search me out? If this is what they believed.

Then it hits me another one of Alice's visions, that I am forced to relive.

Standing in front of a pile of burning ashes, my eyes their deepest black. Oh..

"it was Victoria…" The utterance has all thoughts stopping.

"What?" Alice demands her eyes still alive with flames.

"The pile of ashes.. The burning.. I was disposing of Victoria. That's what you saw." I look at her.

Still in shock. How could they think that of me?

"Victoria?"

Her voice is different. reflective, as if she is reliving the last visions with different eyes.

I could feel her actively searching out Jasper in the multitude of futures on offer to her. Now realising, it wasn't that he wasn't there, because he was. But he was being blocked, something obscuring him from her sight.

Oh

and then it hits her

He doesn't want me to look for him.

The hurt emanating from her is immense. opening old wounds that have just about begun to heal. She's no longer curious.

but I am.

A person could not just choose to hide their future's from Alice. If that were possible we all would have done it from time to time across the years. In more intimate moments; or when Jasper was planning a surprise anniversary gift. No; there was more to this, than we knew at the moment. I locked my eyes with Carlisle, and I saw him inch his head a millimetre either side.

Not now. Look at her this is not the best time. And it's obvious that he doesn't want to be found….

I nod slightly in agreement, I really had no power in this family to seek out my own theories, not that I want to, now that I plan to focus my life around Bella's.

Bella..

I hear her name in Carlisle's thoughts and stare, wondering where that came from.

He always has that face when he's thinking about her

"I do a face do I?"

I can't help but smile at that. Realising how irrevocably she has changed me.

"Can you two please, speak?! For those who aren't telepathic thank you." Alice's annoyance overtaking her melancholy.

"Your going back to her aren't you." Esme places a hand on my shoulder, quickly pulling me into her brace. It's not a question.

"Huh!"

I didn't see that..

"What?"

"What do you think it means?"

Worry slides down my throat cooling any ache that thinking about Bella had created.

"I don't know.." Alice bites her bottom lip, like Bella used to do when she would worry.

"Maybe it was a spare of the moment thing?" she asks

"No I decided to come back while burning Victoria."

Maybe we should stay until we figure this out… Before we go back to Bella..

"No!" I stop her thoughts.

"There's no we. I am going back to Bella alone. I can't keep away from her. God knows I've tried. But I will keep the danger minimal. That's why I've come one last time. To say goodbye.."

It hasn't come out as tactfully as I have planned. I can see the hurt in Esme and Carlisle's eyes.

"I didn't mean it to come out that way. I love you all. You are my family. But she's my everything. I won't make the mistakes that I have in the past."

How could you think that Edward. We would never intentionally hurt Bella…

I can feel the hurt in Esme's thoughts, but it's nothing to utter despair in Alice's

How could you do this Edward? I LOVE HER.

"Alice.."

"NO EDWARD!

"You don't get to argue me into submission this time. I love her. Like a sister. But I let her go. I abandoned her for you. And I could do it because I knew whatever I was feeling; it was nothing compared to what you were going through. But it's different now. How I can I stay away when I know that you are with her. I've never hurt her Edward. I've never been close. She'd be safe with me.."

I can feel the insinuation in her tone. But I'm resolute.

"Stop Alice…"

I'm shocked by Esme. I've never heard her silence Alice before.

I may agree with you.. But this is not the way to get through to him..

Carlisle's thoughts followed a similar pattern. Suddenly I am tired. For the first time in my immortal life I feel the need to lie down. I have come to them out of courtesy; not for their opinion. I notice my deference to my family. Maybe my exile has changed me more than I have noticed.

I can feel Carlisle shuffle his weight between his feet. His human reactions are second nature now. He places an arm to my shoulder, sensing my mood.

"I know this must be difficult for you Edward. After so long of fending for yourself. Answering to no one, but I am sorry, we will not let you make the decision for our family. Seeing as it is clear that you do not think of yourself as one of us any longer." the words are like jabs at my heart.

Before I can contradict him, Carlisle continues.

"No Edward; last time was different. You were in a lot of distress. And as a family we took the decision to leave, because you convinced us that this was the best course of action. We trusted you."

I can feel my voice taking on all the petulance of a child's, as if I really am a 17 year old.

"What's changed?"

"Everything."

Everyone else in the room agrees with him. It's clear in all their thoughts.

But she's mine..

I know that it's wrong to think of her like that. Bella is not a toy or my possession; God knows I don't deserve her. But she gave me her heart…

"Carlisle.. . . Please. . ."

I'm begging now and I know it's not fare but it's all I've got left .

He won't look into my eyes; and I can hear how much it hurts him. How much I hurt him.

"Edward. . . .Don't"

I'll do anything to get back to Bella.

" Just go to her Edward.. . I can see it. . . So don't waste your time here.."

Alice's voice is cold. Distant and I know that I've really hurt her.

"Alice-"

"No. Edward. Go. . . . But we will not simply roll over. . . . We will see her again. . . Trust me. ."

And I can tell that it's their final word on the matter. Gritting my teeth, I take one last look at my family, before fleeing into the night. The last thoughts I hear are Alice's

You've been gone a long time Edward. Maybe she's done what you've always wanted. And moved on…

Anger and fear consume me as I uproot several small trees in my haste to rid myself of the vision that haunts me