TITLE: Light My Way
AUTHOR: Saz
E-MAIL: flotterbum@netscape.net
PAIRING: G/C
RATING: PG
ARCHIVE: Just ask!
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me much as I'd like em to be . yadda yadda.
FEEDBACK: Yes Please!!!
SPOILERS: None
SUMMARY/NOTES: Thanks heaps to Tara and Erin for betaing this for me again. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate it. :::huggles::: to you all
~*~*~*~
Light My Way By Saz
~*~*~*~
Part Four
It's the pain that wakes me up, sending my eyes wide open and tearing a ragged gasp from my throat. The pain is something I've never experienced before in my life, sharp and stabbing at a single point beneath my ribs, yet the rest of my belly feels like it's been opened up and my innards stirred around. Then, there's the discomfort. I can feel the tubes in my nostrils, the needle in my wrist and tubes in other places that I don't even want to think about.
Quite simply I feel like crap.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to quiet my roiling belly and stop the threatening nausea. It passes quickly, but my stomach remains uneasy, and as sore as it is at the moment, the last thing I want is to be sick. I take a moment; my eyes still closed and listen to the sounds surrounding me. The constant beep of the heart monitor near my head, the click of the IV unit as it dispenses its fluid into my body and the steady, even, breathing of somebody in the room with me.
I feel panic threatening to overtake me as the sound brings back memories that I'd rather leave forgotten. I can see him clearly, standing in the doorway of my bathroom, a predatory gleam in his eyes making his intentions obvious. The gun, clutched in his fist, glinting dully in the light looking almost as threatening as the man does. I feel the fear as the knowledge of what he has planned for me sinks in, and the resolve that he will not have his way with me.
With a small cry I force my eyes open and lay there staring at the uniform white ceiling, gasping for breath. There's a sharp intake of breath and I turn my head to look in its direction. What I find is pleasantly surprising and goes a long way to sending my panic scurrying away.
Gil is sitting in the only chair in the room, his intelligent blue eyes blinking sleepily as he watches me. Fast asleep on his lap with his arms wrapped protectively around her is my daughter. The two most important people in my life, waiting for me to wake up, I can't begin to describe how touching it is. I can see the concern filling Gil's features as he shifts awkwardly with Lindsey's weight on him.
"Cath, are you okay?"
I nearly tell him that I'm fine, but the lie dies on my tongue. The memories of what happened too fresh in my mind. "No Gil, I'm not," I tell him honestly, surprised at how raw and gravely my voice sounds.
He shifts again, his eyes clouding with worry and jostling Lindsey enough to wake her. Her eyes open and focus on me a moment before they widen and she grins excitedly. "Mommy!" She screeches, struggling out of Gil's grasp.
"Linds," Gil barks in his best authoritative tone, "Remember what I told you. Your mom's very sore at the moment so just make sure you're careful!"
Though she doesn't look back at him, Lindsey nods and stops at my bedside. I can see that she's itching to crawl up onto the bed next to me, but Gil was right, I am sore and although I want nothing more than to hold my daughter I don't think I could even sit up at the moment if I wanted to.
I reach out and stroke her hair. "Hey, baby," I whisper, my voice faltering as I choke up, the emotions welling up inside me getting too strong.
"Are you feeling better Mommy?"
I feel tears prick at my eyes. I could have died. I could have left Lindsey parentless. I don't think she has any idea how close she could have come to losing me, and I guess I have Gil and my friends to thank for that. I choke back a sob and catch her hand in mine. "I'll be okay, baby."
Lindsey's face stretches into one of her fabulously bright smiles. "Good. I was scared."
I become aware of Gil as he stands and moves closer to the bed until he's standing behind Lindsey and looking down at me. His eyes, normally so closed off and unreadable are dancing with emotions that I can only begin to interpret. A small smile graces his face as his hands settle on my daughter's shoulders protectively. The change in their relationship is remarkable and deeply touching.
"You scared us all Cath," he tells me quietly, his words hinting at a deeper, more personal meaning. Despite saying all I know he means himself more than anyone else.
His words that I dimly remember from my earlier grogginess, when his face was the first I saw as I came out of my anaesthetic induced sleep come back to me. Although I have only a vague recollection of the expression on his face, the emotion in his eyes, I can remember his words clearly.
*"I don't want to lose you Cath, if what happened today has taught me anything it's that. I can't lose you because I value you too much . I love you too much for you to be taken away from me."* I can remember clearly the earnestness in his voice, the heartfelt emotions that he could barely contain, the love that radiated from him.
*"That's right Cath, I love you and I promise I'll be there for you no matter what. Even if you don't feel the same way about me I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you."* I can remember his voice, so close, yet I had to fight and struggle just to keep my eyes open and fight harder still to focus on him. But even with my eyes closed I could feel his lips gently brushing across my forehead and the warm rush of pleasure that accompanied it.
He leans down towards Lindsey, but his eyes remain steadily on mine. He looks nervous but resolute. "Linds, why don't you go down to the nurses' station and tell them that your mom is awake. Ask if they can bring in a pitcher of water, too."
Lindsey nods eagerly and bolts out of the room, leaving me marveling at the change that's occurred between her and Gil. My daughter has always liked Gil and he's felt the same towards her, but now their relationship seems deeper and closer than it ever has before.
Gil smiles sheepishly, seeming to know what I'm thinking about and shrugs as he steps closer to me. "She said she trusted me because you trusted me," he tells me in that cryptic and oh-so endearing way he has. "She didn't want to leave me and I didn't have the heart to make her stay with a sitter."
His hand settles on the bed, close to my hand but not quite touching. His eyes glint with nervousness, but he continues to look at me, our eyes locked. I reach out and grip his hand. "Thank you, Gil."
He looks surprised and a little confused. "For what?"
Thoughtlessly I shift slightly, subconsciously trying to sit up a little. The motion sends lances of fire shooting in every direction through my body. Black specks dance in my eyes as I cry out in pain. The nausea, briefly forgotten, slams into me with unexpected ferocity.
"Gil, I'm gonna be sick," I manage to gasp, struggling to roll myself over onto my side. The last thing I want is to choke on my vomit because the pain was too great to roll over.
He seems to notice this and reacts instantly, his hands fumbling with my arms, forcing me as gently as he can onto my side and closer to the edge of the bed so my head is hanging over the side. One hand gently pulls my hair off my face and holds it while the other begins to slowly stroke up and down my back soothingly as my stomach roils.
And as the excruciating pain and a horrid smell of lingering anaesthetic gas fills my nostrils acutely increasing my nausea, I empty the meagre contents of my already empty belly onto the floor and all over Gil's shoes. Each retch sends pain arching through my body so intense that I wonder how long it will take for me to black out.
Gil's voice breaks through the haze that's enshrouded my mind, comforting and caring. "It's okay, Cath, just get it out. I'm here, honey, you'll be fine."
I know if he continues to talk to me and touch me like he is I'll be more than fine. Normally I'd hate to admit it, but right now I'm enjoying him fawning over me, as much as I can, given my present circumstance. For the first time since I left Eddie, I'm willing to concede that I need help, that I need his help. He told me that he'd always be there for me, and I know now that I need him more than I'd ever thought I needed anyone.
Finally, the nausea is gone but I remain hanging over the edge of the bed for a moment. I spit a couple of times, trying to get the foul taste of bile out of my mouth. I can still feel his hands stroking my back and hear his soft murmurings.
And, despite the pain and unsettled stomach I feel better and I know it's all because of him.
I try to push myself back from the edge but I don't have the strength. Carefully, Gil guides me back onto the bed so I'm lying on my back looking up at him once again. His eyes are bright with concern as his hand slides into mine and our fingers entwine. "You okay?"
"I am now," I whisper huskily. And I'm not lying, I'm fine and it's all because of him. "You are going to be there for me no matter what, aren't you?"
Gil blushes, his face turning deep scarlet and drags his eyes away from mine. "You remember?" He asks sheepishly, looking suddenly boyish and shy.
I wish I could reach up and cup his cheek, make him look at me, but I'm a realist, I know the motion would probably make me pass out from the pain. "Of course I do, Gil," I tell him softly, squeezing his hand gently. He meets my eyes again and I can see the uncertainty shining in their crystalline blue depths. "After all, it's not every day a man tells me that he loves me, and actually means it."
Gil's eyes brighten and I can see hope intermingling with a silent question - do I feel the same way? I can remember responding to him, telling him I loved him too but I was groggy and drowsing and honestly I can't remember now if I spoke the words aloud or just imagined that I had.
"And how do you feel?" He asks quietly. His voice full of quiet intensity, waivers slightly, but those beautiful blue eyes of his are shining with anticipation.
I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. I'd certainly never imagined telling Gil how I felt about him in the hospital, but I'd also vowed as I was lying on the floor of the bathroom that I wasn't going to hide how I felt anymore. I'm tired of our relationship lying in limbo.
"Gil," I start, "I want-"
The door to the room slams open and Lindsey trundles in. For the first time since she was born, I curse her sense of bad timing. I glance up at Gil in time to see a flash of dismay cross his face before he closes himself off. The nausea returns, milder this time, and a deep sense of disgust roots itself in my heart for not getting the words I wanted to say out sooner. Now he's probably thinking the worst.
Damn.
"The nurse said she was going to come and see you in a minute, Mommy," Lindsey tells me matter-of-factly as she walks up to my bed. She stops as her eyes fall on the puddle of vomit on the floor and wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Gross!"
I feel Gil's hand pull out of mine as he moves away from the bed, carefully side-stepping the puddle. He spares a glance and smile at Lindsey and ruffles her hair affectionately as he walks past her. "I'll go and ask for someone to clean this up," he murmurs, the lack of expression in his voice tearing at me.
"Gil, wait!" I call out but my appeal comes too late, he's already left the room and I can only watch helplessly as the door slowly shuts behind him.
God damn it!
What if he thought I was rejecting him? He could have easily taken my silence as rejection rather than my ineptitude at finding the right words to express my feelings. And because of my ineptitude those walls were back up, his emotions once again carefully guarded. Now it was going to be impossible for me to read him and there was going to be no way of knowing how he felt.
All I know without a shadow of doubt is that I want him to look at me again like he was earlier. I want to be able to look at him and see the love that I feel reflected in those cerulean depths. If I have to tell him how I feel in front of my daughter, or the nurses I will because the moment he walks back into this room I'm going to tell him.
Then I'm never going to let him go.
"Mommy?"
Lindsey's voice drags me out of my musings and I watch her as she moves to the other side of my bed and drags a chair to the bedside. Climbing up on it, she stands so she's practically at eye level with me. She reaches out and brushes some hair out of my face, a gesture I use on her whenever she is sick or upset.
I can't help but smile at her. "Yes, honey?"
"How long are you going to be here?"
She seems so strong at the moment, stronger than I think I'd ever be if our situations were reversed. Has she just suddenly grown up or has she always been this way and I just haven't noticed her resilience before now? I reach out, ignoring the pain which is still silently and persistently gnawing away at me, and run my fingers through her hair.
Does she have any idea how lucky she truly is?
"I don't know, baby, maybe a week. I'll have to wait until I see the Doctor to find out."
Lindsey smiles softly, a gesture I know that definitely doesn't come from her father; he couldn't have smiled warmly if his life depended on it. "Can I stay with Uncle Gil until you come home?"
Her words have a profound impact on me, reinforcing that something deep and meaningful happened between the two of them, yet I'm at a loss to understand what. Perhaps they came together in solace and fear but regardless, I like what I see and am thankful that Lindsey has accepted Gil into her life the way she has.
My eyes are drawn to the door opening and Gil stepping quietly in, oblivious to our conversation. Our eyes meet briefly before he glances away and moves to sit in a chair in the far corner by the door, carefully avoiding my gaze. Lindsey, seemingly intent on our conversation, hasn't even noticed his entrance.
"Well, you'd have to ask if it's okay with him first, but if he doesn't mind it's fine with me."
Lindsey grins at me, obviously happy with my reply. I take her hand and gently tug her closer wanting nothing more than to hold her, to hell with the pain. Cautiously she climbs on the bed, her actions slow and deliberate as if she were crawling onto a bed with a porcelain doll that would crumble under the slightest of pressure.
She curls onto her side, only maintaining a minimum of contact but her eyes are fixed on mine. "Is he going to look after you when you get out?"
I purposefully do not glance at Gil. I have a strange feeling that I know where this conversation is going to go, and I couldn't have planned it better myself. I say a silent prayer of thanks for having a daughter who is not only intuitive but intelligent as well.
"I don't know, Linds, I hope so though." I answer her honestly, wishing fervently that the next question she asks is the one I hope it to be.
I don't have to look to imagine Gil sitting there on tenterhooks, absorbing every word, analyzing every nuance in my voice and body language with his thorough and scientific mind. I can picture his eyes brightening once again with hope. I can feel them on me, but force myself to pay no attention to him.
"Mommy, do you love Uncle Gil like he loves you?"
Yes!
If I were able to move I would leap out of the bed and do a little dance of joy. I have no idea how Lindsey knows about how Gil feels about me, whether he told her or she just worked it out for herself but this was exactly the opening I'd been praying for.
My answer is on the tip of my tongue before I'd even fully decided what I was going to say, and I spoke quickly to prevent what happened earlier from reoccurring. Now I do turn and meet those blue eyes once more.
"Yes, Lindsey, I love him very much."
~*~*~*~
End Part Four
~*~*~*~
AUTHOR: Saz
E-MAIL: flotterbum@netscape.net
PAIRING: G/C
RATING: PG
ARCHIVE: Just ask!
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me much as I'd like em to be . yadda yadda.
FEEDBACK: Yes Please!!!
SPOILERS: None
SUMMARY/NOTES: Thanks heaps to Tara and Erin for betaing this for me again. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate it. :::huggles::: to you all
~*~*~*~
Light My Way By Saz
~*~*~*~
Part Four
It's the pain that wakes me up, sending my eyes wide open and tearing a ragged gasp from my throat. The pain is something I've never experienced before in my life, sharp and stabbing at a single point beneath my ribs, yet the rest of my belly feels like it's been opened up and my innards stirred around. Then, there's the discomfort. I can feel the tubes in my nostrils, the needle in my wrist and tubes in other places that I don't even want to think about.
Quite simply I feel like crap.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to quiet my roiling belly and stop the threatening nausea. It passes quickly, but my stomach remains uneasy, and as sore as it is at the moment, the last thing I want is to be sick. I take a moment; my eyes still closed and listen to the sounds surrounding me. The constant beep of the heart monitor near my head, the click of the IV unit as it dispenses its fluid into my body and the steady, even, breathing of somebody in the room with me.
I feel panic threatening to overtake me as the sound brings back memories that I'd rather leave forgotten. I can see him clearly, standing in the doorway of my bathroom, a predatory gleam in his eyes making his intentions obvious. The gun, clutched in his fist, glinting dully in the light looking almost as threatening as the man does. I feel the fear as the knowledge of what he has planned for me sinks in, and the resolve that he will not have his way with me.
With a small cry I force my eyes open and lay there staring at the uniform white ceiling, gasping for breath. There's a sharp intake of breath and I turn my head to look in its direction. What I find is pleasantly surprising and goes a long way to sending my panic scurrying away.
Gil is sitting in the only chair in the room, his intelligent blue eyes blinking sleepily as he watches me. Fast asleep on his lap with his arms wrapped protectively around her is my daughter. The two most important people in my life, waiting for me to wake up, I can't begin to describe how touching it is. I can see the concern filling Gil's features as he shifts awkwardly with Lindsey's weight on him.
"Cath, are you okay?"
I nearly tell him that I'm fine, but the lie dies on my tongue. The memories of what happened too fresh in my mind. "No Gil, I'm not," I tell him honestly, surprised at how raw and gravely my voice sounds.
He shifts again, his eyes clouding with worry and jostling Lindsey enough to wake her. Her eyes open and focus on me a moment before they widen and she grins excitedly. "Mommy!" She screeches, struggling out of Gil's grasp.
"Linds," Gil barks in his best authoritative tone, "Remember what I told you. Your mom's very sore at the moment so just make sure you're careful!"
Though she doesn't look back at him, Lindsey nods and stops at my bedside. I can see that she's itching to crawl up onto the bed next to me, but Gil was right, I am sore and although I want nothing more than to hold my daughter I don't think I could even sit up at the moment if I wanted to.
I reach out and stroke her hair. "Hey, baby," I whisper, my voice faltering as I choke up, the emotions welling up inside me getting too strong.
"Are you feeling better Mommy?"
I feel tears prick at my eyes. I could have died. I could have left Lindsey parentless. I don't think she has any idea how close she could have come to losing me, and I guess I have Gil and my friends to thank for that. I choke back a sob and catch her hand in mine. "I'll be okay, baby."
Lindsey's face stretches into one of her fabulously bright smiles. "Good. I was scared."
I become aware of Gil as he stands and moves closer to the bed until he's standing behind Lindsey and looking down at me. His eyes, normally so closed off and unreadable are dancing with emotions that I can only begin to interpret. A small smile graces his face as his hands settle on my daughter's shoulders protectively. The change in their relationship is remarkable and deeply touching.
"You scared us all Cath," he tells me quietly, his words hinting at a deeper, more personal meaning. Despite saying all I know he means himself more than anyone else.
His words that I dimly remember from my earlier grogginess, when his face was the first I saw as I came out of my anaesthetic induced sleep come back to me. Although I have only a vague recollection of the expression on his face, the emotion in his eyes, I can remember his words clearly.
*"I don't want to lose you Cath, if what happened today has taught me anything it's that. I can't lose you because I value you too much . I love you too much for you to be taken away from me."* I can remember clearly the earnestness in his voice, the heartfelt emotions that he could barely contain, the love that radiated from him.
*"That's right Cath, I love you and I promise I'll be there for you no matter what. Even if you don't feel the same way about me I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you."* I can remember his voice, so close, yet I had to fight and struggle just to keep my eyes open and fight harder still to focus on him. But even with my eyes closed I could feel his lips gently brushing across my forehead and the warm rush of pleasure that accompanied it.
He leans down towards Lindsey, but his eyes remain steadily on mine. He looks nervous but resolute. "Linds, why don't you go down to the nurses' station and tell them that your mom is awake. Ask if they can bring in a pitcher of water, too."
Lindsey nods eagerly and bolts out of the room, leaving me marveling at the change that's occurred between her and Gil. My daughter has always liked Gil and he's felt the same towards her, but now their relationship seems deeper and closer than it ever has before.
Gil smiles sheepishly, seeming to know what I'm thinking about and shrugs as he steps closer to me. "She said she trusted me because you trusted me," he tells me in that cryptic and oh-so endearing way he has. "She didn't want to leave me and I didn't have the heart to make her stay with a sitter."
His hand settles on the bed, close to my hand but not quite touching. His eyes glint with nervousness, but he continues to look at me, our eyes locked. I reach out and grip his hand. "Thank you, Gil."
He looks surprised and a little confused. "For what?"
Thoughtlessly I shift slightly, subconsciously trying to sit up a little. The motion sends lances of fire shooting in every direction through my body. Black specks dance in my eyes as I cry out in pain. The nausea, briefly forgotten, slams into me with unexpected ferocity.
"Gil, I'm gonna be sick," I manage to gasp, struggling to roll myself over onto my side. The last thing I want is to choke on my vomit because the pain was too great to roll over.
He seems to notice this and reacts instantly, his hands fumbling with my arms, forcing me as gently as he can onto my side and closer to the edge of the bed so my head is hanging over the side. One hand gently pulls my hair off my face and holds it while the other begins to slowly stroke up and down my back soothingly as my stomach roils.
And as the excruciating pain and a horrid smell of lingering anaesthetic gas fills my nostrils acutely increasing my nausea, I empty the meagre contents of my already empty belly onto the floor and all over Gil's shoes. Each retch sends pain arching through my body so intense that I wonder how long it will take for me to black out.
Gil's voice breaks through the haze that's enshrouded my mind, comforting and caring. "It's okay, Cath, just get it out. I'm here, honey, you'll be fine."
I know if he continues to talk to me and touch me like he is I'll be more than fine. Normally I'd hate to admit it, but right now I'm enjoying him fawning over me, as much as I can, given my present circumstance. For the first time since I left Eddie, I'm willing to concede that I need help, that I need his help. He told me that he'd always be there for me, and I know now that I need him more than I'd ever thought I needed anyone.
Finally, the nausea is gone but I remain hanging over the edge of the bed for a moment. I spit a couple of times, trying to get the foul taste of bile out of my mouth. I can still feel his hands stroking my back and hear his soft murmurings.
And, despite the pain and unsettled stomach I feel better and I know it's all because of him.
I try to push myself back from the edge but I don't have the strength. Carefully, Gil guides me back onto the bed so I'm lying on my back looking up at him once again. His eyes are bright with concern as his hand slides into mine and our fingers entwine. "You okay?"
"I am now," I whisper huskily. And I'm not lying, I'm fine and it's all because of him. "You are going to be there for me no matter what, aren't you?"
Gil blushes, his face turning deep scarlet and drags his eyes away from mine. "You remember?" He asks sheepishly, looking suddenly boyish and shy.
I wish I could reach up and cup his cheek, make him look at me, but I'm a realist, I know the motion would probably make me pass out from the pain. "Of course I do, Gil," I tell him softly, squeezing his hand gently. He meets my eyes again and I can see the uncertainty shining in their crystalline blue depths. "After all, it's not every day a man tells me that he loves me, and actually means it."
Gil's eyes brighten and I can see hope intermingling with a silent question - do I feel the same way? I can remember responding to him, telling him I loved him too but I was groggy and drowsing and honestly I can't remember now if I spoke the words aloud or just imagined that I had.
"And how do you feel?" He asks quietly. His voice full of quiet intensity, waivers slightly, but those beautiful blue eyes of his are shining with anticipation.
I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. I'd certainly never imagined telling Gil how I felt about him in the hospital, but I'd also vowed as I was lying on the floor of the bathroom that I wasn't going to hide how I felt anymore. I'm tired of our relationship lying in limbo.
"Gil," I start, "I want-"
The door to the room slams open and Lindsey trundles in. For the first time since she was born, I curse her sense of bad timing. I glance up at Gil in time to see a flash of dismay cross his face before he closes himself off. The nausea returns, milder this time, and a deep sense of disgust roots itself in my heart for not getting the words I wanted to say out sooner. Now he's probably thinking the worst.
Damn.
"The nurse said she was going to come and see you in a minute, Mommy," Lindsey tells me matter-of-factly as she walks up to my bed. She stops as her eyes fall on the puddle of vomit on the floor and wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Gross!"
I feel Gil's hand pull out of mine as he moves away from the bed, carefully side-stepping the puddle. He spares a glance and smile at Lindsey and ruffles her hair affectionately as he walks past her. "I'll go and ask for someone to clean this up," he murmurs, the lack of expression in his voice tearing at me.
"Gil, wait!" I call out but my appeal comes too late, he's already left the room and I can only watch helplessly as the door slowly shuts behind him.
God damn it!
What if he thought I was rejecting him? He could have easily taken my silence as rejection rather than my ineptitude at finding the right words to express my feelings. And because of my ineptitude those walls were back up, his emotions once again carefully guarded. Now it was going to be impossible for me to read him and there was going to be no way of knowing how he felt.
All I know without a shadow of doubt is that I want him to look at me again like he was earlier. I want to be able to look at him and see the love that I feel reflected in those cerulean depths. If I have to tell him how I feel in front of my daughter, or the nurses I will because the moment he walks back into this room I'm going to tell him.
Then I'm never going to let him go.
"Mommy?"
Lindsey's voice drags me out of my musings and I watch her as she moves to the other side of my bed and drags a chair to the bedside. Climbing up on it, she stands so she's practically at eye level with me. She reaches out and brushes some hair out of my face, a gesture I use on her whenever she is sick or upset.
I can't help but smile at her. "Yes, honey?"
"How long are you going to be here?"
She seems so strong at the moment, stronger than I think I'd ever be if our situations were reversed. Has she just suddenly grown up or has she always been this way and I just haven't noticed her resilience before now? I reach out, ignoring the pain which is still silently and persistently gnawing away at me, and run my fingers through her hair.
Does she have any idea how lucky she truly is?
"I don't know, baby, maybe a week. I'll have to wait until I see the Doctor to find out."
Lindsey smiles softly, a gesture I know that definitely doesn't come from her father; he couldn't have smiled warmly if his life depended on it. "Can I stay with Uncle Gil until you come home?"
Her words have a profound impact on me, reinforcing that something deep and meaningful happened between the two of them, yet I'm at a loss to understand what. Perhaps they came together in solace and fear but regardless, I like what I see and am thankful that Lindsey has accepted Gil into her life the way she has.
My eyes are drawn to the door opening and Gil stepping quietly in, oblivious to our conversation. Our eyes meet briefly before he glances away and moves to sit in a chair in the far corner by the door, carefully avoiding my gaze. Lindsey, seemingly intent on our conversation, hasn't even noticed his entrance.
"Well, you'd have to ask if it's okay with him first, but if he doesn't mind it's fine with me."
Lindsey grins at me, obviously happy with my reply. I take her hand and gently tug her closer wanting nothing more than to hold her, to hell with the pain. Cautiously she climbs on the bed, her actions slow and deliberate as if she were crawling onto a bed with a porcelain doll that would crumble under the slightest of pressure.
She curls onto her side, only maintaining a minimum of contact but her eyes are fixed on mine. "Is he going to look after you when you get out?"
I purposefully do not glance at Gil. I have a strange feeling that I know where this conversation is going to go, and I couldn't have planned it better myself. I say a silent prayer of thanks for having a daughter who is not only intuitive but intelligent as well.
"I don't know, Linds, I hope so though." I answer her honestly, wishing fervently that the next question she asks is the one I hope it to be.
I don't have to look to imagine Gil sitting there on tenterhooks, absorbing every word, analyzing every nuance in my voice and body language with his thorough and scientific mind. I can picture his eyes brightening once again with hope. I can feel them on me, but force myself to pay no attention to him.
"Mommy, do you love Uncle Gil like he loves you?"
Yes!
If I were able to move I would leap out of the bed and do a little dance of joy. I have no idea how Lindsey knows about how Gil feels about me, whether he told her or she just worked it out for herself but this was exactly the opening I'd been praying for.
My answer is on the tip of my tongue before I'd even fully decided what I was going to say, and I spoke quickly to prevent what happened earlier from reoccurring. Now I do turn and meet those blue eyes once more.
"Yes, Lindsey, I love him very much."
~*~*~*~
End Part Four
~*~*~*~
