Jude angled his laptop on his nightstand, hit the call button on Skype, and then he flopped into his comforter. It was late. It was far too late. He'd worked an exhausting shift after finishing classes for the day and he wanted nothing more to sleep. But he couldn't. He had a date.
"Hey! You're, like, ten minutes late!"
Jude tucked his pillow under his chest and lay on his stomach, facing his laptop.
"Hello to you too, Taylor."
She flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "I wouldn't be so upset if you called me more. But you haven't called me in forever!"
"I saw you, like, two weeks ago!"
"It's not my fault my best friend goes to school so far away." Taylor pouted. "Come home, Jude."
"I like it here. And I'd say come here, but I know you like it there. It's not like you're home, either, though. You're an hour in the other direction of home."
"Just let me be clingy," Taylor said. "I'd cuddle with Daria but she doesn't get back for another two weeks! Two weeks! It just isn't fair! She keeps sending me pictures of Hawaii. I want to go to Hawaii, Jude!"
"Marry Daria so you get to go on the family vacation next year," Jude recommended.
"If I thought she'd say yes, I totally wouldn't hesitate," Taylor said. "You look tired."
"I am tired. Work was hell."
"I can help you find a sugar daddy, you'd never have to work again."
"Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I am too much of a romantic to consider it. I want real love, Taylor."
"How are things going on that front, then?"
"All by myself," Jude sang.
"What about hot boy you texted me about on Monday?" Taylor asked, then, quickly under her breath, she added, "And you haven't texted me since Monday not that I'm bitter and upset about that, oh no."
"And how is single life treating you?" Jude said, amused.
"I don't miss him. I just miss the constant cuddle and affection and attention and … I need a new relationship. That's the only solution. But, come on, Jude. Tell me about the boy."
"Well, I talked to him. And I didn't get as tongue tied as I thought I would."
"Yay! Go, Jude!"
"I don't know what happened to me on Monday. I just saw him and my brain just … Just …" Jude spread his hands out, "died."
"Hot people do that to me all the time. I knew your hormones weren't immune from acting like hormones."
Jude rolled his eyes. "I knew I wasn't immune."
"You were very attracted to the ex."
"The ex has a name."
"I know, I know." Taylor leant on her desk. "And I know the speech 'Taylor, the break up was a good break up' blah, blah, blah. We keep talking about the ex like I haven't been calling him the ex for the past two years."
"Anyway, I was attracted to the ex," Jude said. "I've seen hot people and gone stupid before. I just didn't know I could go that stupid to someone that's not a celebrity."
Taylor laughed. "What's hot boy's name?"
"Hot boy gets a name but Dylan doesn't?"
"Jude."
"His name is Connor."
"Ooh, I like it! And, hot boy gets a name because who knows what will happen with him. Maybe you going totally stupid is a sign you two are meant to be!"
Jude laughed. He picked at the corner of the pillow and said, "I'm not ruling anyone out."
"Anyone with a penis out," Taylor corrected.
"Yeah," Jude agreed.
"I promise I won't try to convince you that vaginas are magical things … again," Taylor said.
"Until you get drunk and decide to lecture me on the pros and cons of pansexuality … again," Jude said.
"I just ... like people. I don't care about their dangly bits."
"How many dangly bits do girls have anyway?"
"Ever seen a pair of tits, Jude?"
Jude stopped talking.
Taylor laughed at him. "So, back on topic."
"We had a topic?"
"Um, yes. Hot boy. Connor!"
"What about him?"
"Well, you had a conversation with him …" Taylor said, leading him.
"Yeah. He seems sweet but … I don't know. There's something … off."
"Off? Like … how? Like … needs to be cuddled or he tortures kittens in his basement?"
"He's just quiet. It's hard to get him in a conversation but whenever we talk, well, I do most of the talking, he just looks happy to be talked to."
"Is it because there's something wrong with him or something happened to him?" Taylor asked.
"I think it's the second one. Taylor, I accidentally touched his leg today and he shot to the opposite side of the bench we were sitting on!"
Taylor's eyebrows rose. "That's … I don't need to tell you what that probably means."
"He just moved here. He seems so sad. That sounds like a weird thing to say, but he just looks sad."
"Are you going to keep talking to him?"
"I want to. Like I said, he's nice. And I don't know him that well yet."
"Yeah, but if you think you should stop talking to him, do it before you know him too well. And before he knows where you live."
"I don't really get the serial killer vibe from him," Jude confessed. "He doesn't scare me."
"Well, that's always good."
Jude plucked at the side of the pillow. "You're going to read too much into this."
"What? You talking to a hot boy who's sweet that you want to keep talking to? No. That doesn't sound like me."
"That and … he's gay too."
"Obviously, the fates have decided that you two need to be together." There was a touch of sarcasm to her voice, but Taylor's face was bright. "If it happens between you and … anyone, I'll be happy. I want you to be happy."
"I'm happy, even without the relationship. Unlike some people," he teased.
"College is for fun and for partying and for dating, in my opinion. I'll get my shit together some day, I promise."
"I have faith in you," Jude said through a yawn.
"You're tired." Taylor sighed. "I'll let you go to sleep."
"I'll text you tomorrow," Jude promised.
"I'll hold you to that."
"Goodnight, Taylor."
"Night, Jude. Say hi to Connor for me."
"That I won't do. I don't want him thinking I'm weird for talking about him to other people! He's shy enough as it is."
"Maybe I'll meet him at Halloween."
"Maybe you will. Bye, Taylor."
"Bye, Jude."
Jude hung up Skype and shut his computer. He drew the curtains around his bed closed and flopped back down on his mattress. Long work shifts always left him drained and his legs always felt a little achy afterward. He curled up against his pillows, thinking about Taylor and thinking about Connor. Taylor was such a major part of his life; if there was a person that he could say knew everything, it would be Taylor. His mothers knew a lot; some of his siblings knew more and some of his siblings knew less. Taylor, though, had been his friend since they were thirteen and, along with her best friend, Daria, she had been there for him, and in trouble with him, on most counts. Taylor had visited him at school before and had met most of the people he was casually friends with. It wasn't a big deal for him to introduce people to Taylor but it was almost strange for him to picture Taylor and Connor in the same space, having a conversation. It was a good kind of strange, though.
Jude shoved his head under his pillow, telling himself to get a grip. He didn't know Connor, not really. Not enough to warrant this. Jude knew he'd keep telling himself that and he did, up until he was face to face with Connor again. Connor smiled at him when he walked into class on Monday. Of course, Connor also ducked his head quickly afterward so that Jude couldn't see his face, but Jude felt happy as he sat down.
"Hi, Connor," he said brightly.
"Hey, Jude."
Connor's gaze lifted and Jude met his sweet eyes. Jude felt his heart skip a beat at the moment of eye contact. Kroeger started their lecture and Connor turned to pay attention, while Jude pulled out his phone and texted Taylor.
Jude: I think I have a really bad crush.
Taylor quickly answered back with 'I knew it' followed by the devil emoji.
Jude shook his head at her and he texted her on and off during the class, mostly with her teasing him about his feelings. Connor commented on the texting on their way out of class.
"Nice focus," he said, which might have been the most teasing tone that Jude had ever heard from him.
"It's my best friend," Jude said.
"Taylor," Connor supplied.
"You remembered?" Jude said in surprise.
"I'm good at listening."
"But not so good at talking."
"I'm sorry," Connor said automatically, though Jude didn't think he'd said his words meanly – just as an observation. "I'll do better."
"I don't mind either way," Jude assured him. "I just like that we hang out."
"Really?"
"Really. Does here look like a good spot to eat lunch?"
Connor immediately sat on the warm grass that Jude had gestured to. Jude sat down next to him and carefully steered the conversation toward Kroger's lecture.
"I like that they draw from the readings," Connor said.
"I don't," Jude snorted.
"Why?"
"Because I never do the readings when I'm supposed to," Jude grumbled. "I just get distracted and unmotivated. How do you study so much? How do you do it?"
"It's easier than not having anything to do," Connor said. "I, um, do most of my readings on the weekend if … if you're … Oh."
"Are you asking if I want to do homework with you?"
Connor was going red. "Only if you want to."
"I would! If you wouldn't mind dealing with my work schedule."
Connor shook his head. "I'd like studying with you."
"Oh, you say that now," Jude joked. "What are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Oh. Um. Not much."
"I know you've already done the reading for this week but I was hoping you'd sit with me anyway."
"Where?"
"I could come to campus," Jude offered. "Library."
"I can do that."
"I'm off at four. I can meet you here at five."
Connor nodded and then smiled at Jude again. Jude felt totally dismantled all over again. It was then that he had to acknowledge that no matter how much he knew Connor and no matter how illogical it might be, Jude really liked him. Really liked him a lot.
"Thanks," Jude said.
"You're welcome," Connor said. Then, hesitantly, he asked, "We're friends, right?"
"Right."
The sweet expression on Connor's face was too much for words and Jude knew that he was in trouble.
(-.-)
"I have to go soon, Dad."
"Oh?" Adam said. "Where do you have to go?"
"I'm meeting Jude at the library. We're going to do some studying together."
"How are you getting along? Is everything okay?"
"Yes. We're friends, Dad." Connor's voice lifted happily. "We eat lunch and we talk and he just … treats me like I'm a person. Like there's nothing wrong with me."
"There isn't anything wrong with you," Adam said sharply.
Which was a far cry from Adam's words six years ago. Although the thought drifted across Connor's mind, he didn't bring it up. The present was hard enough without talking about the past. Instead, Connor noted, "There is a lot wrong with me."
"But he hasn't said anything about it."
"No. And we both know he's got to notice. I'm not so good at being a person anymore."
"Connor –"
"Please, Dad, don't lie to me," Connor whispered.
"All right." Adam paused. "You're a person, Connor, and you're going to be just fine."
"Thanks," Connor said. "I'm going to have to go now."
"Text me when you're in for the night."
"Okay, Dad."
"I love you."
"You too."
Connor hung up his phone and tucked it into his pocket. He double checked his bag for his laptop and the assigned reading for CLST this week. He made sure to lock the door tightly behind him. Then, he was off, cutting across campus. He felt sweat pool on his mid back from the late day sunshine. He was thinking about how he'd probably be a red-faced mess when he made it to the library, when he spotted Jude. His hair was dark and wet, and, when he was close enough, Connor could smell his soap and shampoo.
"Hey!"
Jude was smiling at him and Connor couldn't help but smile back.
"Hi. How was work?"
Jude flicked his hand dismissively. "Most of the people I work with are great."
"Most?"
Jude's eyebrows furrowed. "And then there's Jason. C'mon, I'll tell you on the way in. I booked a study room for us."
"Oh, okay."
Connor followed him, and Jude began his short tale.
"Jason's been there the longest – well, excluding pretty much all of management, he has. He has a bit of a superiority complex about the whole thing. And, like, the store is pretty small and most of us are on the same level so there's really no need for it at all. Anyway, it was a slow shift today and it was just me, him, and one of our managers who was doing paperwork in the back office. He kept bossing me around, check stock, move this, do that. All while he stays behind the cash register and doesn't move. I don't mind doing my fair share of work, but he was just pulling it all out of his ass." Jude rolled his eyes. "I guess there's one in every work place."
"I wouldn't know. I've never had a job." He hadn't been allowed to, before, and now, he and everyone else were in agreement that he probably wouldn't be able to handle it.
"Not a bad life to live," Jude mused. "We're in study room six."
Connor found the door and Jude swiped his student card for access. The lock clicked and Jude pushed the door open, turning on the lights. Connor entered the room – it was smaller than he'd expected. It was rather cramped, with one table in the middle that took up the majority of the space. It had tables crowded around it. There was also a screen mounted on the wall, with cables so that it could be hooked up to a laptop.
"Do you mind if we keep the door open a little?" Connor asked. The small space made him a little nervous, though he mostly trusted Jude not to hurt him.
"Nah. These rooms get kind of stuffy anyway."
Connor used the door stop and then he sat down at the table across from Jude. Jude had a tablet set up in front of him and then he pulled out the black and orange book that Kroger currently had them working from.
"I mean, I mostly know the stories behind this stuff. Like I said, my ex was into it. But, Kroger does a lot of interpreting the meaning behind the myths and I'm not good at that sort of thing."
"Well, some things are more obvious than others. Like Zeus – he stands for things like justice."
"This is only going to get more convoluted the further we go, isn't it?"
"Yep. The Olympian Gods are kind of easy to guess at for most of their symbols, just because they're more well-known. But when we get to actual myths, sometimes their intent can get vaguer, just because they can mean many things or have many intents applied to them."
"Have you read all the books already?" Jude asked.
Connor's lips twisted upward. "Only half."
"Then you are way ahead of the game. Let's do this."
For an hour, they went over the week's readings and Connor's notes. Jude shook his head in disbelief when he saw Connor's neatly organized notes, all typed up on his laptop.
"They're even colour coded?! Who are you!?"
Connor had just shrugged in embarrassment.
"I'm not making fun of you," Jude swore. "Your notes are very helpful."
"Isn't that the point of notes?"
"My notes usually consist of a lot of highlighter use and roughly three sticky notes."
Connor smiled, though he wasn't sure if Jude were serious or not.
When they had finished the last bit of work they'd needed to, Jude sat back in his chair. He tapped at the table and Connor watched his fingers move. There was something on Jude's face that Connor didn't know if he liked. It was a look of hesitance – of making a decision. Connor didn't like it. He liked predictability, though he had to admit that Jude wasn't always predictable.
"Have you eaten dinner?"
Connor shook his head.
"Do you want to go somewhere then?"
"W-where?" Connor asked, completely caught off guard.
"I don't know. Wherever you want. There's a ton of food places around campus or we can take my car and go somewhere else."
"Oh. Um, if you want."
"Connor, you don't have to go to dinner with me."
"I want to," Connor said, not because he felt like he had to say it, but because he did want to spend more time with Jude.
"What do you feel like?"
"I don't know what's around. I just got here, remember?"
"Well, pick a food and I'll figure out a good spot for it."
"Okay," Connor agreed. "Anything you don't like?"
"I'm picky when it comes to Mexican but I like most things."
"What about Chinese food?" Connor suggested.
He waited for Jude to shake his head and say 'are you sure you're not in the mood for something else?' and Connor would keep guessing until he'd gotten the right food. He was caught off guard when Jude nodded.
"The best Chinese food place is about a fifteen minute drive," Jude said. "But there's a good place within walking distance. Take your pick."
Connor had to look away from Jude's face in order to decide. Could he get in a car with Jude? Twice? Did he trust the man in front of him? Connor was barely able to get into a car with Adam. He hadn't left campus for the exact reason that he couldn't make himself get in a taxi or on public transit. Could he sit in a car with Jude for fifteen minutes there and fifteen minutes back? Connor took a steadying breath. Jude had never said anything about Connor's strange tendencies but Jude wasn't dumb. If Connor asked Jude to pull over so that Connor could walk in a circle on the side of the road for five minutes, Connor had absolutely no doubts that he would. That was more than enough for Connor.
"Why not get the best?"
"Do you want to drop your laptop back at your room or anything?"
"No. It's not heavy to carry."
"All right. Come on, let's eat."
They walked to the closest student parking lot and Jude directed Connor to a fairly broken down looking car. Connor approached the passenger door cautiously, while Jude let out a snigger.
"I promise that it's in excellent shape and you won't end up waiting on the side of the road with me for a tow truck to come to our rescue."
"Well, if you say it then it must be true."
Jude was laughing as Connor sat in the passenger seat.
"I'll earn your trust someday, Connor Stevens."
Connor looked around the cluttered car. The back seat was filled with papers, some old sweaters, an umbrella, and a blanket, among a few other odds and ends. There wasn't any garbage and there wasn't much dirt. Connor found his eyes slinking toward the half open ash tray poking out from the old dashboard, but it was empty. Either Jude didn't smoke or he'd just cleaned it today. Somehow, Connor doubted the latter.
"The car," Connor finally said, "may not be the way to do that."
"Be nice or it may not start," Jude warned him, turning the key. As predicted, the car revolted and refused to start.
"You'd think that in order to be nicer you'd stop calling it an 'it'."
"Hmmm." Jude mused, trying the key again.
This time, the car sputtered to life.
"You may be on to something there," Jude said. "What do you think we should name it?"
"Oh, it's your car," Connor said. "You should name it."
Jude carefully backed out of the parking space and began his way off campus.
"It was your idea."
"Oh."
Connor watched campus begin to fade away from them. The last time he'd been off campus was when Adam took him out to dinner on his last night here. It seemed so long ago, though that had been the last week of August and they were closing down on the middle of September now. He touched the sun warmed part of the dashboard.
"What about the name Gerald?"
"Gerald?" Jude said.
"It's dumb –"
"No, no," Jude interrupted. "I like it. What do you think? Should we call you Gerald?"
Connor and Jude sat in silence for a moment, as if they expected the car to answer. When there was nothing more than the sound of it running as it normally did, Jude laughed awkwardly.
"Well, it didn't break down, so I guess 'Gerald' it is."
Connor watched as the road turned to a more populated street, with restaurants and clothing stores crowded the area.
"Do you go to this restaurant often?"
"Not that often. It's my favourite place for Chinese food. Usually when Taylor comes down to visit we usually go there. Chinese food is her favourite."
"Does she come often?"
"Usually once a month I go see her or she comes to see me. We alternate. This coming weekend I'm going to see her and then she'll be down over Halloween. She knows a few people who go here and so we're going to have a small party at my place, I think."
"That's advanced planning."
"Taylor's idea. I don't mind, so long as it's not a huge thing. My land lady would kill me and evict me in the same breath. And I don't really like huge parties either. I'd rather be with friends than strangers."
"Makes sense," Connor said, though he really didn't know what he preferred. He'd never really been to a party. A middle school dance, but never an actual party.
"You're welcome to come. If you still like my presence by Halloween."
"We'll see at Halloween," Connor murmured.
"I'm hoping you still like me then," Jude added. "Now that we're friends, I'm counting on staying that way."
Connor ducked his head, though a smile came over his face. He liked the thought of Jude and him being friends in a month. Maybe even more than a month. Connor didn't see why Jude would want to continue to be friends with him but Jude seemed happy to be in his company. Connor was happy in Jude's company too. They pulled into a tiny parking lot and Connor looked up, surprised that they had been driving for twenty minutes. He hadn't expected to be so relaxed in Jude's company. He'd expected to be anxious and sick the entire car drive, looking for threats that weren't there. That's how he always was with new things – or at least, that's how he was now. But with Jude, he could breathe. It was a very strange feeling.
"What do you think? Does it look like a good place?"
Connor studied the squat building in front of him. He wouldn't have pegged this place for a Chinese food restaurant. It was done up in bright colours and what could only be called surfer décor. The kicker was the name of it – written in bright letters above a half-assed doodle of a teenaged boy, were the words 'Bob Likes Chinese Food'.
"Really?" Connor heard himself say, though he was sure he hadn't given himself the command to speak.
"Really! I promise it's great but I know it's a little weird so if you don't think you'll like it …"
"No, I want to try it. I … think I trust you, Jude."
"Well, that's better than how I was doing when you first sat in Gerald," Jude said. "So, I'll take it. Come on."
The inside of the restaurant was just as surfer looking as the outside. Booths were built out of light wood, surf boards and pictures of the ocean dotted the walls, and the tables and chairs were all painted bright colours. A waiter, dressed in a tight white t-shirt and bathing suit shorts, grinned at them.
"Welcome to Bob Likes Chinese Food! Table for two?"
Jude nodded and the host palmed two menus. He led them to a small table in the back of the restaurant. He put their menus down and stepped backward. Connor quickly slipped into the chair that would situate his back against the wall. Jude happily took the other one.
"Your server will be right over to take your drink orders."
"Thanks," Jude said. When the host was gone, Jude turned immediately to Connor. "So, now that we're inside, what do you think?"
"I think it's even weirder from inside."
"Fair enough."
"I'm withholding judgement until I've eaten though."
"A better plan. So, I know what I'm getting."
"Already?"
"It's always the same thing," Jude said. "I can't bring myself to try anything else because I love my usual order too much. Combination plate number three. And a bowl of hot and sour soup."
"Oh, that's my favourite," Connor said.
"Want to split a large bowl, then?"
Connor agreed and he went back to browsing the menu.
"Whatever you want," Jude added. "My treat."
"Oh, I can't let you –"
"You can grab it next time. So we'll be even." Jude was smiling his relaxed smile, but Connor's heart skipped.
"Next time?"
"Sure. Study food is a necessity, right?"
"Right," Connor said, even as something inside of him thrilled at the thought of next time. Jude was his friend. Jude wanted to keep spending time with him. Somehow, the pieces wouldn't properly click inside of Connor's brain.
"You can even get a drink. They have some ridiculously named cocktails." Jude opened his menu.
"Oh, I don't drink." He couldn't. Not after everything.
"Duly noted." Jude closed his menu. "I don't drink often, and I never do when I'm expecting to drive."
"Oh, good."
"I thought you trusted me!"
"I said 'I think'."
Before Jude could respond, a waitress came by and carefully placed two glasses of water on the table.
"Hey, guys! I'm Katrina and I'll be your waitress this evening. How are you tonight?"
"Great, thanks," Jude said.
"Do you guys want anything to drink?"
"Water's fine for tonight," Jude said.
"Sure. Do you need a few more minutes or are you ready to order?"
Jude glanced at Connor, who hesitantly ordered what he wanted. Jude ordered and the waitress swept away again. Jude and Connor faced one another and Connor was struck by the fact that he didn't know what to say. He wanted to say something but no words would come to him. Underneath the table, Jude shifted his legs and his foot brushed against Connor's calf. Connor quickly tucked his legs underneath of his chair, trying to create distance at the small table.
"I'm sorry," Jude said. "It was an accident."
"No, I'm sorry. I just … I don't like … It's hard to explain –"
Jude held up his hand in a 'stop' gesture and Connor clamped his mouth shut.
"You don't need to explain anything to me. If you don't want to be touched then I'll be careful."
"Oh."
Connor's first instinct was to doubt what Jude was saying. Of course Jude would want an explanation; of course Jude would ask why Connor flinched at even the slightest brushes. Or Jude would just clearly point out that he knew why Connor acted the way that he did. One look at Jude's open face, though, and Connor knew that he meant every word that he had said. Jude truly meant that he didn't require answers and, that even if he did guess at Connor's motivations, he wouldn't say so.
"But if you ever want to talk about anything, then I'll be here," Jude added.
Connor really didn't know what to do with a person like Jude. Simply, he said, "Thank you. And thank you for dinner."
"You're very welcome. Oh, look, the soup!"
The food was as good as Jude promised. Connor fell in love with the hot and sour soup the moment that he tasted it. But spending time with Jude was better. It didn't take long for Jude to fall into telling stories about his brothers and sisters. Apparently Jesus, one of his older brothers, was going through a possible eviction as the current roommate he had liked throwing parties that destroyed the apartment they were renting. And Callie, one of his older sisters, had recently started working as a photographer for a small newspaper. Connor liked hearing stories about people that he'd never met. He liked hearing stories about people who lived full lives and who had struggles. He didn't fully understand the allure, but he also knew that part of it had to do with hearing Jude talk. He was so happy and animated when he talked about his family. Connor could hear how proud he was of them. He wondered what that felt like.
"So, how's your dad?" Jude asked.
"Dad's … good. He mostly just works. But that's where he's happy."
"Did he work a lot when you were a kid?"
Connor nodded. "Not as much as now. But it felt like it was just Mom and I lot. We were closer than Dad and I were."
"Moms are like that," Jude said.
Connor didn't really have a reply, so he just used his chopsticks to pick up some of his rice. He hadn't had a mother in years. She was so far away – so many life events away. The years had distorted her. Sometimes he wondered if he remembered her accurately at all. The only thing that Connor was sure of when it came to his mother was that she could have saved him, especially where his father did not. Or, perhaps even better, she would have taught him how to save himself.
"Are you okay? You look a little sad."
Connor shook his head, trying to dispel the strange feelings. Sad moods overcame him too often, though he knew that there was nothing he could do about what had transpired in the past.
"I'm all right. Just … thinking too hard about some things."
"Well, we can talk about happier things. Have you ever been camping?"
Connor shook his head, and so Jude grinned and launched into another family story. Connor was happy to just listen.
Connor was happy with Jude.
The chapter's title is after the song Maybe by Nat & Alex Wolff. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are chosen via shuffle.)
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~
