4

Gently crushed


And all the suffering that you've witnessed

And the hand prints on the wall

They remind you how it's endless, how endlessly you fall

And the answer that you're seeking for the question that you've found

Drives you further to confusion

Alexi Murdoch- "Breathe"


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of this story (except for Pippa); Fai, Kuro and the others belong to CLAMP. Daphne Greengrass is a character that my dear friend Loony designed for an RPG but I got the permission to use her.

Warning: mentioning of physical abuse, language and weird side characters. And geekyness.

Beta: As always by TrueDespair.

TrueDespair: Short note. Prepare yourselves for a rollercoaster of a chapter. Oh and something that you never thought possible. (Believe me; it threw me into a bit of a shock). Also, geekyness is assured...yeah. Enjoy.


Fai had never seen little Himawari-chan so nervous before. It was a cute kind of nervousness, but he also found it a little bit sad, since nothing he said could comfort her. So in the end, he asked her, what this 'Kat' was like. And as soon as the girl started talking, there was no way to stop it.

Fai thought that Himawari had nothing to worry about. First off, she looked absolutely stunning in her cute little outfit and her hair bound in two loose plaits. Second, if just half of the things his student said about Kat were true, then assumingly she had to be a very sweet girl. He had the feeling though that those two might get along with each other just fine.

However, none of them had ever considered that those cute innocent girls would attract some nasty guys like moths being drawn by the fire.

As they approached the playground of the Emperor Penguin park, which was supposed to be their meeting point, the sound of shrieking caught their attention.

Two girls – college students maybe, about nineteen years old – were surrounded, no; cornered by a group of rough looking guys. And guys they were, since Fai would refuse to call anyone who would terrify others a 'man'. Himawari-chan froze up, her eyes widening. Her mouth opened only for a silent 'oh no!' to come out.

"Lexi and Kat?" Fai asked. Her inability to say anything was the closest he could get to a 'yes' from her.

"Okay. Stay here. I'll take care of this. If things get worse, go get some help."

Her eyes trailed slowly back to her teacher; her decelerated movements like the ones of a sleepwalker. She remained silent, but there was a look of protest in her eyes. The blond gave her a reassuring smile and patted her head. "Don't you worry about a thing."

And with that, he left.


"Oh come on, sweetie. My friends and I want to show you and your sis a good time."

The older twin, a young woman with her brown hair cut on shoulder's length was stuttering something unintelligible, her body trembling in fear. Just half an hour ago, her only problem was whether her sister would like the girl she had a crush on.

And now...

"Leave her alone!" Lexi yelled, shoving herself between Kat and this wanna-be gangster. "We already have a date for today and this person will be here in a few minutes so you better get going."

Kat noticed that Lexi was trembling as well. Lexi was always so strong and straight forward... her pretty little sister. Oh how Kat envied her for that. They had to get out of this situation before her date would arrive. The last thing she wanted was for Himawari-chan to get involved in this.

"We would really appreciate it if you leave now." she said with a forced smile and kept on reminding herself, what her boss (Kat had a part-time job at a fancy little bar called 'Blue Moon') had instructed her when dealing with drunk customers. 'Keep polite but determined. Don't let them see that you feel uneasy but try not to encourage them.'

The tallest of the group, an ugly boy; almost twenty with pink marks all over the face that looked like remnants of pimples, grabbed Kat's arm and drew her closer to him. His greasy orange hair had an unpleasant smell; like rotten leaves. "Do you like to dance, sweetie?"

Kat shook her head. "Sorry, but I can't dance. You just have to find another girl for this."

I can't dance. I can't talk. The only thing about me is the way I walk...

The lines of an old Genesis song came up in her mind and added an even odder note to the situation. She wanted to get farther away from the man, yet the grip around her arm grew stronger. He wasn't finished with her yet, would probably never be until she agreed to whatever he wanted her to.

"I can teach you. It's a very special dance, a very close dance. There's not much to learn about it." The dirty; almost hungry grin that accompanied these words made it quite clear what Carrot Head had in mind. Like many guys with a lack of discipline or manners and too much spare time it was not his brain (if he indeed had one) who did all of his thinking but his groin... which was just the section of his body that Kat spontaneously chose to kick.

Carrot Head howled, convulsed with pain and finally let go of her arm.

"LEXI, RUN!" She yelled and as far as she could see from the corner of her eye Lexi was following that instruction. As their 'leader' wailed, the rest of the wanna-be gangsters set in motion, drawing closer to form a wall that would keep the girls from escaping but Lexi, using the element of surprise, picked out the weakest looking of the guys (just something over six foot tall with arms like a twig that made his black leather jacket look ridiculously big) and pushed him aside, making him land on his rear.

She ran about ten steps before risking a look back... just to see that Kat was still struggling to escape. One of the remaining two guys had an arm around her waist, forcing the brunet into an embrace that was as far away from romantic as one can get. The other stood behind Kat's back, cutting off the only escape route. To make things worse, Twiggy Arms and Carrot Head were slowly recovering from the shock and the pain.

Oh no!

"Excuse me, but would you mind leaving that lady alone?" A stranger's voice interfered. "It seems to me that she's not very fond of your company."

It was a smiling blond man that entered the scene, tall and lean. He walked past Lexi as if he didn't even notice her and for a moment Lexi was convinced that he really didn't see her. His eyes, clear blue with a tiny turquoise tint in it were untouched by his smile and focused on the group of young men.

A little farther away stood a black-haired girl; waving Lexi over. For a moment the twin was indecisive. The blond stranger gave her body an unpleasant chill... something was waving off from him, something that meant danger. But in a way she understood that he wasn't dangerous; at least not to Kat or her – call it intuition if it pleases you. And the waving girl seemed trustworthy.


Anger was a powerful force...and yet, just like every other emotion, its power was very much depended on how it was manifested. There were people who were overwhelmed by it, either bound to live it out by yelling and fighting or to be completely paralyzed by it. Trembling, they fumed in silence, muscles refusing to implement a violent desire.

And then there were people like Fai de Fluorite.

Fai was the type of person who never seemed to get angry easily because he was able to drown it in a fake smile. Fai was the type of person who didn't like hurting people; which was why he was trained to control his anger; to suppress it or to transform it into something else. His anger was of a cold nature, a fuel for the darker part of his nature and a catalyst for his thoughts. Right now, they were whizzing through his brain with a speed that was impossible to keep up with, filling his skull with an aggressive hum like a beehive when one was foolish enough to throw a rock to it.

Fai was long past angry, he was furious. The blood running through his veins had reached an arctic temperature by now. Things might have turned out differently if the youngsters had stuck to what they mistook for flirting; however, when they started to hurt one of the girls, the nice, pacifistic part in Fai was silenced. Fai's anger, this cold part of him, was a weapon and these guys chose to release the safety trigger that held it back. The world disappeared from his vision as his perception shrank until there was nothing left but the point he was focused on, the impulse that was running through his nerves.

There was no turning back now.

"Get lost, dude!" The third teenager with his arms around the girl's waist yelled. There was a white scarred scar on his lower arm, which appeared to be the only part of his skin that was not thickly covered with a mass of dark brown hair. "This is none of your business!"

"Abuse is everyone's business." A voice in Fai's mind disagreed.

It sounded like Kurogane.


'What is it that attracts people to these fairs?' Kurogane wondered. It could not be the raffle ticket booths or the cheap stuffed animals they offered as prices. And it certainly wasn't the sound of the place, since every ride had its own music that suspiciously sounded like an old gaming machine, only much louder.

It could not be the food or the candy though the gym teacher also found it hard to believe that it was the rides or the fortune tellers or the house of mirrors or even the fireworks on Saturday.

But maybe it was all of those things combined. It was a place for kids and those who loved to recall the days of their childhood after all.

"This was just not the right place for me to be." Kurogane told himself once more as he stood near the town's market place where the fair had settled down. He had been to certain funfairs, and had in fact been dragged to them by a certain someone and though he could not say that he liked them to a great extent, he had been content with the fact that others enjoyed it.

Maybe Fai was right after all; a funfair was not much fun when you were alone. Taking the ghost ride, screaming your soul out even though you were just pretending to be scared was no use without a friend who knew you were just pretending. Usually Fai was the one who did the screaming, while Kurogane chose to sit right next to him, embarrassed and amused at the same time. And the blond loved those chain carousels that made him feel like he was flying. Once he said that he would stay on them forever if it wasn't for the people who waited for him on the ground.

Thinking of Fai left Kurogane with a mixture of guilt, nostalgia and frustration.

Maybe it had been rude of him to reject Fai and then head to the place he wanted them to go with someone else. But on the other hand, who knew if the idiot even cared. Oh, he would be pissed, no matter what but he would get over it. Kurogane knew very well that his stupid colleague depended on company; unfortunately their... rendezvous... if one could call it that; proved that it could have been anyone. He had seen Fai absent-minded and indifferent more than just once and it started to piss him off. The tan man got the impression that Fai only wanted to be accompanied by him because it was convenient.

Kurogane had no intention of getting rid of the idiot but he had his pride and he'd be dammed if he let that blond flirt break his heart. Maybe they both needed some distance for the sake of their friendship.

The sun was setting, leaving the world with an orange gleam but neither the sight nor Oruha's presence were able to cheer the man up. She seemed to know that something was wrong since she kept on chatting without pestering him why he kept so silent. At the moment she kept on debating with herself whether it was smart to eat something first or not, while her friend stood next to her, arms crossed; motionless like a statue. He was used to be dragged along and since he cared not about this place, making the decisions was up to her.

"These Crêpes look fantastic." Oruha commented; gnawing on her thumb in a 'should I or should I not?' manner.

"Then go and get one."

"You think?"

"Who am I; your mom?" Kurogane snapped; his impatience just a manifestation of his more severe problems. "You're old enough to know what you want to eat."

The woman examined her friend. "You know," Oruha started, choosing her words with care. "It's really refreshing to see that you didn't become nicer in all these years." And with that, she headed off to the food stand.

'Whatever...' Kurogane thought; trotting further to a little white gazebo that marked the middle of the marketplace. Surrounded by lawn and various beds that grew different flowers and plants depending on the season and with little roses carved into the wooden pillars it was a rather a romantic setting and a popular meeting place for couples. On occasions and festivities like this, however, it was occupied by musicians, providing the waiting ones with a little tune or two. The current "inhabitants" were a young female singer with a ukulele and two older boys, one playing accordion, the other with a violin.

The accordion boy was sitting, munching a few cookies since his skills were not needed for the current song.

"Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream..."

The girl started to sing. Her hair was brown with a pink note in it and Kurogane recognized her as one of the Horitsuba students. Kobato Hanato, from the high school classes [1]. She used to be his student a few years ago and he remembered her and her incredible clumsiness. This girl hit the floor so often that she would do better not to waste her time on standing up. From what the other teachers had told him, she was not very talented with pretty much anything. Well, except for singing, that was.

"I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be?"

She had an amazing singing voice and put so much heart in every word. Her voice was soothing and quiet for the melody and was able to carry the song's meaning into peoples' hearts even if the words never reached their ears.

"So long, my luckless romance, my back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do..."

Even Kurogane was not immune to the spell of the music. He was not the type of person who like to listen to romantic music but for some reason, this girl over there had chosen one whose words the man could not ignore, for he found himself drawn into those lyrics.

"We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images..."

He remembered Fai taking his hand and dragging him along, forcing him to dance at a party or at least pretend to have fun. He remembered answering rudely that he had no intention to act like a certain idiot.

"And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me"

He remembered how Fai (and that damn white furball) used to give him kisses on his cheeks whenever he was going soft on someone. "Kuro-rin-sensei is so sweet today." Yeah. Moments like that were the reason why he tried best not to go soft... he hated blushing in front of the entire class.

Fai was someone who needed a lot of body contact in general while Kurogane preferred to be left in peace. So it had taken him quite time to get used to the hugging, the glomping and the cheek pinching. He had pushed away the idiot once and his over-dramatic reaction taught Kurogane not to do it again.

Crap. Permanently thinking of the idiot was not a very good idea if he intended to get some distance between them. Was there a group of the Anonymous Faiholics that he could attend? According to the amount of giggling students following the chemistry teacher around, there had to be such a thing.

"Did you know that the glue on the back of a stamp in Israel is kosher?" A female voice said, ripping the tan man out of his thoughts.

"What?" The gym teacher blurted out; looking for the source of the voice, which shaped up as a teenage girl with a pinstriped hat.

"'Pardon', not 'what'!" She corrected. "The back of a stamp. Since there are so many Jewish people in Israel, the glue on stamps has to be kosher."

He had never ever seen that girl in his entire life; Kurogane was sure of that. He may not be good at memorizing names, but faces he can remember. Pale skin, freckles on her nose, and dark blond hair cut into a bob. Maroon eyes, staring at him. Her body language spoke of confidence and her outfit was rather boyish. Blue jeans shorts and a black T-shirt with the words "Ja, Schatz!" [2] written on it. Whatever this was supposed to mean, he had no doubt it expressed her insubordinate attitude.

"By the way, I'm Pippa." Hands; buried deep in the pockets of her shorts spared him the unwanted 'Hey nice to meet ya' handshake. "And the angry looking girl over there is my schoolmate Daphne. She's tapping her feet impatiently to let me know that I shouldn't waste my time – our time – on talking to you."

The man took a quick look on Daphne. Redhead, wavy hair, piercing blue eyes and a very intimidating aura. Just one reason more not to get to friendly with this girl.

"Ever considered that your friend may be right about that?" Kurogane asked. He wasn't sure what the girl wanted from him but he knew he had nothing to offer for her.

"Oh, we're not friends. We're frienemies." Not just insubordinate, but a smart-ass too. Kurogane wanted to ask what the heck a frienemy was but he decided that questions on the subject might just encourage Pippa further.

"Did you know that 'metallic' is not a taste but only a scent?"

"No."

"Scientists found out that there are no receptors on the tongue and the metallic sensation comes from a retro-nasal reception." Oh god. A rebel, a smart-ass and a geek.

Enough was enough.

"Okay, what the fuck do you want from me?"

"Your phone number would be nice."

The look she received from the gym teacher was short, unimpressed and indifferent. But she seemed to be one of the insistent ones.

"Or I could give you my..."

"Spare your breath, I already have someone." Kurogane interrupted with his hand up.

She eyed him suspiciously. "No. No, I don't think that's true. I've been watching you the last ten minutes before your lady friend ran off to the Crêpes stand and there has been hardly any physical contact between you. So whoever you claim to be with, it's not her and the fact that you don't put much effort in pretending that she's your girlfriend tells me that you subconsciously want girls to talk to you."

Kurogane glared, but she was immune to it. "What do you think you are; a freaking psychic? I don't need another witch in my life; I'm already working for one."

He really, really tried to behave as rudely as possible but the girl just didn't leave. Maybe the presence of her frie...nemy encouraged her.

"Oh, for god's sake Poppleton, hurry up!" Daphne yelled.

"Shut up, Greengrass!" Pippa yelled back.

'Or maybe not.' He mused.

Before the black haired man could help it, she had a ballpoint pen in her hand, gripped for his wrist and wrote her telephone number on his palm, including her name.

"What the..."

"If you change your mind, just call. You won't regret it." And with that, Pippa Poppleton headed off; waving at the man.

He definitely regretted meeting her and stared at his palm with disbelief. Why? Why were they so annoying? And why were they always after him?

"But Kuro-wanwan is just too cute!" He could hear the moron cheering in his head and he found it irritating that the blond could slip into his mind at any time. With a scowl, Kurogane tried to rub the ink off his skin but it refused to vanish. Oruha came back; munching one of those awfully thin French pancakes. She looked amused. "You know, some people would be glad to receive just half of the phone numbers you throw away in a month." She commented with a giggle.

Kurogane grumbled angrily. "It's not my fault!"

"But that happens to you all the time."

"No, it's not-"


Running. Stabbing pain on her side. Had to find... someone.

Anyone.

Help.


"-happening all the time, I've been saved from this crap until you came along."

"Oh, so I'm a bad alibi girlfriend? Is that what you're trying to say? It's not my fault that you're so horrible at acting. Now, if you could just pretend that you were happy in love with someone instead of being the tall, close-lipped stranger, you would do just fine."

Kurogane stopped in his complaints as he realized this. He had been safe from them. All of those times when he had been out with the idiot and their students, no phone numbers, written on napkins or Post-Its or even on little matchboxes have been passed over to him. Plus no unknown girl had tried to flirt with him for months. The last time, a girl had stopped dead in her tracks as Fai had suddenly glomped Kurogane from out of nowhere. She had murmured something like "Oh, sorry, didn't knew..." and was gone.

Oruha was right; she was a lousy alibi girlfriend, at least compared to Fai because the idiot stuck to him like glue. Had, Kurogane corrected himself. 'He had stuck to me like glue before he started to stick his already airy head into the clouds.' Before he had started to drift away somehow.


Faces of strangers. Faces of teenagers.

No authorities around, no teachers either. Why?

If she couldn't find help, he would get hurt badly. And it would all be her fault.

Tears; running down her cheeks. People staring after her but none of them asked what was wrong.

No one cared for other people's business.


"What are you thinking of?" Oruha asked amused.

"Huh?"

"You were staring. Usually, people start to stare when they are thinking of a decision they have to make. Or perhaps decisions that they already made. And since you're not the kind of person who's dwelling on the past, it must be something current."

"And why the heck does that make you smile?" Kurogane grumbled. He was a bit miffed that Oruha could look through him like he was made of glass. Sure, they knew each other since their kindergarten days but if someone asked him what she was thinking of right now, he'd be lost. Maybe this was some female gift like the intuition women were so proud of. The tall man didn't like it because at least his thoughts deserved a little bit privacy, didn't they?

"It's none of my business, right?" She playfully asked. "Does that mean it has something to do with this Fai-person or are there other things you would regard as 'no one's business but yours'?"

Women and their nagging desire for gossip. Kurogane looked aside (which was actually the grown up-version of rolling one's eyes). "Why did we become friends in the first place?"

"Because no one else wanted to hang with you."

Right. That explained why all the people who claimed to be his friends were lunatics.

"-SENSEI!" A voice, crying out from afar. Getting louder with every step that its owner approached the couple. "KUROGANE-SENSEI!"

Red eyes widened with recognition.

"Oh. One of your students?" Oruha asked... and her curious smile faded as she noticed the sudden tension in her friend's body language.

Kurogane had never seen the sunflower girl run so fast before, nor had he ever seen her cry. Now she was doing both things at the same time and he could almost feel her desperation. When she stopped in front of him, Himawari was spluttering out words that were supposed to be arranged in sentences but she needed to catch her breath so hard that most of them got lost. He grabbed the girl's shoulders.

"Okay, little one, calm down. And then tell me what's wrong; I can't help you when I don't know how." Poor girl, she was a terrible runner. Like Tomoyo Daidouji from class A, she had no conditions. Now her fingers were shaking so badly from the exhaustion that Kurogane feared she could faint any second.

"Oruha, try to get something to drink for her. Not water, something sweet like Coke." His friend, who might not know what exactly was going on, understood very well the urgency in the teacher's voice, so she just nodded and obeyed.

Meanwhile, Himawari started her second attempt to speak. "Four guys... they were harassing friends of mine... and Fai-sensei... he... he just tried to stop them but...they started to hit him and..." She said in those short breaths.

"Where?" Kurogane simply asked, as the grip of his hands grew stronger. Maybe he did hurt her a little but he needed her to focus on the question.

"The Emperor Penguin playground near the fair."

As Oruha returned with the drink, Kurogane had already run off.


Though he claimed to be very realistic, this time Kurogane Suwa had to fear for the worst. Fai, his fool of a friend may be a magnet for trouble, but he was still smart enough to only get involved in an amount of trouble he could handle, unless...

Confronting four guys at the same time, what was that idiot thinking? But the tan man knew very well that when it came to abusive men, Fai was a burnt child.

So now it was Kurogane's turn to run and hope that he would make it there in time before the blond was seriously hurt. He had once failed to help his neighbour and had sworn then that this would never happen again. And while he was determined not to break this oath, images crept into his mind; images of this dreadful day in May when he had seen Fai in his most vulnerable constitution.

White sterile hospital floors. Antiseptic stench. Anonymous doors; hiding pain and misery from the eyes of the visitors. The ones who were lucky to come and leave as it pleased them. No names, just numbers on a plate besides every door. His destination: 223.

He hadn't understood his student's anxiety until the very moment he opened that door.

Fai's slender body seemed to vanish among the plain white sheets. The right side of his face was a swollen mass of pink and black and blue, almost burying his eye. The remaining one was focused on the intruder for a few seconds until the chemistry teacher turned his head to look out of the window; digressing the bruised side of his face. There had been no sign of recognition or any emotion in his expressions.

Silence, usually chased away by the blond's cheery attitude, lingered in this room, had probably lingered there for far too long as it decided to cling to the visitor like a burden; pulling him, dragging him down. A lack of words took over like an infection. Silence giving birth to more silence.

Fai was staring at something outside

(a cloud, a bird, a tree)

or maybe nothing at all. He was staring silently, which was not like Fai at all, yet, what did he know? Kurogane wasn't sure anymore if he had ever seen any of the shadows slumbering under the annoyingly cheeky surface; maybe what he never wanted to see.

Six months. Six months of living next to the blond, seeing him, hearing his voice and dealing with his stupid pranks and his twisted humour and now Kurogane had to face the fact, that he knew nothing about this man, who he was before they became neighbours. Dealing with other people's past was a bit tricky... he always used to say that he didn't care about it though what he really meant (for we all knew that the man was not really good with words) was that that he would never judge someone by his past actions. It didn't mean that he wouldn't want to know about it - within the past lies the key to a human's nature, his experiences influenced his actions and vice versa. Unfortunately, if people refused to talk about their past it was because they had something to hide... something that would catch up with them.

A heavy, leaden feeling crept under his skin, sinking slowly into the blood system. Emotional osmosis.

He sat down on the visitor's chair next to the bed; unable to take his eyes of the fragile being imprisoned within those naked vanilla coloured hospital walls; like a little bird with broken wings stuffed into a cardboard box.

Where will you fly now? - Words, not his own, smeared on the walls of Fai's apartment. Pig blood covering the poppy flowers that the blond had painted on the wallpaper the day he had moved in. Fai painting, humming, almost dancing to an ABBA song. Since the day they met, Kurogane wondered; had his smile been real? Or had it been overshadowed by the frequent questions if he had really escaped that man.

"I got you something to read." Kurogane finally said. "I have no idea what you're reading currently, so I picked just any."

Books; dozens, hundreds, wiped from their safe shelves, scattered on the floor. The gym teacher had spent quite an amount of time to pick of all of them and to rearrange them. He had somehow figured that his order was better than no order at all. He put the book on the sheet but like his visitor, Fai only spared it a quick glance before fixing his eyes on the nothingness beyond the window again.

"Jane Eyre..." He murmured. Without the usual anticipated thrill his voice sounded empty, Hollow. "I like that book. I've read it over ten times, I guess."

"Should I get another one?"

"No, this one is just fine." Staring pointlessly. Avoiding conversation. If Kurogane was honest, he didn't want to get to know this new Fai nor accept him. He had to be completely out of his mind but he missed the twirling, the 'smile-no-matter-what'-attitude. Fai and not Fai.

"The witch told me that the police caught that guy."

No response, not the tiniest movement in the blank, bruised face. The gym teacher was tempted to ask him how he felt but there was no serious response to be expected. And from what the doctor had said... a concussion. Three cracked ribs, none broken. "If the ribs broke, they might have perforated the lung. Mr. de Fluorite was lucky." Well, if this was lucky, Kurogane never wanted to consider what would happen if Fai wasn't so lucky. It was easy to see that Fai was far from being fine – not just physically.

One was not supposed to be hurt by the ones you used to love. One was not supposed to let the ones you loved hurt you.

"Hey, did you hear me? You're safe now."

Still, no response.

"Oh, for God's sake, you could at least look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Pale fingers twitching, like they considered clenching and then their owner changed his mind. Then, that one blue eye was fixed on the black haired man. Slowly, the blond turned his face. "Why are you here, Kurogane-san?"

Five words that hurt more than the gym teacher had expected.

"Because you're my neighbour. And my colleague. You were hurt and being stuck here without any company won't help you getting better."

"Oh. Well... thanks. But this is really unnecessary. I can imagine that you have more important things to do."

'What the...' No accusation, just self-loathing. Did the blond really think that he meant so little to others? On the other hand, there were no balloons or flowers or "Get well soon" cards (the self-made ones, drawn by clumsy little fingers) to prove the opposite. Which was odd, because the kids loved Fai.

"I can't think of anything that would be more important now."

"But..."

"Why didn't you say something?" Kurogane interrupted, bringing up the one question that infiltrated his mind with malevolent speed since the chairman had told him about the incident. Not exactly the kind of news one wanted to hear when asking: "Okay, what did I miss during my vacation?" If Fai had said something...

"I didn't want to be a bother. I thought I could handle it on my own."

"Yeah, because that worked out so well."

"I..." Fai began. His glance shifted to a blank point at the wall. "I didn't want to run away this time. I pretty much fled from France; from the phone calls, the e-mail threats and the letters he send me... I thought if I went just far enough I could put it to an end. But he found me." Fai paused and rubbed his eye, maybe for hiding a tear that wanted to escape. "And I thought if he could find me here, he'll find me anywhere. And if I attempted to run away, he would have hurt the kids – my students – just to punish me."

Great. How was one supposed to react to this piece of information? What was there to reply? One couldn't disagree, because that would be a misplaced feel good lie, since Fai knew better than that. Even saying that it wasn't Fai's fault, that he wasn't responsible for the actions of this lunatic, would not help erase the guilt.

Kurogane clenched his fists as he felt a sudden anger rise. If there was someone who was supposed to feel guilty it was that guy and not his victim. But men who beat up the weak always come up with some twisted reasons to claim their actions justified.

Kurogane had no idea what he looked like and the bastard was lucky that he was now in custody. Because right now the gym teacher wanted nothing more than to give this mad stalker a taste of his own medicine. Not that it changed anything; Fai would still be trapped here; bruised and silent.

What was even more tormenting; there was nothing Kurogane could do for him. He protected the people he cared about, that was what he was good at and now someone who was close to him (though only physically, it was not like they were friends... yet) had been hurt and the Japanese hadn't been able to prevent it or help Fai because he simply hadn't been there, and he hadn't known what was wrong. What was it worth to be strong if he could not even do that? He felt like he had failed Fai.

And then it occurred to him that there was a way to make sure the blond would be okay, even if there was no one around to protect him.

"Listen, moron."

The chemistry teacher blinked; mildly irritated over the sincere yet not harsh tone. "Yes, Kurogane-san?"

The idiot really knew how to make other people miss his stupid nicknames. If the price for being called by his proper name was a self-loathing idiot, then Kurogane decided that he never wanted to be called by his name again. Not that he would ever say that out loud. "As soon as your injuries are fully healed, I will give you some lessons in self-defense."

Blue eyes widened. Well, one of it widened the other one remained in his half-closed state. How long would it take until Fai could look into the mirror without being scared of his own image?

"I don't think I feel comfortable with the idea."

"Yeah, you know what; I don't care. It's what you need. And everyone will be glad knowing that you can protect yourself."

"Everyone?" Fai asked; gulping. His fingers on the bed sheet moved a little closer to the man by his side but the blond didn't seem to have the heart to touch Kurogane. Or maybe any other man. There was another question hidden in that gesture, an addition to the one he said out loud. 'You too?'

"... yes, everyone." The black haired man leaned back and crossed his arms to protect himself from those pleading eyes. Like a kitten that used to follow you home and meow for food in front of your door. "I like if things stay the way they are. I don't like surprises but if there have to be some, it better be some pleasant ones. I got used to your stupid bubbly behaviour, so you better change back to your normal idiotic self soon. Got it?"

"Okay." Fai replied shyly. He stared at his book that still lay on the sheet. Untouched and unaffected by the things that had happened. Fai picked it up and let his index finger run across the letters of a title. "I guess some happy endings need a burnt mansion first."

Kurogane had no idea what this was supposed to mean but a nonsense talking idiot was still better than a silent one. Suddenly, the book was waved right in from of the taller man's face.

"I changed my mind. It's a good story but maybe not the right one for the time being. And maybe I read it far too often. You can keep it if you want, but could you please bring me something by Jane Austen tomorrow? 'Emma' or 'Sense and Sensibility', whatever you can find. I'd tell you where I had put them but I'm afraid my apartment is a bit messy."

Kurogane took the thin paperback novel; eyeing it suspiciously. For all he knew it was just another love story (though an older one) so what the hell would he want with it? He decided to keep it nevertheless. He expected not to have much time for reading it anyway.

"I know. I don't mind. Oh, and there is a wall in your living room that could need a new coat of paint. Any suggestions?"

"Black would be fine. Like in that Stones' song." Not even the faintest hint of a smile could be seen on Fai's face as his visitor stood up.

"Tch. Black's not a colour, it's a freaking contrast, just like white, forgot? See you tomorrow, then. And don't try to run away."

"Okay, Kuro-sama. And thank you."

There still wasn't any trace of a smile but it was getting better.

Outside the little hospital room there was a surprise for the man who did not like surprises in general, but whether it was a pleasant or an unpleasant one is up to everyone's own mind.

It was the chairman; leaning on the wall with a small conspiratorial smile which could not hide the seriousness coming from the woman. That was a new sensation. It seemed that even someone as wicked as Yuuko Ichihara could not stay unaffected by the current events. Hell, she even wore some decent clothes that fully covered those giant breasts that she bothered to carry around. On the other hand, in that white dress and the white little cap on the top of her head she could easily be mistaken for a nurse.

"Oh, hello Kurogane-sensei." She greeted; waving him over. "What a coincidence to meet you here. I must admit that I'm a little bit impressed."

"Why?" The man asked, going into her little tease. Still, he doubted that coincidence had anything to do with it. It seemed more to him that the witch had been waiting for him to come out.

"Because you're the first that our lovely chemistry teacher allowed to visit him. Even his students were sent away by the nurses with the lame excuse that the patient is not in the constitution to receive any visitors." Yuuko paused and pointed with the tip of her white ballerina shoe at a little gift-bag that stood next to her and was filled to the top with the obligatory colourful cards. And probably some chocolate, too. "I assume that – now that you have seen him – you can confirm my suspicion that the reason was of an emotional nature."

"I don't know. He looked pretty damaged to me." The tan man replied a little more aggressively than he had intended.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I am not playing his injuries down. Au contraire. But it's not like he's too weak. From what the doctors said, he's stable."

"Then I don't get your point." Kurogane grumbled, wondering if the chairman knew what the phrase meant or if she used it because talking in another language made her look smart.

"I think he doesn't want anyone to see him in this condition. Since he's one of the patients who gets extra protection and he's informed about who wants to visit him - you might have noticed that you had to leave your name at the reception to get to know the number of his room? I bet he told the nurses to send the kids away, the other day. Poor boy. He must be incredibly ashamed."

The gym teacher thought that this was incredibly vain. It was true that it was impossible to meet Fai sloppily dressed on any regular day and Kurogane had more than once called him a freaking fashion victim but even the blond would now that a hospital was not a catwalk. You were good as long as you didn't look sick to death.

"It's common, you know." Yuuko added, tapping her finger on her chin in a pondering manner. "For women who get abused by their husbands. They rather take the pain than admit that their beloved one turned into a monster. Luckily Fai's ex-boyfriend seemed to have developed his darker side after they broke up. Maybe even because they broke up and when it comes out, there's always this stupid gossip like 'Oh my gosh, how could he ever fall in love with a guy like that' as if that would make him feel better."

He felt betrayed. Left out even. The chairman had chosen the worst moment for proving that she could be reasonable and have care, too for her words made Kurogane feel like he had been the only one who didn't know. "If you had all of this information then why didn't you-" The man started but broke off as a pointy, manicured finger poked his chest. And not very decently either.

"Do you think that I would leave my students unprotected if I had known? That I wouldn't ask someone to keep an eye on Fai. Well, maybe not you because that's like putting fuel in the fire, but someone. I do my homework, Kurogane Suwa, mark my words. I did some research on Jason Shioiri as soon as the police told me his name." Yuuko was furious. Somewhere behind that violently attractive and utterly wicked surface there was a woman who worried and felt the same frustration about her incapability to help like he did. It made Kurogane almost feel sorry that he never regarded her as a human being but some kind of supernatural prank that the gods left on earth to annoy mankind.

Almost.

"What did you mean, telling me 'is like putting fuel to the fire'?"

She sighed. Rubbed her temples as if she wanted to say 'I can't believe that I have to deal with this, too' and then asked: "If he had told you what was going on – that he received threats – right before your departure, what would you've done?"

Yes, it was moments like that when she seemed to read the thoughts he had just minutes ago, that gave him the creeps. "I would have cancelled my vacation. I would have made sure that the idiot's fine."

"Exactly. You would have stuck to him like a shepherd dog to his herd. And if I were Fai and had a jealous, potentially dangerous stalker on my six, the last person I want to be around is the attractive guy next door. That's like drawing a target on your back. Fai cares too much about you to expose you to this risk."

Though the gym teacher would never admit it, he envied Yuuko for being so sure about what was going on in Fai's head, while the blond had proven to be a mystery to him.

The chairman picked up the gift bag and slapped Kurogane's shoulder slightly.

"The question that you have to ask yourself, Kurogane-sensei, is if you care about him as well. Fai needs to realize that there are people who don't want him to get hurt and since you were the first he wanted to see, you're just the right guy to show him."

Waving, she headed for the door, leaving Kurogane with the uneasy feeling that there was an implication in her words that he missed.

It bothered him for a few minutes, and then the man decided that there was no use brooding over it. The chairman's mind was not like any other and it was surely a maze of evil tricks, punishments and twisted notions. If one had to visit this place to understand the woman, one was better off with not knowing. Besides, there were other things he had to worry about. He had to find a new book for the moron to read. He had to go to a building center to get some information whether colour could cover up the blood stains on the wall or if it was better to tear the old wallpaper down and replace it.

When the moron came home, he should find a clean and neat apartment, an apartment that was no longer carrying the marks of this altercation.

And – the most important thing of all – he would keep an eye on Fai. Kurogane swore that he would no longer be content with seeing just the side that Fai wanted people to see. He would try harder to really get to know Fai, to understand him. To be a better neighbour. And maybe, one day, to be a better friend.

Not that he had wanted to befriend the chemistry teacher in the first place, but Kurogane felt that this decision had already been made for him by fate.

The more of Fai's bruises healed, the more of Fai's cheery attitude came back but ever since that day, Kurogane had been aware how fragile Fai was underneath and he had begun to protect the blond. He had begun to spent time with him when he asked for it. Needless to say Fai had been delighted about it. They pretty much grew together; it was hard to meet one of them alone on the school ground.

But somewhere and somehow Kurogane came to a point when letting Fai get hurt was not just unforgivable, it was also something the gym teacher could not afford to happen, for he suffered as much from it as Fai did.


Now, as Kurogane was running across the fairground, shoving people out of his way and ignoring their complaints, he could not think of anything as his heart was beating fast from fear.

He made it to the end of the park within two minutes, passengers' voices and the music of the fair rides fading noises as he rushed by. There was nothing particular he had expected to see once he was there, but what he saw he had never imagined. The gym teacher came to a halt close to a girl with long brown hair that fell across her back in giant curls. Her expression was a bit dreamy as if her mind still tried to grasp what she witnessed. Another girl that looked just like her (only with shorter hair) was leaning on the steel bar of the climbing scaffold; staring at the three consciousness guys laying at her feet. She nudged one of them with her toes and glanced uneasily to the remaining man and the blond whose grip he was in; hazel eyes like a bunny were trying to examine which 'predator' displayed the bigger threat. The one laying flat on his stomach, sand from the sandpit draped on his face like freckles or the smiling man in the black turtleneck kneeling on 'Sandfreckles' and pinning his arm to his back.

As his lungs started to throb, Kurogane breathed in, unaware that he had forgot to do so at the mere sight of this surreal constellation. Goosebumps formed on his upper arm, crawling on his shoulder and up to his neck as he noticed the way Fai was smiling. He has never seen something so horrid in his entire life and yet he knew what it was – the smile of a sphinx. At first it seemed politely amused but if one focused on the eyes, the expression seemed to change every second or maybe the emotions engraved in Fai's features were so numerous that the human mind was unable to grasp them at the same time. Cruelty. A cold despise. Pleasure. Power. And below that there was another thing hidden, something that was not quite an emotion. It was much harder to describe. Despair was the word that came closest, but despair was only one aspect of this... attitude. If Kurogane had to visualize it, the image in his mind was that of a screaming, crying kid, punching a stray dog that dared to bite his friends. A kid that paid no attention to his own wounds, while every punch was accompanied by the words 'I. Won't. Let. You. Hurt. Them. Again.'

This was Fai out of control.

"Now, my boy..." Fai said; his voice sweet like lead acetate and just as deadly. "What was your name again?"

'Sandfreckles' winced as Fai increased the pressure in his grip. "Me-Meredith![3]" He sputtered.

"Meredith, did you know that sulphuric acid is able to dissolve a human body completely?" He asked in a talkative tone; like they were both having a tea party instead of a fight. And Fai who usually played the role of the Cheshire Cat had turned into the March Hare and the Hatter all in one. "Apparently it's even more effective than fluoric acid and I always wondered why since the latter one hurts a whole lot more. Hm... any idea why?"

Meredith, however, had no idea. He just knew that the guy pushing him in the dirt was completely mad. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"...and fluoric acid, unlike sulphuric, is able to corrode glass, which is a bit ironic since fluoric acid can be found in glass cleaners all over the US. On the other hand, HF will drain the calcium out of the body to form calcium fluoride, so maybe that's why the acid is losing its strength. This needs some further investigation."

"Listen, Sir, I'm really sorry if we behaved badly. Just let me go and me and my friends will never ever touch a girl again, okay?" Pleading. Close to tears. Still, the promise led to no change in Fai's body language. The smile was still there; a cracked mask, unable and unwilling to hide the darker desires underneath.

"Oh, I'm sure of that. Because I have a friend... a friend who knows things. It's a cakewalk for her to find out where you live and what you're doing. And if you fail to behave, I might be so kind as to visit you. To remember you of your promise. By the way, did you know that two tubes of toothpaste contain enough sodium fluoride to kill a man?"

Meredith had begun to cry and babble various promises, pulling the last strings that might detain the mad blond to kill him or hunt him down later.

Kurogane had never seen Fai in this state, nor could he tell how the man might react to an intervention but considerations of this kind were in vain. Paralysis held him in a tight embrace, forcing him to be nothing more than an eyewitness. He almost forgot about the presence of the twin girls standing nearby, had one of them not said: "It took him less than a minute."

The black haired man's tongue was tied, too, but the girl with the elegantly curled hair interpreted his silence as the permission to go on.

"He came out of nowhere; this blond stranger and provoked them. He told those boys to leave me and my sister in peace and they warned him to stay away. He just smiled and they were angry about it, so they tried to push him away, but he moved, no he almost danced [Kurogane made a small grunting noise of recognition] out of their reach and this made them even more angry until they tried to punch him. He didn't dodge. They dealt three blows at him and then he fell, but all the time..."

'He never stopped smiling.' Kurogane finished the sentence in his mind.

"He laughed, suddenly, and then... god, I've never seen anyone so fast! He brought the first one down while standing up, the others within less than a minute. As if he had just waited for the right moment to hit them... or an excuse." The girl made a small pause, then: "Who is this man?"

'Oh, just the guy that I love.' The thought hit his head so fast that Kurogane almost voiced it out loud. If it had only been true. This was not the man that he loved; these were the demons of Fai's past taking over. The gym teacher did the first thing that came into his head; he whistled. It was a sharp whistle, the kind of one that was used to call his dog back and that made every head turn.

Fai looked up. Their eyes met. For a dreadful second nothing changed and Kurogane was confronted with the predatory smile, the face of the sphinx. Then, like flipping a switch, everything changed. Fai let go of the youngster; his face lit up. Literally, like the sun chasing away dark clouds; the intimidating aura seemed to vanish and the muscles of his jaw relaxed.

"Kuro-chan!" Fai let out; his voice and features emitting nothing but sweet delight as he ran toward the taller (though he stepped on Meredith's head while doing so) to throw his arms around the tanned neck. "Kuro-chan, you're here!"

Kurogane was so confused that he actually hugged back.

"The sunflower girl told me you'd be here. She said you were in trouble." 'Damn, she sounded like you were going to die!' The Japanese man internally cursed. "I had to make sure you were okay."

"Okay?" Fai repeated. He took one step back; grinning, and stretched put his arms. "I'm more than just okay, I feel fantastic! I could handle it all by myself; thanks to the tricks that Kuro-sama taught me. Did you see me?"

Kurogane realized that Fai; being the Cheshire Cat once more, just didn't seem to have notice that he had acted like a psychopath just a moment before. No... that idiot actually wanted to be praised. The gym teacher was prepared to give an inappropriate answer; now that his brain realized that the idiot was safe and back to normal as relief took over and it came hand-in hand with 'How dare you to scare me like that'-anger. But before he could open his mouth to release a flood of words – some of them a misplaced synonym for making love – Fai folded his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on the soles of his feet, he said this: "See, I'm not as helpless as Kuro-meanie always claims me to be. This time, I didn't need your protection at all."

Though it was said with mixture of tease and pride, those words struck Kurogane hard. It was not just this time, he figured. If the idiot possessed the skill to knock out three opponents within one minute, Fai was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He never needed his protection.

Suddenly, Kurogane felt the last solid bond between them cut through. He felt very silly and useless at that point. His mind focused on the new sensation and the only truth that Kurogane wanted to deny, but with all of his being couldn't.

'You don't need me.'


[1] I assume that Fai, Kurogane and Yuui are solely in charge for the middle school classes since Sakura and the Li's seem to be fourteen or fifteen.

[2] A little insider. The words mean "Yes, precious" and it's the title of a song by Bodo Wartke, a German piano cabaret singer. In the context of the RPG where Pippa and Daphne come from, I turned him into a vampire singer, because I wanted an alternative to the "Weird Sisters" everyone was referring to. (It's a Hogwarts RPG and the "Weird Sisters" are as far as I know the only band mentioned in the Harry Potter Books.)

[3] Though commonly used for girls, Meredith is a unisex name

I'm sorry. Sooo sorry. First, for making you wait that long but I'm currently working on my Master Thesis (removal of phosphorus from waste water with ferric adsorbents and studies on the optimization and regeneration of the adsorbents) and standing in the lab all the time can be a bit of a motivation killer. Not just for writing.

The second thing I have to apologize for the increasing angst in this story. The idea that Fai's ex-boyfriend is a stalker I already added in chapter 3 but it was never supposed to play such an important role, nor did I consider back then to make Fai suffer so much. I had finished reading the novel "Tulips, Chips & Mayonnaise" by Dawn Cairns (which was like a mixture of the typical Cecelia Ahern novel and "Yes Man" by Danny Wallace) so I got the idea. But why the hospital scene?

I needed it to make the relationship between Kurogane and Fai unbalanced. I wanted Kuro realize that Fai needs protection so that he would make it his duty to protect Fai (guilt is a very handy catalyst in situations like that). Thanks to this, the effect of the last scene (which will be continued in chapter 5) is even stronger.

The song that provides the lyrics of this chapter I heard in an amazing episode of Stargate Universe and the lyrics are so incredibly beautiful.