It was heavily pouring down on New York. The water ran into the sewers. People hurried to seek shelter from the freezing water. Some lone souls wandered in the big city, passing through the hearts of humans, their buildings and their lives. No one could see them of course. But they were there. Kagami didn't see them either, but he could feel them. It was always a tingling cold sensation creeping on the back of his neck.
He usually ran in the opposite direction when that happened but now, in the pouring rain, he stood with his back against a brick wall while the fake cascades made by the edges of the building fell down around him. Kagami was tired, his body ached, and he was cold and hungry.
But he couldn't move. He didn't have a place to go. He didn't have anyone to call for help. Even Tatsuya didn't know he had crossed the country. Thinking back, what he did was stupid, foolish, irrational and absurd. He regretted not having more savings but he was damn sure he wasn't sorry for leaving his house.
Depleted.
That's how he felt. He had barely finished high school. He was amazed he had pulled through it despite all the problems he had in the last year. His mother had died and his father was still a jerk. She left him and even though he was left with his father he was still by himself. Alone.
The first week after her death passed in a hazy blur. The house where he was moved was far away from everyone. From everything. He felt that his father just wanted to cage him like a bird. He had never acknowledged Kagami as his son. That was what Kagami firmly believed.
One day, he realized suddenly, that he had been abandoned. By his mother and his father… even Tatsuya. He sought comfort in the only person he trusted but Tatsuya was in a trip in the other side of the world. There was a knot in his throat. Frustration and sadness bubbled in the pit of his stomach.
And then he decided to leave. He didn't have a plan. He didn't know what to do. He didn't give a shit about his future. He was blinded by the pain and the hurt. And God, how it hurt.
Kagami slid down to the ground. The cold weather pierced through him, deep inside his bones. He heard a siren in the distance.
Ah, that's it. Someone must've called the police. I'm gonna die in prison. He thought a bit panicky.
Everything was going to end. Whatever he was trying to do, or to prove and to achieve. Someone was going to take him to the police station, will find who he was, and then, voilà. His father would be at his throat, he will curse and scream and be disappointed on the failure of a son he had the misfortune to conceive.
He didn't care of how much he said about him or the threats he could do.
The thing that scared him the most was going back to that empty house.
Suddenly, the rain stopped splashing over him. He looked up; a black umbrella was held over his head. A pale small hand gripped it firmly, following the length of the arm, Kagami's eyes found a pair of blue blank eyes staring at him.
"You shouldn't be here." He spoke, his voice was even but a certain tone of concern slipped in, "You are still a small bird that has yet learned how to fly."
Kagami frowned at that. He wasn't, at all, small. Or a bird. He shivered. He had been out in the cold for too long.
"Please, allow me to help you."
"Why?"
The person in front of him remained quiet for a second and then with a really honest voice, he said, "I don't know why."
•••
Long periods of isolation are harmful to the psyche. A tired mind distorts the perception of reality.
•••
Kagami wasn't sure if what was happening was real or not. First he was drowning in his misery in an alley in one the bad sides of the Bronx and now he was standing awkwardly in the lobby of the Park Lane Hotel in Manhattan. He shuffled uncomfortably, he was still wet and he was sure the carpet under him was being damaged.
His stomach twisted thinking of how out of place he looked there. A six feet tall man soaked to the core in jeans and sneakers. Kagami thought about walking away, but for whatever reason he was still there not so close but not so far away from the man. He noticed something, despite his appearance, and his natural eye-catching looks, no one seemed to notice him.
Before he could think deeper into it a soft toneless voice spoke to him. He guided him to the golden elevator.
A few seconds passed, "Oh, I am sorry. I didn't ask before but what about your luggage? Should I send someone for it?"
Kagami snorted, amused, "Sure, if you can find it. I was robbed in the morning." Luckily, it was a take and run thing. No guns and knives involved, but he was still pissed off. He still had his wallet though. There was strained silence, Kagami looked beside him.
"Are you OK?" The man asked evenly, but Kagami could swear the concern was clear in his voice.
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, look, they just took an old bag with dirty clothes. I still have my wallet." Not that there was much to take account of.
The man nodded his head, seemingly appeased with the response.
"Hey…" Kagami's voice creaked at the end and he cleared his throat, what the hell.
"Yes?"
"What's your name?" he asked, not facing this strange person. He wanted to be wary of everything he was doing but Kagami found himself strangely at ease. Was he going insane? Probably.
"Kuroko," he said, with a tint of happiness, "Kuroko Tetsuya."
"Japanese?" Kagami asked, now facing him.
"Yes. Originally."
The red numbers of the elevator kept increasing.
"Originally?"
"I travel often around the world. I never stay in one place for too long. The longest I've lived in one particular place was in Italy for a few years."
"You sound like an old man." Kagami blurted out before he could stop himself.
Kuroko blinked and the corners of his mouth lifted ever so lightly, "You could say that I am like an old man." He turned to the metallic opening doors, "A very, very old man."
Kagami followed him closely, stopping when they were in front of a door, "I'm Kagami by the way. Kagami Taiga."
Kuroko didn't comment of his introduction, instead he said, "Please come on in."
He wanted to scream. He hadn't noticed before. But they were in the top floor. The most expensive room. A suite. It was huge. The room just reeked opulence. It was worse than fiction; crystal chandeliers, lacquered dining room tables; he bet correctly on thinking that there were king-size beds with satin covers.
Kagami stood there, numb with shock until Kuroko called his attention.
"Kagami…-kun," he said slowly, "Please go ahead and take a shower. I'll order something to eat, do you have any particular preference?"
Kagami couldn't find his voice and shook his head.
"Alright," Kuroko said, and pointed to his left, "The bathroom is over there."
Kagami followed the directions wordlessly. He tried to avoid thinking how the bathroom looked and stepped inside the hot water. He sighed contently as the water eased the tension from his muscles. It was so surreal. There he was, taking one of the most expensive showers of his life while a stranger ordered food for him.
There ain't such thing as a free lunch.
He wondered what he was going to do. Kuroko didn't strike him as a person who would ask for sex. Maybe, illegal organs trafficking? Nope. Perhaps, he was some kind of eccentric billionaire who liked to pick up strays kids from the streets for some kind of deep psychological trauma to fill the void of that gaping wound in his heart.
Nah.
Thinking that it was enough time in the shower, he stepped out. Looking at the mirror, he cringed. Dark bags under his eyes, he was pale, and for some reason he looked a little angry. In short, he looked like shit. He sighed, wrapping the robe around his body.
When he looked down he frowned, "Where are my clothes?" he asked to anyone in particular.
Did the maid…or was Kuroko… who entered in the room while he showered (naked).
Feeling a little assaulted, Kagami stepped outside the bathroom looking for the shorter man.
He wasn't anywhere inside the suite. After a while, on top of the dining table, he found a note.
Please, eat and have a rest.
•••
'Human beings need some sort of sense of order,' Kuroko thought while wandering through the aisles of the men's clothing department, 'that order of things form a set of pillars which help endure the vicissitudes of life. Kagam-kun's pillars have been severely damaged.'
3 t-shirts, 2 polo shirts, 2 sweaters; one of them a V-neck and a comfortable zip-up hoodie; 1 pair of jean and a winter jacket where already in the basket Kuroko held. He directed his path to the shoes section, picking a pair of European-style sneakers and a pair of winter boots. When he decided he was happy with the things he chose Kuroko was ready to the check in. In his way, he took 3 pairs of socks and 3 pairs of boxers.
Then he remembered that he needed a suitcase for him as well, he turned to his left, to a different aisle. He was looking intently at the colors and chose a red one. Kuroko preferred black but he thought that red suited Kagami more.
Kuroko frowned, what was he doing; getting so involved when before he swore to himself that he wasn't going to. Kagami needed his help, his mind reasoned. And it was true; he was an eighteen year old boy. He was defenseless against life; he didn't have weapons to defend himself yet.
He was just a kid. The sensation he felt when he first met him was there again. This time, however, was stronger and sickly sweet. He was desperate to help him, to make him feel better, to comfort him with whatever he wanted. Kuroko wasn't sure of the things that were happening, or the outcome of it. But he was sure that he was on Kagami's side.
It wasn't a coincidence that he was in New York. He had mixed feelings about the whole deal. He felt like a stalker. Which, he admitted to himself, he was. Since that day, two years ago, he had asked to be informed periodically about Kagami's life.
Kuroko knew everything that had happened, about Kagami's mother's illness and his father's circumstances. There was no way he could interfere directly on that family ordeal. When he was notified that Kagami had left his house, he took the first flight from Madrid to North America.
He tried to look out for him from afar, but it proved to be a challenge, both mental and physical. He was so close and yet so far away from him.
As the driver pulled over and the doorkeeper of the hotel held an umbrella for him, his mind wandered to the question that never seemed to have the right answer for. What was his existence? That question always drove him mad. However, he had found some kind of answer to it; the nature of his existence was in fact a byproduct of the subjective experience of his own existence.
Kuroko got inside the elevator and thought that if Ogiwara was there, he would probably scowl at him with his crimson eyes disapprovingly, saying, you think about that crap too much.
He sighed and waited a few moments before he reached the top floor. Kuroko opened the door quietly.
The room was filled by darkness. Kuroko made his way to the living room, stopping when he saw a big shadow standing near the window.
"I went to buy you some clothes." Kuroko said and Kagami turned to him. It might have been hard for others to see in the dark, but Kuroko could perfectly see Kagami's face, and his expression, "Please, don't worry. I did it because I wanted to. You don't need to feel obliged to anything."
"…thank you…" Kagami said after some time.
Kuroko fought the urge to smile, "Did you eat?"
"Yeah."
"If you want, you can change into these." Kuroko set the bags on the table and stepped away when Kagami walked closer. The teen said his thanks and went to one of the rooms.
Kuroko walked over the window, the rain hadn't stopped in all day. Kuroko thought that the rain softened everything; it washed away the past, giving room for a new start. The sky was gray and a faint mist enshrouded the top of the trees. Dim lights flickered in the distance.
Kagami came back wearing a t-shirt and jeans. He stood near the window, close to Kuroko. Kagami was a step away, he could touch him. He could do it. He could. Kuroko sighed, restraining himself with all his might. Kuroko had many reasons why he shouldn't touch this unstable —and precious— person. More than anything, he didn't want to be hated. So, he turned around and sat in the living room couch.
"Kagami-kun, why are you in New York?"
They haven't turned the lights on in the living room, only the lights from a previous lit room slithered through to them.
Kagami walked over and sat in the opposite couch, "How did you know I'm not from here?"
"I guessed." Kuroko lied.
Kagami sank in the couch defeated; the least he could do was to answer honestly to the person who helped him, right? "I wanted to see the Madison Square Garden." Well, easier said than done.
"Is that so?" Kuroko said. Kagami looked uncomfortable. Kuroko made a mental note to call Kise for a favor.
Kagami breathed in, "Well, it's not just that. You can say that… I didn't want to live in my house anymore…"
"Why?"
"It's… complicated."
"Would you mind sharing it with me?"
Kagami tried in vain to make an outline of Kuroko's face in the darkness, "Can we turn on the lights?"
Kuroko stood and switched the lights on. Meanwhile, Kagami sank deep in the couch, thinking to himself, why the hell not?
As Kuroko was about to sit again, Kagami said, "You know, I hate my father."
•••
Even though Kagami told him things he already knew. Kuroko was enthralled, intoxicated by something in the way his voice sounded. It was deep, husky, and soothing. Since that time, he had grown up to be a handsome young man. Kuroko nodded his head at Kagami's story, quietly listening. Hours flew by and it was past midnight.
Kuroko hadn't moved from his spot, but Kagami somehow was on the floor cross-legged and beside his couch. Kuroko was aware of the proximity but was unable to move away.
The story ended and Kagami looked everywhere but near Kuroko's direction.
Silence.
"I am not the one to judge what you think is right or wrong. You, yourself, have to choose. However, I can advise you something. Don't let the actions of others halt your progress in life. You have to hang in there, wait for the right moment, and lastly take action. That's what I did a long time ago. It's just that sometimes it takes us some time to know when the time is right. You will make it through, don't worry."
"Dude, you sound like an old man." Kagami spoke, and the way he said it, was so childlike and innocent that Kuroko could only be amused, "When you say it though… it feels like it's possible. Weird. Hey, are you a psychologist? That would make sense to me."
"Is that so?" Kuroko fought the embarrassment and the blush that threatened to creep up on his face.
"Yeah, you, like, give off this vibe. Like, calming. Like…" Kagami was having a hard time to express what he thought, and Kuroko found it horribly cute. "-when you come from the dentist and you're still high from the sedatives… yeah, like that."
Kuroko stared and chuckled, "You're an interesting person."
Kagami smiled, the first time in a long, long time.
•••
"You see, human beings are lonely creatures," Kuroko leaned closer to Kagami on the floor, "they always seek to form bonds with each other."
"Yeah? I'm not like that though."
"Perhaps you were a tiger in your past life."
"Eh?"
"Tigers are solitary animals, it's actually fairly rare to see them group together in the wild. But, unlike lions, who would fight to the death over a kill, when a tiger crosses paths with another tiger while hunting, they often share the meal together."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. Also, when several tigers are present at a kill, the males will wait for females and cubs to eat first, unlike lions, which do the opposite."
"Cool."
"Indeed."
They have been talking. Of many things, trivial things, important things. It was so foreign. Kagami was a reserved person. He wasn't very talkative, not even with his best friend. He blamed it on his sleepiness. He hadn't had a decent night of sleep in days. He was tired but he wanted to keep talking. At some point of their talk he nodded off.
"I think you should go to bed, Kagami-kun." Kuroko said, startling him slightly.
"What, no I-" in that moment he yawned, "…damn."
"Come on up, your room is over here." Kuroko stood up guided him to a room. Three big windows showed the bluish hue of the sunrise beyond Central Park.
"Why aren't you tired?" Kagami asked, laying on his side on the bed. He yawned again.
"Because I'm not tired," Kuroko said, smiling lightly, "I'm a little sturdier than a normal human."
He laughed lightly, fighting off his sleepiness while burying his face in the mattress, "What are you then? An alien?"
"Not quite, I am being far more inconceivable than that." Kuroko knew he was making a mistake. "Do you know what 'ens' mean?"
Before he could explain what it was, Kagami fell asleep. Kuroko sighed, staring at the rising sun in the horizon. It was a new beginning, wasn't it?
•••
ens (ɛnz)
n, pl entia (ˈɛnʃɪə)
Metaphysics.
1. (Philosophy) being or existence in the most general abstract sense
2. (Philosophy) a real thing; entity
[From Late Latin, literally: being, from Latin esse to be]
•To Be Continued•
