Autumn Leaves

Chapter 4

"-sick to my stomach, every freaking-"

Heidi suddenly stopped talking as she saw the backdoor open. When she saw it was just me though, she sighed.

"Do you think you are?" Karen asked, staring at her.

"I don't know. I hope not. I just-"

"Not what?" I went over to the fridge to get a soda. I was once again spending another weekend at the Stocks' house. You know, because I just can't get away from them.

Anyways, Joseph wanted to do a cookout and was barbequing on the grill back there, Steven, Eli, and Jake supervising. Well, drinking, but that's the same thing in this house. Karen had spent most of the day inside with Heidi, talking and cooking while I got stuck on kid duty. What else was new?

"Oh, nothing, Auden," Karen said, waving me off. Heidi though, who was pacing in front of the counter, looked worried.

"You aren't sick, are you?" I knew I sounded childish, but I was honestly worried about Heidi. She hadn't been feeling well recently. "Heidi?"

"God, I hope so."

"What?"

She looked over at me. "This does not leave this room."

I glanced at Karen. "What?"

"Heidi, honestly, you shouldn't-"

"I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant," she told me, cutting Karen off.

I frowned. "Really?"

She sighed. "Yeah."

"Have you-"

"No." She shook her head. "I was too nervous to take a test. I don't want to. I don't want to know, really."

"Heidi," Karen sighed. "Maybe Auden doesn't want to-"

"Oh, Karen, she's not a little kid. She knows that I have s-"

Blinking, I got my soda before turning back towards the door. "Yeah, I really think the two of you can figure this one out on your own."

"Oh, Auden," Heidi sighed. "Just don't mention it, alright?"

"Have you said anything to Jack?"

She just stared at me.

"Oh, God, Heidi, really?"

Karen cleared his throat, making me look at her. "Now is not the time for blaming, Auden."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't…I'm going to go back out there with the guys. Eli wanted this soda, really."

"He needs to drink water to balance out all that beer," his mother told me before standing. She laid her hand on Heidi's shoulder. "I'll be right back, alright?"

"Oh, I'll just go out there too. Standing in here talking about it's not doing anything."

I led the other two women out of the house and over to the patio table next to the grill. Karen's husband, who was at the table, immediately stood up and gave her his seat. My boyfriend, who was also at the table, just stared at me. He had been drinking for a few hours now and wasn't in a very cooperative mood.

"Get up, Steven," his mother told him before letting Heidi have the chair he vacated. "Go get some of more lawn chairs out of the shed, huh? And Jake, are you honestly going to make your father stand?"

"It's fine, dear." Joseph laid a hand on his wife's shoulder. Eli was staring so hard at me now that I had to say something.

"What?" I asked.

He blinked before letting out a long breath. "Auden."

"What?"

He was up suddenly, moving closer to me. Joseph, though, reached a hand out while keep the other on his wife's shoulder.

"No," he said simply, using no effort at all as he pushed his son back. "Whatever it is, no. Either sit back down or go to bed. I don't care."

Eli growled, shoving his father's arm away. "Auden."

"Cut it out, Eli. Either tell me what you want or-"

It was then that crying started up. I had left the kids playing with Ralph in the yard. They had been throwing him Frisbees and tennis balls when I went into the house though the dog rarely brought them back. What could have gone wrong?

Joseph was the first to get to my sister, who was crying in the middle of the yard. Vinny, who was watching her cry, had his usual guilty, indignant look on his face.

"I didn't-"

"What's wrong?" Joseph easily lifted my younger sister into his arms regardless of the fact she was no longer a toddler and too old to be carried around like a one. "What'd he do?"

"I didn't do nothing!" Vinny was yelling now, getting upset as well. "It was her! She said I throw like a girl. Do I throw like a girl now? Huh, Thisbe?"

"He hit me with the Frisbee," my sister whined while Joseph carried her into the house, Heidi following. Steven, who had been getting more lawn chairs, just sighed as he went to deal with his son.

Karen shook her head at me as I sat down at the table, taking Heidi's seat. "It's always something with the two of them."

Eli, who was now sitting back in his chair, said, "Auden."

"What? What do you want?"

He looked around hastily before leaning over to me. It wouldn't have been that hard for anyone that wasn't totally gone, but Eli was and almost fell on his face, having to use the table for support.

"I'm so horny," he tried to whisper in my ear. Too bed a drunk whisper isn't really a whisper at all. The other two people at the table, Jake and his mother, both heard him. I could feel it as my cheeks heated up, my blush evident.

"Eli-"

"Mmmm. Auden."

Jake, who wasn't so sober himself, laughed loudly. "You hear that, Mom? He said-"

"Be quiet, Jake." Karen stood, shaking her head. "You need to drink more water, Eli. No, I take that back. You need to stop drinking so much. That's what you need to do."

With that, Karen headed back into the house, passing Joseph, Heidi, and Thisbe on her way in.

"Are feeling better, sweetie?" Karen asked my younger sister who just nodded, not removing the Popsicle in her mouth. "That's good."

"Bribing her into being quiet?" I asked Heidi and Joseph as the returned.

"Whatever works," Heidi sighed, taking Karen's seat now.

Joseph just patted Thisbe on the head before leaving her to go make up with Vinny. The little boy in question was still standing in the middle of the yard with his father, being lectured. It was only when Thisbe walked up that Steven cut that out.

"Why do you get a Popsicle?"

Thisbe finally took the treat out of her mouth. "'cause I'm special."

"Grandpa!" Vinny looked over at us.

"You hit her, Vinny, with the Frisbee. You don't get one."

"That's not fair! Granny!" When he looked around and saw she wasn't that though, he just gave up.

"Are you sorry?" Thisbe asked before putting her Popsicle back in her mouth.

"Yes. Can we play now?"

Thisbe just nodded before letting him lead her over to Ralph, who had yet to move from his spot on the ground. I watched them for a moment until Steven came over, setting two lawn chairs down for his father and himself.

"Where'd Mom go?" he asked. "This was her idea, after all."

"Eli said he was horny and she left."

"Jake!" I glared at him while Eli laid his head down on the table, clearly not feeling well.

"You what?" Joseph frowned. "What is wrong with you? Talking that way in front of your mother. Do you know how disgusting that is, Eli? Do you? Do you even care?"

He just groaned, closing his eyes. "I think I'mma puke."

"Come then," Steven complained, standing. "Let's go lay down then. Huh?"

Joseph just shook his head at his two oldest boys as they headed into the house. Heidi, who now had her phone out, sighed loudly.

"I'm glad I had a girl," she told no one. I rolled my eyes, glancing out at the kids to make sure they were still okay. They were. In fact, they were so okay that Thisbe was letting Vinny have some of the Popsicle now. Yay, germs.

"Burgers are done," Joseph announced a few minutes later as he stood. "And hotdogs. Vinny, Thisbe. Do you guys want your food now? Huh?"

They had long finished the Popsicle and were, as always, ready for more.

"Yes!"

"Yes, Grandpa!"

Joseph smiled as they both came running towards him. "Jake, get the paper plates out of the house. And the chips."

His son just stared at him. "Yeah, I'm gonna go with no."

Karen saved her son from getting yelled at as she came out of the house with the aforementioned items, also carrying a thing of plastic cups.

"Auden," she called over to me. "Can you get those liters of soda out of the kitchen? Please?"

"Sure," I said as Joseph pulled his wife in for a kiss. She just smiled at him before setting the stuff down on the patio table.

Going inside, I also grabbed some ketchup and mustard before returning. They hadn't waited for me to say grace, but I was mostly thankful for that. After that was through, the kids got their food first as always, each getting a warning that they had to eat most everything on their plates if they wanted to have cookies later that night.

"Grandpa," Vinny complained, looking around. "You didn't put out our table. Where are we gonna sit?"

"You get to sit with the grownups, silly," Heidi told him as she picked up her daughter and set her in her lap. "Won't you like that?"

"Y-"

"No," Vinny cut Thisbe off. "We don't like you guys to know what we talk about."

"You better not be talking about anything you can't say in front of us," Karen said, giving him a look.

"I can set you guys up a table, I suppose," Joseph sighed. "I-"

"Good. Come on, Auden!"

I frowned at him. "Come on and what?"

He glanced at me. "Ain't you gonna eat with us?"

"No."

"Fine!" He stomped over to his grandmother, waiting to be sat in her lap. "Fine."

I just rolled my eyes as Joseph handed me a plate with a burger on it. He smiled at me before asking Karen what she wanted. Steven came out, carrying the baked beans his mother had made before going back to get the potato salad.

"What's wrong with you, buddy?" he asked his youngest when he finally sat down at the table.

Vinny, still with a scowl on his face, just said, "I hate Auden!"

If this is what family is like, I'm glad I missed out on most of it when I was a kid.


"Why didn't you want Heidi to tell me?"

"What, dear?"

I frowned at what Karen called me. "Why didn't you want Heidi to tell me she was pregnant?"

We were in the house again, but it was calmer now. Thisbe and Vinny had both gone home with Heidi to be her problem while the guys were in the living room watching some sports game or something. Whatever. Except for Eli who was still passed out in his old bedroom. That, as seemed to be becoming the norm, left me alone with Karen. Not that she minded.

"Well," she began slowly before taking a long sip of her coffee, clearly stalling. We were both at the table, neither sure what to say to the other. "I just thought that it might make you uncomfortable, given the circumstances."

I blinked before looking down at my own coffee. "I wouldn't care if she was pregnant."

"I know you think that, but still. Seeing someone else have a baby, get to go through with that must be-"

"I wouldn't care," I said, bristling for some reason. "It wouldn't bother me."

"Okay," she said slowly.

"I wouldn't," I insisted.

"Aright, Auden. I believe you."

Looking off now, I said, "Besides, I didn't even want a baby. Ever. It's…better this way. Isn't it?"

Karen swallowed some more coffee, buying time. When that was out, she had to address my statement. "I think that you would have made a good mother to…Clayton if things had turned out alright."

"But they didn't. It's better that they didn't."

"I can't say that, Auden. I would have liked for them to go the other way." Her voice was taut now. "If that's how you feel though, that's how you feel. And if you don't wish to ever have another child, that's fine. It's something that you and Eli should discuss, of course, but it's no one else's business."

"We have talked," I said, still not looking at her. "Eli's just so, so childlike. He thinks that just so long as we always love each other, things will always turn out okay, that nothing can hurt us if we just hope and pray."

"Well, Joey and I pray, Auden," she said, before taking another sip of her coffee. I could tell that I was making her uncomfortable, but something in me couldn't stop. She was always so optimistic, so helpful, so…annoying. Karen annoyed me. She really did. I'm not sure why, but she does. "If it's not something you do, that's fine, I just think that you shouldn't slight Eli for it-"

"Where exactly did praying get Eli?" Drunk and sleeping it off at his parents house. "Nowhere."

"That's not fair, Auden."

"It is though."

She stood then. "I'm not going to argue with you, Auden. What you believe is what you believe. That's fine. You're not going to disrespect God in this house though, if that's what you're trying to do."

I watched her as she walked off into the living room, getting angry over this for some reason. She was the one that wanted to talk to me. Not the other way around. So what if I asked her something hard? Huh? Why is that my fault that she didn't want to answer?

I had to go through the living room even though I really didn't want to. It was the only way to get to Eli, who I found sleeping in his old bedroom. I just sighed as I went to sit on the edge of the bed, stroking his head gently.

"Mmmm."

"Eli, I want to go home."

"Mmmm."

"Eli, get up. Come on. We're going home."

"No." He rolled away from me then. "I'm sleepin', Aud."

"I know, baby. You can sleep at home, with me."

"No. You go. I'll stay." He fumbled around with one hand, looking for his keys. I knew he wouldn't have them though, that Joseph always took them from him. I mean, God, you'd think Eli would have realized this by now, as many times as he's shown up drunk to things. Shaking my head, I stood before telling him that I loved him and would see him later.

"Love you," he called after me. "Auden."

After leaving him alone, I had to go back into the living room, where Karen had taken up post in Joseph's chair. Where was Joseph though?

"That boy about drank all my beer," he complained as he came out of the kitchen with a beer for himself. "Though I guess you other boys helped him out, huh?"

"I need Eli's keys," I said before he could sit down. "Eli wants to spend the night, but I'm going to go ahead and head-"

"Oh, Auden, come on. Be serious." Karen glared at me for some reason, as if I should want to spend my weekends with a family that isn't my own. Yeah.

"I am," I told her as Joseph pulled the keys from his pocket. He was smiling at me, clearly having no idea why his wife was speaking that way to me.

"You heading back home, Auden? Real home?" Jake was suddenly animated. "Like your apartment?"

"Sure am," I told him.

"Tonight?" Karen frowned. "Auden-"

"I just don't want to be in town, with Eli, when he's drunk. I've seen my sister, so now I have no reason nor desire to be in this town."

This ticked Karen off for some reason. "Fine, Auden. Just go."

"I was."

"See, Steven, I told you," Jake was saying. "Can't leave two chicks alone too long or else they'll start fighting. Like chickens."

"What do you know about chickens? Other than being one?"

"Hey, Auden, wait up!" Jake jumped up now, almost falling on his face. Karen was still glaring after me, I knew she was, and her youngest choosing to follow me was just fuel to the fire.

"What, Jake?" I asked once we were both out of the house, on the front porch. I could see that everyone was watching us through the screen door though.

"Take you with me?"

"What?"

He frowned. "I mean, take me with you."

"You're drunk. Go away."

"No, Auden, I mean it. Take me with you."

"To Eli's?"

"No. To wherever you live."

"Screw off." I headed towards the truck now, but he followed me.

"Let me stay on your couch."

"I don't have a couch."

"No shit?"

"Jake-"

"Then let me stay on your floor. Or when we get there, tell me where Maggie lives and I'll go stay there. You know, whatever."

"Jake, I'm not taking you with me," I said as I got into the driver's side. "I'll take you to Eli's if you want, but that's as far as our adventure goes together."

"That's not-"

"Either get in or go back inside to your parents."

He quickly scrambled into the passenger's side. "Why won't you take me?"

"Why?" I frowned over at him. "Because I have no idea when I'll be going back to Colby and I do not want to be responsible for you."

"I'm not Vinny, Auden. You won't be responsible for me."

"I will in the eyes of your parents." I glanced at him. "Besides, if Eli finds out that I took off with you, he'll think that we ran away together."

"Hey, as long as the option's open-"

"Don't make me kick you out of the truck."

"Aye-aye."

We rode in silence until we reached Eli's apartment. I immediately got out, headed in.

"Jake, I'm leaving Eli's keys on the kitchen counter, alright?" I called out to him once I was sure he was in there with me. "Tell him I'm sorry, I just don't feel like staying in town. Okay?"

He just sat down on the couch, nodding. I sighed, going to do as I said before heading into Eli's room to get my stuff. It was only Friday night. It'll be good to get back home and be able to get some things done there. And if someone calls in, I might even be able to get a shift or two at work, which would be great.

"I'm gone, Jake," I called out when I walked back through the living room to find he had disappeared. Shaking my head, I decided that this wasn't my problem and headed out. It wasn't, either. So long as I kept him in Colby, he was safe, fine. Everyone knew everyone here. Or at least that's what they all keep telling me.


"Gotcha, Auden!"

"Shit!"

And that's how I found Jake. Yeah. And he tells me he's nothing like Vinny.

"Scared ya, huh?"

I had been driving the down the road when suddenly someone jumped up from my backseat in the middle of the night. Yeah, Jake scared me. I think that would have scared anyone.

"The heck is wrong with you, Jake?"

"I wanted to go," he said simply, climbing between the driver and passenger seats so that he could get in front.

"What if I had crashed? Huh?"

"There's no one on the road."

"That's not the point, idiot!"

"You're mean when you get angry."

"No, I'm mean when you act like an idiot-"

"Don't talk to me like this, Auden. I have rights."

"You do not have the freaking right to scare the crap out of me."

"It was a joke. Calm down." Buckling up, he said, "So, how long does this trip usually take?"

I just stared at him. "Are you serious right now?"

"Keep your eyes on the road, Auden. Aren't you the one that was so worried about crashing? Huh?"

"Don't make me hit you."

Reaching towards the stereo, he said, "You know, I never pegged you for a hip-hop listener."

"What did you peg me for?" I asked, frowning as he messed with my radio.

"Classical music. You know, piano and stuff. No lyrics."

"Instrumental."

"Exactly."

"Why would you think that?"

"Just…you know…you're kind of a nerd."

I blinked. "I am not a nerd."

"No, you're a nerd."

"I am not."

"I bet you were in high school."

"As compared to who? You? A burnout? I was just smart, that's all. Not a nerd."

"Bookworm then."

"You just said the word bookworm, but I'm a nerd?"

"Uh, yeah."

Groaning, I said, "Just shut up, alright?"

"So you'll let me stay?" Jake looked at me then. "You'll take me back home with you?"

I shrugged. "You're not a child. Not really. If you want to come, you can come. I don't care."

"Can I stay with you?"

This caused me some hesitation. "If you want, I suppose."

"Cool! We can be bed mates."

"Yeah, uh, no."

"Auden, you and Eli are practically married. That makes you my sister-in-law. And you know what that makes you? My sister. We can share a bed. I won't try anything. Not with my sister."

"You're not sleeping in bed with me."

"You're no fun."

"Yeah," I sighed, changing my radio back to the station I had it on before. "I know."


"Are you having sex with my brother?"

"Hello to you too."

"Are you?"

I groaned, rolling onto my side. "Eli, it's early. Why are you calling?"

"Why the heck is Jake with you?"

"How did you even find out?"

"Mom called him to find out where he was and he said he was with you. Now what the fuck is going on?"

"Calm down." I glanced at the clock. It was only seven in the morning. And on a Saturday no less. "I left early and Jake wanted to come with me. I wasn't going to let him, but he stowed away in my car."

"What? That is the dumbest-"

"Would I be telling you that if it wasn't true? Besides, Eli, if I was going to sleep with him, why would I take him back home with me?"

He paused. "I don't want him there."

"Well, I'm not driving all the way back to Colby to drop him off, so you had better come get him."

"I'm not going to get him, Auden. You're bringing him back."

"He's not a freaking child. He chose to come with me. I didn't force him. I didn't even really want him to. This is on him."

"Why did you even let him stay? You should have kicked him out of the car."

"Eli, he's your brother. If I brought Steven back with me, would you care?"

"You've never seen Steven naked."

"And I've never seen Jake naked either. Not fully."

"Yeah, but you had one of his naked body parts in your-"

"Ew, God. Shut up, Eli."

"Why did you go back home anyways?" he asked, changing the subject. "Huh? Mom said you-"

"I didn't want to be around your mother anymore."

"What happened?"

I took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "Nothing. It…nothing."

"Did Steven say something? My dad? I swear, if-"

"Your mom."

"Mom?"

'Yeah, she- What, Jake?" I frowned as he came into the bedroom.

"I wanted you to know that I'mma need you to take me to get something to eat."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "There's food in the fridge."

"Yeah, stuff I have to make. I'm not much of a cooker, per se."

"Is that my brother?" Eli asked. "Put him on the phone."

"Eli-"

"Now."

Groaning, I held out the phone to Jake. "It's your brother. He's pissed."

"Great," Jake grumbled, coming to take the phone. Before speaking into it though, he asked, "Can you, you know, get ready to go out? And get me food?"

Ignoring him, I got out of bed before going over to my closet.

"Hello?" Jake answered. "Well, hi, Eli- Now, now, brother, is that any way to talk to me? Your baby brother? Who you swore to protect and love? Hey! Don't curse at me. Eli- No. No. I can stay here if I want."

Leaving Jake behind to argue with his older brother, I went to go take a shower. I wanted to get one in before Jake touched it. I mean, I know that there's very little chance that I'll get his germs from us using a shower at different times, but still. Ew.

"Eli's pissed," Jake told me when I walked out of the bathroom. "He said he's coming down here as soon as he can."

"Which will be?"

"Not for awhile. Clyde's making him cover for me."

"He's going to kill you when he gets here," I pointed out.

"Yeah, I know."

"Was it worth it?"

"Are we going to hook up? If not, then no. If yes, then, well… Ow! No hitting."

"Then stop making jokes."

He just rubbed his arm. "You hit like a girl anyway- No more hitting!"


"Where is he?"

"Why Eli," I began, clearly not amused. "I'm so glad you could stop by."

"Eli's here?" Jake made a mad dash from the living room to the kitchen where he hid behind the island counter.

"I don't know what the two of you thought you were doing, but fun time is over. Playing house is over. So cut the shit, Jake."

"Eli," I groaned, pulling him into my apartment. About a week and a half had passed with Eli only calling occasionally. He was still mad at Jake and I. I thought that maybe given some time he would cool off, but apparently not.

"What?"

"Can you chill out? Huh?" I frowned at him. "God. I haven't seen you in how long? And yet for some reason you're more concerned with your brother. What's up with that?"

He huffed, staring at his brother in the kitchen for a moment before back at me. "You cheated me, you know?"

"My God, do you really think that we-"

"Not cheated on me, Auden," he said, still watching me. "Cheated me."

"Out of what?"

"You left before we could have sex. Do you know it's been three weeks since I've had sex?"

"Gah!" Jake made a choking noise from the kitchen. "Color me disgusted."

"Color you red in a minute when I beat the shit out of you." Eli looked back at his brother. "Where the heck have you been sleeping anyways? Huh?"

"In bed."

I had to grab Eli's hand to keep him still. "He did sleep in the bed, Eli. Not with me though. Just when I was at school or work. In the beginning. Now he sleeps out the couch."

Eli noticed my newest piece of furniture for the first time. "Where did you get that?"

I nodded at his brother. "Jake got it for me."

The other guy nodded though he still didn't come out from behind the counter. "One of my friends was selling it real cheap. I got it for her. 'cause she's so nice and stuff. Like my sister. Hear that, Eli? Like my sister. You know who I wouldn't sleep with? Ever? Linda. You know why? She's my sister."

Eli just blinked. "Where did you get the money for this?"

"I have money. All I do is buy beer. Where do you think all my money goes?"

"Why did you buy her a couch, huh? And what friends? You have friends here? Already?"

"Dear big brother, I have friends everywhere."

Eli looked back at me now. "Are you sure that couch isn't dirty? Like with fleas or something?"

"I'm having it cleaned, Eli. I haven't even sat on it yet."

He looked at the old, blue monstracity. "How'd you get it up here, Jake?"

"Me and some of my friends brought it up. Because I love Auden. As a sister."

I sighed as Eli took a step towards me. "I didn't sleep with him. Or near him. Ever. It makes me sick to think about."

Eli just leaned down slightly, gathering me in his arms before lifting me. He had a pretty good grip under my butt, as his hands were wrapped around my middle there. He was lifting me straight up, like a power lifter or something. He had never carried me like this and I braced my hands on his shoulders, not trusting his strength.

"I want sex. Now," Eli said, staring up at me. I hit at his head with one hand, using the other to grip his shoulder.

"I'm not a dog. You can't demand it."

He grunted before looking at his brother. "Get out. You have five minutes. If you're not out in five minutes, I'll rip your balls off."

"Aye-aye," he said, saluting, though he stayed behind the counter until we were in my bedroom. Eli was still carrying me, taking very careful steps.

"You're stronger than you look," I told him.

Kicking the door closed behind him, Eli asked simply, "Did he fuck you?"

His vulgarity shocked me for a moment, so much so that I answered honestly.

"No."

"Did he?" Eli paused. "Before?"

"Never."

"It was gentle then?"

"No," I said slowly, my hair brushing his face as I stared down at him. "It was…fast, I guess. It didn't take long. It wasn't…like you are, when you're gentle. When you're slow."

He still just looked up at me. "Did you like it?"

Eli had never asked so many questions about my first time. Ever. He rarely even liked to hear about it.

"No," I told him, completely truthful. "It used to be the worst mistake of my life."

"What's your worst mistake now?"

"Ever getting pregnant."

He dropped me then, though it was rather softly. "Because…we lost her? Or-"

"I don't know anymore."

For a moment we just stood there, watching each other. Then, slowly, he went to sit down on the edge of my bed, hanging his head down.

"I always saw myself as having kids, Auden. It's just something I thought people did. I never though that there were people like you."

I turned to look at him, though I wouldn't face him full on. "People like me?"

"People that think that there's something more important than that, that kids would just get in the way. I thought everyone knew the whole point of life was to have kids."

"Is that what you think?" I looked at him finally. "That that's the only thing life is about?"

"That's what makes you a man," he told me softly. "In my family. Having kids, taking care of them."

I blinked. "That's not what life's about, Eli."

He lifted his head finally. "But isn't it?"

Walking over to him, I slowly reached out, pulled his head towards me until it was resting on my stomach. "Is that what you think then? That because I lost Clayton that you've failed? That you're not a man?"

"No," he mumbled against my stomach.

"Is that why you drink?"

"I've always drank."

"Not like this."

"Oh, what do you know?"

I just stroked the back of his head. "A lot. It might not feel like it, Eli, but we've been together for years now. Nearly four."

"I thought it was already four years."

"Is it? I think it's coming up. Right after I graduate."

"Oh."

I giggled softly, still uneasy. "We never celebrate anniversaries."

"We're not those kind of people."

"No," I agreed. "We're not."

He suddenly grasped my hips before falling backwards, pulling me with him.

"Oof."

"Yeah, doofus. You should have thought that one through," I taunted, moving to get off him. Eli wouldn't let me go though. Instead, he rolled onto his side, forcing me to do the same.

"You're a man, Eli."

"Shut up."

"You are." I poked his chest. "You're my man. What else would you be? A boy?"

He just laid there, staring at me. "Mom's pissed that you took Jake with you."

"I don't particularly care what your mother thinks."

"Don't start shit, babe."

"Don't call me babe."

He smiled finally, but it was a sad one as he reached out to stroke my face. "I'm in love with you, you know."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I know."


"Not to be annoying here or unemotional, because this is great, watching the two of you spoon and everything, but uh, are we eating dinner anytime soon? I'm kind of hungry."

I groaned as Eli slipped the pillow out from under our heads before throwing it at the open door.

"Ow, Eli! What is up with you guys and physical violence?"

"Screw off, Jake."

"I'm hungry. I was promised food."

"You were not."

I groaned, opening my eyes. "I told him that he and I would go out to dinner tonight because he got me the couch. Sorry, Jake. I didn't know your brother was coming."

"And come he did."

I shut my eyes again. "Ha ha."

Eli took the last pillow and threw it at the door again.

"Auden, he keeps throwing things at me."

"Stop throwing things," I told my boyfriend. "Just get him to go away."

"Here." Eli made sure I was completely covered under the blanket before slipping out from under them.

"Ah, man, I did not want to see that."

Eli ignored his brother as he went over to his jeans, ignoring the fact that he was stark naked. Bending down, he pulled his wallet out before going over to his brother.

"Here's a twenty. Go knock yourself out. Gorge yourself on whatever you want."

"I doubt that I can 'gorge myself' on twenty dollars." Jake glanced down. "Cold in here, is it?"

"Fuck off." Eli shoved him out the door before closing it. "Dick."

"Bigger than yours."

I rolled over to face him as Eli climbed back into bed. "Your brother's annoying."

"Yeah, I know." He poked my arm. "How'd you deal with him, huh? For this week?"

"Week and a half."

"How, Auden?"

I smiled at him, laughing slightly. "He's just like a little boy. It's just a babysitting gig, only instead of making sure not to give him too much caffeine, I have to make sure he doesn't have too much alcohol."

"Did you guys really never even sleep in the same bed?"

"Yeah, Eli. I mean God. I would never lay in bed with another guy. I'm with you."

"You are with me."

"I am."

"My girl."

"Mmmhmm."

"And you love me."

"Most definitely."

"And you're horny again and want to have sex."

"Yeah, you weren't walking me into that one, stupid."

"Well, I tried." He smiled at me then. "So, since Jake's gone out to dinner and everything…are you hungry?"

"A little." I shifted under the covers. "I don't feel like going out though."

"Then I'll make us something, huh? Anything you want."

"Whatever you make is fine." I stroked his bare chest, making sure to trace Clayton's name, forever inked there. "Elijah."

"You're just not gonna let that go, are you? Huh?"

"I bet you've never even read anything W.H. Auden wrote before."

"To be honest with you, Aud, I didn't even know that your name was his last name."

I just smiled. "You know what my dad used to tell me? What he says about Thisbe now?"

"What?"

"That if they don't know the meaning behind our names, that they're not worth our time."

Eli let out a breath, staring at me. "The way I see it, Auden, you can be as smart as you want, you can learn all you want, and you can make as much money as you want. But if you're a dick, you'll still be a dick. Plain and simple."

"Are you calling my father a dick?"

"Not directly, no." He smiled when I traced Clayton's name one more time. "You ever gonna tell me what really happened with you and Mom?"

"No."

"Alrighty then." He pushed out of bed, still naked. I watched as he went over to his jeans and pulled them back up. "I'll be making us dinner then. You can stay in bed if you'd like."

"Mmmm."

I laid around for some time, not really wanting to find out what Eli was making. The two of us combined could occasionally come up with a good meal. Mostly though, Eli lived off hotdogs and chips while I lived off salads and frozen low calorie TV dinners. You know, the real American family. We're hardcore.

"So when exactly are they coming to clean that thing?"

I just smiled at my boyfriend as I came out of the bedroom clad in my panties and his shirt only. "Don't worry about it."

He gave a sideways glance back at the couch before going back to the stove. "I'm making chicken."

"I smell. I didn't even know I had chicken."

"It was frozen. In the back of the freezer."

"Yummy."

"I poured some, uh, cream of something on top. You know, real Top Chef shit."

"Fabulous." Sauntering over to him, I leaned back against the island counter to watch him. "Happy Halloween by the way."

"Oh yeah, forgot all about that."

"Mmmhmm. I can't believe you didn't stay down there to take the kids trick-or-treating."

"Actually, I have photos," he said, pulling his phone out with one hand. "Catch."

I did so before flipping through his photos. "Wow. Vinny was a vampire, huh?"

"Dracula."

"And Thisbe's a princess."

"Yep."

"With a pink tutu."

"It's what she wanted."

"My mother would hate that."

Eli smiled back at me. "Vinny told me to tell you that he'll save you ten pieces of candy."

"Really now?"

"Yeah. He really likes you for some reason."

"Well, you know, I do have quite the affect on Stock men."

"So I'm finding out."

We took our dinner in the bedroom, neither braving the couch just yet. I didn't like eating in bed, but it was that or sitting on those stupid stools Eli brought me which wasn't happening either. So, you know, life happens.

"There aren't any Halloween parties we could go to or something? It's not that late."

I made a face at Eli as I swallowed a bite of chicken. "You know I don't party. Besides, I have class in the morning."

"Seriously? After a major holiday?"

"Halloween is hardly a major holiday."

"To some of us. Not fun ruiners. You know, like you." He reached over and poked me gently in the nose. "Auden Stock."

I wrinkled that nose. "No."

"Auden Penel-"

"Don't say it."

"I love your middle name."

"Yeah, well, that makes one of us."

We were sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing each other. We were so close that our knees were touching.

"Penelope."

"Stop it!"

"I love it though. So much. You don't even know how much I love saying that."

"It sounds dorky."

"It does not." Then he smiled at me. "And dorky?"

"Shut up. I can say dorky. Jake called me nerdy the other day."

That got an eye roll. "Let's stop talking about him for awhile, huh?"

"How about forever."

"Works for me…Pen-"

"Stop it, Joseph."

That just got a stare. "That's weird on a whole different level."

"Why? Huh? Joey?"

"Stop it. I'm going to start thinking of my mother when I see you."

"Joey," I said it all slow and seductive like. "You think that's how she says it? You know when they-"

"I will murder you."

"Oh, Eli. You gave me hell when my parents got back together."

"For good reason. Your parents are so dry and literal. I couldn't even imagine them having sex."

"Good. Keep it that way."

Then, in a high-pitch tone, he tried to attempt my mother as he said, "Robert? Perhaps if you shifted angles-"

"I'll hurt you."

"I can hurt you worse." He puffed out his bare cheat. "You know that?"

"I know you can," I agreed, not even feeling like fighting that. "But you won't."

"You're right. I won't. Ever." He held out a hand. "Give me a hand."

I did so, setting my fork down. "What are you doing?"

"I could crush your hand right now," he said, shifting our hands so that they were in handshake form. "Very easily."

"Can you?"

"Yep. I do it to Wallace and Jake all the time. As a joke. You know, squeeze their hand so hard it hurts."

"That's fun for you?"

"Yeah, well, I'm a twelve year old in a grown man's body."

"Yeah, I know."

He laughed slightly before letting go of my hand and going back to his chicken. "I'm pretty good at videogames thanks to that though."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'mma have to buy you a TV. You know, for your birthday present."

"My birthday already past, babe. It was in September. You gave me ten dollars. Remember?"

"Yeah, I know. Still. A belated gift. Or maybe a Christmas gift. Something. You just need a TV so I can play videogames over here."

"So really it's a gift for you."

"Well, yeah. Duh. Why else would I buy you something if it wasn't for me secretly for me?"

I rolled my eyes. "I have no idea."

"Just wait, Aud. Eventually, the less into each other we get, the more inappropriate gifts I get to buy you."

"Like?"

"Vibrators galore."

"Mmmm." I looked him dead in the eyes as I asked, "Joey, are you sure that this is allowed within the bible? Where exactly would I use-"

"I will hurt you. I take it back. You're so dead now."

"Now, Joey, you're the one that brought up the subject of those…nasty toys." I was speaking in my best Karen impression. It wasn't very good, but it was enough to bother Eli. "What do you call them? Perhaps I should call Janice and ask-"

"You did bring up-"

"Joseph, you know I don't like it when you take that tone."

"Auden-"

"Call me Karen."

"I will hold a pillow over your mouth when you sleep."

"Is that part of your little fantasy too, Joey?" I put a finger to my lips, trying to look alluring. "Is that what the kids do these days?"

"Okay, point taken. I won't make fun of your parents anymore. Truce?"

"Sure." I reached out to shake his hand when he held it out to me. "You know- Ow!"

He kept squeezing my hand. "You do that again and I'll do much worse."

"You're hurting me! God!"

He finally let go. "It's not that bad, Auden."

"You hurt me." I got out of bed, cradling my hand. "My God, Eli. It was a freaking joke."

"So was that! Or at least I thought."

He scrambled out of bed also, quickly crossing over to my side of the room. "Come here. Are you-"

"It hurt. You knew it would hurt. I'm not one of your stupid guy friends, alright? God. You hurt me."

"Do you need ice or-"

"No."

"Then do you want me to-"

"Just get out of my face."

He was unsure now and paused before reaching out to pat my shoulder. Then, not wanting to bother me further, he grabbed our mostly empty plates and headed out of the room, probably going to wash them. Slowly, I laid down on the bed, slipping Eli's shirt off before doing so.

When he came back into the bedroom, it was about thirty minutes later. Instead of just getting into bed, he spoke.

"I'm drinking one of those beers in the fridge. Okay? Just one. It helps me sleep." When I didn't respond, he said, "Fine then. Just know that I didn't mean to do it and I love you."

He laid down on the bed then, beer in hand. I tried to keep my eyes shut and just ignore him, but I couldn't. Rolling over, I stared at him for a moment before speaking.

"I love you too."

"Yep," Eli sighed, taking another sip of beer. "I know."

"You really did hurt my hand."

"I'm sorry." He glanced at me. "You know that though, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Good." He held out his beer to me. "Want some?"

"No."

"Your loss."

I just leaned against his side, shutting my eyes. "Yeah, Eli. I know."