My sister and a few others said they would really like to hear the story thus far from Ed's perspective. I've never done this so it might really stink but here's to hoping you like it.
Chapter 4: Misunderstood
My beautiful Bella lay on the ground bruised, broken and bloodied. She was screaming my name and there was nothing I could do.
"Oh Bella, I can't stop it. It's too late. I was too late. I can't make it stop!"
I picked her up and pressed her close to me I was sobbing.
How could I have done this to her? I truly am a monster! What am I going to do? James may have bit her but I might as well have. I have ruined her life. I have taken her soul. Oh God help me! Not that God would even listen to the pleadings of someone like me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I heard Carlisle's thoughts of comfort.
I growled back at him, "I promised to protect her! I promised her. Look at her I've killed her!"
Her screams were becoming more and more desperate and I was helpless I could only press her tighter to my chest.
Edward, it will be okay. She will understand. She loves you.
"It will not be okay! She will hate me. I have taken away her future, her life and her family! All of you told me to stay away but I wouldn't listen. I am a selfish monster! You were all right, I am prideful and arrogant I thought I could handle this! I am such a fool! Alice showed me what would happen to her and I refused to believe it!"
"Edward she is stronger than you give her credit for. As irrational as she was she came here to protect you because she loves you. She didn't want anyone else to get hurt."
That didn't make me feel better it made me feel worse. I had taken advantage of her, of her love for me. She was so naïve and I just let her into my life knowing full well that this would never end well.
"Please Edward, we have to go. We have a lot to do. We have got to get Bella back to the house to complete the change. Alice, Jasper and Emmett are trying to figure out what to do. We can't stay here!"
I picked up Bella and with the movement her screaming and thrashing intensified. Her screams were going to be ingrained into my head for the rest of eternity, not that I didn't deserve worse. I got into the back of Carlisle's car with Bella. Her little body looked so fragile still and I tried to enjoy the beating of her heart while I still could.
I kept kissing her head and her hair realizing all too well that I would never get this chance to be near her again. As horrible as it all was I could have her close to me for a little while longer. When she woke up I knew she would despise me for what I had done to her. I didn't know what I was going to do. All I knew is that I would not be able to live without her. Her love had changed me profoundly I just couldn't go back not when I had finally found what had completed me, what had finally made me feel whole. I never knew how big of a hole there was in my life until Bella. I just couldn't bear to go back to that empty cold existence. I loved her so desperately that there was no way I could keep going on pretending.
I would go to the Volturi I would make it end. I wouldn't be able to continue like this. I probably deserved an eternity of misery for what I had done but I didn't think that I would last long with the amount of pain I was currently in.
I stared out the window smelling her fragrance knowing it would soon change to a non-edible one that would allow me to get so much closer to her … but unfortunately I knew too well I wouldn't be around to enjoy the benefits of the changes. I wonder what she would decide to do maybe one day … No, I wasn't going to let myself think like that. There is no possibility that she could ever still want me.
I watched the brown desert disappear as the green of the Pacific Northwest began to take its place. We would be home soon. I tried to hum her lullaby and soothe her by telling her how sorry I was and how much I loved her. Carlisle had left me alone with my thoughts for which I was grateful. I couldn't take much more but I knew I needed to help formulate the plan that would protect the rest of my family even though I had just failed to protect the most important person in my life.
I knew Carlisle had been talking on the phone with several members of the family but I had been to out of it to notice what had been going on.
"Carlisle, what are we going to do?"
He knew immediately what I was referring to.
"Alice, Jasper and Emmett are staging your death and that of Bella's. Her truck is going to be found at the bottom of a cliff. Hopefully your bodies will be burned beyond all recognition. We might even fool the Quilleute elders being that you were burned. It all depends on how much they still believe their legends, which by Bella's account is still quite a bit."
I had once again put my family in danger too. If anyone suspected that I had hurt Bella the treaty could be broken. Not that they could do much about it but Carlisle would be devastated he had worked very hard with Ephraim Black to iron out the treaty. They would never believe that it wasn't us who turned Bella.
I noticed we were now entering Forks. Fortunately it was still dark out so no one would notice us as we headed to our home. I didn't see Rosalie or Esme. Carlisle had probably warned them about me and they were making themselves scarce. I carried Bella upstairs to my room where I was shocked to find a bed. I gently laid her down. I'm sure Esme had thoughtfully placed it in there as soon as she heard about Bella. How I wish that Bella could be part of my family but I realized that my dream would never come true. Bella would probably not want anything to do with any of us. Maybe we could take her up to Alaska to live with Tanya. I didn't want her to be alone. She would need others like us to take care of her.
I stared at her face that was twisted into a mask of terror and pain. How could I have done this to my sweet Bella? Even with the pain she was still beautiful and I could see how much she had already changed as her features became more defined and her skin became colder and harder. How was I going to get through two more days of this hell?
Finally at dawn of the third day I could hear her heart began to slow, I kept humming her lullaby hoping it was soothing to her. When I heard her heart stop I still held on to some irrational fear that she was really gone then I felt her take thefirst breath she would never need.
"Bella, love are you okay? I'm here, I'm here."
She opened her eyes and though they were blood red they were filled with love and devotion. It broke my heart I knew she didn't remember what I had done to her.
"Bella, Oh Bella" "Oh Bella I am so sorry."
I couldn't resist her and I pressed her close then I felt electricity shoot throughout my whole body more intensely then I had ever felt. I couldn't help but think of the first time that I had felt it. It seemed like such a long time ago. I pulled her tighter and tighter.
She looked into my eyes and I saw so much worry, concern and love for me a monster. I had to tell her the truth. As usual she took me by surprise and pressed her luscious lips against mine the electricity created was unbelievable. I knew I needed to stop her but I couldn't I lay back on the bed as she deepened the kiss. My hands were running through her hair, my fingertips traced the lines of her face. I didn't want to stop but I knew I had to she hadn't even realized what had happened to her yet.
I pulled away and looked into her deep brown eyes I was so ashamed.
I tried to explain again, "Oh Bella I am so sorry."
She looked at me confused, "Edward, what's wrong?"
I looked at her wondering what she remembered but mostly I could only think about her voice, it was even more alluring than before. It had a more musical quality now and it made me all the more besotted by her. It was going to crush me to have to tell her but I had to I didn't deserve such a perfect creature.
"Bella, can you remember what happened?"
I could tell her mind was racing but I couldn't believe it when a smile started to play across her face as she looked down at her hands.
The next thing she did took me completely off guard she grabbed me and hugged me so tightly it was painful. When she heard me she apologized but I could only reply with sarcasm knowing that she still didn't understand fully.
"Edward, what is wrong?"
How could she not know what was wrong everything was wrong!
"Oh Bella, I am so sorry I never meant for this to happen to you. I am so sorry I wasn't there to protect you. Why oh why Bella, did you go without me?" My voice was cracking and I knew this was it, realization was dawning on her face. She lowered her eyes it was all finally starting to sink in for her. She was realizing what she had become what I had done to her, I lowered my eyes. My heart was breaking for her and I and then she did what I had expected, she ran slamming my door to the floor.
I yelled at Jasper and Alice to go after her to help her, to explain things to her so she wouldn't hurt anyone. They raced after her I was sure that she wouldn't want anything else from me. I tried to block out their thoughts because it was mostly about what a big idiot I was until I heard them talk about a human. They were trying to keep a hold of Bella I yelled for Emmett and told him the situation he took off running into the forest. I sat on the porch hoping that Bella was okay. Her hatred for me would continue the more she realized what being a monster was really like.
Once she was safe I tried to block out their thoughts. I didn't want to hear how much she loathed me for what I had done to her.
I heard Esme's thoughts as she approached.
Edward it will be all right you will see everything will work out she loves you.
I looked back at her, "I wish but she finally sees me for what I am."
That isn't true she loves you she is just confused and trying to sort things out
I nodded and smiled hoping she would take the hint. I just wanted to be alone with my misery. I couldn't deal with false hopes. As I waited for them to return so I could make sure Bella was okay I heard Emmett's voice in my head loudly. As they approached he laid in to me.
Edward, are you really going to completely screw this up? She loves you, you idiot! Tell her you love her and you are happy about this that is all she wants from you! Seriously if you mess this up and hurt her I am going to kill you!
I looked at her she looked so sad. She was still covered in blood from her transformation and her first hunting experience but she couldn't have looked more beautiful to me. Could she really still have feelings for me? She couldn't possibly. She was staring at me. I could see so much pain.
"Edward, I need to talk to you." My name on her lips sounded so wonderful even if she wanted to tell me that she hated me I didn't care I just wanted to be with her for as long as I can. I chased after her. She kept her head down she didn't even want to look at me but I knew if I didn't try I would regret it. I was worried though I didn't want her to stay with me just because she thought I was her only option she needed to know she could do whatever she wanted. I needed to get everything out on the table.
"Bella, I am so sorry. I release you from any obligation you think that you might owe me. Now that you remember everything I know how angry you must be with me. Now that you realize everything that I have stolen from you by trying to keep you in my life. I was selfish and I will never forgive myself for the pain I have caused you. I'm so sorry."
She finally looked up at me. She looked so sad and I knew it was my entire fault.
"Edward, please don't say another word! You saved my life again and I don't blame you for anything. I made all of these decisions myself. I chose to be with you knowing what the risks were. I chose to confront James on my own. I know you don't believe that this is a life but I do. I wanted to be like you because I wanted to be with you. I just didn't know how much your feelings for me were wrapped up in the idea of me staying human. I had no idea of how much you really hate what you are but ... I loved you. I will always love you." She loves me still? What did she say? Was she crazy? Of course I loved her and it didn't matter whether she was human or not. What was she talking about?
" I won't stay with someone who is in pain every time they look at me. I'm not going to force myself on you. I saw the guilt and the disgust for me in your eyes. I realize you can't love me anymore. I realize I am not the same person to you. I can't stay ... I'm leaving with Alice to go to Denali. I'm so sorry for everything."
I screamed at her but nothing would come out! She was running away, how could she think any of that! I was losing her! I ran after her and grabbed her arm. I tried to tell her again that none of that was true and that I did love her more than anything in this world. She had the strength of a newborn vampire and easily shrugged me off. I wanted to chase after her again but I had to figure out why I couldn't talk to Bella. I replayed her conversation in my head and then it jumped out at me…
Edward don't say another word!
Her gift, it was the power of suggestion. I have to go back and tell everyone what is going on and get somebody to go after her once she calms down. I need her to fix me so I can tell her the truth. I can't believe she thinks those things. How could I have been so stupid and blind? I should have known how consistent and forgiving she is. I should have trusted her more. I would fix this I have to fix this Bella can not go on thinking that I don't love her when she means everything to me….
Reviews please! It makes me work faster!
