Skinny Jeans and Cat Eyes
As usual The Mortal Instruments and all characters belong to the lovely Cassandra Clare.
There are CoLS spoilers ahead from that page we don't speak of. Read at your own risk and prepare for feels.
It does have a little bit of a mature moment in the middle.
Prompt from thatgirlinglassesblog: Alec, sad from his breakup with Magnus, is just getting ready for the day when he looks in his wardrobe and realizes how boring it is in comparison to Magnus, so he goes shopping (something that he loathes) and little things he sees here and there remind him of conversations and memories.
((This took a turn I wasn't expecting but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Also I felt like this prompt needed to be in first person.))
I am awoken by Church. As usual my alarm is the last thing to go off. Instead it is the grumpy cat who wanders the institute that wakes me. This is a daily ritual between he and I, one that we both missed when I was practically living in Brooklyn with my ex. My ex. That stings me bitterly for a moment but I shrug it off and go about petting the cat.
I never do know how Church manages to find his way in here with the door closed every morning. Izzy tells me he would end up on my bed yowling in the mornings when I was gone. I felt bad for a moment but it was fleeting. Church won't need to worry about that anymore, I have nowhere else to go. I suppose now that I collect my Clave salary I could get an apartment alone, but the thought of being that lonely isn't appealing. For now I will stay and suffer through the constant pushing of Shadowhunter girls from my mother and homophobic remarks from my father. At least here I have Jace and Izzy, sometimes. The two of them are off with their respective significant others constantly. Not that I blame them, I would be the same given the world ending doom that lingers on the horizon, but that isn't possible for me. Not anymore.
I sigh and dump Church on the floor so I can get ready to do nothing all day. Its been months since I have seen Magnus. Last I saw him was at a coffee shop near Central Park. He saw me then too. I saw the glamour fade from his eyes for a moment, watched them go wide, then watched as he quickly gained control and stared determined ahead. I wish I could say I did the same, but I stared shamelessly at him, admiring the perfection that is Magnus Bane. He ordered his usual and left quickly, though not before looking at me again, tears welling in his eyes. One managed to fall, staining his glitter covered cheek before he quickly wiped it away. I pretended not to notice, though I could tell by his breathing as he pushed past me that it wasn't the only one to escape his composure. That was a week after we broke up. Since then I have been in a mechanical haze. Wake up, shower, eat, train, shower. Then do nothing but wallow in self pity until dinner. I'm getting better though, sort of. If I am being honest with myself that probably isn't true, and as I pull my favorite gray sweater over my head I realize it really isn't true, because all it makes me think about is Magnus.
As I look myself over all I can see is his sweet teasing smile, and captivating eyes. I can hear his voice as he picks at the hole in my sleeve with his long fingers. I was never on his level. He was so perfect, so put together. I was always a mess, I still am. What he saw in me I will never know, but for a moment I was ok with being the mess, his mess. For a shinning moment in my life he made me feel like my mess of a life was ok, like it was attractive. Now though it disgusts me. I rip my sweater back over my head and start to search for something better. I have nothing of course. I don't shop. I don't buy clothes, not until I absolutely need them. I don't ever get anything new unless someone decides to gift me something and then it gets worn until it falls apart. Cursing myself, I throw the sweater back on again and cram my wallet into my back pocket before making my way downstairs to where my boots wait.
I hate shopping, I really do, but right now I can't stand the idea that I was never on the same level as Magnus. I always knew I wasn't good enough for him, but By the Angel I should have at least tried to look the part. I shove my boots on my feet and stalk my way out the door. I let my feet carry me, not totally paying attention. I'd been shopping with Izzy enough to know my way to the shopping areas we visit most often by heart. On my way I let my mind wander to Magnus, let the memories override my thoughts. Sweet little kisses, hand holding, all of it. That time we got caught in the pouring rain. We stood in that downpour laughing for what seemed like forever. I'd gotten sick from that but it had been so worth it to see that smile on his face, to see the way his wet hair fell across his happy eyes. We had gone home that night and lost ourselves in a tangle of limbs and heated kisses. Soft touches that I can still feel sometimes burn their way across my skin in the most intimate places. We had been so happy then, our world a safe little place that no one could touch. For the first time in my life I'd been myself. For the first time, it was ok for me to be Alec Lightwood. I'd been gay and proud and free, and I wonder if I will ever have that again.
I thought about those moments as I pulled things from racks, as I tried things on, and as I spent a good chunk of my Clave salary on skinny jeans and assorted shirts. At one point I slipped into a restroom and changed into dark jeans and a blue shirt, discarding my battered clothing in favor of a look that Magnus had mentioned more than once would look good on me. He was right too. The skinny jeans hugged my hips just right, and left little to the imagination. The shirt was almost as tight and I'd even ventured out of my comfort zone with a v-neck. My combat boots helped in a way I hadn't expected so I talked myself into a leather jacket, which I shrugged on as I left the store.
I dropped my things back at the institute before heading out again. The day out had done me good despite the constant assault of Magnus themed memories. I felt like I needed a drink so I headed to a downworld bar that wasn't too far from the institute. I'd been there more than once with Magnus so there was a chance of seeing him, but I tried not to think on it. I didn't want to upset myself, or worse get my hopes up that he might actually be there. I won't lie though, part of me hoped he would be, part of me wanted him to see me the way I was not. Not the mess he left, but slightly more confident, more attractive.
I made my way inside and ordered my drink before leaning against the bar in a way that I hoped made me look casual. It wasn't long before I was being hit on by a pair of big brown eyes with a thin frame and long legs. He held himself like Magnus and admittedly I was enthralled by him for a few minutes, but I quickly grew bored and I think he sensed that because it wasn't long before he slipped his number in my pocket and moved on to his next prospect of the night. This happened a few times and I'll admit I almost managed to forget my Warlock, almost managed to let myself go. It didn't happen though. The minute I let myself go I spotted him at the bar.
He was at the other end of the long counter, sparkling and god-like as always. Low-slung, skin-tight silver leather pants, and a pale purple tank topped with a silver vest. His caramel-colored skin glistened with glitter, bold purple eye makeup, and hair done in a way that made him look like he'd just rolled out of someone else's bed. He was pure sex. Unadulterated, fuck me where I stand, sex and I found myself remembering the way that kind of sex lit me on fire and turned my insides to molten liquid. I'm not a person who usually takes charge sexually but had we still been together he wouldn't have made it out of the house in that. He would have stepped out of the bedroom and then quickly been relieved of said outfit in favor of nakedness. No one should be aloud to look so, dare I say it, fuckable. Yet there he was, god-like sex on a stick and I was lost in fantasy land reliving every erotic moment we'd ever had.
I was so lost in my own head it took me a moment to realize that I wasn't the only one lustfully staring. He had his cat eyes fixed on me in a way I hadn't seen in a while, looking me over and pulling his lower lip between his teeth. We made eye contact and he raised his eyebrow in a way that always makes me melt. At that same moment I noticed his date whisper seductively in his ear. A stab of jealousy made my heart sink for a moment, but Magnus waved the other man off. I was thrown a dirty look before the man stalked off and Magnus stood up. He made his way over to me. My heart was pounding by the time he got to me. "Alexander," he said, his voice sliding through my brain like silk. I managed to choke out a hello, but by then my nerves were lit up like crazy and it was obvious to us both. He took my hand and led me through the crowd out to the alley next to the building.
"Can we talk?" he asked, wrapping his arms protectively around himself, I'd been so focused on his looks that I hadn't noticed the signs of stress and sadness on him. The dark rings under his eyes hidden by concealer and glitter. The way his usually well manicured nails were bitten and torn to nothing. The way he stood, slightly slumped over like the weight of the world sat on his back.
"Of course."
He gives me a weak smile and I feel my heart melt some. We talk for what seemed like hours, finally being open with each other. We have a few moments where the talking becomes yelling, but it never stays that way. In the end we both end up silent, stubbornly looking away from each other as our souls sit naked for the other to see. In the end I don't know weather to be mad at him or myself. I don't know who to blame for the situation, who to hold responsible for the feelings we are sharing.
I'm about to turn away when I hear him softly whisper my name again. He says so much in that whisper. So much emotion in the simple utterance of my name. Suddenly instead of Alexander being my name it has a hundred different meanings. It's "I'm sorry" and "I love you" and all that is important. I find myself saying his name too in the same way, and he knows. He hears all that I mean in his name in the same way I hear mine. In that one word he knows my soul and my heart. In that moment all that matters are the words Alexander and Magnus. To anyone else it would make no sense but to us it is everything. It is a secret, silent language that only we know.
Before I can do anything, say anything else, he has me pushed against the wall, his hands in my hair and his mouth desperate on mine. My arms find their way around him, pulling him against my body as tight as I can, my own mouth responding to his with as much passion as I can put into it. He pulls away from me and I look over his face seeing the tears in his eyes and my hands move without my thinking to wipe away his tears before taking his face in my hands and running my fingers along his cheeks, before I kiss him again. This time the kiss is softer, more intimate. My lips move from his to his cheek, then I'm kissing away his tears, ending with a soft kiss on his forehead. I feel him shiver against me. I shrug off my jacket and drape it over his shoulders before pulling him into my arms. Despite our height difference his head finds a comfortable spot on my shoulder and he relaxes into me.
"I love you, Alec."
"I love you too, Magnus."
In that moment everything clicks back into place and I am whole again.
