His White Knight

It occurred to him that perhaps he didn't deserve to live. It wasn't that he wanted to die – he really didn't want to die – but he also really sucked at staying alive. If it hadn't been for Katniss, he would have munched on poisonous berries months ago. Despite all his best efforts, he couldn't get by at the blacksmith's. And what was supposed to be a short vacation in the woods had been one disaster after another. He had exacerbated his injuries (and gained some new ones) when he crawled under the fence, when he ran from some unseen wild animal, and when he slipped and fell into the stream when he was trying to get a drink.

Worse yet, the woods became startling cold at night. He had actually given up and decided he would go to Rye or Oates or even the school administrators and throw himself on their mercy. If he ended up in a group home, so be it. It was better than being dead. But the woods were a confusing place in the dark and he got turned around.

He was currently lost, freezing, hungry, and pained beyond anything he previously experienced. He curled up into a ball on the ground in an attempt to conserve his heat. But even shivering seemed like it might be too much effort.

He wished things had been different. He wished he could have said goodbye to his brothers. He wished he had had the chance to tell Katniss how he felt.

Katniss… maybe he really wasn't in mortal danger. If he was, wouldn't Katniss improbably pop in to save the day? That is, after all, what she had been doing the last couple months.

As if his thoughts had conjured her presence, he heard his name being called. She broke into his field of vision only seconds later. Her gray eyes were wide with panic, her cheeks were flushed pink, and several dark hairs had found their way out of her braid to frame her face.

Well, at least if he did die, the last thing he saw would be a vision of beauty.

"I knew you'd find me. You just can't let me die, can you?" he mumbled.

"No, I can't. And don't forget that."


The sleep syrup gave Peeta strange dreams: Baking with his father until he dropped a tray and suddenly found himself alone. Running in the dark from a pack of wild dogs that just kept getting closer and closer. And a very pleasant one where he woke up naked in bed next to Katniss Everdeen. That one had always been his favorite.

He reached out to hold her hand.

"Do you often dream about sleeping on a cot in my living room?"

Peeta frowned. The sentence didn't make sense coming from Dream Katniss's mouth. She usually just talked about how much she loved him or the dirty things she wanted to do to him. He tried to look more closely at his Katniss and found that attempting to focus on her in the dim blue light of early dawn made his head hurt. Come to think of it, everything hurt.

It took another half second before he remembered leaning heavily on poor Katniss's shoulders in order to limp back to her house. Her mother and sister had cleaned him up and treated his wounds. They tried to clean his wounds and the pain had been overwhelming. Then Mrs. Everdeen had given him some medicine that must have knocked him out.

Shit. This was not a dream.

Panicked, he threw her hand away. For pity's sake, would he never stop embarrassing himself in front of this girl? But his attempt to sit up resulted in sharp pain in his chest, and he flopped back to the cot like a stunned fish.

Ow. His ribs were almost certainly broken.

As he lay sprawled on his back with his naked chest exposed, Katniss blushed and turned her head away. Despite the circumstances, Peeta fought back a smile. She was surprisingly modest for such a deadly little thing.

If only she could have seen his body when he was still wrestling and hauling heavy bags of flour, before his chest was practically concave with starvation. Of course, if he had still been healthy, he likely wouldn't have had the opportunity to expose himself to her. Well, not under these conditions at least.

Katniss brought him his clothes – still pretty dirty and threadbare, but at least dry. He tried to get dressed silently, but it was more difficult than he imagined staying completely silent through the pain.

After he had finished dressing, she immediately turned around and tried to convince him to stay with her family. It was so strange that he paused a moment to make sure he truly wasn't dreaming.

Katniss Everdeen had no reason to invite him into her home. He knew her family barely had enough food, and it was obvious they didn't have much space either. And if there was a resident of 12 who was less prone to sentiment or pity than Katniss, Peeta had not yet met him. So why would she invite him to stay?

Maybe she really did care about him. Maybe she had been in love with him all this time too.

He wasn't sure if his reasoning was sound or if he just really, really wanted it to be true.

"That's sweet of you to offer, Katniss," he said sadly, wishing he knew why she was trying so hard, "but I can't do that."

Katniss, being Katniss, refused to take no for an answer. She attempted to scare him into staying and to convince him that her family wouldn't be negatively impacted. She then moved directly into the practicalities of his moving in with her family before he broke down.

"Why are you doing this?" begged Peeta. "Why are you trying so hard to save me?"

Her brows furrowed quickly in what looked like anger. "You know why," she whispered.

"No, really, I don't," he laughed. "And my theories have gotten a little… fantastical as of late. So you need to just tell me. Honestly. Is it pity?" Or maybe love? But he knew better than to say that out loud.

No. She felt she owed him. For the bread. The burnt bread he tossed at her feet when they were only 11.

"So all of it – the berries, the lunches, the book, the finding me in the woods and bringing me back here – that was all because you thought you owed me? For bread?" He laughed, but only because he was trying not to cry. "I think you've more than repaid whatever debt you thought you owed me. So you can just – leave me alone from here on out."

"It's more than just repaying a debt, Peeta. It's…" Katniss muttered a curse before staring down at her feet in silence. He was about ready to tell her to just forget it when she said softly, "You saw a girl starving in the street. A girl you had never spoken to. And instead of just minding your own business, like almost anyone else in the district would have done, you went out of your way to help her. You took a beating to give her some bread. And you never demanded anything in exchange for that help. You never said a word when she never thanked you."

He didn't exactly know what to say, but that was okay, because she didn't really let him speak.

"What kind of a person would I be if I just stood by now?" she continued in a whisper. "If just minded my own business and let you suffer or die? What kind of a person would I be if I didn't do everything in my power to help you?"

And just like that, he managed to fall even deeper in love with Katniss Everdeen. He didn't even know that was possible.

She unconsciously licked her pink, chapped lips, and Peeta had to focus hard on her next words so as not to get lost in a fantasy of leaning in and kissing her.

"Stay, Peeta. Promise you'll stay. Because I'm not above getting Primrose to ask you. And there's no way to say no to her without feeling like the worst person in the world."

And he knew there was no way he would tell her no. Hell, if she had wanted him to jump into the electrified fence, he would have done so with a smile on his face. He pretended to consider her offer further.

"If I stay, I'll have to earn my keep somehow."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," replied Katniss before offering her hand, and when Peeta took it, he had to hope she attributed his trembling and sweaty palm to his injuries.

She offered up one of her rare smiles, and Peeta suddenly realized he just agreed to live in a confined and decidedly non-private space with the girl who starred in the majority of his sleeping and waking fantasies. As well as her mother.

Damn. He was in so much trouble.


Peeta never realized how large his brothers really were until he saw them standing awkwardly beside each other in the Everdeen living room, each clutching a box of Peeta's clothes. While they didn't touch the ceiling, they had to duck through doorways and, with their broad shoulders, they seemed to block the entire length of the admittedly undersized room.

Oates sneered at the shabby, spare furniture. "Geez, are all the homes in the Seam so small? I can barely stand all the way up! How are you supposed to live like this?"

"Well, it'll be much easier to live here than to die in the woods." He meant it as a joke, but no one laughed. Shamed, he muttered an apology.

"No, it's us who should be sorry –" began Rye, but Oates cut him off.

"Us? What about our mother? What about that fucking sot of a blacksmith?"

"And how was that blacksmith when you saw him last?" asked Peeta, thinking of those blows he gave him.

Identical grins bloomed on both his brothers' faces as they exchanged sly looks.

"I don't think he'll be doing any heavy lifting in the near future," snorted Rye.

"And Mom?"

And, just like that, the grins faded. Oates cleared his throat and looked at the ground. Rye shrugged.

Well, he really didn't know what to say about their mother either.

Rye grinned and ruffled Peeta's hair. "So, Katniss Everdeen, huh?" he asked, successfully changing the subject with a waggle of his eyebrows. "I think I remember you mentioning that name before. Or at least moaning it."

"Keep your voice down, Rye. She'll hear you," hissed Peeta. "Anyway, I don't care what you think you know; she's just a friend."

"Sure, I ask all my friends to move in with me."

Oates frowned. "You need to watch yourself, little brother. Doesn't she run with Gale Hawthorn? He's not the kind of guy you'd want to cross."

Peeta shrugged. No, he wasn't, and, even before he got kicked out, Gale had already cornered him at school and made it abundantly clear that he should stay away from Katniss. But what was Gale going to do, hit him? He knew how to take a hit. And being around Katniss would be more than worth it.


It had been a strange day for Peeta. On the plus side, he had seen a wet Katniss wearing little more than a towel. (That image would keep him warm when winter hit.) Also, the Everdeens had been trying their best to make him feel like he belonged.

But the truth was he didn't belong, and he knew it. He didn't know this music. He didn't know these dances. And, as Gale tried his hardest to convey, maybe he didn't know Katniss either.

Gale regaled the room with humorous stories designed to demonstrate just how well he knew Katniss – the time she took on a bear, the nickname he gave her, the time they shot a deer together and used the proceeds to buy Prim's goat, the time they had been chased up a tree by a pack of wild dogs, and even how he had almost drowned when she tried to teach him to swim the first time.

Peeta loved hearing stories about Katniss, but – even though he knew this was Gale's exact purpose – he couldn't help feeling like there was a deep history between Katniss and Gale that he would never be able to share. Peeta might fantasize about Katniss harboring a crush on him, but the truth was that she kept him at arm's length. For God's sake, she barely spoke to him! In all likelihood, she felt little more for him than obligation.

But it turned out Peeta knew at least one thing about Katniss that Gale didn't.

"Katniss doesn't sing," Gale said confidently. "I've known her since she was 12, and I've never heard her sing a note. She probably has about as much musical ability as I do. And I sound like a dying swan."

"Katniss has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard," retorted Peeta. Gale looked at him as if he recognized that statement for the challenge it was. The older boy may have known Katniss since she was 12, but Peeta knew her since they were both five. Maybe they had never been close, but Peeta kept his eyes open. He knew things about Katniss too.

Katniss managed to prove Peeta's point by singing a song beautifully.

It was the first time Peeta had heard her sing since they were children. And he understood why Katniss professed to disliking singing: during the song, her voice trembled with regret and remembrance and her eyes – trained desperately on her sister – sparkled with unshed tears. She seemed young and vulnerable and terribly un-Katniss.

Maybe no one really knew this girl.

She had barely completed the last note when Gale stormed out of the room angrily. Peeta felt hard pressed to keep the smile off his face – even after Katniss chased after her best friend.

Maybe they didn't share a rich history. Maybe she didn't love him. But Peeta was a patient guy; he could wait. And unlike darkly brooding Gale, he would wait right by her side.