Warnings: ShittyEden!French, Language, More!god awfully executed slang


YOU'RE SAYING WHAT NOW?

Naruto awoke a couple days later and entered the living room only to see Sasuke already lounged on the couch.

"Hey." Sasuke greeted Naruto with the nod of his head.

"Hey." Naruto greeted back, moving to sit on the chair next to the couch. "Wait… why are you home?"

"I'm staying with you to make sure you don't injure yourself." Sasuke answered calmly.

"So you asked for work off, too?" Naruto asked.

"Yup."

Naruto thought for a moment.

"What do I do?" He asked. Sasuke looked at him.

"Me." He replied without skipping a beat. Naruto choked a little.

"Jesus Christ, Sasuke!" He exclaimed at Sasuke's laughing face, "Would it kill you to not come onto me so strong?"

"Sorry, you're just too easy," Sasuke said, shaking his head, "you're an officer."

"An officer." Naruto repeated.

"That's what I just said."

"What kind of officer?" Naruto questioned.

"What kind do you think, moron?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh…" Naruto paused, "I have no idea. It's 10 years after I've known anything, so you could go easy on me."

"11 years," Sasuke corrected him, "you're forgetting that you're from junior year again." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto replied, "11 years, whatever, dude – am I a policeman officer?"

Sasuke laughed loudly.

"Oh dear lord Jesus," He laughed out, "you haven't said that in so long, and it still sounds just as god awfully stupid as it had before!"

Naruto narrowed his eyes.

"Policeman officer does not sound stupid."

"Yes it does." Sasuke replied as his laughter died down.

"Well you look stupid." Naruto pouted.

"Isn't that unfortunate?" Sasuke asked teasingly.

"Could you not be an ass for once?" Naruto asked. The smile faded.

"If it makes you feel better." The tone of Sasuke's voice was much different than before. Naruto frowned.

"I was joking, Sasuke," Naruto said, "I'm just teasing you." A tear rolled down Sasuke's face.

"You wouldn't be you if you weren't a complete ass." Naruto said softly.

Sasuke breathed in a shaky breath.

"Tu me manques (I miss you)." Sasuke mumbled. Naruto looked at him.

"What?" Naruto asked for clarification. Sasuke stiffened up.

"It – It's nothing." Sasuke dismissed quickly before looking at his phone again. "Don't worry about it, boy."


Naruto found himself getting annoyed with this habit of Sasuke's – he changed languages on him every once in a while. He soon noticed that he did when he wanted to make sure Naruto wouldn't understand. Naruto grumbled a bit at the thought because he realized that Sasuke was probably taking advantage of his junior year self's inability to speak that language he was speaking.

Naruto tried to get him to speak it as often as he could, but Sasuke didn't do it often enough where Naruto could hear it. He wanted to know what language it was – but then realized that even if he knew, he wouldn't be able to translate without some sort of translator.

He decided to search for his phone – he hoped that it could do something, what with how much time Sasuke seemed to spend with his nose buried in it. The only problem was that Sasuke had hid it, and he knew the house better than the blond did.

Naruto did find it at one point – in the bedside table. He didn't care to look at what else was in there, just the foreign phone that he held in his hand.

He looked around for an on switch, but there were a few unlabeled buttons on it and then no more. He wondered where the other buttons were, because, honestly, how was he supposed to do anything? Maybe if he talked to it…?

"Hey." He said. It did nothing.

"Hey yo, homeslice?" Naruto said, trying to seem more casual – you know, in case phones had feelings now. Still nothing.

"Hello?" He attempted one final time. He sighed, then decided to try to use the buttons.

He pressed the big one on the front first which seemed to turn the screen on.

His background was of Sasuke sleeping. Naruto found it oddly cute.

On the bottom of the screen was a prompt. "Use fingerprint or swipe screen to unlock"

Okay, Naruto thought, where was he supposed to use his fingerprint, and how would the phone know when he swiped the screen?

He placed his index finger on the big button, but it just vibrated once and prompted him to try again. So he did. He did it so much that it locked him out and made him wait before he could attempt again. When it stopped he swiped the screen, which asked him for a passcode. He groaned. Where were the number buttons, and what number had he picked? He had no idea what number his future self would pick! He did figure out that he pressed the screen for the numbers, which was pretty tight in of itself, so he tried every number he could think of that meant something to him.

7667, his kindergarten ID number*. Nope.

1988, his birth year. Nuh-uh.

1010, his birthday. Zip.

2007, his graduating class. Nada.

0723, Sasuke's birthday. Zilch.

The phone locked up again, this time with a longer cool down period. He groaned in frustration. What number had he chosen?

All that stared at him was the time, 2:30, and the date, October 13, 2017. It was only 3 days after his birthday. He then realized that he had woken up two days ago, which meant that he had just missed forgetting everything on his birthday.

The phone was snatched from his hand. Naruto looked over at Sasuke.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked.

"Trying to access my phone." Naruto spit back with annoyance. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Leave it alone." He instructed before walking away with it.

"Wait-" Naruto asked him. He paused. "What's my passcode?"

Sasuke was stiff once again.

"It's our anniversary." He spit out.

"Well," Naruto asked, "what's our anniversary?"

Sasuke paused.

"If I told you, you'd be able to get into it."

Naruto narrowed his eyes at his husband's back.

"Why are you so T.O.'d, dude?"

"Va te faire foutre (Kiss my ass. FUN FACT! This actually means "Go fuck yourself")." Sasuke spat back in reply. Naruto groaned upon remembering why he had wanted to get into his phone in the first place.


Naruto decided that he had to find something to annoy Sasuke with, since he was being an annoying douche himself. He searched around the house until he came back into their room. He eyed the bad side table. His phone was in there previously, but he hadn't taken notice to what else was there. There had to be something in there.

He made his way to it and opened it to examine the contents.

Okay, he thought, that's lube. Mm hm. He nodded with his lips pressed tightly into a thin line. Not something he wanted to think about right now.

He looked around more. There were some keys, some batteries, some chap stick, some extra cash, and then something he couldn't quite recognize. It was strange. When he held it, the outer part swung a little. He pondered it for a moment.

His mouth broke out into a full grin when he realized how to use it. Yup, this would probably annoy Sasuke.


Sasuke heard it and groaned, pressing his head back into the arm of the couch he was laying on.

"I see you've found your fidget spinner," Sasuke said in annoyance. Naruto grinned maniacally.

"So that's what it's called?" He asked, spinning the damned thing in his hand.

"Yes, it is, now I suggest you put it back before I take it and ram it down your fucking throat." Sasuke threatened.

"This is tight," Naruto said, ignoring said threat.

"They are not 'tight', Naruto, they are an epidemic and, quite frankly, a menace to society, so please dear lord Jesus PUT IT BACK."

"Fine," Naruto agreed, to which Sasuke breathed out in relief. "On one condition, though,"

"What might that be?" Sasuke asked.

"What language have you been speaking, and please stop." Naruto smirked in victory.

What he didn't count on was Sasuke jumping up from the couch and snatching the thing away from him.

"Nice try, bâton de pain (bread stick - said in a literal translation because Naruto would know baguette? I dunno, I just kinda wanted him to call him a breadstick)," Sasuke hissed out, "but not today."

He walked out of the room with fidget spinner in hand.

Damn, Naruto had hoped that would work.


Naruto grew more and more annoyed with Sasuke the more he pulled the alternate language shit. Sasuke didn't seem to give one fuck even though Naruto knew for a fact that he had noticed the blond's frustration.

"What language are you even speaking?" Naruto asked.

"Tu aimerais bien savoir, hein? (Wouldn't you like to know? Corrected by AO3 reader)" Sasuke mocked him. Naruto groaned.

"I don't know what you're SAYING!" Naruto threw his hands up in the air.

"Ç'est la raison pour laquelle (That's why)." Sasuke mumbled sadly.

For some reason – probably the way Sasuke had said the last part – Naruto understood that Sasuke was trying to grasp onto something that they had – something that he did not have with junior year Naruto.

Now Naruto wasn't angry. He wasn't annoyed. He was sad.

This was the first point that he realized that Sasuke was severely depressed because he had forgotten.


A/N: Congratulations to everyone that has made it this far into my horrible grammar, horrible spelling, horrible plot, horrible language, horrible '06 slang, and horrible French, because I love each and every one of you. If you could tell me how much you hate it, that would be great.

*7667 was my Kindergarten ID number. I used to use it for all four digit passcodes when I was younger, like on Neopets. I thought that Naruto might have done something like that, too.

EDIT: Readers on AO3 have corrected some French errors. I am fixing them now.