Chapter 3: Uncle Ted's Parties and the 25-page paper on Constitutional Law

"So on the same day that I proposed to your Mother something else, that was rather minor in comparison, happened: your Uncle Ted first me your Aunt Robin. Before you ask, no she isn't your Aunt Tracy and has nothing to do with your little cousins Penny and new-born Luke but she is one of our best friends which makes her pretty important in this story." Marvin nodded, I hoped that meant he understood, so I continued, "They met in MacLaren's Pub, which just so happens to be where we spent most of our time and still do to this very day. The day after their meeting, and my VERY romantic proposal, Uncle Ted went on his first date with Aunt Robin. After the date, he came charging in through the front door of the flat with some big news!"

September 2005: "Mum, Dad," Ted says, breathless with excitement and the fact that he'd ran all the way home, referring to Lily and I, " I have found the future Mrs Ted Mosby!" He sits down on the sofa beside Lily and I and we turn to look at him in anticipation. "Marshall! How have I always described my perfect woman?" I rub my eyes and try to remember, "Ahh let's see, err she likes dogs?" Robin: I have five dogs! "She drinks scotch?" Robin: I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch! "Can quote obscure likes from Ghost Busters." I continue, Robin: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES! "And BEST for last," Ted says, Robin: *with a plate of olives* Do you want these? I hate olives! Lily grabs my arm affectionately as I squeal, "She hates olives!" Lily looks at me and coos, "The olive theory!" Robin: You know, I've had a jar of olives in my fridge forever. Ted: I can take them off your hands. Robin: They're all yours! "Oh it is on!" I say excitedly, happy for my best friend, "It is on till the break of dawn!" I move my arms in a robot-like manner and do my best robot voice but it's quite pitiful.

(Back in 2017) "Ok, we've already established that the olive theory didn't work for your Mother and me but Uncle Ted and Aunt Robin seemed like the perfect match. He went on to tell us how Aunt Robin had to run off to work or something and we take the mick out of him for chickening out on kissing her like a little…bunny. Uncle Ted kept going on about this woman so, after he'd followed Uncle Barney's advice and Suited Up, we went with him in a taxi to see Robin. I'm not 100% sure what happened in that flat but I do know he blew it all with seven simple words. Word of advice son, never, ever tell a girl you've just met that you think you're in love with her – it's creepy!" Marvin giggled, "Oh and don't tell Uncle Ted that you know about this – he may go mad at your old Dad and nobody wants that! So where was I? Oh yes, even after Uncle Ted had ruined it with Robin he was still obsessed with her, to the extent that he followed her to a store on the other side of town and invited her to a party on Friday night that wasn't even planned which just so happened to be that same day – it was just 'casual' – two hours warning was far from 'casual'! I had a 25-page paper on Constitutional Law to write but one night off didn't sound too bad." Lily smirked, "It didn't turn out to be just one night!" I sighed, she was right! "Mummy is right little guy". To cut a long story short, your Aunt Robin didn't show up so Uncle Ted threw another party the next night – much to my frustration as it meant another night where I couldn't work on my paper. To make matters worse, your Mother was feeling extra…affectionate towards me. Guess what, she didn't show up…again!"

September 2005: The three of us sat on the sofa, Lily and I with a heartbroken Ted in-between. "Alright," I say, "we threw two parties. Everybody had fun, everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now the kid has got to get to work!" I say as I heave myself up, "And the kid is not to be disturbed," I wave my finger authoritatively. "Repeat after me, I will not have nookie with Marshall." Ted and Lily mindlessly repeat "I will not have nookie with Marshall. I'm about to go and start my paper, which could make or break my law career, when I hear Ted's phone ringing, "It's Robin" Ted says and I walk back towards him, intrigued. *Ted: Hello? Robin: Hey Ted! Ted: Amanda? Oh Denise! Sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda. - Casual. Robin: It's Robin. Their phone call is the same as the previous day, Ted tries to act casual but then ends up throwing yet another party simply so he can see her again! When this happens for the second time, I chase Ted around the apartment in rage – what does he not understand about the kid needing to work? Despite my resistance, the party goes ahead - *sigh*.

"So we had a third party, but it was…how do I put this?" I scratched my head in thought, my phone beeps so I look at it – I had just received a text from the one, the only Barnabus (Barney) Stinson. I chuckle as I read it, "Ah yes, it was, in the words of your very own Uncle Barney: lame, indeed it was. Word of advice son – when you're old enough to throw a party never throw one on a Sunday, it won't end well. While everyone was 'partying' in the loosest sense of the word your dear father here was frantically looking for a book to help him finish his paper but it was nowhere to be seen." Marvin looked at me, "Daddy where was the book?" he asked, clearly enchanted by the tale. "Well," I began, "Your Uncle Ted was using it as a coaster! I was so angry that I shouted at him, I was jeopardising my law career so he could throw three parties for your Aunt Robin who didn't like him and wasn't going to show up." I pause and sigh, "Yeah you can probably guess how this ended up. Aunt Robin was standing behind me and heard EVERY word." Just my luck eh? "By this point I was past the point of wanting to do work so I took your Mother by the hand and…" Lily coughed stopping me, why did I keep doing this? My son doesn't need to know about our pant-less antics, not now not ever! "…to cut a long story short, we all ended up in MacLaren's Pub, Uncle Ted and Aunt Robin opting to just be friends, enjoying a nice beer together as a group, Uncle Barney, Uncle Ted, Aunt Robin, Your Mother and me. I was adamant that after one more beer I was going to go home, write my 25-page paper on Constitutional Law and get an A because my name was Rufus and that was the trufus!" Lily chuckled, "Babe you got a B-, but still, 25-pages in one night, the kid was good!" I have to admit it – that was good. "Now son, the next part of the story takes place in a state called Philadelphia that Daddy was telling you about a few days ago, you remember that don't you?" Marvin giggled and raised his arms up in the air, "We're going to Philly!" he proclaimed excitedly. I love that little boy and his sweet little ways so much and I don't care who knows it!