The Kappa
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.
It was fucking with him. That creepy, evil, scary looking thing in the garden was purposely fucking with his mind. And from the way it had acted, it was most definitely enjoying this too. Unless he was doing it to himself which just made things even more screwed up.
Finding that same half-eaten cucumber from last night lying on his windowsill again this morning had just added to his increasing rage. After throwing back into the pond he'd hoped that would be the end of it. The bitch next door had of course told his mother he was throwing vegetables out the window leading to him having an earful that morning whilst Itachi had watched and sniggered.
The one positive side to that was that he'd definitely seen the cucumber go into the water and so had their neighbour. He hadn't been into the garden either so there was no way he could've gotten it back again. All that kind of lead to increasing evidence that there was a kappa when he found that same damn cucumber in his school bag.
That nasty little shit. Fuck the koi; I'm chucking bleach out there. And maybe some rat poison just to make sure. Sasuke didn't know if it was possible to kill a kappa but if he could at least make it suffer as payback for what it'd done that would be good enough. It wasn't like he was as forgiving as Naruto. Speaking of whom...
"What is wrong with you today? Did you not sleep again last night?"
"No."
"Dammit Sasuke! Is it that kappa thing again? You know it's not real, right?"
"Of course I know! I'm not a complete idiot!"No way was he talking about this to anyone ever again.
"It seems like you're still taking it pretty seriously. And what's with the cucumber?" Oh shit. It was pretty common knowledge that cucumbers were associated with kappas.
"Itachi put it there because he was being a smartass." Brothers were occasionally useful. "And I didn't sleep last night because I was on the DS and I got stuck on a level, ok?" An excuse like that was more than enough for Naruto.
"Why didn't you just say so? Don't scare me like that!"
"You sound like my mother."
"Fuck you! As you just insulted me, I'm going to have to copy your maths homework to make up for it."
"...Devious little shit."
"You're a smart guy, help me out here!"
"I'd be more satisfied watching you getting your ass handed to you by Iruka."
"Come on! If I get detention after school again, you realise that means we get less time together?"
"Wow, a fringe benefit."
"Argh! Why are you such a sadist?"
"It's been in the Uchiha family for generations."
"Don't give me that crap!" Sasuke loved Naruto's stroppy moods and when the blonde started sulking and walking ahead, it presented a great view of the blonde's ass. Yes, life was good.
-Page Break-
The first thing on the young Uchiha's mind when he got home was revenge. Itachi, Naruto, Kiba and even Gaara. It didn't matter who they were, if they pissed him off he would eventually get them back for it. Just because this... thing wasn't human doesn't mean he would treat it any differently.
Sasuke still wasn't sure whether to refer to the kappa as a he or it but as a kappa wasn't human he decided to stick to it. He didn't want to think of that thing as human. A rather interesting thing he'd found whilst reading was that a kappa's arm was detachable. He didn't know how true this would be or if it would even work seeing as the thing seemed to be made of water but as it had tried to eat his arm it seemed a good and proper punishment.
Stealing the arm of a kappa meant it would have to obey you until you returned it so the idea of enslaving it was satisfying to say the least. If it worked anyway.
Cucumbers were once again his bait of choice but instead of sitting away he came closer and held onto the food stuffs. At least it would let him get close enough to try to pull the arm off.
Admittedly it took him a while to notice that the kappa was half out of the water and leaning on the side of the pool, watching him.
"Are you hand feeding me now? Cute, but last time I checked I wasn't a duck. And if it doesn't involve your actual hand it won't be as satisfying."
"Shut up!"
"Aww I know you cared." The smile showing all those pointed teeth made Sasuke's throat go dry. This was a predator and it would kill him if it got the chance.
"Well if you're so hungry all the time why don't you come and get your cucumbers so I can go back inside. I'm freezing my ass off out here!"
"Damn am I lucky to have the great and mighty Uchiha doing something for little old me. Must be my birthday."
"If you don't come and get it then I'll go back inside and take them with me."
"You're so cruel. Why don't you come closer?"
"No way in hell." There was no way he would trust that thing near its pond. It would be suicide.
"If you insist." He hadn't noticed before but whenever the creature said the letter 'S', it made a slight hissing noise, just adding to the creepy feel. And watching a human body, forming itself organs and all out of water was something not many people could say they'd seen.
"Thanks for the eats." As the kappa leant forward and bit into the cucumber, Sasuke grabbed the creatures' arm and pulled it.
He wasn't expecting it to actually work. But then, a lot of unexpected things were happening lately. Holding a disembodied arm was just the icing on the cake of weird really. There was a stunned silence and it took a while for both of them to finally figure out what had just happened.
"...So Sasuke...Would you be a dear and give me back my arm?" The thing gave a sheepish grin and Sasuke scowled and backed off.
"How about no?"
"Come on, I kind of need that."
"You have another one."
"It's not the same without lefty though."
"If I have your arm, you have to do whatever I want, right?"
"..."
"Well?"
"I guess I do... Damn you're a smart little brat."
"You don't look that much older than me."
"Take it from me when I say that I am much older than you. I was around before your grandparents were born. Now gimme the arm!" Although he went to grab it, Sasuke dodged and backed away. Despite crashing to the ground, he didn't turn to water like usual.
"...Do you need your arm to use your powers or something?"
"..."
"I see." Finally Sasuke had an advantage and he was going to use this as much as he could. "I'd be willing to let you have this back... if you move somewhere else."
"I can't move! Where the hell else am I supposed to go? Come on, I've been here for years! It's not my fault your asshole parents had my lake filled in so I had to move into the only bit of water left in this stupid place!"
"Oh..." And now he felt guilty. It's not like it was his fault though. "But if you stay here, you'll probably end up eating me or someone else in my family!"
"I won't! I'll leave them all alone! I swear!"
"How can I trust you though?"
"Maybe I rape and kill people, but one thing I'd never do is break a promise."
"Well that sounds perfectly reasonable. I know I can definitely trust you now." His voice was dripping with sarcasm and the kappa gulped.
"Obviously you don't know everything smart ass. If you did, you'd know that my kind can't break a promise."
"Really?" I'm gonna have to Google this later.
"Yes! Now I promise I will never harm a single member of your family-."
"Or any friends."
"-Or any of your friends."
"And that you won't act like a creeper and put things on my windowsill."
"It was a gift! I was being neighbourly." Sasuke gave him a disbelieving look. "Ok, it was pretty funny to see you shit yourself like that... Ok, I won't do that either, happy now?"
"...One more thing."
"Godammit, what?"
"If I ask you to do something for me, you have to do it."
"I'm not becoming your slave!"
"Well I guess I'll just be keeping this." He turned and began walking back to the house, whistling as he went.
"Ok! I'll do whatever you say! Now please give me my arm back!"
"Hmm..." I really should double check the promise thing first.
"Come on! How am I supposed to hide myself like this?" He did look quite pathetic.
"Ok fine. If you have your arm back, I have a request though."
"Is this another stupid promise?"
"No, this is just something personal."
"Ok?"
"Wear some damn clothes!" Sasuke threw the arm at the thing's face and ran full speed for the house. He wasn't going to take any chances that it had been lying after all.
