Hey all. I know, I know- an update! Forget 2012, the apocalypse is now!
Sorry, busy busy year. Its summer now, so hopefully updates will be faster, though I can't promise anything, other than that reviews really do help, and that I am not abandoning this story. I'm just trying to finish a hopefully epic novel, and that does take priority over this, I'm afraid.
Still no beta for my Final Fantasy stories. Please PM me if you're interested.
This chapter was hard to write. It was one of those 'in between' things, though several important events happen.
DISCLAIMER: I own none of this, and if I did I'd be a middle aged Japanese man. So, sorry!
Please comment and enjoy.
Chapter Four
Pieces
Once again, Aerith felt the empty place where her mother's materia had been. She still wasn't used to its absence, and would find herself continually shocked when she would reach her fingers up there, to find nothing. She could feel the others watching her, or perhaps they were watching Cloud. She didn't look up to see, lowering her hands and wrapping them around herself.
"Auhith?" Cloud whispered, his hand tracing along her hand, gently pulling it out, looking at her with his little-boy eyes.
She smiled for him, holding back her tiredness. It was the kind of exhaustion that settled upon one's bones after many days or weeks of stressful activity.
"Alright," Barret said, folding his arms together with some difficulty, leaning against a wall. "We need to decide where we're goin' after we're done with all this shit. No offense," he added, glancing at them all, shrugging. "But we gotta get movin'."
"He's right," Nanaki said, sitting back, his tail flicking against Aerith's leg. "If there is any hope for the planet, and for us to stop Sephiroth, we must make a move now. So, where will we go?"
"First things first," Tifa said, her own arms folded under her breasts. Her eyes flicked to Aerith, before she turned to the others. "We need a leader. We don't have time to come to unanimous decisions while chasing Sephiroth. We function as a team best with a leader. So who will it be?"
No one said anything for a moment. Then Barret stepped forward. "I offered myself as leader before," he said, unfolding his arms. "And that's still somthin' I'm willin' to do."
Before anyone else could speak, Cait Sith jumped in. "Is that fair? Having only one option? We have to go with the best for our leader. We ought to have more nominations, so that we can vote, or something. We have the right to choose our leader. And no offense meant to you, Barret," he bowed his head in Barret's direction. Barret grumbled something under his breath, but nodded.
"So does anyone else want to be the leader?" Aerith asked, ignoring Cloud as he scooted closer, smiling brighter at her voice.
There was another silence. Then Nanaki stood from his place by Aerith. He bowed his head to the others. "I would lead us gladly, if you all would have me." He moved to stand by Barret.
Cid stood straight from where he'd been slouching in a chair. "God knows we need some fucking sense around here," he said, pulling out his cigarette. "But fuck if I'm the one that'll do it. You all would drive me fucking insane." He sat down smartly, smirking. Then he looked toward Aerith. "You're some kinda magic gal. You speak with the planet, right? You know better than anyone what's going on. So, I nominate, you, Aerith." He leaned forward, keeping his eyes on her, his expression uncharacteristically serious.
Aerith didn't move. She didn't know what to say. She just nodded, her mind reeling. She never wanted to be a leader, she didn't know how. She had just always wanted Cloud to be leader…thinking of replacing him was almost painful. Her eyes caught Tifa's, and for the first time in days, the other girl didn't look away. Aerith saw much of her own pain reflected in them, and she admired the strength she saw there in suggesting this. She knew that Tifa was right- they needed a leader if they were to function quickly.
Aerith opened her mouth, but Tifa looked away as soon as she did. Aerith sighed, trying to not let her sadness swallow her whole. She felt Cloud's hand stroke her cheek, and though she knew it was wrong, knew that it was just because of his soul being shattered, she took comfort in that touch, as she always did. She turned her head toward him, his eyes searching her face for more signs of despair, his own expression desperate. She smiled, and just like that his face cleared, and he gave her his own bright smile. She knew that it was part of Cloud, this part that cared for her, that loved her being safe and happy. It was part of Cloud, and she loved it in turn because of that. She loved Cloud, how could she not love any part of him? Even when this sole part controlled his entire being for the moment, even though it made him act like a frightened child and gave him no sense of self.
"Thank you, Cloud," she whispered. He still showed no response to the name. His buster sword lay propped up against the bed they were sitting on. He never let it out of his sight anymore, and this small action had given Aerith hope. Cloud could get better- he had to.
"Well, as much as I'm sure you all would love the leadership of the Great Ninja Yuffie," Yuffie said, twirling her kunai and smiling hugely, "My services are expensive, and you all are far too attached to your materia to afford me."
Cid snorted, muttering something about never letting Yuffie within two feet of his materia.
"So, how do we do this?" Aerith asked, leaning forward a little, feeling as if she had to drag Cloud along as he was holding her arm so close.
"Vote," Vincent said. He looked out of place in the light, standing next to bright pastel sheets on the beds. He tugged at the bit of his cape that covered his face, as if nervous. Aerith couldn't help smiling, and saw that Yuffie was outright giggling.
"You could just take it off, Vince, ya know." She said, still grinning.
He glanced at her and then away, talking as if no one else had spoke. "As Tifa first said, we should vote."
"Well, that has my vote," Barret joked, smiling a lopsided smile.
Chuckling, Nanaki looked at his paws and said, "Perhaps my tail will suffice in this endeavor, yes?"
Yuffie laughed, and suddenly everyone was laughing. Aerith felt tears fall from her eyes as the laughter bubbled up. Tifa was trying in vain to smother her laughter with her fist, while Barret was leaning against the wall for support and Yuffie was laughing openly, rolling on the floor. Nanaki's body was shaking as if he couldn't support himself, Cait Sith was laughing right into his megaphone, the sound magnifying around them. Cid dropped his cigarette and this made everyone laugh harder for a moment. Aerith clutched Cloud for support, until finally she hiccupped into silence, wiping her eyes.
Tifa was doing the same, and Yuffie's face was red. Nanaki shook his head, while Cid and Barret shifted, as though embarrassed. Vincent was staring at them, but Aerith could have sworn that she'd heard him chuckle before they'd fallen into silence.
"Well, if my attempts with Sephiroth don't succeed, perhaps I should become a comedian," Nanaki said dryly, his grin cat-like.
"If your attempts with Sephiroth don't succeed, you will be dead," Vincent said darkly.
Everyone was silent for a moment, staring at Vincent.
"Well," Yuffie commented flippantly. "That was dramatic, Vince, geez."
Aerith felt her smile stay, a playfulness she hadn't felt in weeks rising inside of her. "No kidding, Vincent. Way to ruin the mood." She smiled at him, knowing this would soften her words.
Vincent hesitated, and the others all glanced toward her. Aerith knew why. Though chronologically, it had only been a few weeks, she was known as one that smiled and laughed often. Her mouth felt sore from her laughter, the likes of which she hadn't experienced in far too long. But she rather thought that they had all needed it, needed a moment to release their stress, needed a moment to just laugh. Already she felt somehow better, if only by a little. The atmosphere seemed to change in the room, becoming lighter as the others noticed her smile.
Cloud, delighted at her smile and happiness, laughed, throwing his arms around her and snuggling close.
The spell was broken by the visible reminder of Cloud's condition, as he nuzzled his nosed at her neck, Aerith felt her face flush, fighting to not try and meet Tifa's gaze.
She loved Cloud. She loved him. She wanted him to do these things to her when he was himself, when he would do it in his shy bumbling way, face flushed red, shy smile hovering at the edge of his lips. That was what Aerith wanted, Cloud as he was all put together, the real Cloud that she'd seen all these months when it seemed no one else did.
She had to let Tifa know that she didn't want Cloud this way, no matter what the actions he did seemed. She loved this part of Cloud, yes, but she wanted Cloud to be whole and happy, rather than just a empty shell that existed only for her. She didn't want that, she would never want that.
It was a sudden reversal. Moments before she had been laughing; now she felt as if she were fighting tears again, but she knew she had to keep it all together. She was good at that, at hiding her loneliness and terror from everyone, even those that she half wished could see it.
"We should probably hurry," she murmured. "The sooner we get going, the better."
"Okay," Tifa said, speaking over Aerith's voice as if she hadn't spoken. "So, all for Barret, raise your hands."
Tifa's dark eyes met Aerith's for a moment again, and Aerith saw a sadness that almost equaled her own- as well as something like fear, and shame. She offered a small smile, and Tifa blinked before quickly looking away.
Barret raised his hand, as did Tifa and Cait.
"Three." Tifa said, lowering her hand. "Those for Nanaki?"
Aerith raised her hand, Nanaki raised his tail, and Yuffie raised her hand as well. Nanaki raised an eyebrow at her, but Yuffie shrugged, glancing at Aerith, and Aerith had to smile. Yuffie knew that she didn't want to lead.
"Three again," Tifa said. "And, for Aerith…"
Vincent raised his hand, as did Cid. Aerith smiled at them both, nodding her head.
"A tie," Cait said, fingers twiddling on his megaphone. "Between Barret and Nanaki now, aye?"
Tifa dipped her head. They voted again, with Cid and Vincent voting for Nanaki this time.
"Five to three," Barret said, sighing. "Damn. I'm a good leader ya know? I did lead a lotta attacks on Reactors…" he continued grumbling good naturedly under his breath. Tifa offered him a smile, and patted his arm.
"Okay, Nanaki, oh wise leader. Wherever shall we go?" Yuffie bounced lightly on the bed.
Nanaki stepped forward towards the center of the circle, holding his head high. "There's been news of Sephiroth up north, by Icicle village."
Aerith blinked, straightening up, her heart thudding. "I-Icicle Village? Really?"
Nanaki frowned at her. "Yes. Why?"
Aerith shook her head, smiling slightly. "I was born there." Her voice was quiet. "That's where the Shinra…killed my father, and took my mother and me. I wasn't even a year old, when Hojo came…"
"Hojo?" Vincent hissed, his cape flicking as he leaned forward, gauntlet flashing as he clenched his fist. It was the most violent reaction Aerith had ever seen from him.
Aerith gave a light laugh, knowing by her friends faces that her sadness and fear from the memories was playing over and over in her mind. "I know Hojo quite well." Her hands twined together in her lap. "I lived with the Shinra for around nine years." She bit her lip, staring past the others. "It will be good to go to where I was born. I don't remember it at all…I wonder if I could see my house…"
"We'll have to be even more careful," Nanaki said, his brows furrowed. "Sephiroth may know these things about you, and could be laying a trap."
"Nanaki's right, Aerith. We have to be careful." Yuffie's face was uncharacteristically somber, and Aerith knew that they were all thinking of what had almost happened to her, and what had happened to Cloud as a result.
She nodded. "I know. Don't worry." She gave a small smile, feeling Cloud tug on her hand. Aerith looked at him, "Yes, Cloud?"
"Auhith…" He brought his hand up, cradling her face. She couldn't help the larger smile that flitted across her face, and his own bright grin answered her. "Auith!" Suddenly, he hugged her close, nearly suffocating her.
"Cloud?" She gasped, wriggling in his grip. He pulled back, and looked her right in the face, his hands moving to cup her cheeks. His eyes seemed deeper than ever, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. Then his lips turned up a little, and Aerith gave a slight gasp.
That was how Cloud had smiled before- the true Cloud smile she had come to love.
"Auhith…" He stroked her lips with his fingers, lightly brushing them, going across to the corners, pulling up slightly.
Aerith let her lips curve with his fingers, unable to breathe, or say anything.
He ducked his head, looking up at her, smiling still shyly. In her head, she could hear Cloud's voice saying to her- I'm- we're –here for you.
She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment, nodding. "I know Cloud. I know."
Making a humming noise in the back of his throat, he leaned closer, snuggling, his nose rubbing against her neck, like a small creature seeking warmth. Aerith wrapped her arms around him, not even thinking about the action, drawing herself close. She had always hoped to hold him this way, to have him hold her.
Like this, but not like this, not with empty childlike eyes, or a mind that had no thoughts save for her, no sense of identity.
I'll fix this Cloud. We'll save you. I promise. She looked up at the others, her lips set. Letting out a breath, she tried a smile again for her friends. All but one met her eyes.
Tifa was determinedly not looking at them, her hair falling over her face, shoulders stiff. Aerith wrenched her own gaze away from the other woman, her heart seizing upon itself.
"When will we leave, Nanaki?" She murmured, steeling herself so that she could look at Tifa again, keeping her eyes steady, waiting for Tifa to look up.
"Tomorrow would be best," Nanaki said, idly lifting a paw and scratching behind his head. "So," He drew his shoulders back, looking around at them all. "We need to gather supplies, and make sure all of our materia is up to scratch. We need potions, elixirs, phoenix downs, and so on. Tifa, Barret, please gather those. Vincent and Yuffie, go weapon shopping. There are few shops that sell weapons in Cosmo Canyon, as the people here are primarily interested in research, but there are some to deal with the tougher creatures deeper in the canyon that the mako has mutated." He paused, and then continued.
"Cait, make sure our current equipment is in good repair, especially our communications. Cid, check up on your airship- I know it is a great ship-" he added quickly as Cid straightened indignantly. "-but just do it anyway, please. The last thing we need is to crash land right now." He nodded to the others as they began to leave.
"Aerith," he said, facing her again. "Please come with me."
Nodding, Aerith attempted to stand, grabbing Cloud's hand in her own, pulling him along with her while he giggled- actually giggled.
"I would like you to go over everyone's materia, especially the summons, alright?" He stopped in front of a room at the end of a hall. A moogle ambled past them, tottering happily by. Ignoring the pink creature, Nanaki nodded toward the door. "My grandfather is meeting with the other elders in there. He wanted to speak with you, and said that I may sit in as well. I'll help you with the materia afterward."
Nodding, Aerith knocked on the door, ignoring Cloud as he hovered by her shoulder.
The door swung open. "Come in, come in! Ho ho hooo!"
Chuckling, Nanaki followed Aerith through the door.
(~(~(~(~(~(~(~)~)~)~)~)~)
"Teef?"
"Yes, Barret?" She grabbed a bottle of elixir, examining the price.
He shuffled uncomfortably, weighted down with the items they'd already purchased. "I gotta talk to you." He hesitated. "About Aerith."
Tifa's hand froze in mid air, the elixir nearly slipping out of her hands. "Aerith," she repeated.
"Yeah." Barret shifted one of the potions in his hands. "I've seen the looks you two are exchangin'. You're both hurt, and the longer you two don't talk, the worse it gets." He stopped for a moment, then went on. "Tifa, it wasn't her fault, what happened to Cloud…"
"I know…" Tifa whispered, her hair falling forward, blocking her face from view.
"An' its not as if she's enjoying it. She doesn't want Cloud to be that way…"
"I know." Tifa's hand shook as she put down the bottle of elixir.
"She almost died, Teef. She is so afraid for Cloud and all of us, I don't think she's really thought o' that part. An' I've seen her face when you turn away from her. She doesn't know what to do, and with you not speakin' to her-"
"I KNOW!" Tifa shouted, whirling on him, her eyes fierce and wild and filled with tears. "I know, Barret! She didn't ask for any of this, and she's dealing with it, dealing with Cloud needing her and holding her, dealing with Cloud knowing of no one but her! She's staying strong and she needs someone, but how can that someone be me?" Her voice quieted, even as she continued to shake, tears falling steadily down her face. "We both feel the same way about Cloud, and he doesn't know me at all now. Am I supposed to not fight for him? Am I supposed to watch it all happen? Is it fair that I break my heart, so long as they are happy together?"
Barret watched as she continued to cry. With difficulty, he set down all the items they had bought, putting them on the ground next to them. He eased Tifa onto a nearby boulder, sitting beside her.
Her hands covered her eyes now. "Am I supposed to hate her," she whispered, "But love her too? Am I supposed to hate myself this much, be so vindictive and mean? Am I supposed to just give up now? He promised that he'd save me, he promised me! But I've been dangling over the edge for months now, and he's never lifted a hand. He hasn't noticed that my body is flailing over the side of a cliff." She lowered her hands slowly. "Am I supposed to stop crying for help when I need it most? Am I supposed to give even more of myself and my dreams so that others can be happy?" Her voice gained more fervor.
"What right do I have? That reactor back in Midgar- that killed so many people…mothers and fathers and daughters and sons…am I supposed to be able to live with that? Especially wh- when the person I want to tell all of this to the most…" she hiccupped, wiping at her eyes. "Doesn't give a damn…what am I supposed to do then? Pretend that I'm happy, and just let it eat me away inside? What then, Barret? She almost died, Barret, she almost died, and if she had I would've maybe had a chance- that is what my brain thought for a moment. That's as good as wishing she were dead, Barret!" She gave a harsh laugh that was so unlike her. "I go along anyway, no matter what. And that's what she does too, but she lives Barret. She lives and she ends up happy, somehow, even though I can see the sadness in her eyes. Am I supposed to settle, to never try for true happiness because I lost my chance before?"
Tifa tired to stall her tears, but they still came. She knuckled her eyes, sniffling, wondering if it was possible to cry yourself dry.
After several moments, Barret spoke, his flesh hand on her shoulder. "I don't know, Tifa. All I know is that…you've got us, ya know? You've got us, and we're your friends. Aerith is your best friend, Tifa. D'you think maybe you should try talking to people about this stuff, 'stead of keepin' it locked up? Cause I listened just now, didn't I? I'm not sure what to say 'cept that I'm here for you. And that you can't blame yourself for everything. You can't be happy that way, Teef. I know it doesn't help, and hell, I don't always follow my own advice, but," he squeezed her shoulder. "Its true, still. You want so badly to do good, and you're really aware when you don't. That's a good thing, Teef. It means ya know the dif'rence. And not everyone does, ya know?"
Her head bent, her hands clasped on top of her knees. She didn't answer, but she seemed softer, somehow.
Barret took a deep breath. He wasn't very good with this kind of thing, but he wryly thought that it would be good practice for Marlene.
"An' one more thing," he said. "Far as Cloud goes…Teef, you are Aerith are both great girls. Women. I don't know what will happen, who will be with who or whatever, but I do know that it'll work out. And that maybe…you shouldn't give up on happiness. With, or without him lovin' you. You can be happy, Tifa." He stood up, speaking quietly. "We'd better get back in a minute. I'll get the elixir, Teef." He walked toward their gathered items, speaking with the shopkeeper, grunting an agreement to the price.
After a few moments, Tifa sat straighter, tucking her hair behind her ears. She tilted her head up, letting the breeze dry the tear tracks on her face.
Slowly, her lips curved in a smile.
Aerith collapsed on the bed, blowing her hair out of her face. None of the elders had been able to say anything that might help Cloud, though they had promised to keep in touch, and provide any new information if they found some. She couldn't loose hope now, she knew that, but it was disappointing all the same.
Taking care of the materia hadn't been too hard, so now there was little she had to do, except wait for the others to return, or else get some sleep so that she would be more rested for when they left.
Cloud had been immensely happy to get away from the elders. He was used to their friends more or less by now, but the elders always tried to examine him closely, and Cloud was always distressed when they did, though Aerith managed to calm him down quickly. He sat next to her on the bed, watching her with the same wonder and single-minded attention.
Kicking off her boots, Aerith slid farther up the bed, Cloud practically glued to her side. It was odd how used to it she was getting. Sometimes, rather like remembering that she was missing her mother's materia, it hit her when she least expected it.
Cloud leaned forward, obviously assuming they were going to sleep, wrapping his arms around her. Aerith attempted to stay upright, not tired enough to sleep. His fingers pressed against her side, and she gasped. He froze, looking up at her. Eyes wide like a child with a precious discovery, he poked her side again.
A titter escaped her, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Cloud," she began, but any other words she might have spoken were lost as Cloud wiggled his fingers against her side.
Her laughter was loud and somewhat wild, but it felt good at first. Cloud pinned her down, his hands tickling her stomach everywhere, laughing just as much as she was.
Aerith pushed feebly at his arms, trying to gasp out a plead to stop, even as her mouth hurt from smiling so much. If she would have been able to, she would have kissed him, because once again in that moment, he looked like Cloud- like the real Cloud. Even with the out of character laughter, the laughter was not mindless giggling, it was real, somehow, and Aerith fought vainly to tickle him back, even as he dodged her hands, expression seeming to say 'Close, but not close enough!'
She couldn't even form words- all that came out was ragged gasps, hardly able to even laugh any more, though her smile didn't drop, and she wriggled like a fish, trying to escape.
"Aerith!" He crowed happily, poking her in the side again. "Aerith!"
She couldn't even really register that he had said her actual name, when he stopped suddenly, clambering off of her and turning around, whining low in his throat, staring toward the door.
Trying to catch her breath, Aerith sat up, straightening her clothes and hair, laying her hand on Cloud's arm. "What is it, Cloud?" She looked around him, and for a moment, she once again could say nothing at all.
Tifa stood in the doorway, posed as if ready to run at any moment.
"Ti-" Aerith licked her lips, trying to clear her throat. "Tifa? Hi. What are you…Tifa, I, we, we need to-" She took a step forward, ready to try and explain, to try and heal the sharp wound that seemed to have been dug between them.
Tifa cut her off, raising a hand. She walked forward a little into the room, wincing as Cloud edged back, tugging on Aerith's hand.
"Aerith…" He said, pulling her toward him.
"Its alright Cloud," she said automatically. "Its just Tifa. She's your friend. Your childhood friend."
Once again, Tifa seemed to wince, but then she drew her shoulders back, and took a deep breath. "I came here…because we need to talk, Aerith. There are some things…I need to say. And I would like you to please sit down, and listen."
"Of course." Aerith sat back against the bed, leaving room for Tifa to sit across from her. The other woman did so, all of her body language and movements hesitant, as if afraid. Her dark head ducked, hair falling over her face, before she seemed to steel herself, and look into Aerith's eyes.
"I haven't been honest," she began. "There's…a lot to tell. Please just…listen, until I am done, alright? You're…my best friend, Aerith. I almost lost you recently. I should have told you this before, but I was too cowardly."
Cowardly was not a word Aerith would have used to describe Tifa, but she didn't say anything, just listening, even as Cloud ran his hands over her arm.
Tifa's eyes caught on this movement for a second, but then she looked at Aerith again, and began.
END OF CHAPTER
Well, that's that. I'm fairly confident with how the next chapter will go, and I had to do a lot of research for this and the upcoming chapters.
Reviews!
aerinoayuna: Well, I updated not long after you reviewed. You're probably the only one. :P Glad you like, and hope you enjoy this! (No one does ever think about the hygiene things, do they?)
HauntingRequiems: I'm glad you love it! Hope you love this chapter too, sorry I didn't hurry more.
BoomChick: Yeah, major emotional ouch for everyone, though that's starting to patch up a bit now. Thank you, I'm glad so many find this original. :) NaNoWriMo usually just involves me working on my ongoing novel, which is indeed doing well.
blackroseaerith: Aw, I'm glad you like it so much. Its hard to find good C/A these days, isn't it?
Mehgo: You probably thought I'd died or something, huh? *checks pulse* Nope, not yet!
H-bomber: Thank you! Well, there's more right here, what do ya know? :)
*shifty eyes*: Yes, sorry this update took so long. A lot happened, what can I say? Yes, the shower thing is rarely seen, but I rather thought it made sense. I feel bad to Tifa as well- she can be annoying, but there is a lot to her character, and she's a nice challenge to write. Glad you like!
clow-san: Thank you! Haha, don't want it to hurt, but I'm glad you like.
Aeris Rommyu: Thanks. :D As for what Cloud was saying...well, you'll see!
Bill The Cat: Glad your wondering was answered! And I hope you feel the same about this update, heh...
Superis: Indeed. C/A rules. Thanks!
JustSomeoneRandom: The pictures were fun to write. I tried to capture their natural personalities. And Thanks! As for what Cloud was saying, you'll see. For Aerith and Tifa...all questions will be answered soon...
senna-robbins: Thanks so much! :) And well...perhaps. You'll see!
TenshiReike: Glad you like. And a lot of people are guessing correctly, but for the definitive answer, you'll see later.
Ashton mcdizzle: Thank you! And hmm. That would be interesting, but very difficult. Perhaps a tie-in oneshot when I'm stuck. I'll have to keep that in mind. Thanks!
That's it. Thanks so much to everyone for reviewing. I'll do my best to update more quickly.
Next chapter preview:
Shards: Tifa reveals all that she's been hiding. Can Aerith repair their friendship, even as Cloud seems to dislike Tifa most of all? Why is this so? Finally with a destination in mind, they set off after Sephiroth, toward Aerith's birthplace, where a welcoming committee is waiting. What will happen when they have to fight? Can Cloud handle it?
'Till next time
~AerithHeart
