Drifting blackness.
Pain.
Light.
"Mikey," Raph said rushing to his side. "Mikey's awake," Raph yelled at the door. He grabbed Mike's hand and squeezed it. It felt cool and clammy in his hand. But he felt a squeeze back.
Mikey's eyelids fluttered open. Don, Leo, and Splinter all ran into the room, just in time to see Mikey's eyes, out of focus, stare at each of them in turn. Then they drifted shut.
Splinter stroked Mike's head and Leo took his other hand. Don dropped on the other bed. He let out a shaky breath that he hadn't known he'd been holding. But a huge weight lifted off of him. Mikey's, his Mikey, was going to live.
His head ached. He moaned and tried to move his arm to rub his aching temples. But for some reason his hand wouldn't work. That puzzled him, so he opened his eyes. The room was dark. He scanned around and saw Don sleeping in the bed next to him. Donny's arm was bound from his shoulder to his wrist.
"What happened?" Mikey croaked.
His voice was a whisper thread, but Donny jumped up. He grabbed Mikey's good left hand, with his good right one. Tears formed in the corners of Don's eyes. "How you feeling?"
"Not good," Mikey answered in that same whispery voice.
"Where does it hurt?"
"Head." The pain ran all around his head, flashing from one side to another like lightening bolts.
"Let me get you something," Don said, starting to pull away.
Mikey held fast to the warm hand in his. "Stay," he said.
And Donny did.
The next day, Leo looked in on Don and Raph as they studied something on the computer screen in Donny's lab. They didn't see him standing there. Leo had that awful pit in his stomach again.
Don struggled for awhile typing one handed, finally after he started swearing, Raph gave his rolling chair a push, grabbed another chair, and put himself in front of the screen. If Leo hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he never would have believed it. Raph's maneuver won a grin from Donny. A half hearted one anyway.
"It's gotta be in here somewhere?" Don mumbled studying the screen from behind Raph's shoulder.
"If you tell me what you're looking for…" Raph said, rolling his eyes.
"The guys that built these sewer tunnels… they needed a place to, you know, put their stuff, eat lunch, like a break room. Because they wouldn't have stopped working long enough to go above ground."
"I don't see anything like that. It's all just circles," Raph said, cocking his head to the side.
Donny grabbed the mouse from his hand. "Try that… 2D instead of 3D… easier to make out"
"Whoa," Raph said and his eye opened wide. "That's actually cool."
Another grin from Donny. Leo thought he might have understood what Splinter was trying to do, but he still had a bad feeling about it.
Donny dropped the mouse and pointed at a section of the screen. "Zoom in there…. Yeah that button, now shift it up… no that's down… up. Right. It's got to be in here."
"There is nothing there."
"Not on the map. But see how these tunnels all radiate out from this point. This would have been a good spot for a break room."
"So what do I look for?" Raph asked, turning to look at him.
"Well.. that's a good question. A door, but it'll be hard to find. It probably hasn't been used in over 30 years, so it'll be covered with God knows what."
"A door." Raph said mechanically.
"A hidden door," Don added.
"Which way does it open?" Raph asked.
"Huh?"
"Does it open in or out? Are the hinges on the inside or the outside."
Don looked truly stunned. "It would have to open out because of the curve of the wall…. So the… The hinges would on the outside. Damn, Raph you're a genius."
"Don't go telling anyone," Raph with a smile. "I got a reputation."
"They wouldn't listen to me anyway," Don said pulling back from the screen. "Does that give you enough? I'd go with you, but," Don looked down at his arm. "If we got ambushed again, I'd be more of a pain than I'm worth."
"Does it bug you?" Raph nodded at his arm.
Donny gave a one-armed shrug. "I've had worse. It's nothing to what Mikey's going through."
"It wasn't your fault."
Don looked at him, shocked, and then dropped his head and pulled his good arm across his chest. "So whose was it then? Did some alien drop the current disrupter in his hand?"
"So what. It's not like you meant it to happen."
"No, but that makes it almost worse doesn't it." Don said turning around and fingering the books on his shelf.
Still hidden in the shadows at the door, Leo felt his heart drop into his stomach. The words were so familiar, it was like Don had used Leo's voice. The pitch, the inflection, all of it was Leo, spoken out of Donatello's mouth. And with a shock, he remembered that they were his words. He remembered how angry he had been. That the weapon was unnecessary. They could have easily taken care of the situation without it. And then it exploded and Mikey was unconscious and his ears were ringing, and… Donny wanted to leave. Shit. Leo turned and ducked away just as Raph was rising from his chair.
Later that night, Donny's soft voice said, "Okay Mikey, can you squeeze my hand." Obediently the pressure came.
"That's great," relief rushed into Don's stomach. "Now can you wiggle your toes?"
The green toes wiggled slowly, first on one foot, then the other.
"Thank God," Don said. "How's the pain?"
It was soft, and garbled, but the word Mike used was "better."
"Try and get some rest little buddy. I'll be here if you need me."
"Kay."
"How is your pain my son?"
Don spun to see Master Splinter watching him. The old rat's eyes were oddly blank of expression. That was better than the anger anyway.
"It's fine."
"What about your other pain?" Splinter asked.
Don eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"You have not been in your lab."
"I was there this afternoon."
"And you fled as soon as your brother left you."
"It's not like I can build anything like this," Don said shrugging. He rolled the shoulder of his broken arm and it sent a sudden sting down to his hand. He winced despite himself.
"You have not used your computer." Splinter said, softly.
"Once again, attack of the broken arm," Don said, trying to keep his voice light.
"Nor have you been reading."
Don kept his mouth shut. There was no quip that could counter that. The seconds rolled by, until a full minute had passed.
Splinter's eyes looked sad. "And here we are again. You say you are not in pain, but you are. You say there is nothing wrong, and yet there is. And once again, you and I stare at other through panes of glass."
Don bit on the inside of his lip. Fury whipped up from chest into his throat. It was nearly overwhelming. He wanted to scream at the old rat. To just be heard.
To give his father back his share of the anger that pumped through his body. Years worth of it. Twenty years worth of feeling like an outsider, twenty years worth of being the butt of everyone's jokes, twenty years of poundings from his brothers because he wasn't good enough, twenty years worth of pressure to be engineer, doctor, and a host of other things simply because no one else could or would.
But on the heels of those thoughts, he knew his words could never be unsaid. Fear surfaced. If he let go of his tight grip on the anger, he wouldn't be able to control it. What would he say? What would he do? Splinter may never forgive him. As he stared down at his master, his father, and he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't be angry at his father. It wasn't his father's fault. It just was. It would be as pointless as getting angry at the sky for being blue.
With an act of concentrated will, he quenched the fire of feelings. He dropped to his knees before his father and bowed his head. He regained control of himself with each breath.
Don felt the small warm hand on his shoulder. Splinter spoke from above him, "You have a gift for that, my son. Perhaps a lesson to your brother Raphael is in order. It will return, only stronger. And continue to fester, like an old wound." Splinter ran his fingers across the scar of a nasty gash on Don's shoulder that he got fighting the foot years ago.
Then he put his hand under Don's chin and lifted it so he could look him in the eyes. "That has been my mistake. Festering anger. And I have suffered for it. But not as much as you suffered."
Tears sprang in Don's eyes again, and he mentally kicked himself. How was it he could shove twenty years worth of anger, but couldn't stop the simple flow of tears.
Don turned his head away. Splinter placed both of his hands on his head. "As you find your path, my son, know I love you. And I am sorry. I hope there is still a place in your heart for me."
A wall of emotion hit Don in the gut hard, like someone had punched him. His heart raced. It was too much. Anger, fear, grief, and guilt rolled into relief, hope, love and respect. His heart raced. He felt like a trapped animal. He leapt to his feet and sprinted out of the room. He whizzed passed Raph, who was staring at the television like it worked, and then he headed out the front door. He ran, like he had never run before.
Raph stared at the front door from the couch. What the hell, he thought turning to face Leo who had just come out of his bedroom.
Leo stared at him in confusion, "What? It was Donny who just ran out?" Leo asked.
"Without his bo," Raph said, as he fingered his own weapons to make sure they were there. He leaped to his feet.
"Let's go," Leo said, already heading to the door.
It didn't take long to catch him. It took much longer to convince him to stop. They chased him down and asked him to stop. Don gave them a look that Raph had never on his face before. Donny looked utterly bewildered. Confused. Like he didn't even know who he was. Leo asked him again to stop and Don scowled and he picked up speed.
They were in a full out sprint, when Leo changed tactics. He pulled in front of Don, stuck out his right arm, and planted his feet. Don hit his arm with a loud smack, and fell flat on his back.
"What … the… hell…" Don said gasping.
"Save it Donny," Raph said, pulling him to his feet. "It's exactly what you would have done to me a thousand times if you could have caught me."
"No… I… wouldn't…"
"Why did you run out like that?" Leo asked rubbing his bruised arm.
"I… I…" The confused look returned as Don panted.
"Leave it Leo," Raph growled. "Let's just get back home."
"No!" Don yelled, backing away from them.
"Come on Donny,"
Leo looked like he was going to grab him, but Raph grabbed Leo's arm before he could do it. "Don't Leo"
Leo stared back at Raph.
"Wait," Raph said quietly into Leo's ear. "He ain't going be able to run like that." Don's breath was still coming in heavy gasps. "You knocked the wind out of him. Give him a second. He'll be feeling better in a minute."
Leo opened his eyes wide at Raph. But he didn't say anything and he let his arm drop. After a few minutes of standing around staring at each other, Don finally turned toward them. The dazed look was replaced with an annoyed one. He walked between them heading back toward the liar. He strung together a half dozen swear words (several of which Raph didn't know he knew) and ended in the phrase, "And now I'm screwed my promise to Mikey. Is there anything else I could possibly mess up… "
He picked up the pace again, this time a light jog. They followed him back to the liar. Raph watched him as he peeked into the infirmary. Then after a moment of hesitation, Don walked to Mikey's side. Mikey was asleep, but Don dropped down in the chair next to the bed.
"I'm sorry, I took off little buddy," Don said as Raph watched. "I guess I lost it. It was scary for a minute there." Don continued to talk to the unconscious form, "it looked like Leo was concerned to enough to try to get me to talk. But luckily Raph talked him out of it." Don's eyes rose and met Raph's in the doorway. "I guess I should tell him thank you, but considering he chased me down and let Leo clothes line me, I'm not feeling particularly grateful."
Don returned his eyes to Mikey, "All those times, we let him burn off steam by running off at all hours, you'd think he'd return the favor."
Raph's chest burned. He reached over and grabbed Don's bo, which was leaning against the wall by the desk. He threw it at Don like a javelin. Don stopped it with the palm of his right hand, then caught it and slung it into its holder in one smooth movement.
Raph's gaze was smoky… intense and angry, but for once, there was no bitterness. There was only concern. Don broke eye contact first. Looking back down at Mikey, Don said, "Point taken. Thank you."
