Spring came very hard. The snow was very thick and the clouds always covered the sun. It was a cold and unmerciful winter. Dogs were crying every night because of low temperatures and hunger. I was sick most of the time because I have no immunity. Because of high fevers and dizziness I was unable to attend many classes and ended up missing many interesting school activities. Classmates sent me many cards and chocolate to get better but that only made me feel worse. I was really happy to know that people think about me but at the same time sad that I ended up being pitied by humans. But now that spring finally came I feel so much better. The sun is warming up the coldness brought by winter and birds have returned. I wake up hearing their beautiful and cheerful songs every day.
I put the pen down and watched Akira-sensei explaining to us a new formula. Sigh… I missed him a lot and now that I finally have the chance to see him again I cannot stop staring at him. His hair is shivering in the air whenever he moves or speaks. It looks like he is a wonderful prince that orders us around. Ah…sensei… His long fingers possess so well that chalk. Nothing can go against his beauty. That white robe makes him look really superior to us, useless students. I relaxed my jaw in the palm. Please look at me sensei.
"Are you an idiot?" a drip of sweat travelled Saya's forehead as if she knew exactly what I was thinking.
"Think whatever you want…" My eyes never lost his face. I licked my lips while seeing him moving. It hurts to know that we are this different. I want to be with sensei. In times like this I wish I wasn't born a vampire. By the time I reach his age sensei will slowly lose his beauty. Why do humans have such weak bodies when it comes to time? I want to see sensei forever. If only I could stay next to him I would be satisfied but… nobody will allow me to be next to sensei.
"Next class we will have a test so learn this formula. You will have to use it." I closed my notebook and sighed. I am finally back at school and we have to take an exam already… "Someone help me carry this things," he pointed to a mountain of papers that we had as homework.
"Sensei!" Saya got up from her seat. "Juri would love to help!" she said pointing at me.
"What?" I said surprised hearing my name suddenly.
"Then move faster." He said as he walked to the door.
I looked at Saya disturbed. What happened? "Carry those papers you idiot!" she punched my shoulder with her fist.
I run to the desk and grabbed the wonderful papers that gave me a chance to walk next to sensei. I winked at Saya before leaving the classroom. She really is a wonderful person. Thanks to her I can speak with sensei about something else. Usually I only explain a formula but now I will do so much more. Sensei waited for me to come. He was resting against a wall. My cheeks got red. I shouldn't have daydreamed. "I am sorry to make you wait." I slowly bowed my head. He sighed and began to walk in front of me. I like being so close to sensei.
"You…" he began quietly.
"Yes?" I asked excited. I am speaking with sensei right now!
"Stop dreaming in my class." I felt my heart breaking in many shards of glass.
"I am terrible sorry…" I looked down. He found out. Maybe I am too obvious.
"Though you are one of my best students it would be nice to be heard by you." A drip of sweat rested on my forehead. It is true that I hardly listen to him…
"Yes…" It could have been a great walk but it turned out like this. I should act more like myself. "I cannot really help it. I want to see sensei as much as much as I can so I ignore most of the things."
"If you like someone you should also listen to that person. It is common sense."
Listen to the person I like… I like sensei very much and I would do many things for him but I still cannot get close to him. I am a vampire that seeks human blood, how could I possibly be closer to sensei? He would never accept me… He will end up fearing me and maybe get killed by other vampires. I know I should not get close to him if I want sensei to be safe…. "Does sensei have someone he likes?"
"Who knows? Maybe I do."
"Do you listen to every little sound that person makes?"
He stopped and faced me. I was startled by his sudden reflex. "You have nothing else to speak about?"
I made sensei angry? I smiled mischievously. "I don't really want to know if you are free or not. I was curious, that is all." I know that I must keep my distance but here I am trying to get close to him.
He kept on looking into my eyes. Sensei, you will find nothing there. I never let my real feelings out in front of others. You can search for anything into my eyes, on my face, but nothing will help you. My love for you is hidden deep inside my heart. Nobody will see it there.
"Thank you for bringing the papers." He took them from my grip. His face was so close to mine. My nose was able to feel his sweet smell. Gulp. Our hands touched for a second. I was overwhelmed with an incredible hotness. Sensei has very warm hands unlike others. This is my first time touching a human hand. It felt so good.
He opened the door with his foot then stepped inside. Even after the door was closed I kept on starring at my hands. I feel warm. In a world where only coldness and darkness lives this touch is killing me. My body is not used to such hot contacts. Sensei makes me experience so many new and sometimes strange things. My heart is overwhelmed with feelings for him. Ah…I really want to protect this man. He is mine and nobody should ever touch him.
I turned and walked back to the classroom. After all sensei is really incredible. If only I could touch his hands again. One thing really makes me happy: these disgusting fangs of mine never wanted to touch his neck. My feelings for sensei are true. The corned of my lips formed a small smile. I love sensei too much, really. Nobody should know about this. The fingers that touched his hand brushed my dry lips. The feeling is still there. It is a sin to crave for a human's love.
"How did it go?" Saya asked getting down from her desk.
I grabbed my bag to put my things back. "Not so well but I am happy. Our hands touched." Once again I looked at my hands. They want so badly to grab his hands once more.
"Have you ever thought that what you feel is only sexual?" she sat on my chair and looked into my eyes. Her beautiful green eyes are like poison for me. She has her way of making me feel bad.
I didn't…couldn't look away. "Maybe it is but that is also an attraction."
She frowned for a second then looked on the window. For a second I closed my eyes. His face appeared into my black mind. I put the last book in the bag then hanged it on my shoulder. Saya kept on looking on the window like I was not there. The atmosphere between us is growing cold. Saya is my best friend and I speak everything with her. She knows my darkest secrets, wishes and things that I've done. There is nobody who I trust like her but she judges me and this annoys me.
"What about Haruka-sama?" she asked quietly. Her face kept on looking away.
In the empty class his name echoed. It has been over four months since the last time I saw him. I don't miss him though. For many weeks I was ill and I had to study at home. Then I started school again and I once again started to see sensei. My mind was full with other things. I almost forgot about him. "What about him?"
"I don't know. Maybe you also miss him?" her voice is like a punishment. It hurts my heart so much.
"I don't even think about him."
She suddenly got up and put her long nails under my chin. "You really are a bad girl." She said bitterly. Her lips approached my ear. "Then why don't you turn sensei in a vampire. You have the power to do that." I heard her licking tumultuously her lips. "Then run together with him somewhere. That is if…" her hands slipped over my shoulders pulling me in a strong hug. "…he won't fear you after he knows what you really are."
I think nothing about this. Her hands slowly released me. One more time we looked into each other's eyes. She was smirking at me with so much pleasure. Saya grabbed her bag and walked to the door. I stayed there, with my back at her. "Do you think that a person like him would be better for me?"
"I do. It is only natural to be better for you." Her presence disappeared from the room.
Saya is so different from me. She can clearly see things the way they are. Maybe someone like Haruka is better for me but that doesn't mean that it has to be him. In the vampire society are many good man. When the time comes I will chose one of them. Father will probably want a pureblood so he will chose for me. I don't mind. He can do whatever he thinks is best for me but I will never open my heart to them. I have only one dream when it comes to my world: to become the pureblood princess. If I were influential maybe I could have sensei.
At two in the morning I took my jacket and walked outside. I like to walk under the blooming cherry trees. They have a beautiful color that calms me down. Since I left school I didn't think of anything. What Saya said remained in that classroom. I will have to face it when I go back at school. She is always right about things but I still ignore it. Her words are the best among the best but everyone can be wrong from time to time. Maybe one day I could have sensei… I stopped under a tree and reached my hands in the air. "Things will go right." I said looking at the falling petals. The way they fall makes me think that one day I will also break in the same way and fall over the cold ground. I licked my lips. The smell of blood is so strong. "It is so tasty…" I tilted my head to the entrance of the park. Someone very testy is wounded there. My feet are moving on their own. This smell is so tasty that it is killing me. Until that incident I never thought about blood as being tasty. Now, my hunger can hardly be stopped by pills. I don't know what changed into me back then but I really want to taste blood.
The wind slowly brushed my hair. Ah… it feels so good. Only a little longer and I can meet up with my meal. I frowned. No! I only want to see who the person in pain is. It is not like I want to drink his or her blood. I stopped in front of the entrance. It is clearly coming from here. This smell is somehow nostalgic but I cannot think of anyone who smells like this. I stepped with determination. Maybe I can help.
Walking among tress I found, staying against a cherry tree, a male. It is too far to see who he is but I know. This feeling is… My feet speeded up as my eyes got bigger and bigger. I began to run leaving my hair to catch up with me. I felt a little pain in my heart and somehow despaired at the thought that he was hurt. On the ground, cherry petals were floating on blood as if they were on a lake. I slowly calmed down as I walked next to him. "Well, well, to think that I will find you here, like this." Blood is slipping from his head over his forehead and jaw. He has a big hole in his right shoulder. His clothes are tainted in blood. "Haruka."
I got on my knees next to him. I like seeing him like this. I cannot help it. He annoyed me so many times that I feel like this is my only way of revenge. Haruka's face is pretty white from blood loss. "You poor person." I licked my lower lip as I saw drips of blood falling from his chin. It looks so tasty. One drip fell on my finger. I smiled as I opened my mouth to taste the tasty liquid. I stopped. My hand fell over the grass. "You saved me so many times…" I reached my palm above his open lips. It is time to pay my debts to you so I can free myself from you. I clenched hard my fist until the nails dug into the flesh. It hurts. This is the first time I hurt myself for someone. Pearls of blood fell over his lips and into his mouth. "This is the first time I give my blood. You'd better be grateful." The feeling is so strange. I feel like I am doing something very intimate with him. Vampires always drink blood but for me, who never allowed someone to touch me, it is different. I can feel my cheeks getting pink. Gulp. Is my blood tasty? You once said that I smell good so it must be delicious. I want to hear you saying it.
The wound still didn't heal. Haruka didn't open his eyes even after he drank some drips of my blood. I got on my rear further away from him. A black aura covered me. You know… I gave you my blood so it would have been nice to actually make you feel better. I put a finger on the ground and began to rub the grass. Baka Haruka. You are making me worry even though I don't want to. Tsk! Well… Three drips of sweat rested above my ear. It is true that I was greedy giving you so little. You probably didn't feel it at all. Sigh…
My eyes got big as I felt something slipping over my neck. Before I had time to tilt my head something hard and painful pierced my neck. "Hurts…" A pair of hands immobilized my shoulders. "Haru…ka…" Pain… My body is overwhelmed with pain. I can hear him swallowing my blood. "Stop…" I cannot lose any kind of blood I… My head rested over his shoulder. From this position is can see some of his face. His fangs are deep inside my neck, stealing my blood. "Haaa…" I can feel it. Feel the blood that is leaving my body. Besides the pierce from his fangs nothing else hurts. He is too brutal. It does feel kind of embarrassing. I wander why.
I feel so tired, so sleepy. My eyes want to close and rest. I've already lost too much blood. "No more," I whispered. He doesn't seem to want to stop. Too much pain. I want to sleep a little. I closed my eyes and feel in the darkness. Even after that I could hear him sucking hard my blood. I wander… Is my blood that tasty?
People around me always got thirsty after seeing me. My father probably knows that I smell very good so he kept me inside the house. At the age of 13 he considered that I can take care of myself so he showed me the bloody world we live in. In the beginning I was scared but with time I got used to be surrounded by many mean vampires. I said that Saya is a great person but I hardly believe that she is different from others. She also wants something and she also does bad things. I know because she told me about it. Saya won't betray me. She will always be a true friend. I… still feel lonely. My heart aches in pain. 'Nothing. I don't have hidden intentions. Maybe there is one thing. I want a friend whom I can trust. Age has nothing to do with it.' 'Then I am not the one. Let's not meet again.' I am a horrible person. Not only Haruka but Saya is also suffering because of me. I made her worry so many times because I could not say the entire truth. Now she is worrying again because I am in love with a human. She tries to convince me that it is not that kind of love. I wander what kind of love it is then. 'I want a friend whom I can trust.' 'Then I am not the one. Let's not meet again.' Those horrible words keep on echoing in my brain. I wanted to be your friend. My heart said that I want your friendship even though you are older than me. Because of your age you will keep our friendship safe. 'Then I am not the one. Let's not meet again.' Forgive me for saying all those bad words to you. I didn't want to hurt you in any way…
I opened my tired eyes. Cough! Cough! My eyes are puffy. It is hard to see. I reached my neck with the right hand. It hurts terrible. The wound is still there. Even before I was healing slowly but now it is even worse. How long can I keep on going like this? Tablets are not going to help me too much from now on. Supporting myself with the free hand I got on my rear. I am staying on a garnet sofa. In front of it is a coffee table. On the brown woody floor is a white terry. This room… I don't recognize it. Where is this? My eyes kept on searching. It is my first time here.
"Are you fine?" I looked over my shoulder in search of the person who spoke to me. Behind a very messy desk I found Haruka reading some papers. He looks much better. No wonder. He almost killed me trying to save himself.
"I see…" My view is unclear. I feel dizzy. "So this is your office." I looked ahead again. My feet reached the floor and I got up. It is so hard to stand. My head hurts just too much to keep my balance. Haruka was next to me in a second. He grabbed my elbow for support. Without realizing my head was already resting on his shoulder. "I am fine."
"You look weak." I won't say a word. Only not to make him feel even worst for what he has done. The smell around him says just how much he is suffering. He didn't mean to make me like this. Last time as well, when I got my nose near his neck I could smell his hunger. Guess that I am the only vampire who can actually live only with blood tablets. He slipped his hand over my middle for better support. "I am sorry. I…"
"I tempted you from the beginning so it is fine." I gave you only a little of my blood and it was enough to make you lose control. You were also in such a bad condition. Somehow I knew that it will end like this. A wounded vampire always craves for blood to regain power. I knew and I still approached you and gave you some of my blood. "What happened to you?"
"I had a little dispute with my older brother."
"Only a little one…" It is funny. You were unconscious on the ground with blood all over you. "It happens all the time?"
"It is the first time." My body fell harder over him. Tch! It is so hard to stay on my own feet. The sun is hiding which means that I slept the whole day. Ah, I lost one day of school and my parents know nothing about where I am. They must be worried. "You really are too weak. Drink my blood."
For a while, I closed my eyes. They began to prick. "Don't…say disgusting things…" My throat is dry and my lips are chopped. "But water…I want…" Sigh… Who would have thought that it will hurt so much to speak?
He called a woman and asked for a glass of water. He slowly rested my back over the sofa. Cough! Supporting my chin with his cold fingers he slowly gave me water to drink. It is so cold and refreshing. Even though it is not much I can feel my powers coming back. I opened my eyes while he put the glass on the table. He sat next to me holding my hand tight. "Baka… Don't look like that at me." I have no regrets. How should I say it? I am happy that you are the first to drink my blood. I am happy that I could help you. This was the only way to make you forgive my rudeness. "You misunderstood. I don't think that your blood is disgusting. Only the thought of drinking it feels like that."
"Should I give you a tablet?" his voice worried.
"Yeah…Give my three."
He dissolved three pills of blood in the water and helped me drink once again. Even though I asked him to stop looking so hurt at me he still does. It makes my heart ache like this. I don't want to see him like this. He should be happy that I helped him. That regret makes me feel like he didn't want my blood. He would have preferred someone else's blood. "After all, you hate yourself for being born a vampire."
I swallowed the last drip of water. "I don't. It may look like it but I don't. I just don't want to drink anyone's blood." I looked intensely at Haruka. Now I think that I see him with different eyes. Haruka is indeed a very charming man. I feel stupid for not realizing it until now. "Be my friend, ok?"
"Although you hate me?" he asked on a shaky voice.
"Who said that I hate you? I could have pushed you away back then but I didn't. All this time wanted to be your friend but I couldn't say the right words. You know me already. I only say the opposite of what I think." I also squeezed his hand.
"It is ok. I am an insistent person. I would have still walked after you if I happened to see you." He gave me one of his warm smiles. This is enough to give me power.
"You really are…" I feel asleep. His hand never left mine.
