Chapter 3. Venus, Jupiter and Mars
Pairing: Leah/Jacob
Soundtrack choice:
Wolf and I by Oh Land /watch?v=V4wHMORwlHY
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer all the characters.
Leah stopped running .She took her IPod earphones out of her ears and hung them around her neck as she bent over, hands on knees to catch her breath. The snap of a twig made her heart jump, she was alert. She straightened up and looked around the forest, past the shrubs, up into the trees and beyond, but she couldn't see him.
She could feel him. Jacob .He was there with her, in the forest watching her, silently hidden from sight. Leah looked around once more. It was no use, she couldn't see him. He didn't want her to see him. But she could feel him with every fibre of her being. He was out there, watching her closely.
It had been this way every single day this week. She had gone for an early morning run, just before sunrise when she couldn't sleep , which unfortunately turned out to be every single night since Seth's revelation. Jacob had tried to kill himself. Her Jacob. Leah could hardly breathe for thinking about the possible outcomes.
Upon entering the Forest around La Push she was always overwhelmed by Jacob. It wasn't all in her mind, she didn't only feel him but she instinctively ached for him. For everything he had been through on account of her. Her body seemed to come with an invisible switch that only his presence could activate; and it was painful. Deliciously painful. Every hair on her body stood up in salute and her heart began palpitating, sending reverberations through her entire body. Instead of being defeated by this insatiable need for him, she used it to propel her through the forest at break neck speed, silently willing him to come along. Happy to have him close by, happy to know that he was still alive.
Leah shook her head and gritted her teeth as she stretched; she couldn't wait to get back to California and her life. She couldn't go on like this, silently going mad; the incessant need, the guilt and the constant reminders. What confounded her most was the fact that she didn't want to stay but now that she was back she wasn't sure she'd be able to go.
Every time she thought of the past three years and what she hadn't told her mother or Brother or Jacob, she found it hard to breathe. There was so much she still hadn't told them, but every time she tried, the words seemed to dissipate. Miguel did his best, giving her supportive hand squeezes under the dinner table and small back rubs when her mother wasn't paying attention but with all the wedding preparation ,an appropriate opportunity had never arisen to really talk to her mother. How could she break it to her mother that …
Leah shook the thought away for the millionth time and prepared to set off again, when something caught her eye.
There he was. He stood proud, high on a rock looking down at her, in Wolf form. His reddish brown coat glistening under the streams of early morning sunlight reflecting off of the leaves, and his dark eyes full of intensity, almost as if challenging her. Their eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity.
Once Jacob was sure that she had seen him, really seen him, he turned and disappeared back into the Forest as quietly as he had come, leaving Leah alone with the sound of her heart pummelling the ribcage in her chest.
-x-
Thank God for Seth, Leah thought once she'd managed to regain her composure and make it home. Seth had taken Miguel out according to a post it note left on the fridge and her mother hadn't come back from Charlie's. Leah had a quick shower and got dressed. Skinny jeans, black ballet flats and a white linen shirt. She reached for her car keys and got in her car, hardly stopping to question her actions. She was being driven by a force she had no control over. For reasons she couldn't understand she felt a need to rise to the challenge he'd set out in the woods. The one that dared her to go see him. With some trepidation Leah drove the familiar route all the way to the Black place and parked as the heavens opened up and began pouring down with swollen drops of rain.
Fucking Washington State! Leah thought to herself as she contemplated each drop of rain that hit her windscreen, trying to summons the courage that had gotten her this far. She remembered that she didn't have an umbrella, so cussed again. What she wouldn't give for the Californian sunshine right now. Sunshine made everything seem alright. She was losing her nerve, she could feel her faux bravery slipping out of her like sand through an hourglass, but he had tried to kill himself, so she needed to see him. She loved him.
Leah grimaced and shook her head. No, she didn't love him, she told herself unconvincingly. Love implied some sort of choice and she had no choice when it came to Jacob Black.
By the time Leah made it to the Work shed she was soaked to the bone. The white linen shirt she had settled on was now very see-through and clung to her black bra. Her hair ,also wet was now matted to her face, but Leah persisted and pulled the shed's door wide open. She spotted Jacob instantly, he was crouched Low, a screw driver in hand, in front of what appeared to be a carburettor. At the sound of somebody entering his work space he looked up with a smile only to let it turn into a scowl once he saw who stood before him.
Leah took a tentative step towards Jacob. "I want you to stop stalking me."
Jacob dropped his screwdriver and stood up slowly, pulling a rag out of his back pocket and slowly wiping his hands ,he discarded the rag on the didn't say anything, but his eyes stayed dark and fixated on Leah Clearwater.
The silence unnerved Leah, "I mean,it can't be healthy…It's freaking me out.I want us to be …friends again.."
Jacob still said nothing .
"….or maybe not." Leah said quietly, desperately trying to tune into what Jacob was thinking. She'd never known him to be like this, so dark and seemingly dangerous. She knew he'd never hurt her but this Jacob scared her.
"What is it that you want from me, Jacob!" Leah asked imploringly.
After a minute passed Jacob spoke. "I'd say your Love but last time I did that, you disappeared for three years." Jacob tried nonchalant sarcasm, but his words, laden with hurt and past recriminations hung heavy in the air. Leah and Jacob stood in silence. Him fighting the urge to kick a hole in the wall and her the urge to cry.
It was beyond awkward as the silence expanded, engulfing them both. Neither of them moved, instead they stood there frozen, both completely incapable of speaking or moving away.
"Jacob,I just wanted you to be happy.I still want that."
"yeah,well I guess being any kind of happy is better than being miserable over somebody you can't have,right Leah?"
That did it . Hearing Jake mimic words she had said years before after Bella's wedding made her feel nauseous . Her body gave an involuntary jerk back and away, as though she'd just been burnt. "I shouldn't have come here."
"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't." Jake spat as he threw his hands up in surrender.
Jesus, she couldn't breathe. "I don't know what you expect from me Jacob."
"How about the truth?"
"And what's that?"
"That you love me." Jacob said, full of conviction "and that's why you ran."
Leah's eyes began to water, she wasn't sure if she could stand seeing his pain this close, she was afraid her mask would slip and he'd see her own.
Jacob was trying for hatred but instead Leah could see him visibly lose the battle and soften despite his best efforts, and now his beautiful face radiated nothing but warmth that she didn't deserve. Warmth that he had no control over.
Having mustered up courage, Jacob took a confident step closer to Leah, closing the gap between them. As he stood in front of her, close enough to feel her body heat, Leah closed her eyes and winced,so sure that he was going to lash out at her but instead he cupped her face in one gentle hand. He smelt like Gasoline and everything good in the world.
Leah wanted to run away…far far away…No, she wanted …to melt into his arms and believe.
Paralysis and need kept her from dodging his touch. She needed this, to be touched by him, if only in the smallest of ways.
"Remember when we were on the Beach and you said how you wished you could imprint on anyone to stop you wanting Sam?…" he began.
Leah thought back to yesteryear and nodded slightly. Too wrapped up in the feel of Jacob gently caressing her face.
"What you really meant was that you wanted anyone but me." Jacob said sadly. "I knew you disliked me but I didn't think the idea of us would be so repugnant to you,It wasn't to me…"
"Is that what you think?" Leah shook her head, "That's not true." She whispered. Leah thought long and hard back to that windy day on the beach ,watching the rest of the Pack and their respective mates and the envy she had felt."Do you remember what you said?
Jacob looked momentarily confused.
"You said that the guys in the pack didn't belong to themselves anymore, that the sickest part was that their genes told them they were happy."
"That doesn't count. I was a kid, but I'm not anymore."
Leah gasped as Jacob grabbed her waist .But before she could say anything or react; Jacob claimed her mouth in a heart stopping kiss. Their tongues met and mated passionately, Leah couldn't help but moan at the sound of Jacob softly growl .
It was at that moment Leah decided that she would let him do anything he wanted to her, she'd let him take her, up against his work bench or on the dusty dank floor .She just didn't have the spiritual strength or inclination to stop him. She loved him. Not a damn thing had changed . Three years of hell had done nothing to quell the desire burning a trail through her soul and into her heart.
But Leah's conscience couldn't entertain the idea of making love to Jacob again, not like this,not until they had talked. Really talked. There was still so much unsaid, important things that needed to be said but as Jacob's soft full lips worked their magic laying butterfly kisses along her throat, Leah couldn't help but let herself surrender to the good feeling. "Jake…" she moaned. "We need to ..talk.."
The sound of the Shed's wooden door being roughly pulled open forced the two to spring apart.
In stepped a girl who didn't seem to notice Leah and Jacob quickly wiping their mouths and adjusting their clothes. Instead, the girl seemed to be wrestling with her umbrella . Jacob and Leah collectively sighed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't one of the Pack.
"It's crazy out there!",the girl said as she finally shook her umbrella and put it to rest against the wall."Hey Bub." The girl smiled at Jacob as she walked over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.
Leah quickly sized the interloper up. She was pretty. Undeniably so, and feminine. The girl wore a jean skirt and red platform sandals. They were about the same height and same colouring, but the girl had big beautiful hazel eyes. Leah could feel an invisible dagger hit her chest as she watched the girl wrap her arms around Jacob's waist and rest her head on his shoulder.
Leah's shocked eyes met Jacob's expressionless eyes.
"Hi I'm Nora." The pretty girl turned and held out one of her hands in Leah's direction. "You must be Leah."
Leah looked confused, "Do we know each other?"
Nora smiled even wider "No, it's just that Jake has mentioned you a lot. He told me you were the only girl in the pack."
Leah slowly nodded, she felt like she was going to be sick. She took Nora's hand, and so strong was the contempt she felt for this woman that for a second she considered crushing Nora's hand with her wolf strength, but instead opted to gently shake it and release it.
"So,Bella and Edward told us over dinner that you're back in town for your Mom's wedding. I love weddings."
Bella?Dinner with Bella and Edward? Although dinner with the blood sucking Leeches didn't personally appeal to Leah it did sound cosy, the kind of thing couples did. Leah could feel her heart begin to puncture. Leah berated herself, She cursed the minute she had ever decide to come see Jacob. She should have left it alone.
"Nora, What are you even doing here?" Jake asked, not unkindly but slightly detached as he kept his eyes trained on Leah.
"We have Lunch plans,remember?" Nora smiled affectionately as she gently ran her fingers through Jakes hair. "You forgot,huh?"
Jacob shifted his focus from Leah to Nora. "I did .I'm sorry ,babe. Can I take a rain check? It's just that Leah and I have some important things to talk about."
"NO!" Leah practically screamed , causing both Nora and Jacob to jump a little "..I mean, don't let me mess up your plans. You crazy kids go have fun." She had to get away from this, from them .It was too much for her to handle. If she stayed a second longer she'd be forced to scratch out Nora's beautiful eyes.
Jacob's expression was now completely unreadable, as his eyes went from an inviting brown to an enigmatic black. "We still need to talk."
Leah looked down at the ground, "No we don't. I think we've said everything that needs to be said. I think we're done." Mustering up an inner strength she didn't feel, she met Jacob's eyes, "Be happy, Jake."Leah said,willing herself not to cry. "It was lovely meeting you Nora."
Nora smiled good naturedly and returned the sentiment.
Leah turned on her heels and exited the work shed and ran through the miniature monsoon to her car, where she cried for what she now knew she should never have given up.
TBC.
