Author's Note: Ask and you shall receive. This chapter is ALL about Ms. Fields.

Writers and readers alike, I am sure you either listen to or are inspired by certain songs as you write/read in order to get the creative juices flowing. So if you're at all interested, this chapter was written whilst listening to the acoustic version of 'Wires' by Athlete.

Thanks again for all the feedback and response to Liberty – I am really glad so many of you are enjoying it. A lot shorter than my other chapters but I hope you like it nonetheless. Here's chapter 4….


She felt cold. No, freezing. She could feel her muscles twitch and shake so hard that she thought her bones would snap in two. Awareness crept in. She could sense movement and muffled conversations. She could feel someone next to her clutching desperately at her hand, and then more movement – shadows and sounds disorientating her as struggled to open her eyes.

Toby. I don't see him - the one person who can comfort me and tell me what is going on – I can just feel his hand holding mine. Don't let go.

"Spencer? Baby, can you hear me? Emily, what's wrong with her?"

Moving forward like a guided missile, Emily moves to assess and take care of Spencer.

"What's wrong with her?" Toby chokes out, pushing against the nurse in trying to get back to Spencer's side.

Emily looks back at her friend before placing her hands on either side of Spencer's head, "she's fighting the intubation. This is normal Toby, it's a good sign - she's coming around." Turning her attention back to Spencer, Emily takes out her small, pocket flashlight and opens her eyes one at a time, checking for pupillary response, "Spencer? Spencer, can you hear me? It's Emily, Spencer. Can you open your eyes for me? …Let's run an ECG."

With no response from Spencer, Emily looks back at the monitors and takes out her stethoscope, listening to her breath sounds. Looking at the ECG being handed to her by one of her interns, Emily releases the breath she didn't realise she had been holding on to, "OK, let's get her on a Fentanyl drip and push 10ml of Propofol."

Stepping away from Spencer and focusing her attention on Toby, Emily reaches out and pulls him to her; finding comfort in each other in the now quiet stillness of Spencer's recovery room. After a few minutes, Toby steps away from Emily and moves to once again take up the seat beside Spencer – taking up her hand and covering it with his own. The low beeping of the monitors rouses him and he looks up to see the comforting, steady rhythm of Spencer's heartbeat.

"BP's 70/110…I've given her a sedative and some pain relief to let her rest a little while longer but, she's going to pull through Toby."

"Any news on Aria?" his asked, his voice teetering like a glass that might or might not tip and break.

Emily nodded unconsciously, "she's in recovery down the hall. Hanna and Ezra were with her; parents are driving down from Boston…Did you manage to get hold of Spencer's mom?"

Fresh tears stung Toby's eyes, "…Veronica said Peter's with Melissa at a conference in DC but that she'd take the next flight out and they'd follow in the morning." Catching sight of his watch he could hardly believe it, it was a little after 6am – 11hrs - he felt like he'd been sat in that chair a week.

Turning to leave the room and give Toby his privacy, Emily made her way down the hall of the ICU. Passing Aria's room, the scene inside was much the same as the one she had just walked away from – Ezra was lying tentatively on the enormous hospital bed that encompassed Aria. Holding Aria to him as though she might break and disappear, he was whispering to her what Emily guessed were words of comfort - willing her to come round so he could look at her. Look in to those beautiful, big green eyes and reassure her that she was perfect – that no matter the outcome he loved her.

They had saved the baby – a new life, no bigger than apple – had fought as hard as it's mother to survive. Emily knew she should go in - offer Ezra words of comfort and tell him that although the next – she looked at the clock on the wall - 18hrs were critical, Aria would pull through. But her feet kept moving forwards.

In truth, she wanted nothing more than to find an empty on-call room, put her head in a pillow and scream. This night had singularly been the worst night of her entire life, and it wasn't because of her friend's injuries or the fact she hadn't slept in over 36hrs. As injuries went, she had seen far worse; she'd lost count of the amount of hearts she had held in her hand. So when Spencer had crashed during surgery and Emily had to reach in to her chest cavity and pump her heart for her, that was OK – she had done that before. As an intern, then as a resident, and even now as an attending she had sat in the gallery of OR 1 and watched as Williamson in Neuro had navigated far more complex and demanding surgeries. So when Hanna had emerged from Aria's surgery and talked her through how he had successfully evacuated Aria's acute left-sided subdural hematoma, that was to be expected.

The most devastating news always comes in details: surgeons will describe the procedure and every life saving measure they had taken in order to get their patient to live - how both they and the patient had fought hard but in the end, it had not been enough. If half the families and loved ones they spoke to knew the first thing about anatomy, they would know that surgeons would practically butcher their patients as they worked to save a life. Emily had personally delivered such news many times. Too many times! She'd also delivered the agonising 'the next 24hrs will be critical' line to the desperate and pleading faces of countless loved ones over the years. So when she'd watched as Williamson described to Ezra the life-saving procedure he had performed on Aria, she knew what he was doing. Aria's odds were 50/50. The surgery had been a success and had the EMTs not got to her as quickly as had, and got her safely out of that car, they wouldn't even be having this conversation. Williamson was a God in the OR but there's only so much he could and should do before hurt turns to harm, and as Doctors that was the first oath they had taken – 'Do No Harm.' The silver lining, if you could call it that had come from Doctor Redmond – they're baby was fine – but its survival was now tied to its mothers.

No, Emily had treated hundreds of patients and seen them through far worse surgeries. None of those factors were the reason why this was the worst night of Emily Fields' life. She knew what it was but confronting it was not an option right now; knew that if she took a moment to reflect on last night's events then she would open herself up to it, let it creep in and suffocate her. Fear. And that was it, for the first time in professional career Emily Fields had felt afraid, and as a surgeon that was the one thing she could not afford to be. For now, she would tell herself that she were fine, she was overreacting.

She sunk down in to a chair at the nurse's station and pulled out her phone - 27 missed calls. The majority of them were from Toby, Ezra and Caleb, 3 from her parents, and 1 from Sarah. Shit. She had promised she would go down and assess her patient in the ER before being discharged. She was just about to dial Sarah's number when she looked again at her wristwatch - 06.21 – the request had been hours ago and Sarah was more than capable of assessing and discharging a patient. If not, she would have had more than 1 missed call. She promised herself to catch up with Sarah at a more reasonable hour.

Looking across the corridor to the on-call room, Emily knew she had a few more hours before Spencer would once again try and wake up, "hey Kevin, I'm gonna grab a couple of hours in the on-call room, wake me if there's any change in 403 or 405."

Her fresh and well-rested 2nd year intern looked giddy at the fact Emily had even known his name, as he smiled and nodded at her,"sure thing Dr Fields."

"Dr Fields, may I have a word?" Dr Harper fell in step beside her as Emily made her way down the corridor to the cupboard that was regarded as their on-call room. Great.

"Just one?" Emily answered, exasperated.

Emily went to reach for the door but Dr Harpers' arm shot out, barring her entrance, "Dr Fields…"

"…that's two words Dr Harper," she shot out, irritated at the interruption. Too tired to cross her arms in support as she regarded the tower that was Dr Eric Harper stood in front of her. His otherwise perfect hair was pointed in every direction, a clear sign that it had been confined in a scrub cap for the past several hours. She raised her eyebrow as she regarded him, speak then God damn it.

Leaning over her, Emily could see his chest through his v-neck scrubs and instinctively she reached out a hand to push him back from invading her space. She wasn't worried or intimidated by Eric. On any other day she enjoyed their casual banter teasing, and in the loosest sense of the word they regarded one another as friends. But not in this moment. She was tired, pissed-off, in need of a shower and in no way in the mood for his crass sexual innuendos.

"You know what, never mind, I'll catch you later." Eric flashed a brilliant smile at her before winking at her and making his way back towards the nurse's station, "ladies, who wants to volunteer to…"

Emily wasn't interested in hearing the rest of that sentence as she pushed open the door to the dark on-call. Emily knew better than to switch on the light in case she wasn't alone. An eerie quiet filled her ears. She was alone. Kicking off her shoes as she went, she vied straight for the bottom bunk, her body feeling incredibly heavy as she slipped beneath the sheets and fell back against the pillows. Although she was beyond exhausted, sleep didn't come easily – she hadn't expected it to. Emily didn't think she could sleep now if even she tried.

"Em? Is that you?" A harsh whisper filled the room

"Han?" Emily replied in an equally hushed tone.

"Yeah…are you alright? Who was that you were talking to outside?"

"Ugh, Harper."

"God, what did he want? Did he finally make it back from Oz with a heart." Hanna quipped out.

Emily couldn't help but smile and relax a little, "I didn't wait around to find out. Where's Caleb?"

"He's up here with me, asleep. He starts his shift soon so I wanted him to try and get some rest."

"He's going in?"

"Yeah – with what's happened I think he wants to feel useful, you know."

"…..Yeah…I do."

"Em, are you OK?"

Knowing a lie would serve better than the truth, Emily closed her eyes and brought her hands up to rest on her head, letting out a long sigh in the process, "yeah Han, I'm fine. I'll be a lot better when the girls wake up."

"How's Spencer doing?"

Exasperated, Emily sat up and swung her legs over the bed – all this whispering was ridiculous and infuriating. If Caleb was really heading in to work a 12hr shift, he should be able to be allowed a bit of quiet. With everything that had happened tonight she as grateful at least one of their friends was getting some rest, "Hanna, you wanna go some coffee – let Caleb get some proper rest?"

"…OK, hold on."

Carefully extricating herself from Caleb, she lay his head gently down on to the pillow. A low snore came from his throat as he shifted around in his new position, reaching for Hanna. She watched him until she could once again hear the low dulcet sounds of his snores, and at that she climbed down from the bunk bed to the floor. Emily was doing up the tie on her scrub pants as Hanna put a finger to her lips and tiptoed towards the door. Stifling a laugh, Emily never failed to be surprised by Hanna's little nuances – 30 seconds ago she had instigated the loudest, whisper-athon in all history, and now here she was tiptoeing out of the door as if she were in a character in a Tom & Jerry cartoon.

Linking her arm through Emily's and resting her head on her friend's shoulder, the girls made their way to the attending's lounge in silence, unsure if they could trust themselves to voice what they actually were thinking. Professionally, they had both successfully performed and assisted on the surgeries of two critical trauma patients who had been bought in to the ER nearly 12hrs prior. They were extraordinary. But in this moment and to each other, the were just two ordinary women – the best of friends – both terrified that they were about to lose something they cherished most in this world.

They'd only managed a few hundred feet before a buzzing sound stirred them out of their reverie and Emily's hand shot straight into the pocket of her lab coat. Hanna's heart was beating like a jackhammer as she stood back and waited anxiously – waited to see if at any moment Emily would take off running in the direction of the ICU. Instead she watched as Emily took at step away from her, looking as though she might breakdown and cry as she motioned to answer the call.

Clutching the phone to her ear, Emily took a deep breath and willed herself to be strong, "Hi Daddy.'

She was rewarded with the welcome and calming voice of her father, "Emily, sweetheart, are you alright? We've been so worried."

Any falsehoods and kind lies she was about to tell her father quickly left her mind when she heard the concern ring out in his voice. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see Hanna mouthing that she was heading back to the on-call room and to Caleb, but to call her if there was any change.

Nodding at Hanna but answering her father, Emily managed a convincing, "absolutely, Daddy. I'm fine."

"I wanted to head down and be there for you and Ezra but I thought it best to wait for an update. How are Aria and Spencer doing?"

"Both are stable for now, Aria is still in a critical condition," Emily responded with concerted effort in order to keep her voice from cracking. Feeling a sudden influx of tears well up in her eyes, she strode across the empty corridor and barrelled in to the nearest supply closet. Making her way to the back, she squatted down behind the racks so anyone coming in to the room wouldn't see her. She didn't want anyone to see that Dr Emily Fields was struggling to keep it together.

"It sounds like you need to talk," Wayne Fields stated in belief, his voice was calm and strong, but Emily could tell by his tone that his was extremely concerned for her…for Ezra and Toby…for Spencer and Aria.

Her life right now was an emotional sea of upheaval and the last thing she needed was CMC Wayne Fields compounding the situation. Emily loved her father. She really did. In many ways he was her rock, and the sound of his voice on the line had done much to reassure her, but if he came to the hospital now Emily knew the tough and hardened façade she'd held in place all night would break, leaving her vulnerable and exposed to the reality of the situation. Exerting all her determination, she fought to gain control of her emotions. Taking a few moments to carefully wipe the tears that had escaped down her face, she steadied her breathing, "you know me too well."

There was a short pause on the other end of the line, then after a beat her father's voice came back, "tell you what. How about I come and pick you up once your shift's over? We can talk or not talk…just, let me bring you home."

"That sounds great Dad, but I really don't know what time I'll get out of here. I haven't even looked at my schedule for today and…"

"…Emmy, it's fine. Whenever you're ready. Your mother and I are here for you, OK…call me if there's any change in Aria or Spencer's condition."

"I will, give Mom a kiss for me OK."

"I will. Rest when you can and I'll talk to you later. I love you Emmy."

"Love you too."

After she ended the call, Emily looked at her phone for a long time – part of her wanted to call him back and re-establish the connection. Long minutes passed as Emily fought with herself. Once again she felt tears slip down her cheeks, she wasn't really sure anymore why she was crying. She was such a mixture of conflicting emotions, each one of them vying for dominance, a constant assault on her wellbeing. One feeling she could not escape was how completely alone she felt.

The distinct buzzing of her phone was a slap back to reality, derailing her from the current emotional rollercoaster she was on. Shaking her head in defiance, she pushed herself up off the floor and made her way out of the supply closet, focused on what she needed to do. She was not an island, and she would not run and hide away from the people she loved and who needed her most. Emily had never run away from a fight, and in this moment all she needed, all she wanted, was to be with and find comfort in her friends.