Thanks for all the reviews that came quickly after posting the last chapter, makes it more enjoyable to continue on with the story. Someone mentioned that Ryan was a little scary and he will be for a little while longer because of what the story has in store. Enjoy and review.
The weeks passed by, school went on, but Ryan continued to stay in his somber mood. Nothing seemed to be the same anymore; he couldn't get the nightmares to stop, his feelings stayed bottled up as he kept quiet about them, and he still blamed himself for what had happened. The only time since that night that he had felt alive had been when he was leaving the cemetery and he extracted some revenge on Eddie's killers.
His three friends had tried all sorts of things to get him out of his depression – movies, the diner, hanging out on the beach – but they couldn't get through to him. Each one had taken their turn repeatedly trying to get him to open up so that they could help him or at least understand a little what he was going through, but each time was like running head on into a brick wall. Any mention of how he was feeling or about what had happened only got Ryan to repress deeper and they eventually quit trying. It wasn't that they weren't still worried; it was just easier to act like the problem wasn't there after all this time.
Ryan knew that he couldn't go on like this much longer, at some point he would explode at trying to keep it all in like he did at the cemetery, but he didn't know how to go about letting his anger out slowly. He also needed a way to vent because if he didn't, his relationship with Marissa would be over. They were already on shaky ground, keeping their distance while trying to be together and it was only a matter of time before they would fall apart completely. She was the best thing in his life and he couldn't lose her, he just didn't know how to hang on to her.
As he thought back on when this had all started, he realized that the cemetery was the one time when he felt relaxed. When he was beating on those guys, he was letting it all out. It was a way for him to release his anger and thoughts and fears in a manner other than words, which was way better than lying on a couch talking to a shrink that he had never met before.
Without thought, something that had led him to this point of his life, he jumped into his SUV and began driving out of the high class end of town and down into the slums. He had heard of a place around the area where he might be able to solve his problem. The fact that it was a Friday night, completely dark, and he was driving past streets with no lights and people sipping out of bags on the corners worried him in the least. It was doing the complete opposite, exciting him as he thought about what could happen in the next few hours. This feeling only helped him to determine that he was making the right choice and he continued through the streets until he saw a run down bar with a gravel parking lot full of old cars and beaten up trucks.
He slipped his hood up, hoping that he wouldn't get carded in a place such as this, but when he walked in to the loud music, louder screams, and air full of smoke he saw he wouldn't have a problem. It was hard enough to see the person next to you, much less hear them, and he walked up to the bar in an attempt to find the owner.
As he waited for the bartender to go find the man he was looking for, Ryan sat down at the end of the bar on a stool and turned to face the establishment. There were crowds of people all standing around a big circle, their fists pumping in the air while the other hand held a beer and some held a cigarette as well. All of their attention was fixed on the middle of the room, which held a platform higher up so that everyone could see and had a linked fence around it so no one could get in or out. The exception was the two people that were already inside, stripped of their shirts to show the muscles and sweat as they circled around each other until one found an opening and they began fighting again. The crowd cheered even louder as punches were thrown and kicks landed, yelling at the guy they had their money on to come out victorious.
Ryan watched as a man that resembled more of a giant picked up his opponent into a bear hug and squeeze. After what seemed an eternity, a ref jumped into the ring and tapped the big man on his shoulder, holding up his hand in the air once the other man's body fell to the mat, gasping for the air that had been deprived. At that moment the owner walked up to Ryan, they discussed what went on at the place, and two minutes later Ryan found himself without a shirt and walking into the ring.
His opponent would be the bear hugger, the winner would continue to stay in the ring until he lost or was too tired to continue on. Since their had been no one willing to try out their luck against this man, Ryan had moved right up to the front of the line and his heart began pumping faster as the door to the cage was slammed shut. He walked slowly around the mat, keeping the distance between him and the giant, his eyes flicking out to the crowd to see handfuls of cash being held up and laughter as they saw the next victim.
He had a second to shake out his arms, try to loosen his body up before the giant rumbled towards him. The entire ring shook at the weight of the man's feet slamming into it as he lumbered across, ready to take out Ryan in one hit. A quick side step to his left allowed Ryan to escape by an inch, the giant slamming into the cage but recovering quickly after realizing Ryan had not been sandwiched. Another attempt was made to bull doze him over but this time after Ryan side-stepped, he slammed a fist into the man's back.
Before he could hit again, he saw the giant look back and smile, the fist in his back nothing more than a fly that was pestering him and Ryan was thrown across the mat into the cage on the other side. He shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs that were filling it as his opponent rushed again, this time slamming him between the massive rushing body and the cage that gave little bounce. Stars clouded his vision, the room seemed to be spinning but just as he figured out that his body had been lifted up and was being twirled around, the man released him and he fell hard to the mat.
The crowd cheered; pleased as much of the money had been wagered on the giant but Ryan was not done. He slowly raised himself up to his hands and knees and after regaining his sense of balance, stood to his feet. Nothing mattered at this moment, his fears and troubles released from his body. The giant had his back to him, his arms raised in what he thought was a victory. Ryan lowered his head and ran with all his might, squarely hitting the man in the back with his right shoulder and driving him forcefully into the mat. Quickly jumping onto the man's back, the sudden movement bringing back the stars, he slammed his fist repeatedly in between the shoulder blades, the sides, the ribs, until his fists hurt from the punching. He was exhausted, his arms weak, and then he was catapulted into the air.
…
Marissa sat on Ryan's bed in the pool house, waiting for him to arrive home. The only time she saw him anymore was at school, his nights were filled with anybody's guess. No one knew what he was doing and he wouldn't talk about it, but each morning would bring a different bruise or cut somewhere visible and she didn't even want to imagine how many more he was concealing. She couldn't take this anymore, it wasn't the type of relationship that she wanted to be in if she could even call it a relationship. It was more just words, people calling them a couple, than it was the two of them ever doing anything; the type of boyfriend – girlfriend relationship that grade school kids enjoyed.
She knew that whatever he was doing, it was causing him physical pain and yet he continued going back for more due to all the new marks on his face. She wanted to help him, let him know that she was here for him and was willing to do anything she could to save him as he had done so many times for her but she couldn't take it anymore. The unreturned phone calls, the one-sided conversations when they did find five minutes to talk, the mysterious disappearances from him that he wouldn't explain; it was too much for her to handle anymore and it was apparent that he did not want her help.
Darkness settled in and the moon rose in the sky, casting a faint light that reflected off the backyard pool and still she waited. Somehow she had found enough courage to face him tonight and she would. If she didn't, she wasn't sure if she ever would and things couldn't continue going the way they were. Senior year was suppose to be a time that you remembered forever, full of good memories of friends that you would eventually lose contact with but still could catch up with after years passed. It wasn't suppose to be crying yourself to sleep every night, wondering where your boyfriend was or who he had turned into.
Around midnight the door creaked open, rising Marissa from the light sleep she had fallen into while waiting. Ryan was trying to be quiet, slowly shutting the door as softly as possible as he snuck into his room before tiptoeing around in an attempt to find the lamp. Marissa waited until he had it turned on, noticing his back was one big collage of colors from the old and new bruises as he took off his shirt before clearing her throat.
"Shit!" he yelled, jumping around after hearing her, his chest looking no better than his back had, "You scared the crap out of me."
"Maybe you'll understand how the rest of us have been feeling about you lately," she replied, standing up to get this over with, "Care to finally explain why you're body looks like a punching bag?"
"Just something I have to do Riss," was the only answer she got.
"Well there's something I have to do too Ryan," she yelled, tears coming to her eyes after promising herself that she wouldn't let him see her cry, "I don't know if you're aware of this, but the two of us haven't been doing so hot lately. You won't talk to me or anybody for that matter, you won't explain where you are all the time, and you won't talk about why you look like you go out every night and get the shit kicked out of you."
"Riss –"
"No! I've got something to say," she yelled louder, "I don't care if I'm not strong enough to handle what has been going on because I've realized I don't want to be. The two of us, we're no longer an us Ryan. We haven't been for a long time so it should be no surprise. Eddie died two months ago and I've tried to help you but I can't do it anymore. Good-bye Ryan."
With that she ran out of the pool house, leaving Ryan there standing as he watched her go. She was right, everything she had said had been the truth and instead of telling her that, he let her go. Carefully he lowered himself down onto his bed, trying not to move too fast as tonight had been no different than every other night had been for the last month. It was tonight though that he finally realized maybe the pain was more inside of him than it was outside.
