Part 4

The next redirected email – sent five hours and twenty two after the first – caused Alenko to immediately forget the report he had been writing as he scrambled to open it. Disappointment filled his stomach with lead when he read that it was from Tali. Her timing couldn't have been worse, but he admitted to some curiosity as to why she was emailing him. Alenko had figured he had offended her when he hadn't ever replied to her in the months after the Normandy's destruction. Eventually she had stopped trying to contact him. He began to read.

Hi Kaidan

I know it's been a while – you never responded to my emails. I have some important news for you: Shepard's alive. And it's really her. I was sceptical at first, especially with those cybernetic scars on her face, but I'm certain it's her. She moves like Shepard, she talks like Shepard, she acts like Shepard. Most importantly, she asked me if the geth data we recovered during a mission helped me with my Pilgrimage. Only the real Shepard would know about that – I remember her telling Ashley to not mention it in her mission report so any fake had no way of knowing.

So, yeah, it's Shepard. And she asked me to forward you this message. If you do see her, ask her something that only the real Shepard would know. If you're still not convinced, ask her several questions that only Shepard would know the answers to. I know you probably won't be immediately convinced but hear her out.

I don't know how anyone could go through what she has and stayed sane. Shepard definitely didn't look well, though, and mentioned she was in pain. You know it has to be serious for her to admit any discomfort. I'm worried, Kaidan.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hope you're doing okay.

-Tali

Alenko let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. Alenko sank down on the couch, feeling weak. It was a biotic punch to the gut. The answer to the sender's identity only raised new questions. Where had Shepard been for the past two years? Why had she let him think she had died?

He wasn't entirely convinced – he had yet to even see Shepard for himself – but Tali's conviction was a point in her favour.

Eagerly, he opened the attachment.

Hey Kaidan

I know a message is painfully inadequate, especially since I can't verify my identity, but it is too dangerous to try to organise a meeting. It hasn't clicked in my head that it's been two years, but I know it must have been horrible for you. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to get spaced. If you've moved on, I understand.

Survived the mechs. Sorry for worrying you like that (and I know it did). I'm sending this from Tali's omni-tool because every other terminal I've had access to is insecure. I only just realised sending that last email was dangerous – it's too much to hope the terminal wasn't monitored. You know how I said the facility didn't look Alliance? As it turned out, it wasn't. It was Cerberus.

You have no idea how much that both terrifies and enrages me. The organisation responsible for Akuze and all the other horrors we saw while hunting Saren funnelled two billion credits into me. I don't know what they've done to me. All I know is that yesterday the Normandy was attacked and I was spaced after I got Joker's ass into an escape pod. I remember the breach in my hardsuit. I remember not being able to breathe. Then I woke up on the station. I saw some of the Lazaraus Project's progress logs before I came in contact with any of the personnel, so they couldn't have been falsified. It's batshit insane and messed up.

I know this sounds crazy, but apparently I really did die. Freaky, right? And Cerberus rebuilt me. Rebuilt is the best way to describe it, because they decided to make some 'improvements'; my body feels like it's trying to tear itself apart. I'm afraid of any control measures they might have also sneaked in. The director of the project told me she wanted to put a control chip in my brain but was ordered not to. The word of a Cerberus operative isn't worth shit, so I don't know. There could be something even worse inside my body and I wouldn't even know.

Cerberus brought me back to stop the colony abductions in the Terminus – or so the Illusive Man said. He said they were connected with the Reapers. However, so far my only source of information has been from Cerberus and like hell I'm just going to accept what they say. Tali confirmed some of the things he said, but I'm still going to research this myself. I haven't seen any connection to the Reapers, but I'm on Freedom's Progress right now after an abduction and it's unnerving. To be able to abduct a whole colony without raising any alarm – there are no signs of struggle. I've never seen anything like it. The security footage shows the Collectors were kidnapping the colonists.

I've been told the Alliance is doing nothing, but I'll believe that when I see it. The Terminus Systems are outside of the Alliance's and Council's jurisdiction, though. I can't not try to stop these attacks, but hell if I'll work with terrorists and traitors. My plan is to go to Anderson and at the very least get my Spectre status back – and preferably be reinstated into the Alliance, but that might take too long with the red tape and questioning. Then I can tackle this colony problem without selling my soul to the devil.

With any luck I'll see you soon.

Shepard

His first coherent thought after reading through the message twice was that she didn't sign off with 'love you' like she had previously. Alenko knew it had cost Shepard to say she understood if he had moved on. He imagined what she would look like for the first time in two years: eyebrows drawn together, her lips pressed in a hard line and her pale eyes glacial as she tried to mask her hurt.

The vagueness of 'improvements' had Alenko worried, especially when Tali commented on her cybernetics. Was this truly his Shepard? It was possible it was Shepard, complete with her memories, but physically or mentally under Cerberus' control. Worse was the idea of Cerberus manipulating her. Shepard's sense of duty had not changed; she was ready – eager, even – to defend the colonists in the Terminus. Alenko had heard the rumour that Cerberus was behind the attacks, and he knew they would have a powerful agent if they could trick Shepard into helping them. Especially if they're playing the Reaper card, he thought darkly. That always got her attention.

He could read between the lines when it came to Shepard's comment on her physical pain. While honest, she only made a single mention of it; Tali was right in saying that Shepard only admitted she was in pain when it was debilitating.

With a groan, Alenko rubbed one eye with the heel of his palm. He hadn't even seen Shepard alive. He wanted to search for her, orders be damned, and find out if it was his Shepard. And if by some miracle it was, then he wanted to hold her, to feel the warmth and weight of her body against his. To run his hands through her rich brown hair. To trace the scar that ran from left eyebrow to the right corner of her mouth.

A light shudder danced through Alenko's muscles as he recalled memories of her for the first time in two years. He replied to Tali, thanking her for forwarding him Shepard's message, and asked if there was a way to contact Shepard. He also enquired where she met Shepard and for more detail on her cybernetics.

To his frustration, Alenko was then forced to consign himself to waiting.