Morning came too quickly as it always seems to. I opened my eyes, the room was still dark. Pre-dawn. I looked at my watch and grimaced. Four thirty in the morning. Having spent the last few weeks in New York, and only returning to Seattle two days ago, I am still on East Coast time, and my body is arguing over having overslept instead of under-slept. I looked over and saw that Christian was still sound asleep. No nightmares so far. A small blessing.

I slowly crawled out of the bed, trying to keep the bed as still as possible. He is such a light sleeper, and I dare not wake him right now. I succeeded in leaving the bed, and quietly padded over to where my phone was charging.

Seventeen messages. Crap. I inhale a cleansing breath and looked at the numbers that had called: Lawyer, Lawyer, Broker, Mother, Diana and two other non-importants. As I start to listen to the messages I turned around and watched him sleeping in the bed. His arm stretched out, as if seeking a familiar body. That there is simple proof that what Taylor says is true. (Not that I doubted him. Not really doubted.) Christian has been sleeping with her in his bed.

I sent a text to Diana, having her contact the lawyers and broker, and to deal with them. If its truly important, like say... I was going to need a lawyer present after I have committed murder, or the stock market crashes, THEN they can call me. Until then, Ego non sunt.

Diana's message let me know that everything is under control at the office, meetings have been cancelled to accommodate my emergency leave of absence. I nodded, a small smile on the corner of my mouth. It's so good to have good people work with you.

Last message... Momma Grace.

It's too early to call her right now. And if I did, she would come rushing over here to see what was wrong.

I put my cell phone back on it's charger, and turned to use the bathroom. I was just finishing washing my hands when I heard it. A high pitched murderous sound. Christian! I ran out and ran to the bed where he was thrashing around the sheets and blankets, entrapped and freaking out. I ran to him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Ana... No! I need you! Ana you can't leave me!"

"Chrissy, it's okay. It's a dream. It's Sha, come on hon, open your eyes," I pleaded with him, trying to keep him from struggling in the bed. A few more cries for Ana and he opened his eyes. His pupils were so dilated you would never known they were grey.

"Sha?" He stopped thrashing about, staring at me in fear.

"It's me hon. You need to breathe. Close your eyes, inhale and count to five." He nodded, following the directions and I felt his muscles loosen. He exhaled. "One more time?" He nodded, inhaling deeply and then after a count of ten, he exhaled and a shiver ran through his body. I slowly released his shoulders, but I didn't leave him, sitting next to him on the bed.

I held my left hand out and he took it, holding it tightly as the last of the shadows of the nightmare left him.

"Wanna talk about it," I ask, but he shook his head no. I nodded, understanding. I ran my fingers through his sleep messed hair, smiling at his untameable mane. He was so much like he had been as a child. It hurts to see him this way. So small, and weak... and afraid.

"I need her," he whispered. His voice was so quiet that I almost missed what he said. "I'd give up everything for a chance to have her back. Elena... she thinks I need all of... that," he said, waving his hand in the air.

"Elena needs to leave you alone," I hiss venomously.

"It's different now, Sha. We are... friends now. Only. And business partners. That's all." Christian tilted his head to the side and then gave me a small crooked grin.

"What?"

"Ana doesn't like her either."

My eyes open wide and I felt my eyebrows tickle my bangs. "Oh really? And... why is that?"

"It doesn't matter," he mutters, looking around the room. Looking everywhere but at me. I don't know why he does that. It never works. I flick his ear and he turns back sharply at me. "Hey!"

"Answer my question Christian," I said more firmly.

"She likens Elena to... well..."

I squeeze his fingers, bringing him back on track. "She likens her to what?"

"A pedophile," he said quietly. I nodded in complete agreement with Ana's chosen description. "She's not though! She... She helped me. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for her."

"Yeah? Ya think so, do you?" Christian nodded. "So, if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have straightened up at school, and you wouldn't have stopped getting into fights?"

"Yeah."

"And, you wouldn't have tried to date "normal" girls, and hang out and made actual friends, and you wouldn't have learned how to give pain and pleasure and how to use all those damn toys down there?" He stared at me, my words sinking in.

"It's not like that," he muttered. I sighed deeply. Stubborn, thick headed fool.

"How about we do a "suppose"?

"Okay." I watched him for a moment, and got my supposes in order. "Suppose" is a game we would do... well, not a game really, but maybe a lesson we would do when we had to report to our father over whatever issue we had been caught at. Normally it was never a good issue.

"Okay, suppose you never learned that stuff," he nods. "Tell me what you and Ana would be like right now if none of that stuff existed."

"That's not a fair question, Shana," he said, his voice sharp like a blade.

"It is. Try it. How did you meet?"

"She came to interview me. Well, it wasn't supposed to be her, but another girl. The one Elliot likes." What? Oh dear god. What is his deal about conquering all the females on the planet? "But she was sick, so Ana came instead. She... well, she tripped and fell right into my office. I helped her up off the floor. Sha... she's so different."

"So you have said. Why?"

"She... she sees me," he said, the words slowly leaving him. "It's like..."

"Is it like she can see all of you, good and bad, and she accepts both?"

"Yeah," Christian nodded, closing his eyes.

"So, you met, she interviewed you, and did you ask her out on a date then?" He shook his head no. "Well then, what did you do?"

"Hey, I'm hungry, are you," he said quickly, trying to get up from the bed. I pull him back down and he deflates, knowing I will pull the answers out of him.

"What did you do?"

He exhaled a long slow breath before answering. "I went shopping."

"Huh?"

"She worked at this little Mom & Pop hardware store. I had Welch do a background check. Then, went there."

"A... hardware store?" He nods, a small grin on his lips. "You are telling me you went to a hardware store to hit on a future sub?"

"Ironic, eh?" His eyes were glowing at me with mirth.

"Okay... Christian. Going to stop you here for one second. I want to lay down a rule, okay?" He slowly nodded at me, and I could see he was nervous at the thought. "I really do not want to know what you bought there. Okay?"

He laughed and agreed, squeezing my fingers. "So, I went there and didn't buy any hardware, and I didn't have her help me choose tape and rope-"

"Christian!" He laughed and I punched him in the shoulder. He grabbed his shoulder, feigning like I broke it. "Okay, so, just so I can look at this... The first time you met her, was in a interview. No toys?" He nodded. "Second meeting was at a hardware store because you tracked her down, and just happened to use the excuse of needing hardware." He nods again. "And your next meeting?"

"Well, when I was at the store, she had said that they should have gotten photos of me for the interview, and I told her to arrange it and I would be there." I nod, my mind tracking it all. "At the shoot, she and Kavanagh, and a few others were there, and they did their job."

"And?"

"And... After, I asked her out for a cup of coffee."

"Oh Really?" He nods, smiling. "So a third meeting and... no toys?" He shrugs. "Okay, skip ahead. If you didn't have all this stuff, would you have been in a relationship with her? No contract or anything?"

"There wasn't a contract," He said quietly. "We were still... fine tuning it... She... I showed her the room, I talked about all the stuff... I was so... stupid."

My brows furrowed at that. "Why Chrissy?"

"She, well, she didn't know anything about this stuff."

"So I gathered," I said, watching him as his mind sorted out his thoughts.

"She... I thought, you know, with stuff like this, it's hit or miss. Either they know it, and are into it, or they aren't and they run like hell to get far away from me." I nodded. "She was... She was so quiet, when I was showing her the room. She ran her hands over stuff like she was admiring it, and... I didn't know."

"What didn't you know?" He just shook his head, and watched his feet on the floor, his toes digging into the carpet. "Chrissy?"

"Sha, I would have done a lot of things differently if I had known."

"What didn't you know?" He squeezed my hand, and I held onto him.

"She's... She is so pretty, and she's 22. How could I even think that she was a virgin," he whispered.

I blinked.

My mind had frozen on a movie playing in my head, of this girl walking through his red dungeon, touching everything, and the shock on his face when he realized SHE had never been touched.

"What would you have done differently? Not dealt with her at all?"

He turned his head quickly towards me, his eyes as large as planets. "No. No. There is this- I mean we- You don't understand."

"So, explain it to me so I can understand it."

"You'll think it's stupid," he muttered in a petulant way.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey!" He ducks as I raise my voice. "I have never thought anything you did was stupid!"

"You think it of Elena." My jaw drops to the floor.

"Christian," I said, trying to reign in my demons. "I never said you were stupid for that." He nodded his head. "Photographic memory my ass, brother. I said SHE was stupid. I said IT was illegal. I said she was a fool committing a felony. But not ever once did I EVER say you were stupid."

He sat there, quietly, and I know he was pulling every conversation we ever had searching for proof. He won't find it, but I wait quietly. After about ten minutes he releases a deep sigh.

"You are right," and his hand squeezes my hand again.

"Now... what is it you were going to say?"

"You know... in those old movies we would watch with mom? Where the couple kiss and they see fireworks? Or it's love at first sight?" I nod, wondering where this is going. "She does that. I mean, we do it, she and I. When we touch, there is this... spark between us."

"Really?" He nods. There was a quiet in the room, after this admission. My mind floated around his confession. He is one of the most grounded individuals on the planet. Romantic notions are not in his vocabulary. He stood up, walked slowly over to the bank of windows, and stared out onto the Seattle skyline.

"It hurts, Sha," he said quietly. I got up and walked over to him and shared the view. A storm is coming. In a few hours the city will be caught in the rain.

"What does?"

"Being without her." He leaned forward, resting his head on the glass. My heart hurt, seeing him like this.

"Christian, she left something for you." He turned quickly, facing me. I walked over to the bureau and picked up the gift and note she left behind. He was immediately next to me, so I handed it to him. He slowly read over the note, and then carefully laid it back down on the bureau. He then unwrapped the gift, a small smile feathered his lips.

He turned, quickly leaving the room and me behind as if I didn't even exist. I followed him as he nearly ran to his office. With one broad stroke of his arm, he cleared off everything off his desk, tossing it to the floor, setting the box down in the middle of the desk. I smiled and left him to his task.