From: KirkJT

To: SpockX

Subject: How was I supposed to know that alien ice cream is dangerous?

Time Written: 7/1/2258 21:35:34

Time Send: 7/2/2258 00:00:01

You could probably tell me the exact probability of me getting severely injured and losing consciousness on a supposedly safe mission but please don't. Your obvious 'what the hell was he thinking' eye brow raised is enough. Really can you toned down on the condescension. I'm a big enough masochists for the both of us, I don't need your help.

Seriously, did you really have to say 'I told you so' in front of half the medical staff? I know you didn't actually say 'I told you so' but, "if you could remember correctly sir, I suggested that you do not consume that particular item of subsidence before I had time to scan it," was close enough. I'm pretty sure that was stuck up Vulcan for 'I told you so'. I'm getting so good at actually understanding what you're really saying when you're go into condescending Vulcan mode.

Trust me, I know I deserve your 'you are a stupid captain' glare of death for ending up in sickbay due to an allergic reaction to alien sorbet. How was I supposed to know my food allergies would choose that moment to completely screw us over? Yes I should have listen to you when you told me it would be in my best interest to avoid anything I'm not familiar with. Again how was I supposed to know that unknown alien ice cream would cause me to literally turn purple before I when unconscious?

I know you read the mission briefing materials because you're awesome like that and therefore you know that by rejecting any offer of food or drink on that particular planet is considered extremely insulting especially during diplomatic negotiations. When I say insulting, I mean shoot now and ask questions later insulting. I didn't want us to completely screw up our first major diplomatic mission that didn't involve just smiling for the cameras for the sake of paranoia. It turns out you were not being paranoid.

I apologize even though apologies are illogical. You're never going to see this so you cannot tell me that. Again, it so much easier to tell you these things when I know you are never going to see what I'm writing you.

Me going unconscious during the middle of the mission worked out for the best. According to your girlfriend, who filled me in on everything that happened once I've lost consciousness, our hosts felt so bad because I went unconscious they sign the treaty without further negotiations. Apparently causing your guests to have a medical emergency is a major social wrong in their culture. They felt the need to appease us. I like appeasement.

So I got to spend a little bit more time in sick bay but in the end it's all good. The Federation gets access to their precious minerals and you got to put those fabulous negotiating skills to use. Not that I could ever tell you this without causing a dimension ending paradox, but you became an ambassador eventually in the other dimension so you have to be a good negotiator now. I already know you are a lot better at that sort of thing then me.

You are more patient than I am even if you raise your eyebrows at me too often in the most annoying way possible. I'm working on it. Granted, in the last couple of weeks things are getting better between us. Still about half the time I feel like we're just seconds from blowing up at each other. I get angry too easily. I think it's because I spent way too much time around Frank growing up. Sorry, it's a residual defense mechanism.

Before he died, Sam said I was too sensitive and would take everything the wrong way. He said I was just looking for a reason to fight Frank because I hated him so much. That really didn't change after Frank was out of my life for good.

My little brother Kevin still says I'm always looking for an excuse to punch someone out or bite their head off. He usually said this when I would start yelling at him for reasons I cannot even remember now. If you seen my arrest record or your girlfriend told you about how me in her first met you would know that was true. I realize I need to break out of the punch first and ask questions later model of behavior. I'm getting better. I haven't actually tried to punch you since the Nero thing even though sometimes I really want to. You really don't want to know how many times I have punched my pillow recently pretending it was you.

What are the chances of keeping this particularly humiliating piece of information out of the mission logs? Again, I'm sure there certain members of the Admiralty who appointed me to this position under duress are probably now wondering what drugs they were taking when they sign the papers. Me ending up in sickbay on a supposedly peaceful mission due to an allergic reaction to alien ice cream is not going to win me any fans with the Admiralty. (Yes, I know this sentence is grammatically incorrect but starting with 'I' just sounds weird. This is my letter to you Spock, and I will be as grammatically incorrect as I want to be. It's not like you're going to actually get a chance to critique my grammar. Is it just me or do you get off on doing that on the bridge?)

I could mention all the Admirals that hate me by name but I'm typing this letter the old fashioned way in sickbay and I just don't have the energy to type out that many names. Let's be honest, Pike is the only member of the Admiralty who believes I can actually do this job and doesn't see my appointment as a recruiting tool or as a public relations stunt. Even I think my appointment is a public relations stunt.

I feel there all watching me under some microscope waiting for me to completely fuck up. I know you probably think I'm paranoid but I'm sure that is what is truly happening. I'm so worried about idiots that be checking up on me that I reconfigured my e-mail account to automatically delete certain messages from the server. For example at midnight, this letter will automatically disappear from my inbox and the server. Like I really want certain members of the Admiralty finding out that I doubt my ability to do this job or worse you finding this message. You will strangle me in a not fun way before even have time to explain.

You look at my PADD all the time on shift. It would be highly probable for you to accidentally come across the message is otherwise. Again, I'm just being paranoid. Sometimes that can be a good thing.

As my best friend was cussing me out in a very overprotective best friend/doctor way for consuming freaky alien food on away mission he mentioned that you drove him absolutely crazy calling to check up on me every 15 minutes until I regained consciousness. Is this true? Why did you do that? Were you actually worried about me? Even though you would probably say being worried is completely illogical, I hope you were.

If things were the other way around and you were in sickbay, I would be worried about you. If you were gone, who would I fight with on the bridge? I think I would miss you too much. I need you.


Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter or who just finished reading this chapter. Also thank you to everyone who has already reviewed or will review.

Thank you again to Kumada for being the beta for this story.