Chapter 4

Bones

I woke up to a beeping sound and everything seemed unusually bright and white. First, I had no idea where I was, but slowly took in the ECG monitor and electrodes patched to my chest, the drip and tubes connected to my arm and the crisp white sheets of a hospital bed. Next, I became aware of the dull pain in the left side of my abdomen and it came back to me. The ambush out of nowhere, the sudden extreme pain, my legs not holding up, then darkness. Becoming conscious for brief moments, in a helicopter, at a local hospital, then nothing. Now I was not sure where I was – in a hospital for sure, but not in what country.

Me waking up seemed to have set off an alarm, because a doctor and a nurse came running,

"Good to see you're awake Captain McClyde", he said.

"Where am I?"

"In England. Queen Elisabeth Hospital Birmingham."

Back to square one, the city I had avoided for years. The city I had called my home once, because Molly was home. The hospital where she had worked, but I knew she did not anymore as she was living in Aldershot with James and their offspring.

"The men who were with me when I was shot, Spanner, Peanut – do you know what happened to them?"

"We've been informed that you were the only one with such serious injuries that you needed immediate transport back here. I don't know any details, but you can assume they're alive and quite well."

I sighed with relief, allowed myself to relax. Things could be much worse than being in a hospital in Birmingham, I could have been dead.

Different medical staff came and checked on me every now and then. A meal which looked nutritious but did not taste much was served and I thought that the last thing I could remember eating prior to this was a goat curry. I was not sure which was worst but the curry was at least spicy. The morphine drip lulled me to sleep and when I woke up again it was day, the next one I assumed. After some time, another nurse entered the room, a different one than yesterday.

"I'm here to take your stats", she said then looked up from her chart. She seemed strangely familiar, but I could not quite place her beautiful face. I wondered if it was a girl I had dated in the past, in the days before Molly. It could not be after, because then my romantic adventures had been down to nil.

When she saw my face, hers changed in recognition.

"Bones?" she said. Not Captain McClyde like the other staff here. As no one calls me Bones outside the Army setting, it must be there we had met.

"I'm sorry, my head is a bit fuzzy with all the drugs you lot so kindly are supplying me with. Do we know each other?"

"I'm Georgie Lane. We met in Nigeria. I was a medic then, assisting your SF unit during an operation. Now I'm training to be a nurse and have an apprenticeship here."

"George!" I snorted.

"What?"

"I remember now, you called yourself George and tried to look like a boy."

She looked at me with a faint smile.

"I tried to be judged by my qualifications, not my looks. It's not always easy, being a woman."

I supposed it would not be if one looked like her, because now when she had shoulder-length hair she was really something. I imagined that many men easily stopped listening to what she said just to take in her features, meanwhile other women might be threatened by her.

"Point taken. If my memory does not fail me, you proved yourself during that operation. Peanut survived thanks to you."

"He did", she smiled. "One of the things I'm most proud of from my days in the field. I heard he recently had a baby."

"Yeah, thinking of leaving the Army. And you have too then?"

"Not really, the nurse training is within the Army, but I'm not sure if I'll ever will be going on tour again or stay working here at home."

"Really, how come? When I saw you last you seemed to enjoy army life."

"I did, but I'm done running", she smiled. "You should rest now, and I need to move on to my next patient. I'll see you again later."

She left me lying there, staring up in the ceiling thinking she was the first interesting thing that had happened since I came here. I replayed in my mind our previous encounter and what I knew of her. I remembered how surprised I had been when she was a woman and how reluctant to bring her, thinking she might be a liability. I remembered how she had fallen asleep, resting her head on my shoulder in a way I had found very pleasant. Probably because I had denied myself female company for so long. Still did. Not deliberately, I just had not come across anyone I wanted to be with in the way I had wanted it with Molly and then I would rather leave it be. I also remembered what Spanner had said about her and me being alike, rough on the outside, soft on the inside and bruised by an unhappy love affair. I wondered if she was over Elvis by now. Suddenly, I also wondered if I was over Molly. It was a long time since I even bothered to ask myself that question.

Georgie had said she was done running. Was I? All my belongings were still stored away, in this very city. It felt like a lifetime ago Molly had a flat here which I also called my home. Thinking of it now, I did not feel the familiar ache. Maybe it was time to slow down, get a place here at home and not spend all my time away on different operations, pick up the relationships with friends and family. Well, mum at least, dad I would keep avoiding and he was hardly interested in talking to me anyway as I had not walked the path in life he had designed for me. I thought about how Molly had moved on. I knew she and James had three kids by now and according to the unavoidable gossip was one of the happiest army couples ever seen. It would have irked me if I did not wish her every happiness. I envied it because I wished for the same.


Georgie

It was a pleasant surprise to see Bones again. I had not expected it to be, but it was. He looked rough because obviously no one had shaved him since he was injured, and his face was covered by a half-beard rather than a stubble, but otherwise much the same. We did not really know each other but seeing him again reminded me of when I was with 2 section, which I liked, and I giggled to myself thinking that he was the only man I had slept next to after Elvis, if one did not count sleeping in a dorm next to an entire snoring and farting section. It was a little over a year ago that he had lent me his shoulder for the night.

Shortly after my meeting with Elvis, I had decided to apply for nurse training, to try something new and to stay closer to home. Meeting Elvis did not heal me instantly, but it initiated the healing process. The year studying in Birmingham had completed it. I had a new purpose, new friends, saw my family often in weekends and I was happy with my life. The only thing I had not done, which would be required to call my life completely normal for a single girl my age, was dating. Not that I could not imagine dating by now, but no one had been interesting enough to draw my attention from studies and friends. When I thought about that, Bones appeared in my mind for some reason; his blue eyes, his long stubble, his toned chest with ECG electrodes attached. I shook it off. Before Elvis I had had a rule not to date a squaddie. It had been a good rule which I had broken only once and see where that got me. When there are so many men out in the world, why would I date a soldier? Apart from the fact that he may understand things about me which other men did not.

I returned to Bones for the evening round. He flashed me a big smile when I entered, like I was a welcome interruption to a dreary day.

"How are you feeling?"

"It hurts", he gestured towards his abdomen, "but it's bearable. Just lying here without anything to do, that's what drives me mad."

"Getting restless already, captain McClyde?"

"You bet."

"I don't think it will take too long before you'll be discharged, we're talking weeks maximum. It will take substantially longer before you can go back into active service though."

He grimaced, probably both at the thought of staying here for weeks and not being able to return to active service until he was fully recovered.

"I can bring you some sudoku."

He just rolled his eyes and sighed heavily in response.

"I'll change your dressing now."

I sat down on his bedside and carefully began to remove the old dressing. It felt strange to touch his smooth bare skin. I noticed that his chest and stomach were much less hairy than Elvis had been, the hairs light brown instead of black. Not sure why I made that comparison, I was not in the habit of registering the hairiness of any other patients. I noticed he watched my face rather than my hands as I worked.

"I suppose I'll have to get myself somewhere to live."

"What do you mean?"

"If I have to stay in England until I've healed. I haven't had a real home here for three years or so. I have all my belongings stored away and I've either been away on operations abroad or stayed at barracks when I was in the country."

"Why?" I asked even if I ought to be the last person to find that strange. Only when I moved to Birmingham I had bothered to get a place of my own after the break-up.

"A long time ago, I shared a flat with my girlfriend here in Birmingham…"

"You broke up?"

"She left me for the love of her life. You know him – Captain James."

I just stared at him, paused my task then burst into fits of laughter. I could not stop myself, I laughed until my stomach hurt. He did not look as amused.

"How is that funny? It was… it was a hard break-up for me, I loved her."

I tried to pull myself together.

"I'm so sorry. I never knew you had been together with Molly."

"And what's so funny about that?"

"No, it's not that." I hesitated a moment if I should share the secret I had kept for Elvis sake, but decided it would be fair to do so. I trusted he would not pass it forward.

"I'll tell you something, if you promise never to tell anyone. It's kind of a sensitive secret."

"Okay."

"I'm not sure if you know, but I was to marry Elvis Harte. I think you know him."

"I do." He did not sound overly enthusiastic and knew they had never been on good terms even if Elvis never said why.

"He never showed up on our wedding day…"

"Spanner told me as much."

"Damn, Spanner. I asked him not to say anything."

"He only did after the operation was over, not during, so relax. Anyway, you're telling me yourself now, so it doesn't matter – does it?"

"I suppose you're right. After I got back from the tour to Nigeria, that was two years after we were supposed to get married, I finally met with Elvis. Then he told me why he couldn't go through with the wedding."

"Why?"

"He was in love with Charles James."

He stared at me.

"Nooooo, you're kidding me?"

"I swear, I'm not."

He stayed quiet, like he was absorbing the information, then started laughing as much as I just had but soon stopped, groaning because his abdomen hurt.

"For fucks sake, you can't tell me things like that. It hurts too much laughing like this."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one who has been dumped for Captain James."

"Christ, I can't see what's so bloody special about him", he laughed again despite the pain, wiped away tears of laughter.

I started cleaning his wound, which was healing nicely and felt him looking at me, gradually turning serious again.

"It wasn't very funny back then, was it? On your wedding day?"

"No, it was the worst day of my life. I honestly thought I would die because it hurt so much. Like actual physical pain."

"So did I, when Molly said it was over. It wasn't public, like for you. Just the two of us but it was bad enough anyway. In Bastion, taking a walk and she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Wanted to break off our engagement. Only later, I understood that she had met Charles again on tour, her teenage crush and there was no stopping their love. I saw them together once, there in Afghan. She was in an explosive vest and he was calming her down until it could be removed. All I wanted then was for her to survive, but it was painful to see them together because it was like no one else existed when they were close to each other. Like they were a force of nature and it could not be helped if others were harmed coming in their way. Elvis was there too that day. Saved her life and nearly died himself."

"He told me about it. How come there was always such animosity between you?"

"Because we knew each other from boarding school, all four of us. Me, Charles and Elvis were students. Molly was the headmaster's daughter and came to live with him during our last year. I was in love with her then, but she and Charles only had eyes for each other even if they for some reason kept it platonic then. I did not like him because of that and because he reminded me I was an asshole the first year. He and Elvis did not like me because I made Charles' first year a living hell."

"In what way?"

"I bullied him. It's how it works out at these schools. You have to make sure from day one you're not the lowest in the pecking order. I was scared as hell I would be, so first day I singled out Charles as my victim."

"It's difficult to imagine Charles letting himself be bullied."

"He was only thirteen and scared like a deer caught in the headlights of acar, but he was still tough in a way I always secretly admired. Never squealed to the teachers."

"It's difficult to imagine you that mean. I got the impression you were hard but fair."

"I hope I am – now. I regretted how I treated him all my life, went to lengths to be another man after leaving school, during my travels and later in the Army. When I finally came across him in Afghan, I apologised, and it seemed like fate's irony that he won Molly back again to my loss. I hope that means I have made up for my bad karma and have a good life to look forward to."

He smiled, and again I noticed the incredible blue colour of his eyes.

"It seems to me you have made amends."

"Molly never knew how I had treated Charles and I never told her because I was ashamed and thought she might resent me from having done that to her friend, who I knew she had been in love with even if she never said. I always hated not being honest about it but was coward to tell. It feels like a relief talking about it now."

"I guess we all have done things we regret in the past, the important thing is that we learn from them and become better persons."

I was done with the new dressing and got up from the bedside.

"It was nice talking to you, but now I need to go again."

"Georgie, can I ask you a favour?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you give me a shave tomorrow? I can barely make it to the loo, let alone stand in front of the mirror long enough to shave. I feel like a Yeti."

I smiled at the metaphor.

"I promise I'll bring a razor and shaving cream, but I can't promise you it will be a very good shave. I'm not a barber, just a nurse in training."

"Anything is better than this."


Bones

She did as she had promised. I was tired when she came. Tired from the pain, tired from restless sleep. I was not sure if it was the memories our conversation had brought up, or the thought of seeing her again that made it. Maybe both. The momentous secret that Elvis loved Charles had also spun around in my head. Who would have thought? Anyway his secret was safe with me. I would not betray Georgie's confidence and did not wish to do any harm even if Elvis was no favourite of mine.

She prepared a bowl of lukewarm water and a towel and sat down on my bedside again. I liked having her that close. She added shaving foam to my face and carefully began.

"Ouch!"

She looked horrified, thinking she had cut me.

"Sorry, just kidding."

"Please stop that, or I'll leave you half-shaved."

She continued with careful moves, sometimes stretched the skin to get better access. The touch was both relaxing and exhilarating. She was focussed on her task, but I was focussed on her and could not help reacting to her closeness. She was only inches away as she scrutinised her work and dabbed my chin dry with the towel. She smelled so good, a faint smell of shampoo.

"Now you look much better", she said with satisfaction.

I stroke my chin, now smoot again.

"I feel so much better."

She reached out her hand to feel too. Before I could think, I covered it with mine and held it there. Her smile vanished, her eyes widened in surprise, but she kept my gaze and did not with draw her hand. With my other hand, I cradled her head and softly pulled her the last few inches towards me and kissed her. Soft, amazing lips and for a few seconds she responded. Then suddenly withdrew and gasped for air.

"What are we doing?! You're my patient, I can't be doing this. We shouldn't… I have to go."

She got up, took the bowl and towel and hurried for the door.

"Georgie, I'm sorry."

She turned her head and looked at me, then disappeared out the door. I was caught in my bed, my heart thumping, cursing myself yet unable to regret the kiss because I had enjoyed it too much. She stayed away after that and I did not see her again before I was discharged.