Chapter Five (Four):

"So..." drawled Kakashi, "is this what you call handling things, Sasuke?"

"Hn." Sasuke was firmly of the opinion that Kakashi was underestimating the magnitude of the task that had been assigned to him. Frankly, with Sakura no longer actively crying and Naruto... well, he (Sasuke was keeping his perception of Naruto's gender strongly fixed in his mind) was technically inactive. As far as Sasuke was concerned this meant mission complete.

"Sasuke, are you aware that Naruto-chan is sleeping on your head?" As if to underscore that fact Neko-Ranma-chan gave a soft purr before resettling herself on Sasuke's shoulders. Ranma gave a couple short kicks in her sleep, knee smacking into Sasuke's face as he tried to maintain a nonchalant expression. "I have on my belt two bells, by noon you will need-"

"Naruto is trying to seduce Sasuke-kun!" shouted Sakura before promptly bursting into tears.

Sasuke could already feel the future closing its doors to his passage. As Kakashi's one uncovered eye swiveled to meet his he already knew what his teacher was going to say. "Leave." Sasuke hesitated. He wasn't big on hope but for just a moment he found himself hoping he had misheard. "Training grounds are for Konoha ninja use only, and it's clear to me that you three have yet to learn what it means to serve your village and work as a team. Get out of my sight."

There was no arguing with the pronouncement now, Sasuke knew. Gathering his pride he marched away from the stern-eyed Kakashi, Sakura following behind him like a whipped dog, eyes averted from where Naruto slept on Sasuke's shoulders. Things didn't get better as they entered the village proper. Sasuke's fanclub was rapidly gaining steam behind them, outraged at the interloper taking what they saw as their rightful spot. The other villagers weren't staying silent either. Even with Sasuke's sizeable reputation he knew it would only be a matter of time before things escalated. He wondered though if things would be better or worse if they realized that the rather busty girl on his shoulders was actually Naruto in an entirely too solid henge technique.

"So," said Sasuke, "where do we go from here? Sakura?" Finally lifting her head at the use of her name she stared at him blankly, whites of her eyes showing as her gaze shifted to Naruto's sleeping face. "You were always reading something, you must have some idea what our options are now, right?"

Letting her head fall forwards again Sakura did her best to recall what she had read of the laws the night before during her late-night library run. "Umm, we could return to the academy for six months and then be assigned another jounin-sensei. They might let us have a different teammate besides N-Naruto."

"Next." Six months was too much wasted time, especially if it just meant failing the preliminary test due to Naruto a second time.

Sakura started chewing on a tuft of her hair. "We could see if any chuunin would agree to lead us on missions, or sign up for the Samurai forces."

"Unacceptable." Sasuke knew he would never accomplish his goals with such a lackluster start. A mere chuunin or samurai could never teach him what he needed to know.

"Umm, you could use your rights as clan leader to head your own team... but then we wouldn't have a teacher."

"Perfect." Despite himself Sasuke started smiling. With no chuunin to hold him back he could take the missions he wanted, and once he developed the sharingan he would have all the techniques he wanted.

Sakura was unconvinced. "But without a sensei how will we get better? And what happens if we run into enemy ninja?"

"Are you doubting my strength?" Ranma's fingers idly pawed across Sasuke's face as she shifted in her sleep. The gesture did nothing to ease Sakura's growing doubts.

"N-no."


"I can't believe you got him to give you a C class mission," mused Sakura, pausing her walk.

"He owed much to Clan Uchiha."

Sakura eyed the back of the retreating merchant, wondering what it would look like with a kunai firmly embedded. "Shame it couldn't be to protect a sober merchant instead though."

Human mind restored, Ranma proved capable of recognizing the word sober even her sleep. "Stupid pops!" An elbow struck out, knocking Sasuke to the ground to land like a sack of rice. Blinking slowly, Ranma's steel-trap mind rapidly interpreted the facts at hand. She was currently female, a boy had his face in her cleavage, and she had just woken up. "Pervert!" She felt quite satisfied after her fist drove his head deep into the ground. She looked up, scanning her surroundings with care. "Oh, hey, Sakura. Where am I?"

Sakura just pointed at the walls in the distance. "We're outside Konoha?" Sakura shifted her pack and nodded at the merchant ahead of them. "On a mission?"

"Hurry up you kids! If this is the state of ninjas today I don't know what I'm paying for!" He finished off the remark with a large sip from his sake flask.

"I see," whispered Ranma, lifting Sasuke from his earthen prison and setting him back on his feet. "I don't suppose you brought a pack and some food for me as well?" Her teammates declined to answer. "A pot to boil hot water?" Their continued silence was not encouraging. "Lovely."