Walking through the door she slammed it, hard. How could you do this Alex! Her mind was running a mile a minute, she could barely breath. I need a drink. She said to herself, already reaching for her unopened bottle of whisky, along with a glass. She sat back on the couch and poured herself a glass. Straight down it went, she poured herself another, and another, and another. You're worthless Alex, you are nothing. She repeated to herself.
"Damn it!" She cried, slamming her glass down against the table, as she placed her head in her hands.
Why isn't it working!? Usually it only takes her a few mouthfuls of hard whisky to numb the pain but it wasn't working, not tonight. She knew she needed something stronger but after todays incident she knew she couldn't risk it, so she poured herself another drink.
As the sun set and the moon rose, the bottle began to empty, quicker and quicker. Her face was puffy and she was angry again, angry at Maggie for rejecting her, angry at J'onn for sending her home, and angry at herself...for being gay. She poured herself another drink and sat back, when all of a sudden there was a knock at the door. She let out a steady breath, lowing her hand as it went to bring her another sip of whisky. Go away. Please, just leave me alone to die.
"Alex. Alex, I can see you in there let me in please." Alex heard her sister speak, she could sense the worry in her voice but she didn't want to believe anyone cared.
"Go away, Kara." Her voice unsteady as she speaks she looks around, trying her hardest to hold in the tears as she looks into the glass, seeing no future in it. She winces when she hears the swoosh of her sister flying, angry as she feels the cool breeze come through the window.
"Whats going on?" She hears Kara say, feeling the walls slowly crumble down at the look of her concerned baby sister.
"Nothing, nothings going on, you shouldn't have come over here." Alex replies, using her wrist to swirl the glass as she watches Kara, bring the glass up to her lips again, but quickly lowering it as Kara speaks.
"Well you didn't show up for work and that's not like you so I got worried."
Oh and you know what's like me do you? Funny you don't know that I cut myself every fucking day. Alex wants to say, but instead she places her glass down and stands. "You're right, I should-ah, I should go in."
"Wait." I don't have time to wait Kara. "Wait, something is CLEARLY wrong. "
Alex pulls the back of her shirt down, trying her best to muster up some control. "Everything is fine." She says, pathetically as the tears return she turns away, walking behind the couch, needing some distance.
"Is this about you coming out?" Her words burn, hitting a sore spot in Alex's heart.
"No!" Alex turns, her hand coming up to stop Kara from speaking. "And just, forget I said anything about it okay? Just forget it." She wishes she could take her words back, that she could just feel okay and hide herself back in the closet, away from the pain of coming out. Because she could handle the hiding and the sleeping with men and lying to herself, if it meant that she could look strong, feel strong.
"Why?" Kara asks, confused. "What does that mean?"
And now she's yelling, yelling at the one person she loves because she is hurt, and she is broken. "It means that I made a mistake. I was wrong! And I shouldn't have said anything I should've just kept my-" And her voice breaks, she lowers her head and starts passing, not wanting her sister to see her as weak. "My mouth shut."
But Kara understands her, understands the way that Alex works, so she pushes and that's when she realizes. "What happened?"
And Alex stops passing, and she huffs. Barely being able to, she looks over at Kara with broken, tearful eyes and begins to speak. "She doesn't like me-" And her voice breaks again, her hand comes up, as if trying to force herself to stop and to keep going at the same time. "-Like that."
And Karas face says it all, it breaks for her and it throws Alex over the edge as her tears fall ever so slowly, she walks over to the couch where she is joined by Kara. Alex stares at her hands as Kara's hands brace her back, resting her chin upon her older sister's shoulder. "Come here."
And Alex's walls begin to crash down, one by one at the touch of her sister. "I feel so-so hu-humilitated." She whispers, her voice cracking as she breaks her hand covering her face in shame.
"No, no, I'm proud of you." Kara's words cause her to break harder, she pulls her sister close by the elbow, beginning to hyperventilate as she cries.
