Chapter 4

I'm not sure I'm too happy with this chapter but I wanted to get something up just to keep my writing motivation going. The story progression might be a bit slow, but I am working on it. I've never experienced anything like what Alicia is going through right now so trying to get into the mind set that I imagine she is in is tricky, this really is just what I think I would feel like if it were to happen to me. It's all a guessing game. It would have been so handy to have a bit of inspiration from tonights episode but they've gone and cancelled it, I'm irritated to say the least. I'm just rambling now, heres the next underwhelming chapter, I will try and do better for the next chapter just bear with me. Thanks for reading I appreciate any and all reviews.

Guest: 'I'm really glad you've involved Connie, I feel as though the show has been making out that Bea and Ethan are the only ones noticing a change in Alicia depsite her being surrounded by ED staff. I really hope Connie will help Alicia and see through Eddie. Please update, I love your writing!' - I totally agree, I do feel as though Connie will have to be involved at some point since Eddie will have to face some repercussions ... Whether they show that in the show or not is another thing. I do hope at least someone other than Ethan and Bea notice, but we will just have to see. Thank you so much for your review, it really makes me feel a bit more confident in my story and writing in general.

Guest: 'I like this a lot. I love how it is written and would love to see Alicia showing weakness with connie- fainting when alone with her would be awesome!' - Thank you so much, I appreciate it. That definitely sounds like an exciting element to work into the story, I did try to work it in to this chapter but my mind went in a direction that kind of strayed away from Alicia and Connie having a dialogue. However I really like the idea, it's definitely something I will try and write into the story and Connie will definitely be involved throughout so stay tuned.

Guest: 'I'm not saying it's your duty but like a chapter to make up for the lack of casualty tonight would be pretty great. Haha' - Ah jeez I'm sorry I didn't see this review until like 11pm, sorry about that. I get what you mean, I was so disappointed when I found out the next couple of episodes are cancelled. Thanks for the review, i'm flattered that you feel my story can somewhat make up for the lack of a casualty episode, my ego had been sufficiently fed ;)

Anyway without further adieu ...

*Connies office*

Eddie POV

Ms. Beauchamp sat behind her desk, hands clasped together and eyes staring intently at the doctor standing before her. They had been going back and forth for the last two minutes, Ms. Beauchamp attempting in vain to get to the bottom of the cause of Alicias outburst.

'I can assure you Ms. Beauchamp, nothing is wrong. She is obviously just having a bad day, you know how women can get'. As soon as the words left his lips, he cringed. Why would he say that? Yes it was true, but why did he say it out loud? And to a woman no less! Sometimes he forgot that Ms. Beauchamp was, in fact, also a woman. She was just so intimidating.

Ms. Beauchamps eyebrows furrowed, seemingly taking in what was just said. 'I won't justify that with a response, Dr. McAllister. Clearly i'm not going to get any decent information out of you so I think you should just get back to work.'. Sighing in irritation, she unclasped her hands, placed them flat out on the desk in front of her briefly before beginning to read over some papers that were strewn across her desk.

Eddie hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should attempt to make amends for what he just said. As he stood, mouth open trying to think of what to say, Ms. Beauchamp looked up from where she was sitting at her desk and fixed him with one of her famous, piercing glares.

'Get out!'. The sudden and unexpectedly loud tone she used was enough to make him jump. He hurried towards the door, pulling it open and slipping out as quickly as possible. He really didn't want to get on her bad side, if he hadn't already anyway.

This was ridiculous. Why was he being berated and shouted at for something Alicia did? This was being blown way out of proportion in his opinion. At this point, he would be more than happy if Alicia didn't return to the E.D again today, he could do without the drama while he was at work. He had lives to save, looking after his one night stand was not on his to do list.

Connie POV

She looked up from the paperwork she had been pretending to examine in an attempt to hint at Dr. Mcallisters no longer welcome presence in her office and watched the door close as the startled young doctor fled the room. She couldn't help the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was off about him. Now, she wasn't one to make snap judgements, especially about her younger staff. They were young, they were learning, and they were bound to make mistakes. However, bringing personal matters into the workplace and then speaking to her, his clinical lead and superior, with such blatant disrespect was unacceptable. He was hiding something, she was sure of it, but there wasn't much she could do until Dr. Munroe returned.

Thinking back on the events that had occurred that morning, Connie sighed deeply, furrowing her brow in thought. That was not normal behaviour, especially not something she would expect from Dr. Munroe. She was typically an energetic, bubbly young woman, completely opposite from Connie herself which might have irritated Connie if she didn't show such promise as a doctor. It wasn't often that Connie would outwardly praise her staff, Molly coddling wasn't something she believed to be productive, but it was undeniable that Dr. Munroe showed an outstanding level of promise.

This is why her concern for the young junior doctor was at peak after the events of that morning. What could have happened to make the usually outgoing and perky woman run from the E.D in tears. Yes, she had noticed the tears, even in the commotion and brief amount of time she had been in contact with the young woman. Something wasn't right, and she was determined to find out what. After all, the day was still quite uneventful. The pace had not picked up since that morning, so she was going to use this time to solve this issue between her two youngest doctors. After all, an E.D that was fraught with over emotional doctors was not something she would tolerate. This needed to be resolved, the sooner the better.

With that thought, Connie picked up the work phone that was sitting on her desk, and after quickly looking up Dr. Munroes mobile number in the employee records she began dialling the number. She sat with the phone pressed to her ear, drumming her nails on her desk as she listened to the dialling tone and then waited as the phone on the other end of the line rang. Once. Twice. Three times. Irritation began to nag at her as the phone continued to ring, before cutting off with an automated message declaring the call had been unsuccessful.

Slamming the phone down, she breathed another deep, exasperated sigh. Rubbing her face with both hands, she decided to try another approach. There was not much point in calling again, Dr. Munroe was more than likely not going to pick up her phone considering the state she was in this morning. An email would be a much less invasive approach, however it annoyed Connie greatly that an immediate response was much more unlikely. She wanted this solved.

She wasn't entirely sure why she was so invested in this. Typically she would just dole out irritated lectures and angry words to any member of staff that decided to act in such an unprofessional manner, but this was different. Maybe it was just a matter of looking for something to do other than her seemingly endless paper work. Maybe she just wanted to ensure her staff had their heads in the game, even if it meant becoming entwined in their personal business. Or maybe, she had just changed since returning to work after her cancer battle. It was not typical behaviour for her at all, but she convinced herself that it was just something that had to be done in order to keep the E.D running smoothly.

Opening her email and quickly tapping out a message, she clicked send and set out for a long wait. She did not expect a response any time soon, so for now the ball was in Dr. Munroes court. However, if she did not receive a response before the end of the day she may have to take things further. Besides, despite the lack of activity in the E.D, she was the clinical lead and for her, there was never a shortage of work to do. However much she wanted this issue resolved, she could not ignore her duties as clinical lead, so pushing all thoughts of her emotionally charged staff out of her mind, she busied herself with the mountains of paperwork surrounding her.

This was going to be a long, long day.

Alicia POV

Collapsing against her front door, she slid down the wooden panelling and curled into herself, sobbing helplessly. As soon as she had left the E.D car park, she had began running as fast as she could in the direction of her house. Eddie was in the E.D, she would be safe at home, at least until the end of his shift. She couldn't shake the feeling that he could be there wherever she went though, and that was terrifying. Realistically, she knew she was safe, he was at work, no where near her, but her mind was not complying with logic right now. Once his shift ended, she knew she would be unable to relax. He could turn up at any point. He had single handedly managed to reduce her to this, a paranoid and terrified shell of a woman.

As she sat in a curled up ball at the foot of her door, she barely noticed the rain that was drenching her hair and seeping through her clothes. The wet, cold sensation was nothing in comparison to how she felt on the inside. In a funny kind of way though, the miserable weather seemed to mirror exactly how she was feeling. Dark. Numb. Miserable. She almost felt comfort, in the sense that her surroundings matched how she was feeling, as if the world around her could sense her inner turmoil and express to the whole word how she was feeling. It was something she had never experienced before until this very moment.

With one last heaving sob, she decided that she needed to get inside, if only to feel that little bit more secure. She was vulnerable just sitting outside like this. Then again, she wasn't entirely safe inside her house either. She once thought she was, when she bought the house. She was so happy, boasting to anyone who would listen about her lovely new house, even convincing Ethan to come and see it, but not anymore. It wasn't her safe place anymore. Only a place that would remind her and suffocate her with memories of that night. It was all she had though, she couldn't exactly sleep outside all night, so she heaved her aching and weak body up, supporting her weight on the door, and rummaged around in her pockets for her key.

Once she had found her key and unlocked the door, she stepped through the threshold, letting her bleary and tear filled eyes take in her surroundings. It looked exactly as she had left it, although now it was somehow darker, more dull. It didn't comfort her like it once had. She closed the door behind her, making sure to lock the door, double checking that it was actually locked before making a beeline for the kitchen. She needed something to drink. In this moment she was thankful that she had decided to end her brief stint of sobriety, remembering the trip she had taken to Tesco a couple of weeks ago to stock up on her favourite bottles of wine. She had bought three bottles, relishing in the thoughts of returning home to enjoy a glass of her favourite drink while curled up on the sofa watching t.v. She wished she felt that way now, wished she could just pour a glass and feel content in sitting down alone in front of the t.v, but she couldn't. Today, the alcohol was purely to help her forget. It wasn't a matter of wanting it, it was a matter of needing it.

Forgoing the glass, she pulled a bottle off of the shelf above her and screwed off the lid before raising it to her lips and drinking until she felt her lungs burning for air. Gasping slightly as she lowered the bottle, she made her way into the living room. Maybe it was just the momentary lack of oxygen, but she was sure she could feel the effects of the alcohol kicking in already. Then again, she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon, so the alcohol was likely to take affect much faster. She let her legs give out once she reached the sofa, falling into the cushions with a soft thud, and sat there with her wine in hand staring blankly ahead as her mind wandered into dark territory.

She jumped violently as the sound of her doorbell rang through the house. Coming out of her thoughts, she glanced around, noticing through the crack in her drawn curtains that it was already dark outside. Wait, how long had she been sitting there? It was still early afternoon when she arrived home, she was sure of it. How had she managed to sit here all day without realising it? She was brought from her thoughts once more by the sound of the door bell ringing through the house a second time, reminding her of the reason for this inner dialogue in the first place.

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, she began to panic. It was already dark out, which meant Eddie was finished his shift. What if that was him? How could she be so stupid? How could she let her guard down like that? Looking to the now empty wine bottle in her hand, she cursed herself for being so stupid. How had she even managed to finish it without even realising? Drinking was the last thing she should have been doing. The last time she had been drinking she had been last night, with him. She knew the alcohol wasn't the sole cause of what had happened, but maybe she would have had the strength to push him off had she been sober.

She stood quickly, her pulse pounding in her head, as her breathing quickened. She clenched and unclenched her hands as she made her way quickly to the doorway of her living room, leaning against the wall and peering around carefully at the front door. The doorbell rang again, breaking through the silence and startling her once again. She whimpered, slapping her hand to her mouth in an attempt to muffle the terrified sobs that were now wracking her body and whipping herself back around the corner so she was leaning against the living room wall, just next to the doorway. It was him, she was sure of it. He had come back. She slid down the wall, just as she had done earlier that day in front of her house, her hand still covering her mouth and sobs still wracking her body. Please just leave, please go away, she repeated over and over again in her head. She didn't know what to do, she couldn't face him.

Clearly whoever was at the front door had given up on the doorbell, and at that moment a voice broke through the silence, calling her name. Alicias eyes widened, taking in the familiar voice. She couldn't do this, she couldn't take it. This was to much, so she remained where she was, desperate to be left alone, yet terrified of it at the same time.

Sorry about the massive time skip between Alicia sitting down and the doorbell going off, I hit a major block on internal monologue for Alicias character, if it has really irritated you just let me know and I will work on something to put in there